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Old 11-13-2009, 18:32   #1261
Lone_Wolfe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Geeorge View Post
Back to the top for the Lady
Hiya Sweetie.

Give my Siamesees a scatch for me would ya? I was just writing up a longer post for in here.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-13-2009, 18:39   #1262
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Old 11-13-2009, 18:46   #1263
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Old 11-13-2009, 18:47   #1264
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Hey, at least you know they'll be loved. They are so beautiful!



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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-13-2009, 18:48   #1265
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Old 11-13-2009, 19:16   #1266
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Hiya Zonny, did you get the message I sent you a few days ago?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
I'm glad to hear you are finally getting at least a little sleep. Remember not to push things aside for long. You know how much problem that can cause.

I had not given this any thought but there are people who love her and some of us do in spite of knowing her.: rofl:

Just kidding Wolfe. You know I love you like a sister.
Hey let me shove it aside at least for a little while. This is the first time in a long time I'm starting to not wish I'd died before the medic could get to me.

About that second comment....... Do I need to send some big tough GT'ers over there to rough you up?




Quote:
Originally Posted by Randolph da man View Post
young lady.
we dont know each other but reading all those post, Id say you're one of the most beloved people on the internet :D

God Bless you, and keep fighting the good fight !
You're winning !
Thank you and God Bless you too! I'd never thought of it in that way either, but there are a lot of angels that come in here and talk to me.

I'm not sure if I'm winning the fight yet, but I think I will eventually. Thanks for stopping by, Randolph


Quote:
Originally Posted by RottnJP View Post
You're still selling yourself short, honey...

I said "inter-dependent" not "dependent" for a reason...

Even if you ended up on your back unconscious, you don't make it through your experiences without something in your pre-sentient lizard-brain somewhere saying, "No, G-dammit! Not today, not this way!" Trust me, once I lost enough blood I was on my back on a gurney too. But at some level, something has to say, "I will not quit today." And it's not just the initial event I'm talking about in terms of "making it through." It's the whole journey... And every day, something has said to you, "Today is not the day I will quit. Maybe tomorrow, but not today..." And maybe some days you weren't strong enough, and fortunately you were strapped down. No matter- It all happened the way it needed to for you, and you did your part. And it's something, a set of lessons, experiences, whatever- that can take a long time to make sense of... For me, bits and pieces gelled here and there over time, and new things still do gel from time to time, almost two decades later. And you'll get to a point when you say- "Holy crap! I slept all night!" and then, "Wow, that was two nights in a row!" And believe it or not, you'll find yourself one day saying, "Damn, when was the last time I had a nightmare?" And the most ****ed up part of *that* will be that quick pang of loss- Wondering if you have lost something of yourself because something that you got so used to for so long has finally slipped away, quietly, and you took a week to notice it was gone... But it's all been up to you, to keep that fight going. How many cops, how many soldiers, have been good people, strong people, but weren't strong enough to recognize when they needed help, or the kind of help they needed, and weren't strong enough on a particular day... And the fight ends.

But you are turning the corner because of the sum-total of the choices you have made, the little battles you have won every step of the way... How could that not be empowering for you?? I said it before and I'll say it again- You hold your head up, because you have earned it. Your survival was partly dependent on other people and their machines- You have to be o.k. with that loss of self-sufficiency. But it was *not* due to those external things alone... *You* had to reach out, *you* had to hold on, and *you* had to reach out again when your grip was weak... Whether your literal grip in the dream, or your figurative grip in real life...
OK, then maybe I do have a pea-sized pre-sentient lizard brain, because there’s part of this I still can’t get my mind around. If part of me was saying "No, G-dammit! Not today, not this way!", then why did the medic have to in his words “mash my damn chest for 4 hours”? To me that means I had given up and at that point was completely dependent on him and later the doctors that had to do the same thing. To my way of thinking it was only after my heart quit stopping that something kicked in and I started fighting to live. I can understand how after that point how I could be considered to have fought hard, because I was told I wasn’t “out of the woods” for about 4-5 days. And this right here is what smacked me upside the head after crying for 2 weeks. That complete dependence on others just to stay on the face of the earth.

Now the journey from that point on, I understand what you’re saying, I have to be the one who says “No, I’m not going to let them bastards win, I’m not giving up today”. So many times I’ve come close, many more times I’ve wanted to, and I think there’s been a few times when God intervened either directly or through another person. The result of all that is that I’m still here, still fighting, and finally starting to want to win this battle for reasons other than the fact that I owe it to all of who have been here pulling for me or for the folks who worked hard to save me.

OK, empowerment for battling back from the drug-induced problems that could have easily had the same deadly result that the initial injury almost had… I can see that, although I definitely have needed every bit of help that I’ve gotten. And will continue to need the help and support I’m getting to deal with the rest of the crap in my head. Miss the nightmares? I can’t imagine such a thing, but I’ve been wrong so many times before, why not now? I laid down earlier and got an hour’s sleep before waking from one. I’d have rather gotten 3 hours, but I’ll try again shortly. The doc gave me some stout pain meds because of the weather that are starting to kick in again, so I’m about to get kinda loopy….
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-13-2009, 21:49   #1267
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Here's a pretty orchid for you, sweetie pie. And, some gentle hugs.
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Old 11-13-2009, 22:05   #1268
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post

Got your PM, yes I’d like to hear those stories. And back.
And I agree about the prayer.
I've met two Vietnam veterans that have a lot in common with you. They both served in combat when they were young soldiers. I met them years later, back in "the world".

One was named "Daniel". The man had some serious scars. The North Vietnamese had over-run the firebase he was defending. When the Americans came back, they were collecting up the dead soldiers. Daniel said "I must have moaned or something". Woke up in the hospital.

The other was "Bill" He was a young soldier when his helicopter was shot down. Crashed in a field. Bill was the only survivor and he struggled to keep the Vietnamese from killing him. It took hours for help to arrive. He said he was really scared when he looked up over the berm and the machine gun bullets that hit the ground in front of his face flung mud into his eyes. He was rescued. A sole survivor.

Both of these soldiers had a whole different outlook on life after their experiences. They went on to have families and careers. Bill became an engineering manager - I met him on multiple assignments. High dollar stuff. When young engineers worried about schedules, or paying the bills at home, or the wife upset about something, Bill would try to explain the relevance. "Hey, nobody is trying to kill you, are they?"

I knew Bill would occasionally have trouble sleeping. He would leave our hotel, just walk downtown and talk to whoever he found out late. He would just talk to strangers. They were up late. He was up late. "What's your story?" We'd hear about who he talked to the next morning over the buffet breakfast. I'd express some concern about bumping into a crack head and he's just dismiss it. He just wasn't worried about it.


All of this showed some meaning to the level of danger and near death these people experienced. It fundamentally changed them, their priorities, their outlook on life. Those changes were clearly evident decades later. Life was not the same for these soldiers. It left scars both inside and out. But they also had a level of wisdom and experience about what is truly important in life. And I was grateful that they shared those lessons.
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Old 11-14-2009, 02:05   #1269
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Quote:
Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
I've met two Vietnam veterans that have a lot in common with you. They both served in combat when they were young soldiers. I met them years later, back in "the world". ...............
I like Bill’s answer. It reminds me of what you told your secretary was a bad day at work a few months ago when she lost her spreadsheet. Except she probably wasn’t in a receptive mood for that…
He had an interesting way of dealing with the insomnia. I’ve never been one to talk to strangers, and these days I shy away even more. But hearing their stories really would give some different perspectives to go along with his own. How did Daniel handle things when he got back to the States? Did he have the positive perspective that Bill did? I would be grateful for their lessons too, and I thank you for sharing.

Hope I’m making sense. Doc gave me some hi=power pain meds because of the rain and I’m seeing things that don’t exist….. or do they?…….


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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 11-14-2009, 06:36   #1270
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
...

If part of me was saying "No, G-dammit! Not today, not this way!", then why did the medic have to in his words “mash my damn chest for 4 hours”? To me that means I had given up and at that point was completely dependent on him and later the doctors that had to do the same thing. To my way of thinking it was only after my heart quit stopping that something kicked in and I started fighting to live.

...
Nobody mashes a chest for four hours straight without some kind of a sign that the mashee is responding somehow. In other words, you were fighting then, you just needed a lot of help - which he gave you - as did the doctors and nurses later. While your body might have had problems, you mind was still in the battle, or he'd have quit.

And what makes you such a superwoman that you're not allowed the normal human reactions to what has happened to you? Everybody feels like curling up in a ball and giving up when bad things happen. Some even do for a short time, then get back in the fight.

Winners are not those who never loose. Winners are those who keep getting up after being knocked down. Winners even think to themselves, "If I just lay here, this'll be over." Then they get up.

The negative thoughts and temptations are a normal reaction to what you have gone through. The questions are normal.

You remind me of something that happened with my daughter when she was younger. She wanted a cat, and me, being a dog person, didn't want anything to do with a cat in the house. So I told her she could get a cat if she earned enough money to get it spayed and declawed. That said, dad goes off to work confident that he has solved the problem without saying "no."

So my daughter goes out hunting jobs - raking leaves, whatever, determined to get her cat.

Dad comes home from work a couple of days later and there sits Snowball, declawed, neutered, and making friends with the dogs. A lady my daughter asked for work asked why such a little girl (grown she's 5') was trying to earn money. And gave her a cat that fit the rules dad had laid down. We had her for 13 years.


The point of the story (aside not trying to outthink kids) is that she didn't take the expected route, but she got where she was going anyway. Just the same as you have. You might not have gotten where you are by the "expected" route, but you got there. Accept it, enjoy it and move on from there. As Critias said, you can way overthink the situation.

Hawk

Snowball.
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Old 11-14-2009, 14:51   #1271
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Hey Zonny, there's a fresh Mandy up in Caturday....



Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock26girl View Post
Here's a pretty orchid for you, sweetie pie. And, some gentle hugs.
Now that's a pretty Phal, G26girl!

Here's some pics of a few that I used to have.

Dendrobium Antenatum
Phalenopsis
Orchid
Purple Dendrobuim
Oncidium-Brassia




Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
Prayers won't stop, nor will the :hugs :

But you're the one doing the work here when you open up and let us talk, answer and encourage you. Opening up like you have is very hard, and in doing it you have helped yourself and others.

For that matter, tell the doctor that is now working with you that we owe him a beer for straightening out all the drug mess and getting you to where you could heal.

Love, prayers, and gentle

Hawk
Hawk, I’m going to let your latest post bounce around with the few remaining brain cells I have for now, but I’ve been thinking about this one too.

Sometimes I want to come in here and talk, other times I have to make myself. Of course there are times I just close up and Silent_Runner comes in and calls me out on it….. I find that on the days I make myself in spite of not wanting to I actually end up pouring more out. Maybe that’s because I’m already pushing myself to sit down and write so I just push harder and write more personal or painful stuff. Sometimes it’s very hard to do and when I actually post it I find myself wondering if I really want people to know that about me, but that’s the beauty of a place like this.

I realized a while back that I was losing this battle, that I needed some kind of help. It came as a surprise to me that the help I needed came from people on an internet forum. I know you've heard me say that before. I know just like anyone I can be selfish, although I try not to be. But one thing I can't do is to accept the moral support and help you people have freely given without giving something back. Of course the first thing I can give back is to not give up, to keep fighting, and getting better. The times I haven’t been able to do it for myself then I’ve done it for you all because I owe you that much. And if I was in one of your shoes I'd want to see the progress so I'd think I was doing some good. But several of you have mentioned that we all need something to hope for in a world that doesn’t have much of that. If I can give you all a little bit of hope or happiness then that’s the least I can do after all you’re doing for me. I just hope you have patience because this seems like it’s going to take a while. But I’ll keep coming in here and talking even if it’s just to tell you that managed to refrain from cussing out the E-6 who yelled at me for throwing peanut skins (not shells) on MY deck in front of MY office today….



The “weather prediction” pain has been bad for the past day now, it cooled off quite a bit and we had a rain front come through at the same time. I knew something was up yesterday morning when I woke up at the hospital and before I left the doc handed me a couple pill and said “No Tylenol PM tonight”. I looked at the pills and thought “Oh ****…..” So I saved them until I needed them and sure enough, about the time I started trying to sleep I could feel it coming. So I’ve been a bit trashed all last night and today. This afternoon I had another idea that seemed to help. I took a 32 oz bottle of water and put it in the nuke until it was hot, but not scalding. Then I wrapped it in a towel and help it against my sternum while laying on my back. Think I’ll be doing that more often……



I don’t have to worry about it tonight though, docs going to make up for less than an hour sleep last night……. And BTW, you said we owe him A beer, I’ll buy him all the beer he wants! See you all tomorrow!
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 11-14-2009, 14:59   #1272
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Hey Zonny, there's a fresh Mandy up in Caturday....


I saw that Wonder if you're gonna have to make 'arrangements' with the embassy to bring her home?
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Old 11-14-2009, 22:08   #1273
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A sweet story about being needed...

MAGNOLIAS..........By Edna Ellison

I spent the week before my daughter's June wedding running last-minute trips to the caterer, florist, tuxedo
shop, and the church about forty miles away.

As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I felt laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle . .
So many details, so many bills, and so little time. My son Jack was away at college, but he said he would be there to walk his younger sister down the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before. He teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three years old!
To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large magnolia trees. Their luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the church.
After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, we banked the podium area and choir loft with magnolias. As we left just before midnight, I felt tired but satisfied this would be the best wedding any bride had ever had! The music, the ceremony, the reception - and especially the flowers - would be remembered for years.
The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiance, Tim, walked with me to the sanctuary to do a final check. When we opened the door and felt a rush of hot air, I almost fainted; and then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black. Funeral black.
An electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning system, and on that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died.

I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown, gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding.

Tim turned to me. 'Edna, can you get more flowers? I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh flowers in these arrangements.'
I mumbled, 'Sure,' as he be-bopped down the hall to put on his cuff links.
Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the arched ceiling. 'Lord,' I prayed, 'please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help me find someone willing to give me flowers - in a hurry!' I scurried out praying for four things: the blessing of white magnolias, courage to find them in an unfamiliar yard, safety from any dog that may bite my leg, and a nice person who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut his tree to shreds.
As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance.
I approached a house...No dog in sight. I knocked on the door and an older man answered. So far so good. No shotgun. When I stated my plea the man beamed, 'I'd be happy to!'
He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down to me. Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said, 'Sir, you've made the mother of a bride happy today.'
'No, Ma'am,' he said. 'You don't understand what's happening here.'
'What?' I asked.
'You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday . . . He paused. I saw tears welling up in his eyes. 'On Wednesday I buried her.' He looked away.On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went back home, and on Friday - yesterday - my children left.'
I nodded.
'This morning,' he continued, 'I was sitting in my den crying out loud. I miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried, 'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old wore-out man? Nobody!' I began to cry louder. 'Nobody needs me!' About that time, you knocked, and said, 'Sir, I need you.'
I stood with my mouth open.
He asked, 'Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into my dark living room...'
I assured him I was no angel.
He smiled. 'Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those magnolias?'
'No.'
'I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flower ministry! I could give them to> everyone! Some caskets at the funeral home have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that and I have lots of them. They're all over the backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!'
I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's wedding day, if anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, I would have said, 'Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister to anyone today.'
But God found a way - Through dead flowers.
Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.'
If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing. But, if you have missed knowing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, you have missed everything in the world.
May God's blessings be upon you.
THIS IS SO TRUE, BEING NEEDED IS SO UPLIFTING TO EACH OF US.


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Old 11-15-2009, 00:07   #1274
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
This afternoon I had another idea that seemed to help. I took a 32 oz bottle of water and put it in the nuke until it was hot, but not scalding. Then I wrapped it in a towel and help it against my sternum while laying on my back. Think I’ll be doing that more often……
You need a Bed Buddy - a cotton sock/tube with rope handles at either end, and is filled with rice.

You nuke it and put the tube where it hurts.

I got mine from my parent when they died, and am going to use it in about 5 minutes. My shoulder is killing me this week..... I could have used one of these decades ago.

If you cannot find one quickly, let me know and I'll have Amazon send one to you.

http://www.amazon.com/Bed-Buddy-Mois.../dp/B000IZB2Q8
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Old 11-15-2009, 05:05   #1275
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DustyJacket View Post
You need a Bed Buddy - a cotton sock/tube with rope handles at either end, and is filled with rice.

You nuke it and put the tube where it hurts.

I got mine from my parent when they died, and am going to use it in about 5 minutes. My shoulder is killing me this week..... I could have used one of these decades ago.

If you cannot find one quickly, let me know and I'll have Amazon send one to you.

http://www.amazon.com/Bed-Buddy-Mois.../dp/B000IZB2Q8

I never even thought of something like that until I heated the water bottle because I couldn't stand it anymore. Think I'll order me one of them. In the mean time my doc gave a microwaveable pad to use. He agreed that a heating pad would be a good idea, but I've never seen one that uses 220v.

Sorry to hear your shoulder's giving you fits. What happened to it?
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 11-15-2009, 06:00   #1276
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Sorry to hear your shoulder's giving you fits. What happened to it?
Age...

Probably all the things I did in my youth are starting to pay me back. I am also way out of shape.

Since my primary transportation is 2 wheels, and it is colder out, this has been rather a sore point for the last week. Hoping it will cure itself.
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Old 11-15-2009, 06:06   #1277
23skidoo
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More of those gentle hugs my dear. A neck rub also if you are so inclined. Jeff's ten magic thumbs at your service.
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Old 11-15-2009, 08:24   #1278
Lone_Wolfe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
More of those gentle hugs my dear. A neck rub also if you are so inclined. Jeff's ten magic thumbs at your service.
Dusty, I hope it cures itself too.




Jeff's 10 magic thumbs, eh? Think I'll take you up on that and enjoy every minute of it. But I'm surprised you didn't offer to massage the part of me that hurts.......


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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 11-15-2009, 08:59   #1279
faawrenchbndr
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Hi Sweetie,...... how goes it Lady_Wolfe?

Sorry to hear of your aches and pains. I need a foot rub, had a 8 mile run today.
Half-marathon is next weekend, 13.1 miles,.....

Still need your address, will have something to send ya,....
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Old 11-15-2009, 09:04   #1280
23skidoo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Dusty, I hope it cures itself too.




Jeff's 10 magic thumbs, eh? Think I'll take you up on that and enjoy every minute of it. But I'm surprised you didn't offer to massage the part of me that hurts.......


back

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"We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans to legitimately own handguns and rifles"
William J. Clinton March 1, 1993 10 Ring # 365
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