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Old 04-23-2013, 01:50   #101
Mrs. VR
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Slept on/ off for a few hours but I kept dreaming the doctor was in and I couldn't wake up. Otoh, it is INFINITELy easier to keep a cpap mask on when the alternative is a surgical mask. ( am I repeating? I feel like I am)
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Old 04-23-2013, 01:58   #102
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Slept on/ off for a few hours but I kept dreaming the doctor was in and I couldn't wake up. Otoh, it is INFINITELy easier to keep a cpap mask on when the alternative is a surgical mask. ( am I repeating? I feel like I am)
No, you're not. Hope you can get some more rest.
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Old 04-23-2013, 02:41   #103
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The Lord looks after the tiny bladdered. Soon as I wrote that, nurse came for vitals and I made a break for it!
Okay, between all the seriousness of this, take time to smile whenever possible.

I've got this image of you in the Heisman pose going down the hospital corridor

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Old 04-23-2013, 05:41   #104
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It's quite possible I looked like that. But weaving more than Reese Witherspoon!
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Old 04-23-2013, 05:57   #105
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Topping off this wonderful day, I walk the solid 2 mins to use the potty ( seriously not exaggerating, I've timed it) got ready for bed, sat down to read for a few and now I am trying to convince myself I don't have to pee again. Mom is dozing and I don't want to wake her, but I don't want her to wake up and not see me either. If I wasn't so damn tired this would probably be a much easier decision!!
I just got caught up with this thread. I hope the new treatment that your mother has been approved for goes well. And Lone Wolf is right you have darn good reason to be frazzled and a bit weepy.
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Old 04-23-2013, 06:00   #106
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It's quite possible I looked like that. But weaving more than Reese Witherspoon!
With the Morticia skirt walk
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Old 04-23-2013, 06:05   #107
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Today is day 4/5 of first round of chemo. The biggest issues have been some if the meds she needs to counteract some of the effects. Well, and the whole needing constant transfusions, and only sleeping a couple hours at a time thing.
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Old 04-23-2013, 06:09   #108
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Oy. Venti black tea lemon aid with valencia, right?
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Old 04-23-2013, 06:19   #109
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Oy. Venti black tea lemon aid with valencia, right?
Ehhhh, my stomach and citrus have a love hate relationship these days. At home, maybe. In public I stick to plain tea. And I stocked up. Although, even if I hadn't, it's unreal how much stuff they have for family 24/7.
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Old 04-24-2013, 06:09   #110
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Got to come home and sleep last night. Watching little guy to bus and gonna try to grab a few more zz's before heading back for the day. My uncle is there tonight so I'm going to help her shower before he gets there. Sooooo worn out. When I do sleep its very disturbed. I know it's not good for me, but not sure what to do at this point.

I have my first remicade infusion tomorrow so no hospital for me at all. Nervous about that to start with, add a little guilt, on top of my own disease ( hence, the remicade/no longer able to drink iced tea lemonade well) and its, well, (pun intended) a seriously crappy situation. .
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Old 04-24-2013, 16:31   #111
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Well you sure can't be there for your Mother if you fall ill. So you have to take care of yourself. You have two older children and Jay of course who can step in and help you out.

I was put in that situation when my Grandfather fell sick with cancer so many years ago. My Mother worked from 8 AM to 5PM and my Dad worked from 3 PM to Midnight. I was mostly an adult at the time though about 17-18 I guess. It fell on me to to take care of him for the most part. I survived for a good solid week, but my Dad had to take off from work as my Grandfather's second week home he was pretty much non mobile.

He went from a walking talking human being to a vegetable in two weeks time.



The point is that we did what we had to do to make things work. My Bother helped out as he could, but he was still in school. My Sister was a lot younger and still in school.

Family will pick up the slack. You just have to be willing to let them help out.
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Old 04-25-2013, 18:18   #112
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um, yeah, we have had a few people step up but not as many as we might have hoped/expected. It looks like we may need to hire someone a few nights a week.

Tonight i am as close to a panic attack as I think i've ever been. On top of everything, I have an event i am responsible for that i HAVE to do on saturday (the lady who normally would is battling her OWN breast cancer), and it's important to my daughter and her youth group, and needs to be done. We have a lot of people pitching in, but ultimately i'm spearheading it and then heading right back up to the hospital after to spend saturday night with mom. I tried a nap this evening and the phone just rang off the damn hook. I can't turn it off for obvious reasons.

VR took daughter to CAP, oldest is catching up on school work and youngest is PLAYING THE CORNET OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN to practice. (he NEEDS to practice, i'm just not sure that i NEED to hear it tonight). Dinner isn't made yet, and frankly, i think someone else is gonna have to toss something together.

ughhhhhhhhhhh.
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Old 04-25-2013, 18:55   #113
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youngest is PLAYING THE CORNET OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN to practice. (he NEEDS to practice, i'm just not sure that i NEED to hear it tonight).
Harmon mute is best but any mute will work well. Tell me if you don't have one.
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Old 04-25-2013, 20:14   #114
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Harmon mute is best but any mute will work well. Tell me if you don't have one.
Does that come with a teenager selector switch?




Honestly, most of the time I don't mind it, tonight it just got on my last nerve. I also got up, slipped and fell on my knee so hard it set off the quick access safe alarm. 0.o

I've taken large amounts of pharmaceuticals and am going to try to sleep.

Oh, btw, I had an ambien adventure last night and painted my nails at 2 am. I was going for zebra stripes and ended up with some kind of punk rock looking hot mess. Do you know, every single person I saw today mentioned how much they loved them?! I'm not even certain that there aren't pieces of corned beef under all that paint!
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Old 04-26-2013, 10:01   #115
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Today she looks/feels better. Chemo effects are starting to ease til the next round. If she continues to feel this good we will probably stop staying nights until next round of chemo.

In related news, it's funny how you can go from a lovely urban tourist paradise to The Wire in a blink.
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Old 04-27-2013, 17:42   #116
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Ugghhh. Had a gap in company today, she had an allergic reaction to a med. I have never made the trip up here so fast.
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Old 04-27-2013, 20:16   #117
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Mrs. VR, I'm sorry to read the trouble your family is having. I'll and you and yours to my prayer list.

As for going fast, just remember, Never drive faster than your guardian angle can fly!
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Old 04-27-2013, 20:29   #118
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Mrs VR,

Iím hoping that you can persevere. Really.

Herding cats on the interwebs is not something you need to be doing right now.
Give me a shot at it.
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Old 04-27-2013, 20:55   #119
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Just one day at a time, that's all we can do.
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Old 04-27-2013, 20:59   #120
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Emily is with us tonight. I'm so proud of her. I know how hard and scary it is seeing your grandparents like this, but she really is a trooper. Shes been giving a lot of thought lately to a career in nursing. I can see it.
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Old 04-27-2013, 21:12   #121
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Sorry it is going so rough for you. It will get better.
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Old 04-27-2013, 23:02   #122
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Wishing all of you the best...
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Old 04-27-2013, 23:31   #123
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Grief is grief. Nothing fixes grief but walking through it - but it never goes away. Drinking, drugging or avoiding grief in some way just makes it worse. Sometimes you have to lay on the floor and cry from your soul. Grief dehydrates and the first sign of dehydration is irritability, so stay hydrated. Best thing for grief, besides experiencing it, is to find a way to help others. Focus on volunteering somewhere, or doing something for someone, takes you out of self and ruminating about how unfair life is. Don't "not cry." Let it out. Wail, keen, scream....
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Old 04-27-2013, 23:48   #124
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Be careful with your priorities. You need to take care of yourself so that you can care for others. That's especially important for you.

This is a painful time. Don't add guilt to it. You didn't cause this, and you'd fix this if you were able. You are doing your best for everyone, probably on a superhuman level. Give yourself credit, not guilt.

Lean on your friends. You have many, many here to vent to. You are very articulate. What you call rambling is actually well written.
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Old 04-28-2013, 04:09   #125
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Be careful with your priorities. You need to take care of yourself so that you can care for others. That's especially important for you.

This is a painful time. Don't add guilt to it. You didn't cause this, and you'd fix this if you were able. You are doing your best for everyone, probably on a superhuman level. Give yourself credit, not guilt.

Lean on your friends. You have many, many here to vent to. You are very articulate. What you call rambling is actually well written.
That sounds like good advice...
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