1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 2. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here." 3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please...and one for the road." 5. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love, and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant. 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?" 7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy. 8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 9. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." 10. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad...or, maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin. 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 12. A man regained consciousness in the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor! I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off". 13. I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel. 14. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank.... proving once and! for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 16. Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here? Wanna kill these ads? We can help!