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Old 06-26-2012, 19:38   #376
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Formally charged with the bombing of 13 Italian Ice refreshment stands on the Seaside Heights, New Jersey boardwalk between 1972 and 1982, Ken Roget Canoodle, Jr, is now being held without bond in an undisclosed federal prison. Though no one was injured by these bombings over a period of ten years, the businesses themselves were destroyed, with some having to be rebuilt.

In an exclusive interview, K. R. Canoodle Jr. spoke openly about his insatiable hatred towards anyone who would enslave, deface, or attack ice of any form in nature. When asked if icebergs would be included in his personal panorama of what should be protected as an ice species, he stated firmly, "You ******* kidding me?!? Are you ******* kidding me?!?!!? Icebergs are at the top of the list for protection! Have you ever heard of a glacier calving? Well, have you?!? Icebergs are the young, precious calves of glaciers! Some in this world hate the killing of baby seals. Well, I hate the people that kill baby iceberg calves!"

When asked if he is protective of the ice that forms in the freezers located in or near the more humid climates, Mr. K. R. Canoodle Jr. simply stated, "Now you're just being a jack*ss. Everyone knows that that stuff is not REAL ice."
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Old 06-26-2012, 19:46   #377
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Quote:
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A week after the purported sinking incident, a hue and cry of, "Ban assault steamships!" was heard far and wide. Though never proven, it is likely true that a dimension-hopping rabbit was the cataylst for the protest movement.

Within two months of the demand for a comprehensive assault-passenger liner ban, the Attorney General, Ken Roget Canoodle, III, announced that he would allow some steamships out of port so that his ever-vigilant agents could track them. He dubbed the program, "Avast and Curious." However, history records that once the suspect vessels were twenty-six feet from the dock, the agents lost track of them. Even stranger, the Attorney General vanished and no one could remember that the mysterious Canoodle ever existed.
Fixed it for ya!
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Old 06-26-2012, 20:04   #378
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Thank you.
I appreciate it and apologize for my poor scholarship.

Little known fact: in the 35th dimension, the leader of a race of dimension-hopping samurai rabbits is called, "The Grand Exalted Canoodle."

Coincidence?
I think not.
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Old 06-26-2012, 20:19   #379
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Thank you.
I appreciate it and apologize for my poor scholarship.

Little known fact: in the 35th dimension, the leader of a race of dimension-hopping samurai rabbits is called, "The Grand Exalted Canoodle."

Coincidence?
I think not.
Actually, the GEC position in the 35th dimension is only a figurehead, established for tax dodge purposes.

Also, Peace Warrior's statement that Roget-Canoodle Jr. is held in extended Federal confinement is true, but it is true because of a hang-up in the evidentiary process. Because of the extended time needed to prepare a case, by the time the calved icebergs are called for witness testimony, they have all melted!
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Old 06-26-2012, 20:31   #380
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... tax dodge purposes.
So you're saying that the conveyance of choice in that demented dimension is a Durango or a Charger?

This just in. Two time-hopping kangaroos attempted to bounce into the same space-time seam at the same time.
Better luck next time.
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Old 06-26-2012, 20:37   #381
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So you're saying that the conveyance of choice in that demented dimension is a Durango or a Charger?
Hey, 35th-dimension friends don't let friends drive Fords!
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Old 06-26-2012, 20:57   #382
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... "The Grand Exalted Canoodle."

Coincidence?
I think not.
I honestly don't know, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it!
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Old 06-26-2012, 21:29   #383
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You guys have been reading too much Heinlein...or not enough...I'm not sure which

And in other news the desktop mouse is succeeded by the desert rat. When asked about the change manufacturer's only comment was 'it's a very dry year'
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Old 06-27-2012, 07:24   #384
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Did that Irish Utahman just accuse of being able to read?

Shun him! Bombard him with time-hopping kangaroos! He is obviously an agitator sent by the Grand Exalted Canoodle!


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Old 06-27-2012, 09:13   #385
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Time hopping kangaroos?

Don't you think that may be a little excessive? For God's sake Tous all he did was say you can't read good.

Please, for pete's sake think of the CHILDREN.
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Old 06-27-2012, 10:08   #386
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Did that Irish Utahman just accuse of being able to read?

Shun him! Bombard him with time-hopping kangaroos! He is obviously an agitator sent by the Grand Exalted Canoodle!


It is possible that UtahIrishWhatever is simply a poor typist. He may not be accusing you of being able to READ; he might have been accusing you of being A RED!
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Old 06-27-2012, 12:13   #387
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I am of Finnish heritage. We have no color other than pale white.


No children were harmed by the time-hopping kangaroos justly unleashed on Irishman, Utah. However, an Almond Joy candy bar was inadvertently destroyed. Sometimes you feel like a nut.
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Old 06-27-2012, 15:18   #388
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An old dance of the late 50's, which was known as "the grand exalted canoodle," replaced both the mashed potato and hop as the most popular dance of the period; unfortunately, no bands or singers at the time were able to find lyrics to rhyme with the name, ""the grand exalted canoodle," and henceforth were unable to create a novelty song to go along with the new dance. Without the support of a song, the dance itself only stayed popular for about a week and a half. The dance, "the mashed potato," rose back up to the number dance craze in the nation shortly thereafter.
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Old 06-27-2012, 18:16   #389
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Beginning in 1876, Australia began counting dancing wombats as a separate category. Wombats observed dancing the The Grand Exalted Canoodle were not tallied, but captured and immediately turned over to the nearest time-hopping kangaroo for transport to the year 1984.

The Australians, ever sage, anticipated that wombats that could dance the Grand Exalted Canoodle would be worth their weight in gold and perhaps would have an outside chance of winning American Idol. Over the years, the Australians kept careful track of the dancing wombats, passing the information down through the generations until 1984 when the ancestors of the forward-looking Australians would collect the dancing wombats, cash in, and have enough money to get their toilet water to swirl in the proper direction.

It came to naught, however. No one in 1984 and ever since has had the slightest interest in wombats that can dance the Great Exalted Canoodle. Toilet water continues to swirl in the wrong direction and Australian motorists continue to drive on the incorrect side of roads.

When reached from comment, Ken Roget Canoodle, IV opined, "We thought it was a no-miss winner. Who knew that people in 1984 would have no taste. By the way, Since my great grandfather never existed, neither do I."
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Old 06-27-2012, 20:15   #390
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tous View Post
Did that Irish Utahman just accuse of being able to read?

Shun him! Bombard him with time-hopping kangaroos! He is obviously an agitator sent by the Grand Exalted Canoodle!


Quote:
Originally Posted by JAS104 View Post
Time hopping kangaroos?

Don't you think that may be a little excessive? For God's sake Tous all he did was say you can't read good.

Please, for pete's sake think of the CHILDREN.
Quote:
Originally Posted by samurairabbi View Post
It is possible that UtahIrishWhatever is simply a poor typist. He may not be accusing you of being able to READ; he might have been accusing you of being A RED!
Quote:
Originally Posted by tous View Post
I am of Finnish heritage. We have no color other than pale white.


No children were harmed by the time-hopping kangaroos justly unleashed on Irishman, Utah. However, an Almond Joy candy bar was inadvertently destroyed. Sometimes you feel like a nut.

I think I've just been transdentalized (flosses teeth while dodging kangaroos)
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Old 06-27-2012, 20:29   #391
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I think I've just been transdentalized (flosses teeth while dodging kangaroos)
BEFORE, you were just a guy posting to a thread. NOW, you are the focus of an insurrection! You have given direction to a revolution!

My advice: find a good agent. This could be a one helluva financial move if you work it right.
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Old 06-27-2012, 20:40   #392
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BEFORE, you were just a guy posting to a thread. NOW, you are the focus of an insurrection! You have given direction to a revolution!

My advice: find a good agent. This could be a one helluva financial move if you work it right.
Ponders the meaning of life... wondering if kangaroos will settle for a 10 year old pack of cigarettes and a stale beer. But they sure can dance.


Agent search is on
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Old 06-27-2012, 20:40   #393
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BEFORE, you were just a guy posting to a thread. NOW, you are the focus of an insurrection! You have given direction to a revolution!

My advice: find a good agent. This could be a one helluva financial move if you work it right.
He's going to have to learn to dodge the kangaroos first. Can't be on the cover of Time if he has kangaroo induced black eyes.


-J
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Old 06-27-2012, 20:42   #394
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He's going to have to learn to dodge the kangaroos first. Can't be on the cover of Time if he has kangaroo induced black eyes.


-J
The Okie Corral
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Old 06-28-2012, 15:08   #395
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It's an obvious conspiracy, we know who the varlets are, we know where they come from, we know what they want.

The ever-vigilant kangaroos, wombats and sheep shall thwart it!
The dimension-hopping rabbits shall not prevail!

I need a nap!
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Old 06-28-2012, 15:13   #396
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It's an obvious conspiracy, we know who the varlets are, we know where they come from, we know what they want.

The ever-vigilant kangaroos, wombats and sheep shall thwart it!
The dimension-hopping rabbits shall not prevail!

I need a nap!
How about if we dimension-hopping rabbits cut you in for a healthy percentage of the take?

Enjoy your nap; the kangaroos, wombats, and sheep can wait.
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Old 06-29-2012, 00:46   #397
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The term "viral," so popularized on the internet during the early 2000's, was derived from a rare phenomenon of internet users contracting a certain virus simply from signing on and posting to the internet at the same time as the carrier was on the net.

The progenitor of the disease, a certain French, Finnish guy who claimed a domicile in Plano, Texas, had something so bad that the term, "Ajax won't get rid of it" would just not suffice. Due to the virus' virulent nature, in that it could be contracted simply by touching a keyboard while posting to internet threads at the same time as the French Finnish guy, the phrases, "it's viral," or, "it went viral" were invented by a person in Japan.

This same person in Japan, with the help from a dimension hopping rabbit, invented both a wireless keyboard and a wireless mouse in order to interrupt the spread of the infection. Luckily, the French, Finnish guy who claimed a domicile in Plano, Texas, finally went to sleep one day and this allowed the vast majority of the world's population to procure wireless devices for their computers.

In a related note, Mac laptop users had to pay on average, $1,000 more for each wireless device and hotel stay during the peak of the viral, outbreak epidemic.
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Old 06-29-2012, 00:51   #398
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Although an oxymoron, there actually are Utah Irishmen.
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"Nothing we're gonna do is going to fundamentally alter or eliminate the possibility of another mass shooting or guarantee that [our gun ban legislation] will bring gun deaths down..." - VPOTUS Joe Biden
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"You gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?" - Josey Wales

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Old 06-29-2012, 01:31   #399
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Billy the Kid, an infamous 19th century gunman and outlaw, after he and his gang stopped and attempted to rob a 20 car train traveling on the transcontinental railroad, became enraged when his cohorts advised that they had only been able to find myriad cans of smoked oysters being hauled to the folks in the middle portion of the Country.

"The Kid," as his cohorts referred to him, advised, "Hey, I'll tell ya what, get everyone of them d*mn crackers and bottles of mustard out here now! Let's just see how long them middle portion of the Country SOB's like eating oysters without 'em!"
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"Nothing we're gonna do is going to fundamentally alter or eliminate the possibility of another mass shooting or guarantee that [our gun ban legislation] will bring gun deaths down..." - VPOTUS Joe Biden
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"You gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?" - Josey Wales

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Old 06-29-2012, 01:42   #400
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Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's founder and CEO, has decided to buy the Earth itself.

He advised his selling of the Facebook stock, especially when considering all the profit garnered the first day of the offered Facebook IPO, made him so much money he just wanted to start buying stuff, and the Earth was simply a logical choice due to all the money he made.

Mr. Zuckerberg advises he will give everyone a three day notice to evacuate the planet before he starts evicting the Earth's tenants.
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