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Old 02-03-2013, 14:13   #51
Goldendog Redux
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Originally Posted by RenoF250 View Post
Not looking for the easy way out just a way to keep him on course without growing up hating me.
Maybe don't worry about what the hell he thinks about you. Your job is to prepare him for the cruel world.

Take his stuff away. All of it. Everything. Take his door off the hinges. Make his dig a giant hole in the backyard or something.
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Old 02-03-2013, 14:20   #52
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Some have good ideas here, some not so much...

let me add that giving him some rules of the house HE gets to suggest, gives him a 'say' in some of the rules, and the punishments meted out for infractions...gives him a feeling of a bit of control....DON'T abdicate control, just let him have a say in it....

good luck from one that's been there with an ADD child....

(when I was having a big problem with the 'ex' giving him Ritalin, my sister pointed out that if he had a broken leg, I would want it treated, right ? fixed ? uh...yes...)

Ime out ....
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Old 02-03-2013, 14:27   #53
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Giving kids drugs to turn them into zombies without behavior modification is wrong. I know from personal experience. My kid matured and is doing well as a high school student. I saw what drugs were turning him into. They literally zombify kids.

Big pharma is lying to America. ADHD is an easy path for billion dollar profits at the expense of kids' sanity.

As far as talking out of my ass, I know what I saw.
Sorry, I was accusing Bren of talking out of his ass, not you - I quoted you separately, and just disagreed with your premise. I don't think you're talking out your ass, for the record. Just Bren.

I also believe you entirely about your kid, and your experience. It's fantastic you found a course that works well for you and him. If the meds zombified him, then that's absolutely, clearly the wrong med for the wrong person, and you did 100% the right thing getting him off whatever they had him on.

I do have a problem your absolute clarity that your experience means that there's nobody on the planet who might have a different experience or result.

I know nothing of your family's experience, what meds you might have been prescribed, etc. I can say that getting the right help changed my son's life, and mine. I think it's really important that people get the right diagnosis, the right help, and get the support they need - whatever that might be.

I also know that the general state of medical support for ADD/ADHD out there is atrocious. Lots of docs can't find their ass with both hands on the issue, either over- or under-diagnose it, don't even know the various types/flavors of ADD/ADHD, and just toss Adderall/Ritalin at you, and call it good. You need to work with your doc, understand what you have going on, figure out if there's an alternative to meds, and if you decide to try the meds, find the variation on those meds that works for you, very carefully work out a dose that's just enough and no more, etc., and lots of docs just can't/won't/don't know how to do that. Getting good help on this issue is damn hard, even when working with people who theoretically specialize in it. It's embarrassing how many licensed MD's and psychiatrists are practicing something just short of snake-oil quackery.

FWIW, I'm VERY skeptical of the non-stimulant ADD/ADHD meds - those things scare the hell out of me, and I won't take them, nor would I have my kids take them.
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Last edited by Deanster; 02-03-2013 at 14:29..
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Old 02-03-2013, 14:56   #54
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Maybe don't worry about what the hell he thinks about you. Your job is to prepare him for the cruel world.

Take his stuff away. All of it. Everything. Take his door off the hinges. Make his dig a giant hole in the backyard or something.
I Agree! You are a parent, not a friend. You have rules, so use them. This sounds like the result of years of being ignored or sitting in front of a tv. Take everything away, and spend at least an hour a day outside with your son. Ask him what he wants to do with you for an hour a day. The reason he doesn't do what you want is because you do not have a relationship with him.

You haven't mentioned if you are a believer. If you haven't figured it out, the Bible is the written manual for your soul. It also teaches kids right from wrong. If you haven't been talking to him about it, i would start leading by example. You need all the help you can get. Love and Lead. If you need a preface read Wild at Heart.

Don't do drugs. Kids need to learn how to handle their problems. I'm sure i had ADD, but i didn't want drugs in me and i didn't care if it cost me lower grades. I am who i am. Being outdoors, music, sports, hunting and a godly father who put me before work helped me pull through.
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Old 02-03-2013, 15:38   #55
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My son does not listen at all. We have to tell him many times to get him to do something and then it is after a ton of whining and trying to get his sister to do it for him. He also does things right after he is told not to. We have taken his stuff away, grounded him, put him in the corner, spanked him, and talked to him. None of that works. It seems he is just going to do want he wants regardless of consequences.

He is also getting in trouble with school work because eh rushes through it (it is boring) and does half wrong. He knows how to do them but refuses to take the time to do it right the first time so I have to go through it with him 4 times.

My patience is running out and I did not have much to start with.
Have him tested for ADHD. My friend just went through this same thing. He was diagnosed, treated with mild meds and now the kid is a whole new kid, a pure pleasure to be around and before he was unbearable - good luck!
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Old 02-03-2013, 15:45   #56
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Problems with 9 year old

Quote:
Originally Posted by RenoF250 View Post
My son does not listen at all. We have to tell him many times to get him to do something and then it is after a ton of whining and trying to get his sister to do it for him. He also does things right after he is told not to. We have taken his stuff away, grounded him, put him in the corner, spanked him, and talked to him. None of that works. It seems he is just going to do want he wants regardless of consequences.

He is also getting in trouble with school work because eh rushes through it (it is boring) and does half wrong. He knows how to do them but refuses to take the time to do it right the first time so I have to go through it with him 4 times.

My patience is running out and I did not have much to start with.
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Old 02-03-2013, 16:06   #57
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Originally Posted by RenoF250 View Post
He is also getting in trouble with school work because eh rushes through it (it is boring) and does half wrong. He knows how to do them but refuses to take the time to do it right the first time so I have to go through it with him 4 times.
This is telling. He's a smart kid. See a Doc. He doesn't have the focus to work.
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Old 02-03-2013, 16:18   #58
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Have him tested for ADHD. My friend just went through this same thing. He was diagnosed, treated with mild meds and now the kid is a whole new kid, a pure pleasure to be around and before he was unbearable - good luck!
I think all children should be medicated until we deem them pleasurable.

They should be started young because those terrible two's can be pretty unbearable.
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Old 02-03-2013, 16:38   #59
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I think all children should be medicated until we deem them pleasurable.

They should be started young because those terrible two's can be pretty unbearable.
Two's are one but 9 and acting up is enough already. This kid really started to focus and act like a great person after his treatment. You can tell when he misses his dose!
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Old 02-03-2013, 16:39   #60
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This is telling. He's a smart kid. See a Doc. He doesn't have the focus to work.
That's how my friends kid was!
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Old 02-03-2013, 16:56   #61
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"Hands are for love....belts are for correction."

When my dad brought the belt out, I knew I screwed up and he meant business. He never beat me, but there were welps.

And I thank him for correcting me. Not saying that works for all kids, but sure did for me.
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Old 02-04-2013, 05:54   #62
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Send him to Catholic School

He'll walk into that math class on the first day, look up and see that guy nailed to the plus sign and know they mean seriopus business there!
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Old 02-04-2013, 06:15   #63
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Some good advice on this thread.

My 2 cents. I have an 8 year old, this, in my limited experience, sounds to me like he is bored.

My child ended up with multiple assessments when younger and the consensus was that he should be promoted 2.5 grade levels ahead just to keep his attention since he was just too far ahead versus his classmates.

Imagine you, at your age, with your intelligence, having to sit through grade school, and do homework.

I did not catch if you have taken him for professional assessments.
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Old 02-04-2013, 06:56   #64
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I can share some personal experience. I was a bad 9 year old. Almost repeated 4th grade because I was always acting out in school. Even though I was smart, I was failing - always disrupting class and making the teacher's job a living hell.

This was the 1970's and back then there was no ADHD and drugs weren't being prescribed to every other kid. I was just a bad kid.

Truth is, my parents were divorced and mom was dating losers. No doubt I wanted attention.

But it turned around for me. By high school, I was getting straight A's and headed for college.

The moral of the story: In time, this too can pass for you and your child. Try not to lose patience. Stick to your guns. Be loving and attentive, but set clear boundaries and stick to them. We all lose patience with our kids, so wifey and you have to be a team on this so that she can step in when you are losing your cool. If you and your wife have differing rules, the kid will definitely take advantage of that, so you need to set rules that you will both stick to.

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