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Old 04-14-2013, 06:29   #26
byf43
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Even though Dad suffered with Alzheimer's for several years, his death was sudden.

He fell, breaking his left hip, going into the bathroom, at 4:00 a.m. May 4, 2012.

Long story a little shorter. . . . .
Got him to the hospital (by ambulance) and after several days, they decided to replace his left hip.

Two days later, he was very lucid.
I had to go to Blacksburg, to bring my youngest daughter home from college (end of semester).
I explained to Dad that I'd be back on Thursday (this was Tuesday).
We chatted and he said, "Bring my grand-daughter by, when you get home."

We got home kinda late, on Thursday evening, and my daughter asked if we could go see her Papaw on Friday morning.
"O.K."

I got a call at 5:09 a.m., Friday, May 11, 2012. It was my Mom.
Dad passed away, in his sleep, at 5:00 a.m.



The ONE thing that bothers me. . . . . My Dad died, alone.

It's been eleven months and three days. (But who's counting?)
It hasn't gotten any easier. Now, Mom is fighting for her life, dealing with Cancer, again.
She wants to go, though. She's the only person left, of her generation, in the family. She wants to be with my Dad.


Losing a parent is hard. It's a terrible feeling, but, it's part of life.
We've lost two kids. That's devastating. It never gets easier.
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Last edited by byf43; 04-14-2013 at 06:30..
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Old 04-14-2013, 06:58   #27
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Sharon you have a great support group surrounding you.
Everyone handles a situation like this differently, so take
advantage of it. I've been through this myself and it's a
terrible thing emotionally. I'm not trying to diminish your
grief, but give as much emotional support to the one
remaining parent that you have left.

You will get through this so take it one day at a time. Try
and remember the good times that you had for many years.
I have found that this helped me a great deal in dealing
with a situation like this. You and yours are in my prayers.
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Old 04-14-2013, 07:23   #28
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Thank you, thank you all so much. I cried and ąte my face off and read junk til about 5 am. Only reason I'm up now is I have to take youngest to Hebrew school because vr & jr are at a softball game.

Funny story, my mom and I often think alike, as do my daughter and I. Last night I told daughter if she got up early w/me to do the drop off, I'd take her to Einstein bros for a bagel ( not sure what it is w us Jews and food, cause despite how it sounds, I haven't been eating much) and threes a ago my mom tells me out of the blue that she's having a weird craving for a bagel and lox.

I think I'll be taking an early nap


Ps- johnbt, yes, the one on Lombard. We were around the corner at Hopkins. They are actually distant cousins on my dads side somehow, but they don't know us, they might know my dad. I'm e cited, they are opening a store in Potomac/Bethesda soon. Corned beef for everyone!!
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Old 04-14-2013, 07:57   #29
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Old 04-14-2013, 08:10   #30
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As we get older our own mortality gets more evident. I recently lost a closefriend to MDS(what Robin Roberts had). He was 61, 5 years younger than me. Ithas hit me hard, but he was a man of great faith, and therefore it helps mebuild mine. I know he is in a good place, and I can take solace in that.
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Old 04-14-2013, 09:19   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HenryinFlorida View Post
As we get older our own mortality gets more evident. I recently lost a closefriend to MDS(what Robin Roberts had). He was 61, 5 years younger than me. Ithas hit me hard, but he was a man of great faith, and therefore it helps mebuild mine. I know he is in a good place, and I can take solace in that.
I'm so sorry. This is what my mom has, but it's full blown AML.
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Old 04-14-2013, 10:22   #32
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The uncle I was closest to, actually one the people I have been the most attached to in my entire life, eventually died from AML. I say eventually because the AML was a "side effect" of an experimental heart treatment he underwent about a couple years before diagnosis (looking back now I can pinpoint when he learned although he told no one else anything for a long time). He lived over five years after diagnosis and lost in-home hospice care three times because he didn't die. Much of that time he was still vibrant and greatly enjoyed life. Some of my favorite times spent with him were when I would drop in during the afternoon. Many times we didn't even speak to each other, he napped and I read a book.

The day he died he was surrounded by everyone who loved him. Many of those there had gone on before him but they were there that day. It's amazing how many they were...and how so many of those present had no clue the others were around. He finally joined those who had been waiting for him that day. I still find a lot of comfort thinking about how he joined those who patiently waited for him instead of how he left us to join them...

Be strong. It's not easy but you can, and will, get through this.
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Old 04-14-2013, 10:35   #33
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Mrs VR. It's a difficult place that you are in. I've lost both of my parents. It's been 8 years since my Dad passed away and 9 since my Mom. I still think of them a lot.

My mother's illness was a protracted one, almost two years of a steady decline. She had congestive heart failure.

We all actually breathed a sigh of relief when she passed away. Feeling relief not only that she was no longer suffering but that those who supported her and cared for her, especially my Dad, finally had a chance to get some rest.

This isn't spoken of often but I understand it's not an uncommon feeling and many feel guilty when they feel that way after a loved one has past. We also felt grief but the first interlude was one of relief. The protracted grief came later.


It's not easy. Wishing you and your family the best.
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Old 04-14-2013, 10:51   #34
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Thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm feeling a bit better today, I guess I just needed to offload. Daughter and I did some shopping for mom this morning and it turned into a nice bonding experience for us. ( we found clearance undies, don't judge us! :p). NOW I am getting ready for what might end up being the worlds longest nap. Tonight we are labing old photos and making yet more lists. Ill be better rested for that.


I'm going to be coming back to read this thread frequently. Thank you all.
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Old 04-14-2013, 10:52   #35
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I haven't had to deal with the loss of a parent yet, but remember how my Mom tried to deal with when her Mom died (cancer, I was about 8) and when her Dad died (old age/broken heart, I was 27). She was worried about keeping it together for me. It just wasn't necessary for her to do. You don't have to support everything by yourself as if you are a single pillar holding the Colosseum. All of you can lean on each other for support.

I usually try to Live, Love, and Laugh. Celebrate what you have and share memories. Try not to worry about what the future will bring as none of us can change it. Cherish the time you have.
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Old 04-14-2013, 14:04   #36
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Sharon,

We knew for 3 years that Dad was dying. He had ALS. It was so hard watching him wither away. He stuck with it as long as he could. He finished restoring his VW bug. My brother and I painted it for him, and I got to drive him around in it. I got home as often as I could, and we were all with him at the end.

It's been 7 years now, and not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I almost forget when he died, but something reminds me around that date. I actually don't remember the exact date, things were moving fast. I try not to remember the illness. I try to remember everything else.

Venting is good. I'm glad you're doing it. You have lot's of friends here, as you know. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and you're not alone.
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Old 04-14-2013, 14:37   #37
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You ARE strong.


I am praying.
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Old 04-14-2013, 14:39   #38
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Hi, Mrs. VR. My Dad died 6 years ago this next month and it was a very sudden thing. He had advanced cancer and was gone within 3 weeks of his diagnosis. I was with him the last two weeks of his life and right beside his bed when he died. It was painful to watch, but I took comfort in that his illness wasn't long and protacted and he died at home with dignity surrounded by those that loved him the most. He was only 75 and I thought I would have him for many more years to come but that wasn't to be the case. A single day doesn't pass that I don't think about him, but those thoughts are filled with cherished memories and thanks to God for having blessed me with such a wonderful, loving parent. I know that he wouldn't have wanted me to wallow in grief and despair over his death and I feel that I have managed to honor him in that manner.

Does his death still hurt? You betcha! But for me, the pain has subsided and is far out-weighed by the knowledge that his life has had a far greater impact on me than his deathl You are going through a dark valley right now, but that won't always be the case.

More prayers being send for you entire family.

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Old 04-14-2013, 14:46   #39
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My thoughts and prayers are with you.

P.M. sent. Please forgive the typos.
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Old 04-14-2013, 15:42   #40
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I am so sorry for what you are going through-- not just you but your entire family. And yes, prayers are sent.

There is nothing easy about what ya'll (hey, I'm a Southerner) are going through. There are no easy decisions, no easy answers. What helps see you through these times is the great love you have for one another-- and apparently it is a GREAT love. Allow yourself the freedom and permission to vent-- just as you have been doing here-- and find that person that you can vent to that will just let you vent, because there are no "pat" answers. Allow yourself the freedom and permission to begin grieving; those times when you can simply be alone (or with someone who understands) and shed a tear (or buckets of them) can be tremendously cathartic.

Continue to make memories and hold them dear. May God's blessings be upon you, His strength enable you, and His presence comfort you.
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Old 04-14-2013, 15:45   #41
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Oh yeah...make sure to sleep. Sleep deprivation makes everything worse. (I know that this is easier said than done. I am glad you are getting a nap-- I hope that it was a prodigious one.)
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Old 04-14-2013, 16:59   #42
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Good nap but it left me very anxious and frazzled.
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Old 04-14-2013, 17:14   #43
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Just need another bagel, that's all.

Come to think of it...I got some smoked salmon in the fridge.
Should I make two?


Don't sweat the pain. Show your kids how to deal with adversity gracefully. That doesn't mean acting "normal", it means hurting and growing and moving on.

You want an onion on that bagel?
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Old 04-14-2013, 18:10   #44
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I'm sorry, Sharon.
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Old 04-14-2013, 19:15   #45
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S, from your other threads it doesn't sound like your mom is giving up, so don't you...
snap out of it, be strong and take one day at a time..
thinking good thoughts..
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Old 04-14-2013, 19:29   #46
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I am so sorry to hear this. It is not easy. Prayers for you and your family.

Feeling so helpless, not being able to "fix" something, thinking you must handle things alone and be brave for everyone else, this hurts too. Adds to the pain of the coming loss.

For me it never got easier, just learned how to handle it better in public or in front of others. Still cry, still miss my daughter, regret things not said to her.

Forgive yourself, do something nice for yourself. Tea, food, rest or bubble baths, just something nice for you. It helps a little.

(((HUG)))
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Old 04-14-2013, 20:26   #47
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I have lost some people very close to me. I always try to focus on the good times we had together. It can be painful thinking you're losing or have lost that person. Cherish the precious time you have left as you will never be able to get that time back. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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Old 04-14-2013, 21:21   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. VR View Post
Good nap but it left me very anxious and frazzled.
I can understand some of what you're feeling right now. A 20+ year friend of mine is dying, and has been for well over 2 years now. There's nothing I can do, besides visit, pray for her, and try to do anything she needs me to do. It's so frustrating not to be able to fix the problem or make it go away. Losing a parent like this can only be harder.

I'm still praying for a good result from the clinical trials. She hasn't given up, enither will we. If there's anything else I can do, don't hesitate.
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Old 04-14-2013, 22:40   #49
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Prayers being sent your way...
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Old 04-15-2013, 20:16   #50
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I can't begin to know what it feels like to lose a parent, but like you, I lost my sister suddenly a couple of years ago at the age of 40. The only thing I can suggest is to keep thoughts of the good times you had with them in your mind. It's helped me. I hope you find peace. You must have had wonderful parents for this loss to affect you so deeply. I hope that brings comfort to you as well.
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