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Old 01-02-2011, 18:48   #11601
ChuteTheMall
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Old 01-02-2011, 19:19   #11602
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I just asked my wife if her lottery tickets got wet in the rain. She asked why I wanted to know. I said because then they'd be watery lottery tickets.
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Old 01-02-2011, 19:48   #11603
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I just asked my wife if her lottery tickets got wet in the rain. She asked why I wanted to know. I said because then they'd be watery lottery tickets.
Okay, this is getting severe. Time to drag out the REALLY bad material.

Little Johnny's parents ask him what he wants for his birthday. Johnny says "I wanna watch!" ... So they let him.
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Old 01-02-2011, 21:12   #11604
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While we on the subject of Jack...

I have noticed that many who email me, have forgotten
the "art" of capitalization.(Too much "texting" on your Mobile phone, perhaps?)

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle
Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

I hope I've made myself clear.
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Old 01-02-2011, 21:14   #11605
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Jack agan...
<TABLE class=yiv1995958230yiv40402732MsoNormalTable border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; PADDING-TOP: 0in" vAlign=top>
<TABLE style="MARGIN-LEFT: 10.5pt" class=yiv1995958230yiv40402732MsoNormalTable border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; PADDING-TOP: 0in" vAlign=top>



The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ... Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling" ? Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog crap!"

Then I would say, "It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President
Obama method of giving you something ****ty, but looks good, for free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth." The teacher was speechless. . . . . . . .


Little Johnny got 5 stars for his efforts, bless his heart.


</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>



</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
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Old 01-02-2011, 21:39   #11606
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I have noticed that many who email me, have forgotten the "art" of capitalization.(Too much "texting" on your Mobile phone, perhaps?)
Texting may finally achieve two old aims of the "simplified English" movement:

1) Simplified spelling
2) Capitalization elimination

That "whirring" sound you may hear is my former English teachers spinning in their graves.
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Old 01-03-2011, 02:51   #11607
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IMPORTANT 10-RING FACILITY ADMINISTRATIVE ANNOUNCEMENT -- WELL, NOT REALLY ADMINISTRATIVE; ACTUALLY MORE OF AN ABJECT CONFESSION BY DUNGEON ADMIN PERSONNEL

We Dungeon types may have unwittedly demonstrated a bit of the coarsened attitude which is now being beaten up ... Whoops! ... discussed at length ... in recent posts to this thread.

In this evening's transition from the final Holiday post-party to the first of the 10th Annivesary Pre-Parties, we allowed logistics oversights to create a 3.7 second time gap between the applicable parties. This is an overwhelming excess over the normal two-second maximum allowable gap between 10-Ring parties. We apologize most abjectly for this lapse in Dungeon administrative efficiency.

Even our realization that the incoherent inebriated 10-Ring partiers (pardon my multiple redundancies) did not notice this gap does not excuse our lapse. It is OUR knowledge of our deplorable deficiency in this instance that drives our outlook on life. If we were to start thinking that poor performance is excusable if nobody else notices it, then we have put this country further along the deviation from excellence that may be its possible future.
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Old 01-03-2011, 07:49   #11608
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Old 01-04-2011, 12:26   #11609
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I am pleased my abject admission pleases you. One request: May the accompanying Chamber Session be deferred until AFTER the 10th Anniversary blowouts? I acknowledge the need for maintaining proper discipline within the enforcement heirarchy, but the 10th Anniversary Celebration is, I believe, sufficiently important to deserve a temporary waiver in inflicting proper satisfaction ... Whoops! ... PUNISHMENT!
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Old 01-05-2011, 00:22   #11610
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OK.
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Old 01-05-2011, 10:13   #11611
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.........

In this evening's transition from the final Holiday post-party to the first of the 10th Annivesary Pre-Parties, we allowed logistics oversights to create a 3.7 second time gap between the applicable parties. This is an overwhelming excess over the normal two-second maximum allowable gap between 10-Ring parties. We apologize most abjectly for this lapse in Dungeon administrative efficiency.

........
Change-over of a Slushie chiller bumped a breaker and contributed to the time gap.
TARDIS wasn't available to quickly rectify the situation before the flickering lights were noticed by the bouncers guarding the High Condo entrance. We really didn't think the party crew had noticed.

We were planning to drag an apprentice Electrical Engineer student to a stockade in the production area as punishment.
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Old 01-05-2011, 11:56   #11612
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Change-over of a Slushie chiller bumped a breaker and contributed to the time gap.
The nice thing about time gaps, temperal distortions, and paradoxes is that the only people who notice them have time machines. As such, they are certain to have a few blunders of their own to sweep under the rug.

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TARDIS wasn't available to quickly rectify the situation before the flickering lights were noticed by the bouncers guarding the High Condo entrance. We really didn't think the party crew had noticed.
The party crew excels at random attention swings. Did you offer them all a rum Slushie? That would almost certainly switch their attention away from the flickering lights.
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Old 01-06-2011, 23:21   #11613
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IMPORTANT 10-RING FACILITY ADMINISTRATIVE ANNOUNCEMENT (blah, blah, blah) ...

In administrative support of the partying surrounding the 10th anniversary celebration, all Dungeon scholarly research has been suspended until the anniversary is concluded. The associated personnel will provide additional support to logistics needs of the celebration.

This shift will be done with NO increase in the embezzlement rate.

Thank you for your consideration.
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Old 01-07-2011, 16:11   #11614
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So, the first post to this illustrious and seemingly endless thread (which I am told is holding the world's electrons hostage) was created on 01-10-2001 @ 15:28.

Was that Eastern Standard time?

So the celebration will be Monday 01/10/11.
Wow. Magic minutes protocol would dictate that we do something significant at either 01:11 or 11:10. AM or PM anybody?
I'd fire a cannon if I had one, but maybe popping a cork will have to do.

I propose a rowdy hair of the dog celebration on 01/11/11.
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Old 01-07-2011, 16:22   #11615
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So, the first post to this illustrious and seemingly endless thread (which I am told is holding the world's electrons hostage) was created on 01-10-2001 @ 15:28.
... But then, if the electrons WANT to be hostages, then we're not really holding them hostage, are we?
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Old 01-07-2011, 17:56   #11616
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... But then, if the electrons WANT to be hostages, then we're not really holding them hostage, are we?
The electrons I have talked to are partying down. They like it here and begged me to add more electrons. That's why I post so much.

I have to go adjust my tin hat and do some quality control on a large batch of ale that I'm working on.

Toodles.
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Old 01-07-2011, 18:30   #11617
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IMPORTANT 10-RING FACILITY ADMINISTRATIVE ANNOUNCEMENT (blah, blah, blah) ...

In administrative support of the partying surrounding the 10th anniversary celebration, all Dungeon scholarly research has been suspended until the anniversary is concluded. The associated personnel will provide additional support to logistics needs of the celebration.

This shift will be done with NO increase in the embezzlement rate.

Thank you for your consideration.
Thank the extra terrestrials. They will be here to help you for your own good soon.

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Old 01-07-2011, 20:47   #11618
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Thank the extra terrestrials. They will be here to help you for your own good soon.

The 10-Ring subverted the Borg to our nefarious purposes. Bring on ET, the Visitors, and any other extraterrestials that want to try their luck!
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Old 01-07-2011, 20:53   #11619
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The electrons were bombarded with protons till they came to a netron interscetion...then things leveled out and yielded some quarks. This set photons in motion and the whole thing came to an abrupt stop because of gluons of leptons with nucleons. There are positrons to all of this...the batch of N-Sweat was said to be ready! Cheers!
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Old 01-07-2011, 21:48   #11620
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This set photons in motion and the whole thing came to an abrupt stop because of gluons of leptons with nucleons.
When the leptons and nucleons get it on, it is serious work cleaning up all the gluons!
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