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Abbott and Costello Computer Support Group

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by ERASER, Sep 16, 2003.


    ERASER Nyuk,Nyuk,Nyuk!

    Jan 23, 2000
    ABBOTT: Computer Support Group. Can I help you?
    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.

    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.

    ABBOTT: Your computer?
    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.

    ABBOTT: What about Windows?
    COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?

    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
    COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?

    ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

    ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
    COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?

    ABBOTT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

    ABBOTT: I just did.
    COSTELLO: You just did what?

    ABBOTT: Recommended something.
    COSTELLO: You recommended something?

    ABBOTT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: For my office?

    ABBOTT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?

    ABBOTT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.

    ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

    ABBOTT: Word.
    COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?

    ABBOTT: Word.
    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"

    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?

    ABBOTT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?

    ABBOTT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?

    ABBOTT: Of course.
    COSTELLO: Great! With what?

    ABBOTT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

    ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
    COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

    ABBOTT: The blue 1.
    COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?

    ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is Real One. The blue W is Word. COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"

    ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. COSTELLO: It is?

    ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
    COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?

    ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
    COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?

    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

    ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?

    ABBOTT: Just one copy.
    COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?

    ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money. COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?

    ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
    COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?

    ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago. COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?

    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: You sell money?

    ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
    COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?

    ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
    COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.

    ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B. COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?

    ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
    COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?

    ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
    COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know--accounting? You do it with money.

    ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
    COSTELLO: More money?

    ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
    COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?

    ABBOTT: Go Back.
    COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?

    ABBOTT: Go Back.
    COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?

    ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was Go Back.
    COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?

    ABBOTT: Word.
    COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.

    ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.

    ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.
    (ring, ring) Hello, Computer Support Group.........

  2. Bandito27


    Dec 16, 2000
    ROC, NY
    THAT is going aournd the office tomorrow!! LOL
    ;T ;U ^5 ^6 ~1 ~2
  3. JennYe


    Nov 12, 2002
    Colorado City, AZ
    Probably going to be going around to a lot of offices...

    ERASER Nyuk,Nyuk,Nyuk!

    Jan 23, 2000
  5. Eddie C.

    Eddie C. Administrator Moderator CLM

    Feb 21, 2002
    State of Confusion
    Thanks ERASER. I'm gonna share that tomorrow too. That was GREAT!;i
  6. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.
    That was great thanks:cool:

    ERASER Nyuk,Nyuk,Nyuk!

    Jan 23, 2000
    I wish I could take credit for it, but I'm not that imaginative! I DO believe that the original Abbott and Costello routine is the funniest stand-up skit ever.

    I'm glad you guys liked it (I was hesitant to post it---it was so LONG!).

    Okie: I look forward to ALL of your jokes. (p.s.: Did you steal Milton Berle's old joke-box?)

    ERASER Nyuk,Nyuk,Nyuk!

    Jan 23, 2000
    Sorry for the typos in the original.....I think I got 'em all now.
  9. Guest