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Old 04-18-2013, 19:50   #1
FloridaGun
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I am too self-assured, confident?

Anyone else experience this?

In my line of work that I have been working in for 4 yrs now, I recently changed employers and still have the same job that I had at my first employer. Except I now have better benifits with my latest one. Well, I come in and do my job well and have been told by management that I am doing a good job through my evals. Well, I am someone who can tell when I am doing a good job and dosent need to seek approval from others. I have always been an independent thinker, Non-Conformist type that dosent care, or attempt to "fit in". I tend to "stand out" and as you can imagine that tends to be quite polarizing. Either love me or hate me, I am not a go along to get along person, I am a principled conservative man that strives to be a nice guy, but at the same time I won't let anyone step on me. I won't put up with BS and I don't expect anyone to take BS from me. I have been told I have a sense of right and wrong. I have a dislike for unprincipled spineless people. I don't beg for respect and I have heard that some more seinor co-workers don't like me (like I care) because I am not asking them questions and having them check my work.

I don't think I need to act like a know nothing when I actualy allready know what to do. I gather that because I am not properly stroking their egos by acting like I know nothing and begging from them to show me the ropes they feel some contempt for me. They must be used to all the approval seeking beta males that walk in the door.
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Old 04-18-2013, 19:56   #2
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My communication skills need work too.

I'm not sure that I will ever be a strong communicator.

.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:06   #3
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No one thinks they are beta. No one thinks they are dependent. No one thinks they are conformist...

Everyone thinks they are alpha. Everyone thinks they are independent. Everyone thinks they are non conformist...

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Old 04-18-2013, 20:16   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FloridaGun View Post
I am someone who can tell when I am doing a good job and dosent need to seek approval from others. I have always been an independent thinker, Non-Conformist type that dosent care, or attempt to "fit in"
I'm sure there's someone out there who is genuinely like this.

However, every single person I've ever encountered who describes themselves this way is actually just making excuses for being an a**hole.

Quote:
I don't think I need to act like a know nothing when I actualy allready know what to do.
You almost certainly are not doing nearly as good of a job as you think you are.

I'm a pretty smart guy, but by far the best change I've ever made in my life was to talk less and listen more. Everyone has something to teach that I can learn.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:19   #5
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Welcome to the club!

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Old 04-18-2013, 20:23   #6
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I think devildog2067 has got a handle on the situation!

Asking the "old dogs" there if it looks like you are doing it right has nothing to do about your ability, it's about ....... well, if you don't get it, I cannot help you.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:29   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hpracing007 View Post
No one thinks they are beta. No one thinks they are dependent. No one thinks they are conformist...

Everyone thinks they are alpha. Everyone thinks they are independent. Everyone thinks they are non conformist...

Sounds like projection. There are plenty of people that have worked for me that are quite content to NEVER be the boss. I pretty sure they did not think they were the alpha.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:30   #8
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Quick question. Why do all the non-conformist, non-approval seeking, type A personality, Idontneednoone, people use a 10mm?

Also, DD hit the nail on the head. You have two eyes, two ears, and one mouth for a reason.
Just because you think you know everything does not mean you do. I say this as an ex-teenager who was the smartest MFer in the world until I got out in said world.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:31   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 69HEMI-R/T View Post
Asking the "old dogs" there if it looks like you are doing it right has nothing to do about your ability, it's about ....... well, if you don't get it, I cannot help you.
No, be specific, what? It dosen't "feel" right emotionally?
It's about what? Stroking their egos so they will like me?

I didn't expect the new guys to kiss my ass where I worked before. It's because I don't need that to feel good about myself.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:35   #10
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Originally Posted by FloridaGun View Post
I don't beg for respect and I have heard that some more seinor co-workers don't like me (like I care) because I am not asking them questions and having them check my work.

I don't think I need to act like a know nothing when I actualy allready know what to do. I gather that because I am not properly stroking their egos by acting like I know nothing and begging from them to show me the ropes they feel some contempt for me. They must be used to all the approval seeking beta males that walk in the door.

I think:

A. Yeah, you care, or you wouldn't have mentioned it.

and

B. You should act like a know nothing. Jump on wikipedia and start with the letter "A", and keep reading. You probably don't know as much as you think you do.

and

C. If your career hasn't already peaked, it's about to. The minute you stop learning, you're done.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:36   #11
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Originally Posted by caraker0341 View Post
Also, DD hit the nail on the head. You have two eyes, two ears, and one mouth for a reason.
Just because you think you know everything does not mean you do. I say this as an ex-teenager who was the smartest MFer in the world until I got out in said world.
It's not like I have refused to listen or learn, I am actualy pretty open to learning from others.

It's just I am not a very "dependent" type of a guy, and as such I haven't been "following" others around.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:38   #12
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Could one say that liars are the most liked ?

Telling it like it is(when asked) are the second most to be labeled as a holes ? (When not asked being first)
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:45   #13
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Sounds like projection. There are plenty of people that have worked for me that are quite content to NEVER be the boss. I pretty sure they did not think they were the alpha.
I misspoke, and you are correct.

I'm talking to people who announce to the world they are alpha, like OP, (which by my admission wasn't clear in my post).
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:45   #14
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Quote:
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I think:

A. Yeah, you care, or you wouldn't have mentioned it.

and

B. You should act like a know nothing. Jump on wikipedia and start with the letter "A", and keep reading. You probably don't know as much as you think you do.

and

C. If your career hasn't already peaked, it's about to. The minute you stop learning, you're done.

A. I put that in there because its relevant to the thread.

B. Can one not be confident in what one allready knows while being vigilant of what one does not know at the same time? Why do some people equate confidence to close mindedness? Confidence in moderation is a positive thing.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:45   #15
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I'm good at my job too. The reviews always say so. For some reason I always get lower marks on how well I work with other. As I have gotten older I now can see why. I've started to work on being a little better to get along with. My ego knows how good I am at what I do, and that I don't need to kiss up, or be kissed up to.............

My ego was the problem.

I'm getting better with my people skills, but I still have a ways to go. I have to work at it every day.

.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:45   #16
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Do you socialize with others at work? Not meaning as drinking buddies or wife swapping, but shooting the breeze at and such. The ability to converse and find common ground goes a loooong way. Case in point, I was a solitary creature for years and rarely spoke to anyone for anything outside of work related issues. Tended to rub the social butterflies the wrong way, thinking I was being a dick when I really just had no social skills. After a few years of wondering why the situation was the way it was, I learned that BSing with folks and the ability to empathize with others was a skillset that would serve me well. Check out Dale Carnegie's work.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:48   #17
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Check out Dale Carnegie's work.
Great suggestion. How to win friends and influence people is one of my favs.

And I'm sure, some people, the ones who don't need friends. The ones who are "alpha" and can influence people... they are the ones who need to read it the most and most never will.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:48   #18
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Do you socialize with others at work? Not meaning as drinking buddies or wife swapping, but shooting the breeze at and such. The ability to converse and find common ground goes a loooong way. Case in point, I was a solitary creature for years and rarely spoke to anyone for anything outside of work related issues. Tended to rub the social butterflies the wrong way, thinking I was being a dick when I really just had no social skills. After a few years of wondering why the situation was the way it was, I learned that BSing with folks and the ability to empathize with others was a skillset that would serve me well. Check out Dale Carnegie's work.

Bingo.

Good post.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:53   #19
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NM dropped a good nugget there. People skills are key when working with people.

Every instructor and leader that has made a lasting impression on me had one thing in common.


Their interpersonal communication skills were excellent. They could tell a story, hold a conversation, and teach you a thing or two all at the same time. That is what I was lacking and am guessing it may be the same for you.
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Old 04-18-2013, 20:56   #20
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Quote:
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NM dropped a good nugget there. People skills are key when working with people.

Every instructor and leader that has made a lasting impression on me had one thing in common.


Their interpersonal communication skills were excellent. They could tell a story, hold a conversation, and teach you a thing or two all at the same time. That is what I was lacking and am guessing it may be the same for you.
Agreed. Look at Obama for instance. Why did people vote for him?

Is it because he's competent? Because he's the man that got the job done in the first term? Because he has great knowledge and skill?

No, no, and no. It's because he's a people person. He makes others feel self assured and confident (not us of course, but enough to make him president of the most powerful country in the world, twice).
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Old 04-18-2013, 21:00   #21
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Do you socialize with others at work?
Yes, I am nice to everyone and talk with most everyone.
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Old 04-18-2013, 21:11   #22
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Sounds like the world is your oyster.
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Old 04-18-2013, 21:18   #23
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This line keeps popping into my head for this thread....From Blade Trinity:

Hannibal King: [after watching Blade casually kill a familiar] You know, at some point, you, uh, you might wanna consider sitting down with somebody. You know, have a little share time? Kick back. Get in touch with your inner child, that sorta thing. Also, just a thought, but you might wanna consider blinking once in a while.
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Old 04-18-2013, 21:21   #24
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I think I have decent interpersonal skills. But at the same time I also want to say that I think it's a shame that some are so shallow minded to guage the value of another person based on their social skills.

I think the intrinsic value of a person/life is derived from the very virtue of their existence. Not based off income, social skills or other shallow notions.

I also want to say that I agree that those that are easy to talk with are more likely to have a positive halo effect placed upon them by others resulting in other negative traits being overlooked.
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Old 04-18-2013, 21:23   #25
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Welcome to the human condition.
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