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Old 10-23-2009, 05:17   #921
Geeorge
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Old 10-23-2009, 08:40   #922
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Good morning! (here) Hope you are having some peaceful sleep (there).

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I am slowly falling apart - I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start. You might think it's easy being me ... Sometimes I find myself shaking - In the middle of the night. And then it hits me and I can't - Even believe this is my life
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Old 10-23-2009, 08:50   #923
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Good morning, princess! I'm glad you got to see that the sacrifice was indeed necessary. Had he not done that, you wouldn't be alive right now. He knew what he was doing and did it willingly.
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Old 10-23-2009, 13:49   #924
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Geeorge View Post
Anytime at all dear,my two boys love everybody.

And I'm sure they would fall in love with you.

You can have them both on your lap so I can get a break from all this forced on me love they give.: wavey:




OXOXO
That's sweet of you to say.

I think what they would actually love is when I try to rub all thier fur off.


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Originally Posted by GlockerMike View Post
I yinged when I shoulda yanged................ deleted my whole website, everything! So here's a fresh start, and you get the first uploaded file. : wavey:
Mike, those pics are beautiful! And the Pansies are appropriate since I can be a pansy myself about pain sometimes. Like today with the dang changing weather. Grrrrrrrrrrr.............


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Originally Posted by Jefs View Post
A big hello to you Lone_Wolfe and I hope your days (and nights) are improving. Hang in there through the nasty stuff and look for better days down the road!

-Jefs : wavey:
Jefs, they aren't yet but I have reason to hope things will get at least a little better soon. I really hope it's worth these last few days.


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Originally Posted by DustyJacket View Post
I just read an article on PTSD and the physical effects.

I pray that you can exorcise your demons and vent soon. Get 'all better'.

Maybe start planning the rest of your life. You are one of many who are 'living on borrowed time' - use it well. (I am in that club too, and have tried to to enrich others with my time.)
DustyJacket, thank you for the prayers. Would you be willing to share your "borrowed time" story and what you do now to enrich others? You can PM it to me if you'd rather. I'd really appreciate that, as I have a lot to think about.

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Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
LW,

You'll stop crying when you need to stop, now that it's started. That's a good thing.

As for the medic, he didn't do it for a medal.

And his reaction was probably pure shock that you lived - and were still in a combat zone. Remember that medics see so much, they have to armor themselves. And seeing a buddy and fellow medic go, then thinking that you probably died anyhow, then seeing you alive and well, he probably felt like he'd been run over by a Bradley.

Take his last comment for his real feelings, and the rest as the armor that allows him to keep working without breaking down. I've seen a little of that armor.

This also allows you to know that Greg's sacrifice did make a difference in saving your life, and that it wasn't a "I would have lived anyway" kind of situation.

This whole thing came at a time when you needed it, and broke through that wall you've had around you. This guy has now saved you twice - and I suspect that you helped him some too.

I've been praying for you to cry long and hard, and God always answers prayers.

Love and more prayers,

Hawk

PS For some other good news, Adam made the list for sergeant 1 Nov. : supergrin:
Iím not finished crying it out I donít think, but getting closer. Iím not sure why Iím afraid right now, I never thought I was afraid to die. In fact thereís been times in recent months I wanted it. I hope Iíll come to understand that fear so I can deal with it. Iím praying for it and Iím grateful you are too.

I understand where youíre coming from about the medic, it makes a lot of sense. Like I said earlier today, heís known for being a jerk, but thereís more than that. And I wish I had a picture of the look on his face when he recognized me, he actually dropped his cigarette. I hope I did help him somehow, maybe him just knowing that his hard work wasnít in vain after all will make him happy. Just an FYI, Greg wasnít a medic. I saw where someone posted that, but he was a mechanic. Not that it really matters, the medic saw a fellow soldier die before he could even get to him. If I have one consolation itís that it was quick for Greg. Realizing that his running out to me wasnít for nothing like I thought it was, I donít know what to think right now. I have a lot to sort out.

I think that wall around me, as you describe it, has been eroding for weeks and this might have been enough to break through. At least I hope thatís the case. I described what to me felt like a logjam that needed to break loose and I thought it would when enough logs piled up. Thatís when it felt like to me later that day when it all hit me. I guess even my heart canít deny that I should be dead when I hear my medic say that I shouldnít still be here. I was walking across a field earlier and my chest was complaining bad about the weather changing, and I was thinking about my injury, the medic, something faawrenchbndr posted in another thread, other things doctors and other medical people have said to me and I found myself thinking. "Damn, that WAS a close call. I almost didn't get out of there alive". That was the first time something like that popped into my head without my forcing it there. Later I found myself back to denial, but I really think Iím on the right path.



Congrats to Adam!!!


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Just thinking of ya : winkie:
Thank you my friend.

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Originally Posted by MB-G26 View Post
Good morning! (here) Hope you are having some peaceful sleep (there).
Well, it was daytime when you posted, but now time for me to sleep, and it's knock-out night, so I'll sleep well and dream-free.




Good night my friends.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 10-23-2009, 14:43   #925
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I really hope that's where I am now. I want to go up, now any farther down.










deadday, do you think between the two of us we can make one intact body?

I dunno hun, but we could sure have some fun trying
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Old 10-23-2009, 14:55   #926
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post



Iím not finished crying it out I donít think, but getting closer. Iím not sure why Iím afraid right now, I never thought I was afraid to die. In fact thereís been times in recent months I wanted it. I hope Iíll come to understand that fear so I can deal with it. Iím praying for it and Iím grateful you are too.


It takes time to get over. I was a wreck for a long time after I lost my crew. It takes time, and sometimes some counseling or therapy, but it will pass/ you learn to cope with it. But it never really goes away.

I also understand the other part. I'm pretty sure any of us who've lost family in battle, would have gladly traded places. I know for a fact, I would have traded places with anyone on my crew to save but one of them. Its in our blood, its what we do. When one's hurt, its our lot to go to them, even if its dangerous. Just as Greg did for you.


Anyways, hope it helps. Like I said, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm only a computer screen away. Like I said, its what we do.

Have yourself a good night.
Nick
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Old 10-23-2009, 15:07   #927
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post



Iím not finished crying it out I donít think, but getting closer. Iím not sure why Iím afraid right now, I never thought I was afraid to die.

...
Actually, you're fairly normal, and that is a fairly normal reaction for your situation. Just delayed for you.

You have had a very graphic example of how quickly and unexpectedly death can hit, and it's made your nerves raw about it. It will calm down with time.

But hey! How long has it been since you felt normal.

Love and prayers,

Hawk
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Old 10-23-2009, 20:21   #928
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Hey there beautiful! I've been off a while dealing with some medical stuff in my family, but I wanted to stop in and send you some good karma...

Yesterday and today I read through a bit to catch up, but you have such a torrent of well wishes, I couldn't catch up with all of it!

I wish I knew the magic bullet advice to give you- (I'm a fixer by nature, what can I say) But, not being able to do that from here, I can only add my voice to those pulling for you, sending you some strength, and looking forward to pouring you a home-brew on the other side...

Big hugs, strong arm around your shoulder, and...

Cuz who doesn't love a dancing pink elephant??
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Old 10-23-2009, 20:48   #929
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
DustyJacket, thank you for the prayers. Would you be willing to share your "borrowed time" story and what you do now to enrich others? You can PM it to me if you'd rather. I'd really appreciate that, as I have a lot to think about.
My story is nothing as dramatic and traumatic as yours, it was more of an epiphany of accumulated incidents.

At 5 years old, in Italy, I was hit by a car and its bumper crushed my skull right above my left temple. That may explain a lot of things about me.

A few years later I jumped in the deep end of a pool and didn't know how to swim. I drank my fair share of water and was choking and gagging and was going back underwater when I managed to touch the side and grab on.

In the 1970s I was shot in the back. Luckily I was well protected. Just a bee-sting like mark. It was a .22.

I've been in a couple of serious car wrecks with only broken bones and blood to show for it. I've been in a couple of motorcycle crashes and several near misses without more than a cracked rib.

I've jumped out of airplanes before they landed. People I have served with (both Police and Army) are dead or crippled, even before OEF and OIF.

Had an unintentional discharge and put a .45 round in my hip and out the back of my thigh without hitting the femoral artery or sciatic nerve or any major blood vessels, when I was home alone. The pain is still with me, especially the day before we get a cold rain. It reminds me to be carefull...and to take rain gear to work.

I've run out of air 40 feet below the ocean's surface.

I've been in a few more situations where I was doing my best to survive at the same I was saying Hail Marys and Our Fathers in rapid succession.

In none of these cases did it bother me much at the time. I thought I was lucky.

I saw both my parents get 2 cases of cancer each, and eventually die. We had to make the decision to 'un-plug' Mom.

That is when my mortality really made itself known.

In a number of the above instances I could have died, and in at least one I should have.

What I am doing:
Contributing more to charity - about $1,000 this year to Hope 4 Heroes and the Wounded Warrior project. I also contribute to the Red Cross and Salvation Army. (In the Army 10 years and never saw combat. Never been flooded nor had the house burn. So I should help others not so lucky.)

I help the young victims of child abuse to learn to escape their fear and testify against their abusers and then get on with their lives. I have been doing this since 2005. Two of my motorcycle accidents were in connection to this. Oops.

Nearly 20 years ago I married a woman not knowing she had a serious mental health issue. When it surfaced, I had to take her to the hospital in handcuffs at 2am, because she was violent. I was encouraged by several people to leave her. Even my parents supported me if I wanted to leave, and they were devout Catholics. I have sucked it up, ignored the easy way out, and am determined the stay with her, take care of her, and make the rest of her life as easy and comfortable as I can. She has been through enough.

At work I go out of my way to mentor and educate younger new employees, rather than scrabbling to the top of the heap. I am trying to inject 'humanity' into our work, and make it OK to admit you goofed.

I am developing plans, so that when I retire I can train and help financially disadvantaged youths to learn viable skills required to get some kind of job.

I don't know if it was the hand of God helping me out or whether I am just lucky, but I feel I have to do some good with the time I've been given.

Two last things:
After watching both parents die, I became hyper-conscious of cancer, heart disease, etc. Every bump or lump screams CANCER in my ear. I developed heart rhythm issues, so each night I went to sleep I wondered if I'll wake up. I think it is a normal reaction, and one you may run into. Try to not let it take over your life.

After I shot myself, I was very afraid of another UD. I replaced my 2 firearms with "safer" versions. Even sitting in a movie I wondered if the revolver I was carrying would suddenly go off. As I was riding my motorcycle the pistol I carried would be pointing right at my femur and femoral artery. I go so weirded out I had to pull into a car wash and take the round out of the chamber. Very irrational, but very real. That is starting to fade, but it has been a *****. I'll bet your feelings concerning firearms will evolve quite a bit over time, and eventually return to something like they were a year or two ago.

As I said, my experiences are nothing earth-shattering or as dramatic as yours, but I do feel that I should be doing more things to help others with what I think of as borrowed time.

I still think there is something more that I was kept around for, but don't know what it is, yet.

Have some of these:
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Old 10-23-2009, 21:05   #930
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Old 10-23-2009, 21:08   #931
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Quote:
My story is nothing as dramatic and traumatic as yours, it was more of an epiphany of accumulated incidents.
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Old 10-23-2009, 21:40   #932
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That's a hell of a thing, all those "accumulated incidents" strung together like that.

More impressive, though, is how you've dealt with them, and turned misfortune on its ear to become a better person because of it all. Thanks for sharing that with us (even if it was mostly meant for Lonie).
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Old 10-23-2009, 22:54   #933
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Okie Memorial Area
DustyJacket, your words of experience are so valuable. It is lovely that as a result of your life experience, you are an empathetic, caring person. You can have a lifetime of helping people, just by sharing your story.
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Old 10-24-2009, 04:03   #934
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I dunno hun, but we could sure have some fun trying
Oh great, I'm still recuperating from getting shot and now you're gonna get me shot AGAIN!




<<<--- me hiding from MRS. deadday



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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 10-24-2009, 04:27   #935
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Old 10-24-2009, 06:14   #936
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Hi Lone_Wolfe, hope your day is going better. If crying helps let it flow.
Still here, still praying for you every day. Doing the Wave, too.
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Old 10-24-2009, 07:56   #937
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I don't know if this will work, but here is a song just for you.

http://blip.fm/profile/OklahomaOnlin...Sent_by_Angels

Just hit the play button when ya get there,
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Old 10-24-2009, 09:20   #938
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Hi Lone_Wolfe, hope your day is going better. If crying helps let it flow.
Still here, still praying for you every day. Doing the Wave, too.
I have told her the same thing Bumpy.
Wolfe let it all out no matter how long it takes!


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Originally Posted by Beware Owner View Post
Good morning, princess! I'm glad you got to see that the sacrifice was indeed necessary. Had he not done that, you wouldn't be alive right now. He knew what he was doing and did it willingly.

Thank you Beware Owner. Wolfe you are worth the sacrifice he made. You need to get that through your head.
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I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
Rest in Peace Jeff Abshire-1962-2012-aka 23Skidoo
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Old 10-24-2009, 11:46   #939
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Keep on keepin on LW honey
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Old 10-24-2009, 15:27   #940
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Lone_Wolfe - here is a little laugh for you.

I had posted the details of my UD on a web site to help others learn a thing or two.
http://negligentdischarge.com/forums...c.php?f=4&t=47

Enjoy.

I know you like cats, but here are some cuddly dogs for you:
Okie Memorial Area




How are things today? I hope a bit better.
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