[tsmo1066]

Contrary to common belief, Robert E. Lee actually had no intention of surrendering at Appomattox Courthouse and was only there to discuss the disposition of captured troops between the two armies. It was not until Ulysses S. Grant said "Hell, let's just get this thing over with!" and challenged Lee to a game of "shots" that the surrender came about.

Officers close to Lee quote the Confederate General as saying "I agreed to WHAT???" while throwing up into his latrine bucket at his field command tent the next morning.

[NOLA_glock]

In 1763, Columbus sailed the deep blue sea.

[MARKDANIEL]

Back in wwII we were running short of rifles so we issued our troops sticks. The troops were told to point the stick and say bang. One troop reported it worked great. He shot and killed several germans by pointing his stick and saying bang. then one day a great big german was coming toward him he said bang the german kept coming bang the german kept coming bang the big german ran right over him. He reported hearing the german say tank,tank,tank.

[M&P Shooter]

Arnold Schwarzenegger was all natural in the late 70's 80's

[series1811]

Barak Obama was our most thoroughly vetted President.

[mhambi]

Last time I was at Arches National Park, I struck up a conversation with a group of German tourists. I went on an on about how amazing it was that the American Indians had carved all of these wonderful arch shapes using nothing but primitive hand tools.


The ranger that was within earshot was not amused.

[janice6]

Both Eric Holder and Obama are found to really be white men in black face to win votes from those who didn't care enough to find out the truth.

[ChuteTheMall]

The Rong brothers invented the first successful airplane in 1893 in Kitti Hok, China but imperialist forces liberated it.

[countrygun]

Back in the dark days of WWI Africa was the subject of great concenr among the warring powers. To that end the British had military and aviation units all over the continent. The arial units were needed for recon missions over the vast territory. One of the airbases was located quite close to a series of farms. One day a farmer, Boer by persuasion, wnadered into the officers club on the airbase and announced that he had a problem.

"Meinherren, I have something of a problem as do my neighbors. There is a large lion that is killing our workers, farm animal and making our lives rough. We are a poor people but we have pooled our funds all will offer to buy two pints of ale for anyone who can eliminate this problem"

After a few minutes one of the pilots approached the farmer and agreed to take him up on the offer. The first pint of ale was ordered, while drinking it the pilot discussed the location of the ferocious feline. Finishing the beverage the pilot went to his plane and took off.

It took him some time flying the biplane to locate the critter, but he did. Divng down out of the sun he opened fire with his Lewis gun and dispatched the creature handily.

Returning to the base, he reported that, on his honor, the ruthless animal had been duely dispatched, where upon the farmer bought him another pint.

This, ladies and gentleman, was the first real proof of the theory that,

"The shortest distance between two pints, is a straffed lion"

[wjv]

Nov 2008 - The first Gay president was elected.
(So says Newsweek, so it must be true!)

[SC Tiger]

The Scots never wore kilts in battle. They wore full evening dresses covered in sequins. The preferred tactic is to engage the enemy at dawn while facing east. The sunlight reflecting off of the sequins blinds the enemy.

(stolen from The Simpsons)

[jastroud]

Shaggy and Scoobie went to college with Bill Clinton -they didn't inhale either.

[wjv]

Originally Posted by jastroud

Shaggy and Scoobie went to college with Bill Clinton -they didn't inhale either.

Didn't need to as Scoobie Snacks are really MJ brownies!

[UtahIrishman]

Charles Babbage invented the programmable computer in 1821 and his lovely assistant Ada Lovelace was the first programmer who wrote explicit instructions on how Babbage's machine could calculate many different things.

What is less well known is that the cabbage was originally named after Babbage, but something got lost in the translation to the 'colonies' and it became cabbage.

This is also the origin of the Cabbage Patch dolls. They bear a strange resemblance to Ada Lovelace.

[SC Tiger]

Hiroshima and Nagasaki were not destroyed by nuclear weapons.

Apparently Japanese food gives Chuck Norris gas....

Sent from my Kindle Fire using Tapatalk 2

[itisbruno]

In 1976, an Tennessee family visiting New York City stood at a broken DON'T WALK sign for three days.

[wrenrj1]

Originally Posted by MARKDANIEL

Back in wwII we were running short of rifles so we issued our troops sticks. The troops were told to point the stick and say bang. One troop reported it worked great. He shot and killed several germans by pointing his stick and saying bang.

I would only believe this if we were fighting the French in WWII!

Wren

[itisbruno]

Thomas Edison was the first person in history to say "is that how my voice really sounds?"

[UtahIrishman]

The slide rule was invented by Abbott and Costello. When they were told the Abacus was first their reply was no he's on second...and the rest is history

[G29Reload]

The statue of Liberty was built in France before being shipped over to the US. In order to make it seem more realistic, it was based on a real live female model. She was encased in a claylike medium with more material added on and nose holes to breath thru. After the medium was built up and hardened past a certain point, she was to be gently cut out of it and the base structure continued with more material added till the statue was full size.

Thing is, her mouth hole was blocked, and the time to cut her out came right around the time to go home. Someone forgot and then the sculpture crew went to a cafe to drink some wine.

They completely forgot by the time they came in the next morning all hung over, and the work continued with the woman trapped inside. She eventually got all sealed up and it wasn't till the full sized finished statue was on a boat for the new world that someone finally remembered, but by then it was too late and they decided to keep their mouths shut since she had to be long dead by then.

Give us your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free takes on a whole new meaning. Remember that the next time you go past on the Staten Island ferry. She's still in there.

[countrygun]

After the first time his wife called him, Alexander Graham Bell invented the "Mute" button.

[tsmo1066]

In 480 BC, King Leonidas stood in a hopeless position, facing Hitler's vaulted Eighteenth Mountain Corps as they prepared to strike through Thermopylae and into the heart of Greece. As the Nazis prepared to advance, even Spartan dedication and ferocity appeared useless in the face of Germany's elite mountain forces, tanks and overwhelming air support.

Fortunately for Leonidas and his 300 completely overmatched troops, the Germans realized after speaking with a local sheepherder that they were roughly 2400 years too early and decided to go home.

The Spartan's relief was shortlived, however, as Xerxes, who had been delayed for a few days seeking road directions at a local Buc-ee's, arrived less than an hour later with 400,000 Persian soldiers and a more accurate calendar.

[countrygun]

Nobody has been more misunderstood in history more than the Goths. They are blamed for much trouble and evil that was not really their fault. There was a genetic problem in their people that affected their eyesight. After bifocals were invented by Benjamin Franklin, they became really nice people and were afterword referred to as the "Visigoths".

[NH Trucker]

I went to Walmart over the weekend. I bought some nachos and munched on those as I made my way over to the sporting goods department to buy some super cheap 10mm ammo.

On my way there, I took a detour through electronics. It looked like they were playing a documentary about man made global warming. With how guilty I felt about my own contribution toward global warming with my steady diet of Taco Bell, I was compelled to watch it, if only to find out what I could do to personally prevent the ice caps from melting. I had plenty of time to kill, since I wasn't even close to half way through my nachos.

Walking towards the back wall, I saw this blonde standing by the tvs. She had a decent body for sure. As I got closer, I think she smelled my nachos because she turned around. She smiled at me..... kinda. What caught my attention were her eyes. There was something about them that wasn't quite right. But then my gaze lowered. They didn't look real, but hey, I'm not picky. Then she spoke, and after a few more seconds I went back to making eye contact. She asked for some of my nachos, to which I obliged her request. The look in her eyes made me think that if I didn't, the S might HTF.

She started blabbering on about this tv she was looking at. She said she used to have one just like it, but some guy took it from her place while she was at Bible study. I don't know what it was about this tv, but she wouldn't shut up about it. Just on and on and on. I think it was a Sony.

All of a sudden I got this feeling of dread. I started sweating profusely, my heart rate increased, I started shaking, and I had goosebumps. I thought to myself "Noooooo, it CAN'T be!"

Just to be sure, I motioned to offer her some more nachos, but reached in and tickled her. At that moment, I saw her teeth. They were jacked..... It was discusting.

I turned as fast as I could and made for the door like Rosie O'donnel going after a cupcake. I ran past the registers, took out the greeter with a ninja style jump kick (taught to me by Chuck Norris himself), and ran through the parking lot to my truck. I floored the gas, and in a flash I was out of there. Thank God she didn't follow me.


Contrary to what I had been told, open carry of my G20 did not prevent this.

[Agonizer]

The 10mm cartridge was developed by Hitler's engineers during World War II, to be used as an anti-tank round. It later found favor by the self defense crowd, and was adapted for hand gun use. It is a little known fact that U.S. Special forces use it as a very effective "bunker buster" round.