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a story passed along to me

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by wanderlust, Sep 17, 2002.

  1. wanderlust


    Sep 15, 2002
    I Love Mustard
    (This is a true story.)

    If you have children you will probably relate to this

    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab
    of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of
    expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.

    The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I
    carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked
    it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife
    suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old
    son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

    I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder
    and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I
    noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

    I love mustard.

    I had no napkin.

    I licked it off.

    It was not mustard.

    No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first
    and only time I have sprinted with my tongue
    protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the
    sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my

    Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard)
    my wife said, "Now you know why they call that
    mustard 'Poupon.'"
  2. Jazz5


    Mar 25, 2002
    South Alabama
    Man, that is bad!! I've got two little ones myself and have had some nasty things happen. But to expect mustard and get THAT! ;0