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Old 04-28-2013, 04:24   #126
Mrs. VR
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Thanks all. She ( and my 15 year old!) slept pretty solid. I think I've been up every 30 mins or so going between gazing lovingly at them and glaring enviously. I refrained from poking them and running back to pretend I'm asleep though, I hope they know what a sacrifice its been

I do appreciate all the support and kind words, posts, pm's, phone calls. Etc. I'm blessed with a lot of wonderful friends ( many whom I've never met). Intellectually, I know this is a part of life, emotionally, I just dont want it to be. When my brother died suddenly I thought that was the worst thing ever, no time to say good bye or prepare or anything. Now I wonder. It's like the diff between yanking a bandaid off fast or slow. It just sucks either way. I REALLY want mom to get some kind of remission, even if its just enough for her to take one last trip with dad, and most of all right now, when the time comes, I want her to be at home, not the hospital. As great as the staff is here, no one should have to die in a hospital.
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Old 04-28-2013, 05:08   #127
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Old 04-28-2013, 14:28   #128
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Don't want to go into great detail right this minute, but weve hit a bump and things have taken a not so great turn. Hopefully it's temporary, but I found out as I was almost back home ( my uncle is there now) and I don't know if I need to go back tonight but right now I'm pretty much a mess and I feel double bad because I cried on the phone to my dad ( he is at a thing he needed to be at and is heading back up first thing in the morning). Everything she feels really bad she makes us promise not to let her die alone, and I'm ao afraid that's gonna happen. I dont know how we can absolutely Keep that promise, but i understand why shes asking, i really do. Shes (rightfully)thinking of herself right now and not the possible ramifications for us later. I know 100% in my head that if it happens its not our fault, but it literally makes me feel ill to think about.

I'm going to take a hot shower and maybe just make myself nap til I know more.
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Old 04-28-2013, 14:34   #129
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Actually dad just called, he's going up tonight and I've been ordered to bed. I feel a little better knowing he will be there.
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Old 04-28-2013, 14:51   #130
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Sharon, when my Dad died last May, he was alone.
He died in the early morning, and the doctor and nurses have said that he was asleep when he passed.

Him being alone, has bothered me every day, for the last eleven months.


I hope this doesn't sound 'wrong'. (It is meant with 100% compassion.)
You can't be with your Mom 24/7.
Yes, you need to be strong, but, you need your rest, also.

Working and struggling through this time will take it's toll on everyone, and the bond between you and your Mom will forever be strong.



God Bless you and your family.
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Old 04-28-2013, 15:48   #131
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I don't think anyone really wants to be alone on their last day on Earth.

I watched my paternal Grandfather die. I just didn't have the guts to watch Alzheimers claim my maternal Grandmother. I still feel bad about that, and it's been 7 years now. At least her Children were there, as well as several Grandchildren.
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Old 04-28-2013, 21:05   #132
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Woke up for about an hour. Going right back to sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
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Old 04-28-2013, 22:45   #133
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The last two weeks of my Dad's life were kind of like that. You get nervous when the phone rings because of what it might be. Just know that you are not alone in your current struggles and sorrow. You can make it through this, even though it is tough so are you.
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Old 04-29-2013, 08:11   #134
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Prayers sent for a better day.
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Old 04-29-2013, 09:32   #135
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I have a sinus/ear infection. Been barred fromJHU til 24 hours on antibiotics. Going back to bed, but now I'm worried about dad overdoing it. In other news, mom got wind that I was blaming myself for her fever, etc, and chewed me a new one. She even got the lead study doc to back her up. It was actually good bevause she sounded cranky and mean and that's waaaay better than sounding scared and weak.

I know I need more sleep, I'm crying at absolutely ridiculous nothing things, I think it's just pure and simple exhaustion. Uh, plus that fever/infection thing.

Anyway, bottom line, ill try to do Adminy stuff tonight, but please don't take it personally if I'm not as on top of things as usual.
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Old 04-29-2013, 09:45   #136
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Old 04-29-2013, 09:53   #137
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. VR View Post
In other news, mom got wind that I was blaming myself for her fever, etc, and chewed me a new one. She even got the lead study doc to back her up. It was actually good bevause she sounded cranky and mean and that's waaaay better than sounding scared and weak.
Just 'cause your mom made a similar joke, I'm going to go ahead and post it here.

Oh my goodness, two Jewish mothers arguing with each other about who is at fault?


Sleep, woman. Then take over for your dad, but sleep first.
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Old 04-29-2013, 14:30   #138
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Quote:
Originally Posted by byf43 View Post
Sharon, when my Dad died last May, he was alone.
He died in the early morning, and the doctor and nurses have said that he was asleep when he passed.

Him being alone, has bothered me every day, for the last eleven months.


I hope this doesn't sound 'wrong'. (It is meant with 100% compassion.)
You can't be with your Mom 24/7.
Yes, you need to be strong, but, you need your rest, also.

Working and struggling through this time will take it's toll on everyone, and the bond between you and your Mom will forever be strong.



God Bless you and your family.
Over the years I have had friends die in my arms and die alone. My mom died in another room from me. I heard what sounded like a startled jump and then checked and she had shaken in her sleep. I think a lot of people die alone and there is nothing we can do about it. I agree, we can't be by their sides 24/7/ It is the worst part of life as a human..we know what is coming.
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Old 04-29-2013, 15:18   #139
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Ill go relieve dad at lunch ish tomorrow and stay over. We are planning an " all hands on deck" email to go to everyone we know, asking for their help. We dont want anyone's money, we don't need anyone's food( Althought what we have been sent is lovely, what we need are more of people's precious time. I know it's asking for a lot and not something any of us would ever consider doing normally, but heh, I think mom is tired of hearing how worried dad and I are about EACH OTHER.

I also an going to call hackerman house tomorrow. We don't need a place to actuàlly sleep, but a reliable shower and a potentionally private toilet might really help ( even if its a hike from our room it's better than sharing the public potty every time. I think they might also have better cooking set ups.
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Old 04-29-2013, 15:38   #140
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Great, your adapting positively! Ask the hospital staff for suggestions too. Anything to relieve a little stress.
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Old 04-29-2013, 17:14   #141
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Mrs VR..

The picture of your Mom and Dad is precious, and they are both beautiful people..

Cherish the Memories for they will be with you forever..

Prayers for you.. I hope you find Peace quickly..

I'm not worried about your Mom.. I know she'll be all right.

Shalom..
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Old 04-30-2013, 01:37   #142
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. VR View Post
............ If that happens my Mom WILL needed to be exorcised eventually, cause no doubt shed be rising up to give us hell.
I know nothing about this situation is funny, but this cracked me up. I can just see your Mom doing just that!
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 04-30-2013, 14:44   #143
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Hoo boy. Rough rough day but oncologist said she should hopefully start feeling better in a few days ( just in time for next round of chemo?). She ( the doctor) said she is not displeased with how things are going, and that as awful as mom feels, it's within normal limits for her treatment.

I wish it was bedtime.
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Old 04-30-2013, 15:29   #144
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Mrs. VR, You have helped me out here on GT.

I'm a firm believer in "You Get What You Give"

More prayers sent.
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Old 04-30-2013, 15:57   #145
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Old 04-30-2013, 16:59   #146
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Thanks. As hard and awful as this is for me, SHE is the one doing the hard work. I'm
Not sure how many people would sign up for this kind of treatment if it was REALLY possible to know what it was going to be like. She told me tonight she's not ready to pack it in yet. She's a hero.
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Old 04-30-2013, 17:18   #147
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Forgot to mention ( I think), earlier today all three phones in the room rang at the same time, and a code red went off. A code red is when they yell a lot over the loudspeaker and tell you to stay in your area, do not use elevators!! I was pretty sure it was ok since no one was running in circles, but I did have a moment when I wondered if unneeded to throw her on the floor and take cover.

Turns out it was a fire drill.
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Old 04-30-2013, 17:25   #148
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Hang in there. We just went through this last year with my mother in law.

We moved her in for the last 4 months of her battle with cancer.

We learned a lot about ourselves.

Here is just a few things to help.

1) Enjoy your time. If you look, these are special moments
for both of you.

2) You can get frustrated and upset. It's ok. Share your
feelings with your SO. Put your smile back on and back to
caring for your loved one.

3) Don't exclude your kids, include them. Talk to them about
what is going on, what to expect. Listen to them and answer
their questions.

4) Don't expect your loved one to do or want what you would
want. Perspective changes as you face the end. They will
want, think and act differently...It's ok, let them...

5) Don't be afraid of the Drs. They will help you keep them
comfortable, you just have to keep them up to speed, daily
if needed.


I was not so sure about bringing my MIL here, but I can tell
you it was 100% the right move and I would do it again in
a heart beat. It was good for my wife, my kids, me and
most of all y MIL.


Will
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Old 04-30-2013, 21:26   #149
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. VR View Post
Hoo boy. Rough rough day but oncologist said she should hopefully start feeling better in a few days ( just in time for next round of chemo?). She ( the doctor) said she is not displeased with how things are going, and that as awful as mom feels, it's within normal limits for her treatment.

I wish it was bedtime.
That's about the norm for chemo, you feel like crap up until almost time for the next dose. It's so hard on us, because it's a poison. An my oncologist said, they have to half kill the person in order to kill the cancer.

Just like you asked Silent_Runner to give me a hug from you a year ago, please give your Mom a hug from me. Tell her a fellow survivor is looking forward to her joining the ranks.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 05-01-2013, 02:18   #150
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Thanks. I'm pretty sure she'd rest and heal better IF THEY DIDN'T WAKE HER EVERY FEW MINUTES ALL NIGHT LONG!!
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