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Old 11-07-2009, 14:02   #1181
Lone_Wolfe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
I'll say it again, they generally don't give medals to medics for doing their jobs. It would be like giving you a medal for fixing a computer. I think it was a built in attitude to help him from getting torn up inside.

They STILL have to have something to work with. Many people have died that the doctors expected to live, because those people didn't fight. Others didn't die when the doctors expected, because they refused to give up. So you had to depend on man and machines. John Donne said it best: "No man is an island."

Hey, at least you're working on it without SR and the Slugger!

Hawk
I know this doesn't really matter, but I was told he did get a medal for that. Not anything great, but something. And I'm glad he did. But I do think you're right about the attitude.

It just seems his outward indifference (and that of some of the other medical people I've seen) was manifested in that dream.

Quote:
So you had to depend on man and machines. John Donne said it best: "No man is an island."
One of those things I've known all along, but deep down inside I think I didn't believe it applied to me. I've always thought I could handle things by myself. It finally smacked me upside the head that I was so wrong this time.



I really thing you want Silent_Runner to use that bat on me, don't you?

You know I think she would enjoy that......


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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 11-07-2009, 14:12   #1182
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I love cats. Got a website? It may take all week to look at the pics on my slow*** internet connection but it'll be worth it.


No website, as it's just our cat doing dumb things, and some motivational poster worthy pics. I'll get them on PB and shoot a link into this thread later. Take care till then!!!
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Old 11-07-2009, 14:49   #1183
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Nice to see ya chatting Lady_Wolfe,.............

The only thing I will say about the Medic is this,.....
He saved your azz, he is also an azz. It seems he was indeed very
shocked by seeing you had pulled through. The Medics have a very
difficult job, I can see how they need to distance themselves from
their patients. He is doing a job I could never do. He's an azz, but
hw was there for you when you needed him the most.

Dreams,..................
It seems to me that your dream symbolized your struggle to cling
to life. You had those Angels, Doctors, and loved ones pulling for
you. Sometimes, a person just has to cling onto those that are able
and willing to pull you from the brink.

Looks to me like the shell has cracked, the clouds are thinning, and
you have dodged that "golden BB"

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Old 11-07-2009, 15:44   #1184
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I know this doesn't really matter, but I was told he did get a medal for that. Not anything great, but something. And I'm glad he did. But I do think you're right about the attitude. If he got a medal, he did more than he told you.

It just seems his outward indifference (and that of some of the other medical people I've seen) was manifested in that dream. That may be giving you some trouble, but remember what they see almost every day. Men, women, children. These are people dedicated to healing. You either put on a shell or go home in a strait-jacket.



One of those things I've known all along, but deep down inside I think I didn't believe it applied to me. If you keep sounding any more normal, I'm going to have to discharge you. We ALL think that way! I've always thought I could handle things by myself. It finally smacked me upside the head that I was so wrong this time.



I really thing you want Silent_Runner to use that bat on me, don't you? NO WAY. But I'm not afraid of tough love. Besides, when you get back, you might give it to me to keep it out of her reach!

You know I think she would enjoy that...... Well, she did impress me as a sadist, typing through that cat in her avatar!
Love, prayers and : hugs : (5 smilie limit again : steamed : )

Hawk
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Old 11-07-2009, 17:16   #1185
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Quote:
Originally Posted by faawrenchbndr View Post
Nice to see ya chatting Lady_Wolfe,.............

The only thing I will say about the Medic is this,.....
He saved your azz, he is also an azz. It seems he was indeed very
shocked by seeing you had pulled through. The Medics have a very
difficult job, I can see how they need to distance themselves from
their patients. He is doing a job I could never do. He's an azz, but
hw was there for you when you needed him the most.

Dreams,..................
It seems to me that your dream symbolized your struggle to cling
to life. You had those Angels, Doctors, and loved ones pulling for
you. Sometimes, a person just has to cling onto those that are able
and willing to pull you from the brink.

Looks to me like the shell has cracked, the clouds are thinning, and
you have dodged that "golden BB"

Lady_WolfeÖ I like that. Iím still thinking of changing to that. Wonder if you folks would recognize me. And itís nice to be able to chat. Iím glad to see you back too, I missed you.

I can deal with the medic being an ass, if that what it takes to make him able to do what he did for me. Youíre right, he was shocked. I wonít soon forget the look on his face when he recognized me. It sure wiped the annoyed ďWho are you and why are you bothering me?Ē look he had when I first walked up off his face.

Quote:
Dreams,..................
One thing Iíve done many times in my life is analyze or try to analyze dreams, both mine and other peopleís. Itís easy to tell when youíve hit the right interpretation by the personís reaction. Itís like a bell rings that anyone there can see and hear. All day Iíve been reading what everyone wrote and they all seemed so close that I could hear the bell a bit, and there were a couple that I really wanted to be true, but the bell never quite rung. It just did. You summarized what Iíve been thinking and I think you hit the nail on the head.

I had to cling. The whole time I was clinging to life and to them I was unconscious and unaware of what was happening to me, but I guess itís the unconscious mind that holds a personís will to fight and live. I donít really understand that, but hope I will later. I just thought I was trying to die and the medic was dragging me back through his own determination. And then the staff at the hospital doing the same thing. But it makes sense in some way. I was reliant on people and machines and wouldnít be here without them, but had to hang on through my own will.

The Golden BB haunted me, I really wondered if that was my destiny, as you once called me a shining star. I have to look behind me and accept whatís there, then look forward and start the rest of my journey back. I still have a long way to go.
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 11-07-2009, 17:45   #1186
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Yep,.......it will be a long tough journey. But I believe you can make it.
You have the hardest part behind you, now you have to accept what
happened and go on with life.

You can not change what happened. The Fargin Icehole would have
shot someone else if not you. It was just bad timming. However, you
had the will to survive,....and a few people pulling for you.

Like I said before,......you are one of many "shinning stars" in a sky
of uncertainty. You have inspired people, your drive and determination
are very inspiring.

Yes, you have obsticles you must navagate around on the trip to
your "well being" but we don't we all?



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Internet took a crap 52mins after the AT&T tech left,.....
I see cable in the near future.
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Old 11-07-2009, 19:52   #1187
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okie View Post
More kisses for ya LW sweetheart
back at ya, dear

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Originally Posted by BlueMalibu View Post
Just thought of something else that might help.

I used to have this nightmare over and over when I was younger. Actually pretty trivial compared to your situation but bothered me at the time.
.........................

Well, one time I was having this dream and something new happened. I was in the dream and became aware that I was in the dream while dreaming it. My consciousness recognized it. I did not wake up. Instead, realizing I was in the dream, I took all the order tickets...tore them up....and threw them away. I awoke to relief and never had that dream again!

Since that event many many years ago there have been some other conscious dreams and they have all been very meaningful in some way. One of these dreams I had did involve a very spiritual matter that has changed my life for the better.

I researched this phenomenon and it is not all that uncommon.

So maybe this can help you in some way. Might be worth discussing with your docs.

I will say a prayer for you tonight. And yes I do believe it can make a difference. I am glad to hear you also pray for yourself as your prayer will make a bigger difference, IMO.
What youíre talking about is lucid dreaming. Iíve been lucky enough to do that a few times in the past and have tried to do it a lot more. The idea of dream control would be awesome now if I could do it. Iíve had no luck at all with it since the nightmares started, but still try anyway. I think even the times I was aware it was a dream I wasnít able to control it because of the awful fear that the nightmare was causing.

Would you be willing to share you dream of the spiritual matter? In a PM if youíre more comfortable. And I thank you so much for the prayers.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock26girl View Post
Hi LW, you are right. This nightmare sounds a lot different than the others and more hopeful. It actually sounds like your subconscious thinking is more hopeful. It could be taken as kind of like hitting rock bottom and that is where some people need to be to reach out for help.
Or, kind of as you said, that you have accepted that you did almost die and now you can go on with the help of so many people who are reaching out to you. It sounds like you are reaching back to us, to accept our help??? Or, it could have been angels who were reaching down to you. Whatever it was, it just sounds positive to me. You ARE getting better, sweetie.

Just know that you are surrounded by many people who love you and would be there with you, if they could. Have a good night, dear girl.
Something happened this morning as I was waking up at the hospital that seemed like nothing at first but now sticks out in my mind. There was a PA standing over watching close as I woke up to be sure I didnít react like I did 2 days ago. No problems this time, I just layed there calmly like Iím supposed to. The PA says ďGood Morning CAT!Ē I always get pissed and cuss or give the bird or something when I get called that, but this morning without thinking about it I just answered with a grouchy ďMeeeowwĒ. HmmmmmmÖ.
Makes me really believe the message has finally gotten through to me. I sure hope it has, I donít want to go back to the other nightmares, but then Iíd like to be able to sleep sometime tonight. Havenít been able to yet. I definitely needed help, first from the medics and doctors, and still from them and my shrinks, and from you friends here.

I hope I have this dream again and this time it really does mean you and angels reaching to me. The hands wonít seem so indifferent then. And maybe you arenít here physically like I wish you could be, but I can feel you here in spirit.




Quote:
Originally Posted by DustyJacket View Post
Maybe it's a variation of "God helps those that help themselves".

i.e. YOU have to work to get better. It won't be handed to you.


Dustyjacket, I can see that in the dream. God worked through the people that were working on me, but as Silent_Runner said a few weeks ago, I had to give them something to work with. I could have just as easily given up before the medic could even get to me. I couldnít give up then any more than I can give up now.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-07-2009, 22:06   #1188
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Old 11-07-2009, 22:13   #1189
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Hi, Lone_wolfe. Just wondering if you got my PM.
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Old 11-07-2009, 22:24   #1190
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I can't find it now, but within the last few days you said (and I paraphrase), "I don't completely trust" or "don't trust" "my shrink".

This concerns me. Alot. (Aside from being totally concerned about all aspects of your well-being, of course)

Rhetorically speaking, how the hell can a person 'open up' with a psy practitioner they don't trust?
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Old 11-07-2009, 22:43   #1191
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I hope you have a good, nightmare free, sleep tonight and that the nightmares lessen and disappear altogether over time. I've only had a couple of real nightmares in my life and I'm 48. I do notice that when I'm under stress or things aren't going well I either get dreams of huge waves about to hit me or I get dreams of alligators. I've lived in FL almost my whole life and was in large surf as a young child (my best friend's father played NFL football and I remember his taking his boy and me into large surf when we were 7 or 8 and I think accounts for the surf dreams) and I remember going as a child to the Okefenokee swamp and being in a little canoe in black water and seeing alligators so I think that accounts for my alligator dreams. Those dreams aren't good, but they're never really scary. One time I did have an Exorcist demon dream that actually scared me and when I woke up I thought that was one nasty experience.

Anyway, I hope you sleep well tonight and the bad stuff dissipates with time which I'm betting it will. Sleep tight.

.
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Old 11-08-2009, 02:10   #1192
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MB-G26 View Post
I can't find it now, but within the last few days you said (and I paraphrase), "I don't completely trust" or "don't trust" "my shrink".

This concerns me. Alot. (Aside from being totally concerned about all aspects of your well-being, of course)

Rhetorically speaking, how the hell can a person 'open up' with a psy practitioner they don't trust?

It's in here somewhere. I tell her what I have to, but I keep some stuff in reserve. Not the best situation, but I got to work with what I have available.
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 11-08-2009, 04:45   #1193
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Old 11-08-2009, 10:07   #1194
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That said? I know a little bit about being a long shot, and having doctors, duct tape, machines, and a lot of luck keep me alive. I spent the first three whole months of my life on this planet cookin' in an incubator, hooked up to machines. I had heart surgery when I was less than a week old, had tubes down my throat to make my teensie little lungs work, all kinds of stuff. Doctors at Stanford University Hospital -- one of the leaders in the country, maybe even the world, at the time, for the care of preemees -- were telling my mom and dad not to get too attached, not to bother thinking up a name, because my two pound, seven ounce, booty wasn't gonna stick around for real long. Less than a one in a million chance, they said, and suggested my parents not waste the money on trying to keep me alive.
Critias that is a wonderful post. I have probably read your story. And I think you never have to worry about Wolfe ever taking another Ambien or Prozac.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
I'm enough of a friend to encourage SR to hit you up side the head if you need it!

After all, when you care enough to send the VERY BEST, send Silent_Runner.

Hawk
...
Hawk I have known all along that you are a very wise man and you have just given me more proof.

What you are doing for Wolfe is incredible.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I dreamed I was laying on my back in a hole (my grave maybe?) and looking up at people standing all around with their hands outstretched toward me as if trying to pull me out. I got the feeling of indifference, yet determination, if that makes any sense, as I tried to grab any of the hands reaching toward me. I finally caught ahold of one and although the person didnít seem too concerned if I had a good hold they started pulling while I gripped for all I was worth. It was they would do the work if I could just hold on. As they pulled I felt myself keep losing my grip and the hands would be extended back for me to grab onto.

....................

God worked through the people that were working on me, but as Silent_Runner said a few weeks ago, I had to give them something to work with. I could have just as easily given up before the medic could even get to me. I couldnít give up then any more than I can give up now.
Hello everyone. I spoke to Wolfe a little while ago and I think what she said is true. She seems to have finally accepted that she almost died. Of course this would have happened months ago if not for the failed drug therapy but better late than never. She still seems very shaken but now she has hope. Please keep praying but I believe she is finally on the right track.
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I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
Rest in Peace Jeff Abshire-1962-2012-aka 23Skidoo
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Old 11-08-2009, 13:56   #1195
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That said? I know a little bit about being a long shot, and having doctors, duct tape, machines, and a lot of luck keep me alive..............

"My life was in the hand of man and machine," just like you put it. I spent an awful big chunk of my childhood with my mom mentioning that sort of thing, every damned time I got into trouble, disappointed her, made her proud of me, brought home bad grades, brought home good grades, graduated high school, did poorly in college, got my Eagle Rank, learned to drive, tried to figure out what I'd be when I grew up, didn't go to church one Sunday...Over and over again, growing up, she hammered into me that I was special, that I was meant to survive for a reason, that I had some great big wonderful something I was meant to do, that the odds were so stacked against me, that everything had to happen just right for me to survive...

But y'know what? There's gotta be a point, hon, where you stop wondering why and you just roll on.

I gave up a long time ago trying to live up to some divine plan for my one-in-a-million ass. Maybe it was wrong for me to do so, but the simple fact is you can't get a damned thing done if all you do is worry about why you're still here, and wonder about what you're supposed to do about it...and you've got to just live, and do the best you can, and hope that whatever miracle that got you here is okay with you being human.

You're here. You made it! Now the trick is to not overthink it too much, and to just take advantage of still bein' here. We're glad you are! You be glad, too!

Oh, and in related news? Be careful with those sleep meds, dagnabbit. One of my wife's patients had "a bad reaction" to some Ambien last night. The lady was hallucinating, instead of sleeping, because of it. When she was supposed to be zonked out during my wife's overnight shift, she was, instead, wandering the hospital halls naked, peeing all over the place, because she thought she was in her bathroom, on a toilet.

So go easy on that crap, huh? We'd hate to hear about'cha on the news for that sort of thing. : supergrin:
Critias, let me start off by saying that I VERY glad you beat the odds too. And Iím so glad you posted this. Hearing from someone else in the ďborrowed time clubĒ as another person here called it gives you a special perspective. Someday Iíd like to compare notes with you since youíve been in this club all your life and I joined in my late 40ís. I wonder if it gives us different perspectives. The other thing different for me is that most people from home that know me in person donít know Iím in that club. Only my friend who also posts here as Silent_Runner has all the details. Other friends and family donít have any idea the full extent, so I wonít be hearing about it every time I turn around after I get better and go home. If itís OK with you I really would like to talk more after I get used to this.

You really make a lot of sense when you say not to overthink it, but just to take advantage of it. Thatís going to be hard for a while I think, especially since I was made to think about it pretty much all the time to get to where I accepted it. Right now I canít help but think about it a lot. I guess thatís why Iíve posted about it more than some folks like. One thought thatís in my head right now is that even when I get to the point that I donít think of it all the time I still owe it to God and everyone who has prayed for me, all of the people involved in saving me, and even all of you here who have done so much for me to be a person worthy of the miracles that kept me here.



Oh, and Silent_Runner is right, you never have to worry about me taking Ambien or anti-depressants again. Last year at this time if you asked if I was allergic to any medicines I would answer ďNone that I know ofĒ. Now my answer would be ďDo you want them in alphabetical order or grouped by type?Ē Now I only use OTC sleep meds and ONLY when my doc says it's OK with whatever he gives me for pain that day. I messed up and didn't ask if it was OK to take any yesterday because I had been given some stronger pain meds after my breathing tests. When they wore off I was wishing I'd asked....




Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
One of the reasons Crit lived was to pass that wisdom on to you. And someday you'll meet someone who needs the same type of wisdom from someone who has been through the mill you have. As for any other reason, you'll see it when you get there. No sense worrying about it before hand.



If he got a medal, he did more than he told you.

Quote:
It just seems his outward indifference (and that of some of the other medical people I've seen) was manifested in that dream.
That may be giving you some trouble, but remember what they see almost every day. Men, women, children. These are people dedicated to healing. You either put on a shell or go home in a strait-jacket.

If you keep sounding any more normal, I'm going to have to discharge you. We ALL think that way!

Quote:
I really thing you want Silent_Runner to use that bat on me, don't you?
NO WAY. But I'm not afraid of tough love. Besides, when you get back, you might give it to me to keep it out of her reach!

You know I think she would enjoy that...... Well, she did impress me as a sadist, typing through that cat in her avatar!


Hawk
Brown Hawk, Iíve seen Crit on here for quite a while and Iíve come to the opinion of his that he has passed kindness and wisdom on many times over in his life. I just hope I can do as well when I have the chance.

I have a pretty good idea what else the medic had to do Ö. Thereís some graphic details Iíve kept out of here as much as possible.
Iím really not sure if his coldness bothers me or if that was just an identifying mark in the dream. I know I was upset at the time, but I wonder if a lot of that was just shock at the whole situation. The staff at the hospitals Iíve been in donít always come across that way. Most have been nice to me, they like to call me their miracle case (or ďCatĒ) and I think in part because of that they went out of their way to be friendly most of the time. One doctor I had real early on liked to be a bit gruff, but one time I was doped up even more than normal and cussed him out and he seemed to think that was funny and was cool after that. Maybe I was slurring my words so bad he couldnít help but laugh. : rofl:

If you think Iím normal then maybe you need a shrink too.
I doubt taking my bats back from Silent_Runner and giving them to you would do me a whole lot of good. Do you know how many guns that girl owns?!? Ö. And she is a sadist, just ask Zombie Steve. Or course heís a masochist, he wanted her in the OP.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jefs View Post
I hope you have a good, nightmare free, sleep tonight and that the nightmares lessen and disappear altogether over time. I've only had a couple of real nightmares in my life and I'm 48. I do notice that when I'm under stress or things aren't going well I either get dreams of huge waves about to hit me or I get dreams of alligators. I've lived in FL almost my whole life and was in large surf as a young child (my best friend's father played NFL football and I remember his taking his boy and me into large surf when we were 7 or 8 and I think accounts for the surf dreams) and I remember going as a child to the Okefenokee swamp and being in a little canoe in black water and seeing alligators so I think that accounts for my alligator dreams. Those dreams aren't good, but they're never really scary. One time I did have an Exorcist demon dream that actually scared me and when I woke up I thought that was one nasty experience.

Anyway, I hope you sleep well tonight and the bad stuff dissipates with time which I'm betting it will. Sleep tight.

.
Large waves in a dream seem to symbolize the feeling of being overwhelmed. Iíve had them myself a couple times. No alligators, and Iím not sure what they mean. I hope your Exorcist dream never comes back. I didnít get any sleep last night. Iíd start to nod off and then seem to go into some type of nightmare, but it was vague. Not like the ones I was having before. I really have hope that they are about to slack off some.


I know Iíll sleep tonight, itís knock-out night. Later everyone!
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Old 11-08-2009, 20:26   #1196
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
..
If you think Iím normal then maybe you need a shrink too.
...
Of course I need a shrink. I'm a software engineer.

It's just that you need to realize that some of your feelings and attitudes are the same feelings and attitudes of other people who have gone through things the same or similar to what you are experiencing.

Part of the healing process is realizing that other people have gone through the same array of emotions and problems, and that what you are going through is normal for your abnormal situation. (Say that five times fast! )

On the other hand, no one has ever cured a software engineer - because we all know that we are the only sane ones in an insane world. I mean all the computers keep telling us that every day.

Love, prayers and

Hawk
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Old 11-08-2009, 22:14   #1197
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Last edited by Geeorge; 02-05-2010 at 04:11..
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Old 11-09-2009, 02:44   #1198
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More kisses for ya LW sweetheart
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Old 11-09-2009, 02:44   #1199
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Some hugs also
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Old 11-09-2009, 05:34   #1200
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