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Old 12-09-2012, 07:12   #601
Peace Warrior
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Dear Abby Landers,


First let me say that we have never met. Let me add that I realize that you're simply someone that gets paid to write a column giving advice from the newspaper. I also realize you've never had any professional training, education as a counselor, or even any job experiences while working for an actual psychiatrist.

Please know that these are just three reasons I cannot believe I am writing to you for advice. Well, another reason would be there is no guarantee that you will choose to answer my letter at all.

You know what, instead I think I'll close this letter and go talk to my family, friends, and neighbors about the personal problem I am having at the present time.


I think you're wasted ink in my newspaper,

Signed,

Better off without you.
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Old 12-09-2012, 11:22   #602
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And in other news Uruguay's potent patent on bi-polar genes is being challenged by both Apple and Levi Strauss. Apple contends that it has patented bi-polar since the beginning of time and Levi's patent on genes in all forms is well known, including Gene Autry

Whether this is before or after the world folds in on itself was not mentioned
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Old 12-09-2012, 14:22   #603
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And in other news Uruguay's potent patent on bi-polar genes is being challenged by both Apple and Levi Strauss. Apple contends that it has patented bi-polar since the beginning of time and Levi's patent on genes in all forms is well known, including Gene Autry

Whether this is before or after the world folds in on itself was not mentioned
The International Association of Patent-suit and Mesothelioma Lawyers hold their annual conference and convention on Mars. Not only can they afford to go there, they bought the planet and still have money left over for a victim-of-mesothelioma, you-deserve-compenation commercial every second of the day, every day, on each and every television and radio channel in perpetuity.

These commercials will now be beamed toward the center of the Milky Way galaxy just in case there are asbestos victims there.

Even many light-years away, they deserve compensation.
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2.9979E10 cm/sec -- it's not just a good idea; it's the law
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Old 12-09-2012, 19:46   #604
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" Honey. This is the same pistol I have had for years now. No it is not new"
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Old 12-09-2012, 20:24   #605
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yesterday NASA's Mars Rover reported back no viable meaningful life has been found on the surface of Mars.

The International Association of Patent-suit and Mesothelioma Lawyers objected to this finding but were booed down by large numbers of Deja-Thoris fans.

Speculation exists that when the Earth folds in on itself Barsoom will emerge victorious.
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:58   #606
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Thuvia of Ptarth, shortly after being freed from slavery, visited Earth on several occasions. Unfotunately, she miscalculated her location and ended up at the annual convention of The International Association of Patent-suit and Mesothelioma Lawyers, was so frightened of the evil creatures she discovered there that she reported back that Earth had no intelligent life and was infested by voracious creatures that gobbled up everything in their path.

Mars has declared Earth off limits to the sentient beings of the Galaxy.
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2.9979E10 cm/sec -- it's not just a good idea; it's the law

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Old 12-10-2012, 04:35   #607
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Monsanto reveals results of new research.

Shig or peep?

The Okie Corral
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Old 12-10-2012, 04:41   #608
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The University of Alabama, after defeating The University of Tennessee for the BCS National Championship, the defeated the Tennessee Titans in the Super Bowl.


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Old 12-11-2012, 01:11   #609
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timothy franz geithner declared that green is blue, black is white, and orange is red. He added added that if anyone from the federal reserve ever states that all is well, then yes, you can trust that all is actually well. When asked about the so called "fiscal cliff," geithner stated, "I know there is a cliff, but where miles and miles away from the edge."

geithner declined comment when a reporter asked him if the rumor was true that a cobbler named Gepetto kept his nose looking normal.
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Old 12-11-2012, 01:33   #610
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The University of Alabama, after defeating The University of Tennessee for the BCS National Championship, the defeated the Tennessee Titans in the Super Bowl. ]
A federal district court judge has declared the new four team BCS football playoff setup to be unconstitutional. He holds that it unfairly discriminates against the fifth place SEC team.
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Old 12-11-2012, 17:16   #611
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A careful examination of records in the year 2017 prove that Samurai Rabbit, in addition to being a dungeon schmuck, is a first cousin to the famous and universally loved animated actor, Ricochet Rabbit.

Attendants of the dungeon have been confuzzled for years and have never been able to trace the faint, barely audible sounds of, "Ping, ping, ping!" oft heard by the staff. This new information may explain those creepy nocturnal noises.

Ricochet Rabbit, retired for many years from the stage and screen, could not be reached for comment.
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2.9979E10 cm/sec -- it's not just a good idea; it's the law

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Old 12-11-2012, 18:37   #612
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In 2016 the Obama Libarary was turned into a large public gas station restroom.
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Old 12-11-2012, 20:24   #613
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A careful examination of records in the year 2017 prove that Samurai Rabbit, in addition to being a dungeon schmuck, is a first cousin to the famous and universally loved animated actor, Ricochet Rabbit.

Attendants of the dungeon have been confuzzled for years and have never been able to trace the faint, barely audible sounds of, "Ping, ping, ping!" oft heard by the staff. This new information may explain those creepy nocturnal noises.

Ricochet Rabbit, retired for many years from the stage and screen, could not be reached for comment.
Permit me the temerity to quibble over a point of protocol.

Dungeon Schmuck can be considered a proper noun. It should therefore be capitalized.

Your attention to this matter would be appropriate.
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Old 12-11-2012, 20:36   #614
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When Carl Sagan looked through his Cosmic Lens and saw the horde of Patent-suit and Mesothelioma Lawyers on Mars he quickly shifted his focus to the more peaceful past time of witnessing far off suns explode.
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Old 12-11-2012, 21:06   #615
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On this day in 1888 Chester P. Rosentaint was named the International Crotchboxing Champion, it was his fifth time attaining the title. He was awarded the coveted Goldensack Cup which will take it's place of honor on the wall of his home training turf, the Notchapound Gym.
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Old 12-12-2012, 07:11   #616
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Permit me the temerity to quibble over a point of protocol.

Dungeon Schmuck can be considered a proper noun. It should therefore be capitalized.

Your attention to this matter would be appropriate.
Nay, good sir.

The Internatiomnal Association of Patent-suit and Mesothelioma Lawyers, Mars chapter, does not recognize self-proclaimed proper nouns unless and until a large fee is paid them.

You may labor under the delusion that dungeon schmuck is a proper noun and deserves the honor of capitalization, but the lawyers have not made money and until lawyers make money, nothing is real.

Note well that your cousin, Ricochet Rabbit, had the good sense to enrich lawyers and get his name deemed a proper noun. You would do well to heed his example.

As always, I remain your humble and obedient servant.
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2.9979E10 cm/sec -- it's not just a good idea; it's the law

Last edited by tous; 12-12-2012 at 07:12..
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Old 12-12-2012, 08:31   #617
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Herodotus wrote the screenplay for 300 after traveling through time to the present and entering into a love triangle with the Bushs.
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Old 12-12-2012, 09:58   #618
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Herodotus wrote the screenplay for 300 after traveling through time to the present and entering into a love triangle with the Bushs.
Which Bushs?
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Old 12-12-2012, 10:52   #619
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When Tantrix was finally spoiled for impersonating a police officer, he was in face working for the FBIs internal affairs looking for himself.
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Old 12-12-2012, 13:46   #620
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When Tantrix was finally spoiled for impersonating a police officer, he was in face working for the FBIs internal affairs looking for himself.
Don't keep us in suspense.

Did tantrix arrest himself, Mirandize himself, cuff himself and stuff himself ino the back of a low-budget, FBI sedan? Did he accidentally push himself down the stairs?

Is there any iPhone video?
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Old 12-14-2012, 19:55   #621
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Permit me the temerity to quibble over a point of protocol.

Dungeon Schmuck can be considered a proper noun. It should therefore be capitalized.

Your attention to this matter would be appropriate.
While I 110% agree with your critique of the GT member Tous, I am inescapably fraught with the need to delineate to you that subsequent to the most obvious "obvious fact" about Frenchmen, and do please note my usage of a capital -f-, is the fact that they have less than a 50/50 shot as being correct when it comes to English grammar rules in the united States of America.

Your correction, of said Tous, is not so much based on temerity, my good Sir, but rather it is based on commonsense and good logic with regards to a Frenchman trying to correct ANYONE, I repeat, ANYONE, when it comes to the proper usage of English grammar rules.

ETA: For the record, I have no proverbial Dog in this fight.
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
"Nothing we're gonna do is going to fundamentally alter or eliminate the possibility of another mass shooting or guarantee that [our gun ban legislation] will bring gun deaths down..." - VPOTUS Joe Biden
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
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Last edited by Peace Warrior; 12-14-2012 at 19:57..
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Old 12-14-2012, 20:00   #622
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Don't keep us in suspense.

Did tantrix arrest himself, Mirandize himself, cuff himself and stuff himself ino the back of a low-budget, FBI sedan? Did he accidentally push himself down the stairs?

Is there any iPhone video?
He said he was in face. Hello...? Does this not explain the entire conundrum to you sufficiently?
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
"Nothing we're gonna do is going to fundamentally alter or eliminate the possibility of another mass shooting or guarantee that [our gun ban legislation] will bring gun deaths down..." - VPOTUS Joe Biden
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"You gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?" - Josey Wales

Last edited by Peace Warrior; 12-14-2012 at 20:00..
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Old 12-14-2012, 20:25   #623
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While I 110% agree with your critique of the GT member Tous, I am inescapably fraught with the need to delineate to you that subsequent to the most obvious "obvious fact" about Frenchmen, and do please note my usage of a capital -f-, is the fact that they have less than a 50/50 shot as being correct when it comes to English grammar rules in the united States of America.

Your correction, of said Tous, is not so much based on temerity, my good Sir, but rather it is based on commonsense and good logic with regards to a Frenchman trying to correct ANYONE, I repeat, ANYONE, when it comes to the proper usage of English grammar rules.

ETA: For the record, I have no proverbial Dog in this fight.
I feel that I must apologize to men of good will and women of good hips for your torturing of the facts and complete avoidance of the truth of this matter, good sir. One suspects that you are a better dancer than Fred Astaire to so adroitly (a french word) mambo you way around what is obvious to the least educated among us.

I anticipate your excuse will be to blame it on the Bossa Nova, with its magic spell as most succinctly described in the 1963 Eydie Gormé tune of the same name.

Rather than rebuke, I must pity you, sir. Your intellect appears to be a house of mirrors as you seem competely unaware of what is true and what is a macabre reflection of your own fevered imagination.

I remain, as always, you humble and obedient servant ...

PS. Perhaps it would bring you more seemingly ephemeral moments of lucidity if you simply blame the Samurai Rabbit, mount an escape goat and flee the realm of learned men.



NB: I have copies of letters passed between Jefferson, Madison, Adams and others of the era. They managed to call each other every name in the book, but with the greatest courtesy and aplomb and always ended the letters with, 'Your humble and obedient servant,' or something similar. Those fellers knew the art of the insult.
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Old 12-14-2012, 20:39   #624
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I feel that I must apologize to men of good will and women of good hips for your torturing of the facts and complete avoidance of the truth of this matter, good sir. One suspects that you are a better dancer than Fred Astaire to so adroitly (a french word) mambo you way around what is obvious to the least educated among us.

I anticipate your excuse will be to blame it on the Bossa Nova, with its magic spell as most succinctly described in the 1963 Eydie Gormé tune of the same name.

Rather than rebuke, I must pity you, sir. Your intellect appears to be a house of mirrors as you seem competely unaware of what is true and what is a macabre reflection of your own fevered imagination.

I remain, as always, you humble and obedient servant ...

PS. Perhaps it would bring you more seemingly ephemeral moments of lucidity if you simply blame the Samurai Rabbit, mount an escape goat and flee the realm of learned men.



NB: I have copies of letters passed between Jefferson, Madison, Adams and others of the era. They managed to call each other every name in the book, but with the greatest courtesy and aplomb and always ended the letters with, 'Your humble and obedient servant,' or something similar. Those fellers knew the art of the insult.
Dear Tous,

Anyone, and allow me to first repeat, and again emphasize, and then allow me to both again RE-repeat and reemphasize, that anyone, including yourself Sir, who would first properly use the word, -aplomb-, within an internet posting, and then so recklessly misspell such a common word as is -completely-, is someone whom I will not, I repeat Sir, I will not argue with over such an obviously inconsequential matter as is this subject of one's intellect.

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"Nothing we're gonna do is going to fundamentally alter or eliminate the possibility of another mass shooting or guarantee that [our gun ban legislation] will bring gun deaths down..." - VPOTUS Joe Biden
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"You gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?" - Josey Wales

Last edited by Peace Warrior; 12-14-2012 at 21:19..
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Old 12-14-2012, 20:42   #625
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Dear Tous,

Anyone, and allow me to first repeat, and again emphasize, and then allow me to both again repeat and reemphasize, that anyone, including yourself Sir, who would first properly use the word, -aplomb-, within an internet posting, and then so recklessly misspell such a common word as is -completely-, is someone whom I will not, I repeat Sir, I will not argue with over such an obviously inconsequential matter as is this subject of one's intellect.

Don't be so superfluous.
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