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Old 02-18-2013, 08:11   #51
Mrs.Cicero
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My parents 50th wedding anniversary is this year. Mr.C and I will celebrate our 20th. Both marriages work because the husbands listen to the wives desires and opinions, but the final decisions rest with the husbands. It works for us, and it works well, and if anything should ever happen to Mr.C and I ever remarry, I would want the same arrangement. It took the first 7 years of our marriage, before I figured out that I make a far better Exec than CO, and this marriage wasn't going to survive having two COs.

My mother went back to work full time when I was 9 and my brother 7. I know what it's like to be raised in a home with a mom who works outside the home. I'm staying at home to homeschool our children, a decision Mr.C and I made together and revisit every year. It means I have no retirement savings of my own. I have no career to fall back on. If this house ever has equity, I do have half of it, since it is both our names. But obviously I am risking my financial security in this arrangement, as is Mr.C, since he knows if I ever catch him cheating on me I will take him for everything he has. And if I ever cheat on him, he'll do the same to me. The only reason we wouldn't just shoot the cheater now is that we have children together. That was the agreement when we married.

Men may take a great financial risk in getting married. Some of that depends on the state one lives in. Some can be eliminated with a good pre-nup. But marriage will always involve a certain amount of risk, to both parties. It cannot be entirely eliminated. It can be decreased greatly by taking a great deal of care in choosing your spouse. If you don't date what you wouldn't marry, you are ahead of the game already.

Court decisions regarding child custody and support used to highly favor men. Now the situation is reversed - the pendulum swung too far in the other direction, rather than finding a fair and equitable middle. Society's morals and mores are looser and more lax now, and frankly, why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free? You can blame feminism, or the advent of the Pill and legal abortion, or lack of care for spiritual things, or cycles of history... I'm not sure it matters, as long as enough people care enough to fix it. If you just accept it and adapt to it then you become part of the problem. JMHO, YMMV.
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Old 02-18-2013, 08:45   #52
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I am separated and will be getting divorced this summer. Everything is taken care of in a property settlement agreement and I talk to her every day about how the kid is doing and we spend time with the kid week/on week off. Think I have the best divorce of anyone I ever met.

That being said, I don't know if I could survive another divorce. I am talking outside of the money and "things." Having the marriage go up in flames was the hardest thing I have had happen in my life, and like most who are in their 40's, I have seen a thing or two. Even when you are not the one who ventures outside the marriage, when you are honest, you can see that no one is completely innocent in the destruction of a marriage. It is a tough, tough business. Never thought I would have to go down that route. Turned my world-view upside down.
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Old 02-18-2013, 09:02   #53
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As you point out, that's not for this thread. I'll leave it at this nugget:


Moving on.

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Black slaves (were on the whole) treated better here than at any time in history or on any other contenient on the face of the earth including their beloved Africa.
If we are talking about treatment he might be correct - relatively speaking. No new slaves were allowed to be imported into the US after 1807. So, it was to the benefit of the slave owner to keep a slave alive because they were not easy to replace and the cost to purchase one increased. Not so in other areas of the world where the importation of slaves was not halted.
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Old 02-18-2013, 09:04   #54
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Marriage is a religious ceremony, I'm Buddhist and we don't have marriage.
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Old 02-18-2013, 09:12   #55
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Marriage is a religious ceremony, I'm Buddhist and we don't have marriage.
It is also a legal union in the USA. Live together long enough in the USA and you have to consider common law marriage and palimony - depending upon local laws.

And if the split becomes acrimonious enough, I'm sure one or both of you will become carnivores.
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Old 02-18-2013, 09:16   #56
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I'm looking forward to getting married soon.
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Old 02-18-2013, 09:23   #57
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Same is true of child support imposed on the mother... and this is coming from a guy that pays $25k a year in child support to a woman who hasn't had a job in 10 years.
Sounds more like alimony. Does she spend the money on your kids, or do you end up buying them shoes/clothes/ other necessities when they are with you?

I have a couple friends doing this now (paying CS that ends up being misspent).
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Old 02-18-2013, 10:13   #58
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That being said, I don't know if I could survive another divorce. I am talking outside of the money and "things." Having the marriage go up in flames was the hardest thing I have had happen in my life, and like most who are in their 40's, I have seen a thing or two. Even when you are not the one who ventures outside the marriage, when you are honest, you can see that no one is completely innocent in the destruction of a marriage. It is a tough, tough business. Never thought I would have to go down that route. Turned my world-view upside down.
Amen. It is very easy to take on a superiority complex in marriage and it is a FAIL. Everyone contributes to their divorce.
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Old 02-18-2013, 10:18   #59
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What is your opinion of childless married couples? HH
If you want children, adopt. There are a lot of orphans that need homes.
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Old 02-18-2013, 10:29   #60
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If you want children, adopt. There are a lot of orphans that need homes.
And if we don't want to adopt?
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Old 02-18-2013, 10:30   #61
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That guy in the first vid has some issues. He makes some good points, but he seems to teeter on the edge of misogyny.
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Old 02-18-2013, 10:36   #62
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If you want children, adopt. There are a lot of orphans that need homes.
No thanks, looking forward to continuing my families bloodline.
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Old 02-18-2013, 13:31   #63
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Sounds more like alimony.
It's not, she's remarried.

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Does she spend the money on your kids, or do you end up buying them shoes/clothes/ other necessities when they are with you?
Well, put it this way: I don't think my kids would have had a place to live if I hadn't been paying child support. She's on her fifth new car in 7 years and she doesn't work, so I'm pretty sure my dollars get spent on more than just the kids' immediate needs, but what can you do?
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Old 02-18-2013, 13:36   #64
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And if we don't want to adopt?
Then I would suggest you do things as a couple that are selfless and help others so you don't become self centered and conceited. Having children, makes you share more of yourself.
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Old 02-18-2013, 13:49   #65
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If you want children, adopt. There are a lot of orphans that need homes.
The problem with adopting is that unless you adopt a baby, adopted children usually come with emotional baggage that can range from mild to severe and you just never know what you're going to get.

While going through foster parenting/adoption classes, we (my ex and I) met families that were almost torn apart, and in one case the man was arrested. In the case of the arrest, the family took in a girl who had been sexually abused. She came on to the man and when he declined her advances, she falsely accused him of molesting her. He was presumed guilty. He eventually beat the charges but not before it cost him his reputation and almost cost him his marriage.

I adopted a one year old boy. I can tell you that the waiting list can be very long for a baby unless you spend a lot of money and get one from outside the US.

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Old 02-18-2013, 13:55   #66
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Then I would suggest you do things as a couple that are selfless and help others so you don't become self centered and conceited. Having children, makes you share more of yourself.
The problem is that simply having children isn't a guarantee of self improvement. It's not hard to find people who should never, ever have become parents. I'd think you've seen plenty of that in your line of work.
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Old 02-18-2013, 13:57   #67
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Then I would suggest you do things as a couple that are selfless and help others so you don't become self centered and conceited. Having children, makes you share more of yourself.
Nah, I help people enough at work, I want nothing to do with them on my free time.

Next suggestion?
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Old 02-18-2013, 14:11   #68
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Nah, I help people enough at work, I want nothing to do with them on my free time.

Next suggestion?
I would suggest buy me a boat
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Old 02-18-2013, 15:25   #69
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Check out common law marriage statues in your state.
Only 9 states still have common law marriage, and they all require mutual intent to become married, and that you are believed in the community to be husband and wife. Several of those 9 only recognize common law marriage posthumously, for the purposes of inheritance. Contrary to popular belief, the girlfriend can't just claim to be in a common law marriage without the man's consent, and them both introducing themselves to everyone as husband and wife.

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Old 02-18-2013, 15:51   #70
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And most cannot understand that a couple can marry without going to the state for a license, said license being the adhesion contract that gives the state jurisdiction.
And how would one do that? I'm guessing it would then be a strictly religious thing? (which I'll never understand either...)
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Old 02-18-2013, 16:00   #71
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Nah, I help people enough at work, I want nothing to do with them on my free time.

Next suggestion?
What is it that you do?
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Old 02-18-2013, 16:01   #72
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Enrich the lives of random ass holes on Internet forums.
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Old 02-18-2013, 16:02   #73
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Enrich the lives of random ass holes on Internet forums.
HH
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Old 02-18-2013, 16:10   #74
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Enrich the lives of random ass holes on Internet forums.
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Old 02-18-2013, 16:16   #75
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And if we don't want to adopt?

you can always just "borrow" some kids from the local playground. their parents will really appreciate the time off they get from the little heathens......errrrr i mean tykes.
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