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Old 08-30-2012, 08:35   #461
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Oliver Damme, a jeweler out of Minnesota, was secreted away by the FBI to an unused and derelict ICBM bunker today after having what is known as a "caliber war" on the internet.

Mr. O. Damme, while insisting that the 9mm was a speedy fast missile of death and destruction given the right placement, also posted that The Mighty 10mm was too heavy and too expensive to be a viable or practical option for most people who CCW.

Less than three minutes after posting, the small Minnesota town Mr. O. Damme lived was being bombarded by indirect fired 10mm rounds. There have been numerous casualties, but since the FBI made it known that Mr. O. Damme had been removed from his home, the shelling has stopped at least for now.

Based on the trajectories of radar tracks, NORAD advised that most of the deadly rounds were launched from over 400 miles away. The investigation is ongoing.
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Old 08-30-2012, 08:46   #462
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Update:

An Air Fore maintenance contractor has reported the tragic destruction of an old missile bunker. Upon arrival to take out some copper lines, the contractor advises he drove up on a horrible sight.

There was huge crater where the missile bunker had been previously. Cadaver dogs searching the site that evening found the remains of six, undercover FBI agents and one Minnesota man.

Although hundreds of feet deep and inside what was thought to be a impregnable missile bunker, a 10mm round, landing less than a half mile from the bunker itself, was able to completely destroy the entire sight and occupants.
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Old 08-31-2012, 00:45   #463
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There was huge crater where the missile bunker had been previously. Cadaver dogs searching the site that evening found the remains of six, undercover FBI agents and one Minnesota man.

Although hundreds of feet deep and inside what was thought to be a impregnable missile bunker, a 10mm round, landing less than a half mile from the bunker itself, was able to completely destroy the entire sight and occupants.
Upon further investigation, forensic analysts and ballistics experts are starting to cast doubt on the theory that this damage was done by a 10mm.

The presence of IDENTIFIABLE remains makes it unlikely that so potent a caliber as a 10mm did this damage. If it WERE a 10mm, then it would be one of the wimpy commercial loads that are a bane on the 10mm existence. The best bet is that it was a lesser device, such as a 10 megaton detonation, that destroyed the silo. With the collapse of the old Soviet Union, you can now find such gizmos at Wal-Mart, if you know the secret handshake.

P.S.: Air Force contractor, my tush! It was a looter looking for copper to sell at a metalyard to finance his next high that found the mess!
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Old 08-31-2012, 01:00   #464
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D'oh! I pulled an Okie...
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Last edited by frizz; 08-31-2012 at 01:01.. Reason: I pulled an Okie...
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Old 08-31-2012, 02:00   #465
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Pocket Knives

When Crocodile Dundee famously said "that's not a knife...THIS is a knife" few realized that the invention of the collapsing (or as some choose to call it folding) knife had reached it's apex.

While it may appear he had this knife behind his back, he actually pulled it from his watch pocket....

thus the term 'watching it unfold' came from
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Old 08-31-2012, 09:49   #466
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samurairabbi View Post
Upon further investigation, forensic analysts and ballistics experts are starting to cast doubt on the theory that this damage was done by a 10mm.

The presence of IDENTIFIABLE remains makes it unlikely that so potent a caliber as a 10mm did this damage. If it WERE a 10mm, then it would be one of the wimpy commercial loads that are a bane on the 10mm existence. The best bet is that it was a lesser device, such as a 10 megaton detonation, that destroyed the silo. With the collapse of the old Soviet Union, you can now find such gizmos at Wal-Mart, if you know the secret handshake.

P.S.: Air Force contractor, my tush! It was a looter looking for copper to sell at a metalyard to finance his next high that found the mess!
Not a direct hit. It landed just under a 1/2 mile away.

Wait, you're right, there's just no way it could have been the Mighty 10mm.


(Psssst: I told the media guy I was an Air Force contractor...)
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"Nothing we're gonna do is going to fundamentally alter or eliminate the possibility of another mass shooting or guarantee that [our gun ban legislation] will bring gun deaths down..." - VPOTUS Joe Biden
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Old 08-31-2012, 18:43   #467
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(Psssst: I told the media guy I was an Air Force contractor...)
Listen up, numnutz! Get your cover story consistent, and keep it that way! You foul it up, you make life difficult for ALL of us!
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Old 08-31-2012, 18:50   #468
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Oswald was the lone gunman.
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Old 08-31-2012, 19:00   #469
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Marina made Lee a lonely gunman. The “lone gunman” theory was disproved in the “Dear MstAbby” column from 1964. I thought everyone knew that. Sheeesh.
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Old 08-31-2012, 19:19   #470
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Some people eat all of their French fries before their burgers.
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2.9979E10 cm/sec -- it's not just a good idea; it's the law

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Old 08-31-2012, 19:53   #471
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Despite repeated attempts, “burgers and fries” was universally rejected by the Overlords and their consorts as a reasonable topic of discussion. Although viewed as a ”food of last resort” by the committee, the fry dipping sauce conundrum brought about an argument amongst the members that resulted in the drawing of pistols and sabers. Sadly, lives and limbs were lost. Damn the Sauce. Good men and women were lost over this worthless argument. Just dip as you please.

Back to your regularly scheduled history lesson.
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Old 08-31-2012, 20:02   #472
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There also raged a heated debate amongst the Overlords concerning the drawing of pistols and sabers. One influential group insisted that sabers first, then pistols. Another, more dissident crowd argued that pistols and sabers should be used in an interleaved fashion: slash, shoot, slash, shoot.

However, the older, wiser members noted that regardless of the sequence of arms, the sabers and pistols should be sorted by size, smallest weapon first and ascending in dimension to the largest weapon.

These senior counselors related their logic to one Arthur C. Clarke and stressed the importance of the policy, however, to the detriment of Earth and her denizens, the publishers cut it out of the subsequent book.
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Old 08-31-2012, 20:40   #473
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Regarding sabers and pistols. Both can be drawn simultaneously and with vigor.
Sorting was brought about by government regulation and that’s why we have ketchup.
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Old 09-01-2012, 23:33   #474
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Mark Twain's great-granddaughter is Shania Twain.
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Old 09-01-2012, 23:36   #475
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Justin Bieber will play Superman in the next Superman movie
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:57   #476
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Justin Bieber will play Superman in the next Superman movie
itisbruno will play Lois Lane.
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Old 09-02-2012, 03:45   #477
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Early German research into the occult resulted in Adolf Hitler being possessed by a demon.

Years later, on April 30, 1945, Adolf Hitler regained control of his body and decided to end the reign of his possessor with a prototype gun taken from the Austrians.

Glock has since become the weapon of choice for demon hunters.
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Old 09-02-2012, 04:40   #478
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samurairabbi View Post
Listen up, numnutz! Get your cover story consistent, and keep it that way! You foul it up, you make life difficult for ALL of us!
Oh yeah, like their going to figure out I had an FOP and was radioing you the coordinates. No way!

BTW- Speaking of which, you know missed by about a half mile.
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
"Nothing we're gonna do is going to fundamentally alter or eliminate the possibility of another mass shooting or guarantee that [our gun ban legislation] will bring gun deaths down..." - VPOTUS Joe Biden
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."
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Old 09-02-2012, 04:54   #479
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Due to a microphone being left on, tom hanks, the director currently slated to oversee the new superman movie starring justin beiber, could be overheard denigrating one of the actors' bit parts in the film. The following is a transcript of what mr. hanks was caught saying.
"Who is this samamurirabbiT guy?!? I told him he has got the part! The contracts are signed! -unintelligible- It's his role guaranteed! Yet he keeps insisting that he's ready, willing, and available for any casting couch auditions I may desire. What's up with that?!?!?"
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
"Nothing we're gonna do is going to fundamentally alter or eliminate the possibility of another mass shooting or guarantee that [our gun ban legislation] will bring gun deaths down..." - VPOTUS Joe Biden
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."

Last edited by Peace Warrior; 09-02-2012 at 05:32..
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Old 09-02-2012, 05:52   #480
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barry soetoro, the current dictator in chief of 'Merica, has today signed executive orders declaring war. The war powers act, or something very much like it, gives the POTUS exclusive authority to commit troops and resources for up to 90 days without intervention from Congress.

A white house press corp staff member, during a press release this morning, stated,
"The president has finally decided to declare a war on calibers, or was it a caliber war, ummm... I can't find my briefing notes just now. Well, one things for sure, this war will be settled once and for all!

Oh, and before anyone asks, no, this is not election year rhetoric or saber rattling from the white house. This is war!"
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
"Nothing we're gonna do is going to fundamentally alter or eliminate the possibility of another mass shooting or guarantee that [our gun ban legislation] will bring gun deaths down..." - VPOTUS Joe Biden
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."

Last edited by Peace Warrior; 09-02-2012 at 05:54..
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