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Old 11-02-2009, 14:16   #1101
Lone_Wolfe
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Originally Posted by PIDDLER View Post
Just stopped by to offer more sincere prayers and very best wishes. I dont say much cawz I kant tipe or spel two gud.: embarassed:
At least you understand why I use spellcheck. And thank you PIDDLER.

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Originally Posted by Bumpadrum View Post
Still here for you.
Still praying for you.
Still thinking about you.
Cry if you want to.
Hi bumpadrum, thank you. It always does me good to see you come around.

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Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
Wolfe, that's it. You are this side of a tombstone. You have your life to live. You will find the strength and courage to get through this.

Sending you warm thoughts and positive energy.
SG
I sure hope I will. There are times I really have my doubts. But I can't let those Afghani bastards win. I owe it to you folks if nothing else. And I appreciate the thoughts and energy.


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Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
I knew you'd be quite willing to rock her (pun intended )

Hawk
She's already made it known to me that if I come home in a box she'll revive me just so she can kill me herself.

And she knows where I keep my good bat.



Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetDoctor View Post
Lone_Wolfe, I wonder how anyone can think you are crazy after what you have been through? I think you are one of the sanest, able to see with both eyes open, and clearly.

I am reminded of the occult movie: The King of Hearts.
A story about a signalman in WW1, who was late leaving a French town, and took refuge from the overcoming German soldiers, in the Asylum of the town.
He was not found out, and was free to leave and rejoin his unit after a week or so. He stood at the edge of town watching all the rockets, hearing the bombs, and seeing the fires. He turned back to the asylum, took off his clothes, and rang the bell. The final shot is his naked butt, with his cage of pigeons in his hand, and the Nuns letting him in. (I can't do it justice, you will have to watch it.)

Anyway, I thank you for your service, and all in your unit!
God Bless our Veterans!

I hope you are always on the mend.
StreetDoctor, thank you for the vote of confidence although it makes me think you don't know me... lol
You know, I'm already doing a bit of what the signalman did by staying here longer instead of going home. I'm avoiding returning to a life and it's problems that I just can't face yet. Being on a base in a war is such a small world compared to being loose in the States, but it's all I can handle right now.

And thank you for the well-wishes.





Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
Of course he will - or I'll hunt him down

Programming your mind with positive thoughts helps keep out the negatives. But nothing worthwhile is ever easy. You need sleep - without drugs. The mind needs to dream to stay healthy, and yes, that includes nightmares, like it or not. Keep your mind on getting cradled, or even SR chasing you around the base with a 2x4 in her hand : supergrin: It won't leave room for the negatives.

Lay down to sleep that way, and think about it if you wake up with a nightmare, not about the nightmare. (Not easy, I know.) Just quit being afraid to lay down and sleep without the drugs. After all, the drugged sleep was part of what messed you up in the first place.

Love, prayers, and lots of : hugs : (Dang five smilie limit : steamed : )

You need to sleep on your own, as the drugged sleep after you got to Baghdad is part of what caused you to be where you are. I know the nightmares are terrible (well, I don't know, but I've got a guess,) but you HAVE to have that sleep without the drugs for the nightmares to work themselves out. Your body needs the sleep that the drugs give, but your mind needs to be undrugged to get the rest it needs to finally get the nightmares out. That is why the doctor only does the drugged sleep every other night. And according to your posts, he's already told you that.

Your recent relapse was at least partially because you were avoiding sleep on your non-drugged nights. Nightmares are no fun, but they are still a part of how your body and mind works out of this problem. If I could be there and hold you, I would. I can't be, so I try to pray extra for you on those nights.

Right now, you're so afraid of nightmares that you're back in the "fear of fear" mode. Tears are one method we use to get over bad times, dreams and (non-drug induced) nightmares are another, like it or not.

When you go to sleep, just imagine a few thousand of us cradling you in our arms. And when you wake up, remember, terrifying as the dream was, it wasn't real, and lots of people are STILL cradling you in our arms. (And that IS real, long distance or not.)

Sleep. Remember that the nightmares aren't real, but the love is.

Love, even more prayers, and lots of (gentle)

Hawk
What Silent_Runner meant to explain was this. In April I was having some nightmares, but nothing like I do now. I was also showing signs of PTSD and survivor’s guilt so the shrink I had then decided to put me on anti-depressants. I didn’t like them but finally started taking them and for a couple of weeks they seemed to work OK. Then I went 2 or 3 days unable to sleep without going straight into a nightmare and even starting having them before I was asleep. I went to a new shrink because the one I had was killed in the stress center shooting and he kept me on the anti-depressants but added sleeping pills. Plus I’d been on various narcotic painkillers all along. I’ve gone through several shrinks and doctors and they would change out the sleeping pills and pain pills, but keep me on the AD’s. It was getting steadily worse for me until the incident that landed me in the hospital in August and the doc I have now took over. He took me off the psychoactive drugs and knocks me out with anesthesia. He’s just lately giving me stronger pain meds again, but keeping me off the narcotic stuff.

I do believe (and hope) that that relapse was just because of the lack of dreams over several days. Like I said in a post back then I’ll have other troubles if I have that happen even after I’m sleeping normally. I don’t doubt that I’m so afraid of having nightmares that it’s keeping me from falling asleep. It’s not that I don’t try to sleep, I get in bed and try every night, and normally fall asleep at least once and then have a nightmare. A lot of times I can’t fall back asleep even though I try. Last night I managed to go back to sleep and had a 2nd nightmare which was even worse than normal. Let’s just say I’m glad I don’t have a roommate. BTW, you’re right in what you said to Silent_Runner about sleep meds interfering with REM sleep in one way or another. Some actually make the dreams more vivid. The stuff they knock me out with prevents dreams altogether, at least for me.

Quote:
Why does it bother you? You need to figure that out.
I think it’s because for some reason a part of me still doesn’t understand. My shrink is adamant that the nightmares will subside a lot after I accept having almost died. She still insists on this and it rings true to me. I feel like I’m close there. In recent days it sort of hits me, then I start shaking, crying, or both and then seem to step back away from it. I just wish I could deal with it and get it through my head in the way it needs to be.

Quote:
When you go to sleep, just imagine a few thousand of us cradling you in our arms. And when you wake up, remember, terrifying as the dream was, it wasn't real, and lots of people are STILL cradling you in our arms. (And that IS real, long distance or not.)
Sleep. Remember that the nightmares aren't real, but the love is.
Reading this part brings tears to my eyes. I would have never believed this possible until I see for myself. How I wish I could have you here to fall asleep in your arms and maybe feel safe for the first time in almost a year. One of you or a thousand does not matter, although it would be hard to fit that many of you in my room. I feel you with me in spirit and that does matter to me.

Night everyone, it’s time for me to get some of that dreamless sleep.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-02-2009, 15:26   #1102
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Hi LWOkie Memorial Area, you said that you liked orchids. There is such a huge variety of them. Did you used to grow them? They are lovely flowers.




I have gotten back into reading again and have given up on GTPI. I have always loved to read. My favorite authors are Daniel Silva, who writes about a Mossad Assassin, Gabriel Allon, who is also an accomplished painting restorer. He usually ends up protecting people from assassins more than killing people. Another favorite is Joseph Finder, who has advanced degrees in Russian Studies and has worked for the CIA. He writes kind of witty International intrigue. His first books were my favorites. He had done tons of research to write them. Lee Childs is one that you might enjoy. Jack Reacher is a former MP who travels from place to place with only his clothes, toothbrush and banking card. If he needs new clothes, he throws the old ones away. He always finds something intriguing to get involved in when he gets to a new city. He is a really big guy and wins fights against everyone. He is a wonderful character to read.
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Old 11-02-2009, 16:42   #1103
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Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
On the other hand, I've been wrong so many times that it no longer embarasses me.
Kinda liberatin' once you hit that plateau, though, ain't it?
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Old 11-02-2009, 17:07   #1104
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How you doin today kiddo? Might be sending you some Makers Mark induced rambling in a few hours...you up for it?
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Old 11-03-2009, 02:29   #1105
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Originally Posted by Glock26girl View Post
Hi LW you said that you liked orchids. There is such a huge variety of them. Did you used to grow them? They are lovely flowers.
.
Nice Phalaenopsis. I used to have a couple each of Brassias, Oncidiums, and Dendrobiums. Nothing real special though, just pretty.


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Originally Posted by deadday View Post
How you doin today kiddo? Might be sending you some Makers Mark induced rambling in a few hours...you up for it?
Awwww, damn, I wish I'd been here last night. I would have even cleaned out some room in my PM box for you.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-03-2009, 02:30   #1106
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Hiya LW honey
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Old 11-03-2009, 03:59   #1107
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Hey sweetie

Question - does your cell get picture msgs also, or just text msgs?
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Old 11-03-2009, 08:15   #1108
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Originally Posted by MB-G26 View Post
Question - does your cell get picture msgs also, or just text msgs?
As far as I know just text. You can try a pic though.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-03-2009, 10:31   #1109
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[QUOTE=Lone_Wolfe;14093987]


Hi bumpadrum, thank you. It always does me good to see you come around.

I'm always around Sister, even if I'm not piping up and posting.

I support the Wounded Warrior Project, the Armed Forces Aid Campaign, and the Military Order of the Purple Heart, and I have made you my personalized manifestation of that support. Whenever I get one of their solicitations I think "this is good for Lone_Wolfe, I'm going to help".

So when the going gets tough and the tears begin to fall just know these organizations, GT, and me are all there for you.

I will do whatever I can, short of cat ownership.

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Old 11-03-2009, 13:26   #1110
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Hang in there Princess!
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Old 11-03-2009, 14:23   #1111
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Lone_Wolfe,

Just read your last post.

Well said and thought out.

Since you can so clearly analyze your own situation I believe that you are clearly on the road to full recovery. Believe this and it will happen. Never underestimate the power of the mind to heal thyself.
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Old 11-03-2009, 16:11   #1112
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
As far as I know just text. You can try a pic though.
Well, I sent a 'test flower'

Didja get this?

Okie Memorial Area
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I am slowly falling apart - I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start. You might think it's easy being me ... Sometimes I find myself shaking - In the middle of the night. And then it hits me and I can't - Even believe this is my life
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Old 11-03-2009, 17:34   #1113
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Originally Posted by MB-G26 View Post
Well, I sent a 'test flower'

Didja get this?
Nice rose, is that a Charlie Brown? Nope, didn't get it on my phone. I guess I can't get pics on this phone.



It's 2:30 AM, wonder if I'll be able to get back to sleep tonight......
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-03-2009, 17:37   #1114
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Nice rose, is that a Charlie Brown? Nope, didn't get it on my phone. I guess I can't get pics on this phone.



It's 2:30 AM, wonder if I'll be able to get back to sleep tonight......


Sleep is a crutch!


Corse, when you're old and broke like we are, crutches are pretty damn handy.
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Old 11-03-2009, 17:38   #1115
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Hey LW!!!
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Old 11-03-2009, 17:44   #1116
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Originally Posted by AK_Stick View Post
Sleep is a crutch!


Corse, when you're old and broke like we are, crutches are pretty damn handy.
You must be right. That's why the doc only makes me sleep every other night.... and this aint the night.....


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Hey LW!!!
Well hello there! back


Quote:
Originally Posted by Beware Owner View Post
Hang in there Princess!
I'm hanging if fingernails and thread count. I'll be glad when it gets easier.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-03-2009, 17:47   #1117
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
You must be right. That's why the doc only makes me sleep every other night.... and this aint the night.....

I could tell you the story of how my family came across to the west, probably have you asleep in no time.


worked in blazing saddles
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Old 11-03-2009, 17:48   #1118
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Pm me an E-mail addy. Gonna forward you something worth a smile
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Old 11-03-2009, 18:07   #1119
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Originally Posted by AK_Stick View Post
I could tell you the story of how my family came across to the west, probably have you asleep in no time.


worked in blazing saddles


I was asleep once already. Damn nightmare made sure that didn't last.

Maybe if you put me to sleep I can stay that way....




Zonny, PM sent
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-03-2009, 18:10   #1120
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