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Old 06-22-2012, 17:12   #321
samurairabbi
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The classic limerick beginning phrase, "There once was a man from Nantucket ..." is a fable. There is no Nantucket and if there were a Nantucket, there is no man there.

The origin of this phrase has been reliably traced to a gathering for cats sitting around a campfire pondering how to bedivil the human race and keep the hairy bipeds from discovering both fire and Nantucket.
The woman from Madras, the man from Kent, and the woman from Norway were lines that were rejected by the feline gathering, who believed these lines to be insufficiently distracting to humanoid bipeds to accomplish their nefarious purposes.
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Old 06-22-2012, 17:34   #322
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Not far from Winslow Arizona, someone had a 10mm kaboom while shooting in the desert. This was the result.


The Okie Corral
Wow, look at that. It landed right on that road.
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Old 06-22-2012, 17:44   #323
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Pluto has not been demoted from a planet to a planetoid. It is a cleverly-disguised plot by the felines to distract the hairy biped's attention from a celestial body made entirely of Legos.

Clyde Tombaugh never existed. His history is a fiction concocted by several African lions.
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Old 06-22-2012, 18:32   #324
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Damn lions!
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Old 06-22-2012, 18:40   #325
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Most of the trials and trevails of the hairy bipeds can be traced to the puckish machinations of the damned lions. The propoganda film Born Free and the subsequent public relations campaign by Panthera felidae are the origin of hippie socialists.

They are not only clever and devious, they smell bad as well.
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Old 06-22-2012, 18:53   #326
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And they eat their young! See? Smoking weed through an apple is baaaaaad news.
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Old 06-22-2012, 19:00   #327
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Were it not for the ever-vigilant sheep, the lions could never be thwarted in their Machiavellian plan to render the hairy bipeds into a mass of stupid oafs that cannot properly pronounce Porsche.

Go, sheep, go.
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Old 06-22-2012, 20:25   #328
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Ahahaha taking on another thread. Time to GTDS this mofo. And as for a historical fact.... I'll think of something.


-J
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Old 06-22-2012, 20:28   #329
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The illuminati is actually staffed by John Wayne Ronald Reagan Clint Eastwood hickok45 tommy lee jones Harrison ford chuck Norris Bruce lee concretefuzzynuts dale Earnhardt angryfist Van Halen Nicko Lincoln browning gaston glock metallica Jas104, and a couple other dudes.


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Old 06-22-2012, 20:34   #330
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The illuminati is actually staffed by John Wayne Ronald Reagan Clint Eastwood hickok45 tommy lee jones Harrison ford chuck Norris Bruce lee concretefuzzynuts dale Earnhardt angryfist Van Halen Nicko Lincoln browning gaston glock metallica Jas104, and a couple other dudes.
... and they did their banking at AIG!
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Old 06-22-2012, 20:38   #331
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... and they did their banking at AIG!
Meer folklore sir... It was actually a fabled credit union. And they all owned stock in Enron.


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Old 06-22-2012, 20:43   #332
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The illuminati is actually staffed by John Wayne Ronald Reagan Clint Eastwood hickok45 tommy lee jones Harrison ford chuck Norris Bruce lee concretefuzzynuts dale Earnhardt angryfist Van Halen Nicko Lincoln browning gaston glock metallica Jas104, and a couple other dudes.


-J

i want to know more about this "Trilateral" commission. They are the ones behind all these 'Tri-tip" steaks I keep seeing at the meat market. Where the heck did that idea come from? 25 years ago I never saw anything called a "tri-tip" steak. It's gotta be some kind of a plot because I had never heard of anything like that coming off of a cow.
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Old 06-22-2012, 21:15   #333
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i want to know more about this "Trilateral" commission. They are the ones behind all these 'Tri-tip" steaks I keep seeing at the meat market. Where the heck did that idea come from? 25 years ago I never saw anything called a "tri-tip" steak. It's gotta be some kind of a plot because I had never heard of anything like that coming off of a cow.
I offer you a warning: If I told you the full story about the Trilateral Commission machinations, I would then have to bore you to death.
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Old 06-22-2012, 21:20   #334
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I offer you a warning: If I told you the full story about the Trilateral Commission machinations, I would then have to bore you to death.

"I could tell you...but then I'd have to bore you"

got it. Warning heeded.
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Old 06-22-2012, 21:27   #335
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We shouldn't speak about the... "special" bovine.


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Old 06-22-2012, 21:33   #336
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Were it not for the ever-vigilant sheep, the lions could never be thwarted in their Machiavellian plan to render the hairy bipeds into a mass of stupid oafs that cannot properly pronounce Porsche.

Go, sheep, go.
Though their vigilance was noble and just, they couldn't penetrate the sphere of indifference enshrouding the common man.

"Porshhhhh", be their last, cursed, dying word as they, also entrenched in their ways, live to a ripe old age of no regret.

However, many a blasphemer did end up surviving the siege and the battle still wages.

Alas, to this day, there will be no gasp at the end of their last dying word.

.
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Old 06-23-2012, 07:25   #337
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The D*mned Lions' first attempt at time travel, in which they utilized a Porshe instead of a DeLoean, ended in complete disaster with several of their number being permanently removed from existence. Initially all went well with the attempt, but when one of the lions improperly pronounced the word Porsche, anti-matter vortexes formed around the vehicle, which then caused a -1.21^3 jiggawatt rift that began to bend time itself.


In fact, were it not for the heroic efforts of both Paul53 and samurairabbi, the latter being a time traveling rabbit hailing from Japan whom has made a hobby of changing the future's past and flaming Frenchmen on the internet, the entire space-time continuum, as it shall be known to history's future, would have been so diametrically altered as to allow the common-rabble of the 32 dimension, or what some refer to as the inculte bourgeois 32nd, to peruse the realm of the much coveted and sought after 35th dimension.

Deeply saddened they were unable to retrieve the lost D*mned Lions from a non-existence, Paul53 and samurairabbi decided not to participate in any time travels today; however, they were overheard discussing a plan to continue their time traveling efforts beginning yesterday.
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Old 06-23-2012, 08:32   #338
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Poorrrrsch... meh.

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Old 06-23-2012, 10:52   #339
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The D*mned Lions' first attempt at time travel, in which they utilized a Porshe instead of a DeLoean, ended in complete disaster with several of their number being permanently removed from existence. Initially all went well with the attempt, but when one of the lions improperly pronounced the word Porsche, anti-matter vortexes formed around the vehicle, which then caused a -1.21^3 jiggawatt rift that began to bend time itself.


In fact, were it not for the heroic efforts of both Paul53 and samurairabbi, the latter being a time traveling rabbit hailing from Japan whom has made a hobby of changing the future's past and flaming Frenchmen on the internet, the entire space-time continuum, as it shall be known to history's future, would have been so diametrically altered as to allow the common-rabble of the 32 dimension, or what some refer to as the inculte bourgeois 32nd, to peruse the realm of the much coveted and sought after 35th dimension.

Deeply saddened they were unable to retrieve the lost D*mned Lions from a non-existence, Paul53 and samurairabbi decided not to participate in any time travels today; however, they were overheard discussing a plan to continue their time traveling efforts beginning yesterday.
This story has been making the rounds of the Trilateral Commission for over a century, but whenever they try to raise an alarum, folk get bored and fall asleep before they can finish.

Trilateral is an intentional misspelling perpetrated by a devious, time- and dimension-traveling rabbit. This odious denizen of the 35th dimension happened upon a small group of wombta counters in Australia in 1835. The sharp-eyed professionals noticed the odd rabbit just before it vanished. One queried his mate, "Did you see that? Where did that odd rabbit go? Medial, you think?" His companion, after a moment of ponderment, suggest, "He's not up the middle. Try lateral."
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Old 06-23-2012, 13:35   #340
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Child Molester Sentenced To Community Service

In a surprise move, the judge sentenced convicted child molester Jerry Sandusky to a lifetime of community service. Sandusky will serve the sentence as a counselor at Pennsylvania's newest boy scout camp which is located on the former campus of the now defunct Penn State University.
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