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Old 05-13-2012, 22:49   #121
8-Ball
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The German's kamikaze attacks on Pearl Harbor are what brought the south into the American civil war.
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Old 05-13-2012, 22:57   #122
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Our first president, George Washington, ran for the presidency unopposed because nobody had the nerve to run against him. No one felt they were good enough to run against a guy that already had a U.S. state named after him.
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Old 05-13-2012, 23:11   #123
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It was not a conspiracy that killed JFK, but the wrath of a scorned lover.

Once Marilyn Monroe learned that JFK was ending their torrid love affair, she hired Lee Harvey Oswald to settle the score for her.

She was so distraught once she reallzed what she had done, she took her own life.
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Old 05-14-2012, 01:34   #124
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Alexander the great stopped expanding his empire the border of India when offered a bowl of curry. He promptly ran for the nearest bathroom and hasn't been seen since. Some say he's still in there. Surely he'll have it all out some day soon.
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Old 05-14-2012, 02:18   #125
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Quote:
Originally Posted by truetopath View Post
Eric Holder tells the truth and hell freezes over.
The Okie Corral
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Old 05-14-2012, 08:31   #126
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Contrary to common belief, Robert E. Lee actually had no intention of surrendering at Appomattox Courthouse and was only there to discuss the disposition of captured troops between the two armies. It was not until Ulysses S. Grant said "Hell, let's just get this thing over with!" and challenged Lee to a game of "shots" that the surrender came about.

Officers close to Lee quote the Confederate General as saying "I agreed to WHAT???" while throwing up into his latrine bucket at his field command tent the next morning.
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Old 05-14-2012, 13:34   #127
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In 1763, Columbus sailed the deep blue sea.
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Old 05-14-2012, 14:05   #128
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Back in wwII we were running short of rifles so we issued our troops sticks. The troops were told to point the stick and say bang. One troop reported it worked great. He shot and killed several germans by pointing his stick and saying bang. then one day a great big german was coming toward him he said bang the german kept coming bang the german kept coming bang the big german ran right over him. He reported hearing the german say tank,tank,tank.
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Old 05-14-2012, 14:13   #129
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Arnold Schwarzenegger was all natural in the late 70's 80's
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Old 05-14-2012, 14:23   #130
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Barak Obama was our most thoroughly vetted President.
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Old 05-14-2012, 14:26   #131
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Last time I was at Arches National Park, I struck up a conversation with a group of German tourists. I went on an on about how amazing it was that the American Indians had carved all of these wonderful arch shapes using nothing but primitive hand tools.


The ranger that was within earshot was not amused.
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Old 05-14-2012, 14:30   #132
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Both Eric Holder and Obama are found to really be white men in black face to win votes from those who didn't care enough to find out the truth.
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Old 05-14-2012, 14:33   #133
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The Rong brothers invented the first successful airplane in 1893 in Kitti Hok, China but imperialist forces liberated it.
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Old 05-14-2012, 14:57   #134
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Back in the dark days of WWI Africa was the subject of great concenr among the warring powers. To that end the British had military and aviation units all over the continent. The arial units were needed for recon missions over the vast territory. One of the airbases was located quite close to a series of farms. One day a farmer, Boer by persuasion, wnadered into the officers club on the airbase and announced that he had a problem.

"Meinherren, I have something of a problem as do my neighbors. There is a large lion that is killing our workers, farm animal and making our lives rough. We are a poor people but we have pooled our funds all will offer to buy two pints of ale for anyone who can eliminate this problem"

After a few minutes one of the pilots approached the farmer and agreed to take him up on the offer. The first pint of ale was ordered, while drinking it the pilot discussed the location of the ferocious feline. Finishing the beverage the pilot went to his plane and took off.

It took him some time flying the biplane to locate the critter, but he did. Divng down out of the sun he opened fire with his Lewis gun and dispatched the creature handily.

Returning to the base, he reported that, on his honor, the ruthless animal had been duely dispatched, where upon the farmer bought him another pint.

This, ladies and gentleman, was the first real proof of the theory that,

"The shortest distance between two pints, is a straffed lion"
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Old 05-14-2012, 15:32   #135
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Nov 2008 - The first Gay president was elected.
(So says Newsweek, so it must be true!)
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Old 05-14-2012, 15:56   #136
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The Scots never wore kilts in battle. They wore full evening dresses covered in sequins. The preferred tactic is to engage the enemy at dawn while facing east. The sunlight reflecting off of the sequins blinds the enemy.

(stolen from The Simpsons)
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Old 05-14-2012, 16:11   #137
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Shaggy and Scoobie went to college with Bill Clinton -they didn't inhale either.
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Old 05-14-2012, 17:06   #138
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Shaggy and Scoobie went to college with Bill Clinton -they didn't inhale either.
Didn't need to as Scoobie Snacks are really MJ brownies!
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Old 05-14-2012, 17:41   #139
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Charles Babbage invented the programmable computer in 1821 and his lovely assistant Ada Lovelace was the first programmer who wrote explicit instructions on how Babbage's machine could calculate many different things.

What is less well known is that the cabbage was originally named after Babbage, but something got lost in the translation to the 'colonies' and it became cabbage.

This is also the origin of the Cabbage Patch dolls. They bear a strange resemblance to Ada Lovelace.
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Old 05-14-2012, 19:30   #140
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Hiroshima and Nagasaki were not destroyed by nuclear weapons.

Apparently Japanese food gives Chuck Norris gas....

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