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Old 03-16-2013, 07:33   #1
Kurly
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Having a Friend Repay a Loan

Here's the situation: I lent $500 to a friend who had fallen on hard times and about ready to lose her house. She's borrowed money from other friends before and has repaid them within a relatively reasonable amount of time.

Now that she's re-employed and I'm reading about all of her vacations she's taking on FaceBook (uggh! -- I HATE FB), I'm getting a little upset that she's not taken responsibility and starting to repay the loan I made to her. It's been almost a year since she's gotten reemployed and don't feel it's my responsibility to remind her of her obligation to repay me. It's one of the reasons why I hate when people borrow something from me as inevitably it's me who has to remind them to return it.

That said, I'd appreciate any suggestions on how to broach this subject without making her upset and 'victimized' by having her held accountable to her debt obligations.

Thoughts on how best to approach things?
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:40   #2
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I'd just approach her and ask when she intends to repay the $$$ she owes you. If she puts you off or throws a fit about it you have to decide which way you want to go. Either forget the $$ and keep her as a "friend" (friends like this you don't need), or you could always try small claims court. If you go the second route, hopefully you've got some kind of promisory note to prove you actually lent her the money. I have a feeling you may well end up on the short end of the rope on this one.
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:42   #3
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You should have decided before you ever loaned the money which was more important to you, the friend or the money.

Now you need to live with that decision. Either demand the money back or keep your friend.
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:51   #4
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Originally Posted by HerrGlock View Post
You should have decided before you ever loaned the money which was more important to you, the friend or the money.
Apparently she has already made that decision.
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:51   #5
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A loan between friends ends one of two ways.

1. The friend repays the money in a speedy fashion and things go on great for the friendship.

2. The friend never repays the loan and the friendship is gone forever.

That's it.

I have never loaned a friend money. I have given a friend money and not expected it back from the beginning. That's the only way to do it. Consider it a gift and expect to never see it again, or get ready to end the friendship.

It sucks, but it's the truth.
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:53   #6
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I lent the money realizing I may not be repaid but did so under the belief that she honors her debts (based on what she's borrowed from other people).

It was an oral agreement, nothing in writing, and other than what I wrote on the comment line on the check "Loan for $500" that's all I have to go on. It's not an amount that I'll sue her for since the time and trouble involved is not worth it.

It irks me though that she lives a lifestyle greater than my own (but then again, I'm a saver) and is taking expensive vacations while complaining she doesn't have any money.

I'm simply asking for a couple of suggestions on how to broach the subject without making her get defensive.
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:56   #7
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Originally Posted by Kurly View Post
I'm simply asking for a couple of suggestions on how to broach the subject without making her get defensive.
How about "Are you planning on paying me back the money I loaned you? I sure could use it."
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:56   #8
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1) Real friends don't borrow money.
2) Nobody ever repays personal loans.
3) If you had sex with the woman, you've been repayed.
4) If you didn't have sex with the woman, you should have because you ain't gettin' any money back.
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:57   #9
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Originally Posted by sheriff733 View Post
A loan between friends ends one of two ways.

1. The friend repays the money in a speedy fashion and things go on great for the friendship.

2. The friend never repays the loan and the friendship is gone forever.

That's it.

I have never loaned a friend money. I have given a friend money and not expected it back from the beginning. That's the only way to do it. Consider it a gift and expect to never see it again, or get ready to end the friendship.

It sucks, but it's the truth.
Well said and I agree -- but how to simply raise the question of whether she's going to repay me is what I'm seeking advice on. If she chooses to continue to ignore it, then I have my answer.
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:58   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurly View Post
I lent the money realizing I may not be repaid but did so under the belief that she honors her debts (based on what she's borrowed from other people).

It was an oral agreement, nothing in writing, and other than what I wrote on the comment line on the check "Loan for $500" that's all I have to go on. It's not an amount that I'll sue her for since the time and trouble involved is not worth it.

It irks me though that she lives a lifestyle greater than my own (but then again, I'm a saver) and is taking expensive vacations while complaining she doesn't have any money.

I'm simply asking for a couple of suggestions on how to broach the subject without making her get defensive.
Either let it go and consider it a gift to preserve the friendship, or keep at it and sever the friendship. These are the only two outcomes.

Have you ever let someone barrow $50 til payday? Ever notice that once you loan it to them, they are more distant? Kind of shows you if they are a real friend or not.
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Old 03-16-2013, 07:58   #11
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If it was understood by both of you this was a loan and not a gift to help out a friend, I see no problem politely reminding her that you would like the money repaid as soon as possible. You have to bring closure to this one way or the other as it will eat you up if you don't and their can be no normalcy to the friendship until it is resolved.

Like yourself I hate lending money ( or tools). I have always been screwed when I do. So I never put myself in that situation any more.

FYI in 2005 one of my boys coaches was having financial problems and asked me for $5k to catch up on mortgage payments. I was told he was only $3 k behind so that's what I loaned him. For reasons that are unimportant, I was almost certain at the time that I would never get the money back, despite his promises otherwise. I went into it with my eyes open figuring it would be a gift. I was right, he used the money to take his hot girlfriend to Puerto Rico, and then came back and divorced his wife.
Doesn't really bother me about not getting the money back because I never expected it. It did bother me that he walked on his wife.
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:00   #12
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Originally Posted by Kurly View Post
Well said and I agree -- but how to simply raise the question of whether she's going to repay me is what I'm seeking advice on. If she chooses to continue to ignore it, then I have my answer.
Oh I see. Sorry, didn't realize your question. I would just be up front and straight up about it. Don't beat around the bush.
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:00   #13
Kurly
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samuse View Post
1) Real friends don't borrow money.
2) Nobody ever repays personal loans.
3) If you had sex with the woman, you've been repayed.
4) If you didn't have sex with the woman, you should have because you ain't gettin' any money back.
I agree -- I've lost one friend way, way back when I loaned him money and he used every excuse as to why he couldn't repay it. We're no longer friends but that wasn't what decided it for us.

Nope, never had sex with her and never wanted to. She's strictly a platonic friend. I guess she views the fact that I'm a male and have assets as her justification as to why she shouldn't have to repay it. The other friends she borrowed money from were women and she repaid them....
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:01   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samuse View Post
1) Real friends don't borrow money.
2) Nobody ever repays personal loans.
3) If you had sex with the woman, you've been repayed.
4) If you didn't have sex with the woman, you should have because you ain't gettin' any money back.
Words to live by!
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:01   #15
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How about "Are you planning on paying me back the money I loaned you? I sure could use it."
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:03   #16
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Or just ask them if you can barrow $500.

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Old 03-16-2013, 08:03   #17
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I've loaned some money to a couple of people before just to ensure that I never saw them again. And it was worth it.
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:04   #18
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I've loaned some money to a couple of people before just to ensure that I never saw them again. And it was worth it.
And how many divorces have you had, exactly?
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:05   #19
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Or just ask them if you can barrow $500.

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Old 03-16-2013, 08:12   #20
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Any large amount of money loaned even to a friend should be backed by a written contract with both yours and their signature. You never know if that person is going to blow you off down the road. If they refuse to sign it, then you know you've made the right choice not to lend them money.

If they're bold enough to not pay you back or even acknowledge they borrowed money, then you should be bold enough to take their ass to small claims court.
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:13   #21
Kurly
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Originally Posted by Rotn1 View Post
If it was understood by both of you this was a loan and not a gift to help out a friend, I see no problem politely reminding her that you would like the money repaid as soon as possible. You have to bring closure to this one way or the other as it will eat you up if you don't and their can be no normalcy to the friendship until it is resolved.

Like yourself I hate lending money ( or tools). I have always been screwed when I do. So I never put myself in that situation any more.

FYI in 2005 one of my boys coaches was having financial problems and asked me for $5k to catch up on mortgage payments. I was told he was only $3 k behind so that's what I loaned him. For reasons that are unimportant, I was almost certain at the time that I would never get the money back, despite his promises otherwise. I went into it with my eyes open figuring it would be a gift. I was right, he used the money to take his hot girlfriend to Puerto Rico, and then came back and divorced his wife.
Doesn't really bother me about not getting the money back because I never expected it. It did bother me that he walked on his wife.
Ouch. I guess most of us were raised with different values when it comes to obligations. When a 'friend' does you a favor, you repay that. Not ignore it.

It sucks that we've raised a generation of entitlement recipients who feel they're owed something.
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:15   #22
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The minute you write the check or hand the cash over, it's always a write-off when "loaning" money to friends. Well, unless you don't value the friendship more. It's your call, but that borrowing $500 idea may work to spark the memory.

Off the record: You were probably not the only one she borrowed money from, and she may be prioritizing who gets paid back first; additionally, in my time on this earth, I've found that after spending time being down and out financially, a lot of women feel they need a break from the associated 'stressors' and start believing a vacation or shopping spree is just what the doctor ordered.
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:19   #23
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I'm going to give her a call today to discuss this. Lately the only time she calls me is to complain about something and when the tables are turned, she suddenly has to go somewhere.

Since I've loaned her the money, she's bought an Ipad, taken numerous trips, got a used car, etc. etc. All posted on FB. I have some significant taxes due and I could use the money.

If she renigs, then I have my answer and will be the distant friend she's become. Ironically I discussed how loaning money to friends in the past has caused problems. She assured me that she wouldn't be one of those 'friends'.
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:22   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurly View Post
I'm going to give her a call today to discuss this. Lately the only time she calls me is to complain about something and when the tables are turned, she suddenly has to go somewhere.

Since I've loaned her the money, she's bought an Ipad, taken numerous trips, got a used car, etc. etc. All posted on FB. I have some significant taxes due and I could use the money.

If she renigs, then I have my answer and will be the distant friend she's become. Ironically I discussed how loaning money to friends in the past has caused problems. She assured me that she wouldn't be one of those 'friends'.
Won't really help you get your $500 back, but if she backs out of the deal, a brick through her windshield would sure make you feel better anyways.
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Old 03-16-2013, 08:22   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samuse View Post
1) Real friends don't borrow money.
2) Nobody ever repays personal loans.
3) If you had sex with the woman, you've been repayed.
4) If you didn't have sex with the woman, you should have because you ain't gettin' any money back.
I have borrowed up to 450 bucks from my best friend, But i'll tell you what, Paying him back was FIRST priority period. Even if i had to reborrow a couple bucks the week after. I have hocked my car title to pay his mortgage before and he payed me back asap. Real friends make sure the other is ok. But I know him and his convictions also. Just saying that some people have enough pride and respect to honor what they said they would do. That being said, I do have friends that i wouldnt loan a mag full of ammo to cause i dont think i would get it back!!
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