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Old 11-06-2009, 10:13   #1161
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Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
All the best,

Hawk
...yup, your rank is still tacked on by your unit and any family members at the ceremony that want to join in, and anyone who just happens to be walking by and wants to join in....I was in just in time to have my first two sets of rank on BDUs...you know...the pin on rank on the collar....yeah...that was an experience...

..now the rank is velcro, but the location has moved to right around solar plexus area depending on your size....so I'm not sure the trade off helped any....that being said the CIB, CAB, and CMB are all still pins, not velcro...

...what a ****ing day yesterday...hope all is well in Hadjiland LW...
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Old 11-06-2009, 11:23   #1162
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Originally Posted by deadday View Post
...yup, your rank is still tacked on by your unit and any family members at the ceremony that want to join in, and anyone who just happens to be walking by and wants to join in....I was in just in time to have my first two sets of rank on BDUs...you know...the pin on rank on the collar....yeah...that was an experience...

..now the rank is velcro, but the location has moved to right around solar plexus area depending on your size....so I'm not sure the trade off helped any....that being said the CIB, CAB, and CMB are all still pins, not velcro...

...what a ****ing day yesterday...hope all is well in Hadjiland LW...


Guys, with or without plates on I think "blood stripes" is NOT an option for me. Not that it matters, I won't be up for another promotion. I was gifted my current rank so I could fill this slot. I didn't even get "pinned" then.

Quote:
Quote:
If I take her Louisville Slugger to her she won't wake up from the nightmare at all that night.
What ever it takes to get her through the night!!

Brown Hawk I thought you were my friend!!!
Do you know what she'll do to me?

Quote:
It sounds like they are still pounding the rank insignia when the person gets promoted. At least in the Cav. Used to be the arm until they move the stripes from the arm to the chest.With that in mind I hope Wolfe never gets promoted again since she does not need to be hit by anything in that location again.
Just have her wear the plates in the body armor.

I got to agree with Silent_Runner on that one. Even with plates I'd be on the ground crying. She's a nurse and she's told what a bad idea it would be for anything to hit me there. And for me my insignia sits pretty much over "ground zero"

I've had a strange day, and not just because of what happened at Ft. Hood. The nightmare I had last night was completely different and I've been walking around all day feeling stunned or something. I think I'll post the details of this one because I don't think it'll make folks squeamish like the ones I've been having.

I do wish I had some word on Kyle, but I think he's fine.
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Old 11-06-2009, 14:47   #1163
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Originally Posted by okie View Post
Thank you sweetie. back


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Hi dear ,still waiting patiently for you to come over and pet the cats.

I know you will make it back soon: wavey:

: hugs:

I'd love to meet you and rub the fur off your beautiful kitties.

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Originally Posted by Magnus2131 View Post
Been awhile since I said hello. Was hoping you was sleeping better by now. Guess not. I'm not sleeping well either but for different reasons. Hang in there!
Hi there! I've missed you. What's been keeping you awake? Hope it gets better soon. I'm hanging, my friend.


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Three times woken by nightmares means three times you went to sleep. We can go back in these posts and find when you couldn't get to sleep, when you couldn't get back to sleep after waking up with a nightmare, and now you're getting to sleep three times.

I know you don't think of it that way, but I see that as progress, and pretty good progress as well. : cool:

And Adam officially got his stripes Tuesday. But after the 'pinning' ceremony, he probably would like some of your chest pain meds. : rofl:

Love prayers and gentle : hugs:

Hawk
I wasn't so sure of that being progress because it was Tylenol PM induced, but last night something that just has to be good happened. In recent days Iíve felt a subtle change in the nightmares I was having, nothing I can really describe. Like my analogy of a logjam on a river that just keeps building up until it has to let go, the last several days I felt something ďshiftingĒ, but couldnít really define it. Last night something happened that I hope was a change for the better. I had a completely different nightmare than Iíve never had before.

Up until now Iíve avoided posting details of my nightmares out of respect for someone who might be squeamish, but last nightís dreams donít seem that bad in that sense, although it caused me to wake up crying and unable to get back to sleep.

I dreamed I was laying on my back in a hole (my grave maybe?) and looking up at people standing all around with their hands outstretched toward me as if trying to pull me out. I got the feeling of indifference, yet determination, if that makes any sense, as I tried to grab any of the hands reaching toward me. I finally caught ahold of one and although the person didnít seem too concerned if I had a good hold they started pulling while I gripped for all I was worth. It was they would do the work if I could just hold on. As they pulled I felt myself keep losing my grip and the hands would be extended back for me to grab onto.

I woke up from that crying, shaking, and freaked out. Iím still crying, but more dazed than anything.

Iíve been told over and over that I wasnít accepting the fact that I almost died and Iíve never quite understood that. But when I woke up from the nightmare something that Iíve been aware of but never really thought about smacked me in the face. It struck me that my life was in the hands of man and machine for days. Now I know many of you who share my religious beliefs will want to say that my life was in Godís hands and thatís true. Or that Iím here because Iím a fighter, so many of you here say that. But it was also in the hands of a medic who could have given up and no one would have criticized him. If he hadnít realized the nature of my injuries to include what wasnít visible I wouldnít be here writing this. Had the doctors and staff at the hospital not been determined and as efficient as they were I wouldnít be here. A lot of things had to go right to keep me alive including the life support equipment connected to me to breathe for me for most of a week. Without that I wouldnít be here either.




BTW, should I PM SGT Adam a couple Vicodin pills? lol Please pass on my Congrats!
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Old 11-06-2009, 16:50   #1164
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Hi LW, you are right. This nightmare sounds a lot different than the others and more hopeful. It actually sounds like your subconscious thinking is more hopeful. It could be taken as kind of like hitting rock bottom and that is where some people need to be to reach out for help.
Or, kind of as you said, that you have accepted that you did almost die and now you can go on with the help of so many people who are reaching out to you. It sounds like you are reaching back to us, to accept our help??? Or, it could have been angels who were reaching down to you. Whatever it was, it just sounds positive to me. You ARE getting better, sweetie.

I haven't seen the name Kyle on any list of casualties at Fort Hood. Just know that you are surrounded by many people who love you and would be there with you, if they could. Have a good night, dear girl.
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Old 11-06-2009, 16:54   #1165
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So you like cats? I got tons of great cat pics of our furball.
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Old 11-06-2009, 22:44   #1166
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Old 11-06-2009, 23:20   #1167
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
It struck me that my life was in the hands of man and machine for days. Now I know many of you who share my religious beliefs will want to say that my life was in Godís hands and thatís true. Or that Iím here because Iím a fighter, so many of you here say that. But it was also in the hands of a medic who could have given up and no one would have criticized him. If he hadnít realized the nature of my injuries to include what wasnít visible I wouldnít be here writing this. Had the doctors and staff at the hospital not been determined and as efficient as they were I wouldnít be here. A lot of things had to go right to keep me alive including the life support equipment connected to me to breathe for me for most of a week. Without that I wouldnít be here either.
I've never been shot. Heck, I've never even been shot at, except for an accident or two when I ran an archery range a dozen years ago. The worst violence I've been on the giving or receiving end of, my whole life, is the everyday schoolyard sort of shoving, brawling, and wild swinging. Once, I broke up a couple scrappy little twelve year olds at Scout Camp that were about to knife fight, but that barely counts.

Anyways, my point is, I don't know exactly what you're feeling, of course, since I haven't been exactly there. No one's -- to the best of my knowledge -- ever done their best to kill me, and I've never only just barely survived it, to contemplate why I'm still here and the man next to me isn't.

That said? I know a little bit about being a long shot, and having doctors, duct tape, machines, and a lot of luck keep me alive. I spent the first three whole months of my life on this planet cookin' in an incubator, hooked up to machines. I had heart surgery when I was less than a week old, had tubes down my throat to make my teensie little lungs work, all kinds of stuff. Doctors at Stanford University Hospital -- one of the leaders in the country, maybe even the world, at the time, for the care of preemees -- were telling my mom and dad not to get too attached, not to bother thinking up a name, because my two pound, seven ounce, booty wasn't gonna stick around for real long. Less than a one in a million chance, they said, and suggested my parents not waste the money on trying to keep me alive.

Well, I showed them, huh? Thirty two years and counting, with nothing to show for it but some scars and a few magazine articles that got written about me.

"My life was in the hand of man and machine," just like you put it. I spent an awful big chunk of my childhood with my mom mentioning that sort of thing, every damned time I got into trouble, disappointed her, made her proud of me, brought home bad grades, brought home good grades, graduated high school, did poorly in college, got my Eagle Rank, learned to drive, tried to figure out what I'd be when I grew up, didn't go to church one Sunday...Over and over again, growing up, she hammered into me that I was special, that I was meant to survive for a reason, that I had some great big wonderful something I was meant to do, that the odds were so stacked against me, that everything had to happen just right for me to survive...

But y'know what? There's gotta be a point, hon, where you stop wondering why and you just roll on.

I gave up a long time ago trying to live up to some divine plan for my one-in-a-million ass. Maybe it was wrong for me to do so, but the simple fact is you can't get a damned thing done if all you do is worry about why you're still here, and wonder about what you're supposed to do about it...and you've got to just live, and do the best you can, and hope that whatever miracle that got you here is okay with you being human.

You're here. You made it! Now the trick is to not overthink it too much, and to just take advantage of still bein' here. We're glad you are! You be glad, too!

Oh, and in related news? Be careful with those sleep meds, dagnabbit. One of my wife's patients had "a bad reaction" to some Ambien last night. The lady was hallucinating, instead of sleeping, because of it. When she was supposed to be zonked out during my wife's overnight shift, she was, instead, wandering the hospital halls naked, peeing all over the place, because she thought she was in her bathroom, on a toilet.

So go easy on that crap, huh? We'd hate to hear about'cha on the news for that sort of thing.
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Old 11-06-2009, 23:49   #1168
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Well, it sure makes sense to ME!

Quote:
I dreamed I was laying on my back in a hole (my grave maybe?) and looking up at people standing all around with their hands outstretched toward me as if trying to pull me out. I got the feeling of indifference, yet determination, if that makes any sense, as I tried to grab any of the hands reaching toward me. I finally caught ahold of one and although the person didnít seem too concerned if I had a good hold they started pulling while I gripped for all I was worth. It was they would do the work if I could just hold on. As they pulled I felt myself keep losing my grip and the hands would be extended back for me to grab onto.
Seriously.......... this particular dream/nightmare makes PERFECT sense to me!!

AhHEM. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Huggssss!!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]
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Old 11-07-2009, 02:19   #1169
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So you like cats? I got tons of great cat pics of our furball.
I love cats. Got a website? It may take all week to look at the pics on my slow*** internet connection but it'll be worth it.

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Back to the top for you dear
Hiya sweetie.




I see a couple of you have some different takes on that dream I had.... very interesting. I'm also hoping Brown Hawk and a couple others give thier thoughts. I don't have time to write more now, but I will later.
I do have one piece of good news, though.

KYLE IS OK!!!!!!!!




.
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Old 11-07-2009, 02:43   #1170
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Old 11-07-2009, 05:39   #1171
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post

I wasn't so sure of that being progress because it was Tylenol PM induced, but last night something that just has to be good happened. ... I had a completely different nightmare than Iíve never had before. PM only works if your mind lets it. I know. Didn't work for me at all after Adam was hurt.

... if I had a good hold they started pulling while I gripped for all I was worth. That's us, honey chile!... It struck me that my life was in the hands of man and machine for days. Now I know many of you who share my religious beliefs will want to say that my life was in Godís hands and thatís true. God can't work through people and machines?? Or that Iím here because Iím a fighter, so many of you here say that. But it was also in the hands of a medic who could have given up and no one would have criticized him. If he hadnít realized the nature of my injuries to include what wasnít visible I wouldnít be here writing this. Had the doctors and staff at the hospital not been determined and as efficient as they were I wouldnít be here. A lot of things had to go right to keep me alive including the life support equipment connected to me to breathe for me for most of a week. Without that I wouldnít be here either.


BTW, should I PM SGT Adam a couple Vicodin pills? lol Please pass on my Congrats!
He's a Cav Scout. He'll have to suck it up!

I'll pass on your congrats.

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...
But y'know what? There's gotta be a point, hon, where you stop wondering why and you just roll on. Bingo!

I gave up a long time ago trying to live up to some divine plan for my one-in-a-million ass. Maybe it was wrong for me to do so, but the simple fact is you can't get a damned thing done if all you do is worry about why you're still here, Correct! and wonder about what you're supposed to do about it...and you've got to just live, and do the best you can, and hope that whatever miracle that got you here is okay with you being human.

You're here. You made it! Now the trick is to not overthink it too much, and to just take advantage of still bein' here. We're glad you are! You be glad, too!

...
One of the reasons Crit lived was to pass that wisdom on to you. And someday you'll meet someone who needs the same type of wisdom from someone who has been through the mill you have. As for any other reason, you'll see it when you get there. No sense worrying about it before hand.

Hawk
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Old 11-07-2009, 05:46   #1172
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Brown Hawk I thought you were my friend!!!
Of course I'm your friend.

I'm enough of a friend to encourage SR to hit you up side the head if you need it!

After all, when you care enough to send the VERY BEST, send Silent_Runner.

Hawk

PS Guys in Adam's platoon all know their families are okay. Hope you hear about Kyle soon! ETA Oops! Just noticed your last post. Glad he's okay.
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Old 11-07-2009, 06:04   #1173
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... I'm also hoping Brown Hawk and a couple others give thier thoughts.
...
Well, since you put me on the hot spot . . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by MB-G26 View Post
Seriously.......... this particular dream/nightmare makes PERFECT sense to me!!

AhHEM. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Huggssss!!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]
Thanks, MB. Everyone knows I hate to type too much!

Lots of people pulling for you, but you've got to do your part, and are. Dream shows that, including the indifference, then determination, then grabbing on. Sounds a lot like your trip so far. Slipping ? Your ups and downs.

You might actually get to the point of seeing the progress that the rest of us already see. Different dream is another step.

Love, prayers, and lots of gentle

Hawk
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Old 11-07-2009, 07:24   #1174
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Well, since you put me on the hot spot . . .



Thanks, MB. Lots of people pulling for you, but you've got to do your part, and are. Dream shows that, including the indifference, then determination, then grabbing on.
Quote:
That's us, honey chile!...
Sounds a lot like your trip so far. Slipping ? Your ups and downs.

You might actually get to the point of seeing the progress that the rest of us already see. Different dream is another step.

Love, prayers, and lots of gentle

Hawk
OK, but if that was you then why the indifference that I felt in the hands reaching for me? I know it may not make sense, but I felt indifference and determination at the same time. It's almost like "We don't care if you hold on, but if you do we WILL pull you out of that hole (or grave)". I know that you who talk to me in here don't seem indifferent, quite the opposite in fact.

I agree that different dream is a step, I think it's a big one, especailly if I understand it. Another good thing is when I'm thinking about it I don't feel afraid of what the message might be. That's new too.



I'm glad Adam's unit's families are OK.
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:30   #1175
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...It's almost like "We don't care if you hold on, but if you do we WILL pull you out of that hole (or grave)".
Maybe it's a variation of "God helps those that help themselves".

i.e. YOU have to work to get better. It won't be handed to you.
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:37   #1176
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Maybe it's a variation of "God helps those that help themselves".

i.e. YOU have to work to get better. It won't be handed to you.
I second that motion!!
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Old 11-07-2009, 09:15   #1177
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OK, but if that was you then why the indifference that I felt in the hands reaching for me? I think the indifference is an acknowledgement by YOU that there is only so far we can go to help. That YOU have to exert the effort to grab and hold on. The determination is your knowledge that we do care, and will do all in our power to help you. I know it may not make sense, but I felt indifference and determination at the same time. It's almost like "We don't care if you hold on, but if you do we WILL pull you out of that hole (or grave)". I know that you who talk to me in here don't seem indifferent, quite the opposite in fact.

I agree that different dream is a step, I think it's a big one, especailly if I understand it. Another good thing is when I'm thinking about it I don't feel afraid of what the message might be. That's new too. Progress!!!
...
To me, the dream is: This is where I am and have been, a lot of people care and are willing to help, but they can only go so far, and I have to do my part. Sometimes I slip, but they are still there and not giving up. And the tight grip as LW not willing to give up despite slipping at times.

Love, prayers, and lots of gentle

Hawk
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Old 11-07-2009, 12:25   #1178
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To me, the dream is: This is where I am and have been, a lot of people care and are willing to help, but they can only go so far, and I have to do my part. Sometimes I slip, but they are still there and not giving up. And the tight grip as LW not willing to give up despite slipping at times.

Love, prayers, and lots of gentle

Hawk
Hmmmmmmmmm, interesting interpretation. A bit different than what I'm coming up with, but I can't rule it out.

My mind keeps jumping back to the things the medic said to me, his seeming indifference to anything but getting his medal, and when Silent_Runner posted
Quote:
You can give all the credit you want to that wonderful medic you had and those doctors but you had to give them something to work with.
I just had the feeling that those people there were medics and doctors. It was then that the realization about my life being in the hands of man and machine sunk in.

I'm still thinking about these and trying to figure out the message. If I'm missing the point I have the feeling it'll get shown to me again whether I like it or not.
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Old 11-07-2009, 13:06   #1179
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More kisses for ya LW sweetheart
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Old 11-07-2009, 13:49   #1180
Brown Hawk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
...
My mind keeps jumping back to the things the medic said to me, his seeming indifference to anything but getting his medal, and when Silent_Runner posted

I'll say it again, they generally don't give medals to medics for doing their jobs. It would be like giving you a medal for fixing a computer. I think it was a built in attitude to help him from getting torn up inside.

I just had the feeling that those people there were medics and doctors. It was then that the realization about my life being in the hands of man and machine sunk in. They STILL have to have something to work with. Many people have died that the doctors expected to live, because those people didn't fight. Others didn't die when the doctors expected, because they refused to give up. So you had to depend on man and machines. John Donne said it best: "No man is an island."

I'm still thinking about these and trying to figure out the message. If I'm missing the point I have the feeling it'll get shown to me again whether I like it or not.
Hey, at least you're working on it without SR and the Slugger!

Hawk
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