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Old 10-22-2009, 14:55   #901
RussP
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Hi, I'm still hanging in, I think. Last couple of days I didn't think it's possible to cry so much or so hard.

I'll try to write more later. Thank you for being here for me
Proud of you!! Keep improving!!

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Old 10-22-2009, 16:03   #902
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I think I got run over by an MRAP.

I was offline for a couple days and when I come back I see so many hellos, well-wishes, and nice pictures for me that it made me cry even more. Like I hadn't cried enough in the last couple days......

I was sent to the heliport Tuesday to verify some equipment that was changing hands. Easy work, all I had to was confirm that it type of equipment the checksheet said it was. So after I was done and the stuff had been sent off I was standing around waiting for my ride back. I spotted a familiar face looking equally bored, so I walked over and sure enough it was the medic who was with me on the convoy and who took care of me on the scene and on the medevac to the hospital when I was hurt. I walked over to speak to him and I think he looked even more shocked than I did. I tried to give him a hug, but he seemed standoffish about it so I backed off. He still looked at me funny and muttered “What the hell are you doing here?” I started to tell him about being sent here when I left the hospital but he cut me off and said “No, I mean what the **** are you doing this side of a tombstone!” Then he started complaining that his wrists had hurt for 3 weeks from “mashing your damn chest for 4 hours”, and then he said “Me and everyone there took for granted you'd kick the bucket at the hospital, but I knew if I got your ass there with a pulse I’d get a medal, and I needed the points”.

I was caught off guard by what he said, so I just said something about wishing he could help the other guy, Greg, or wishing he’d stayed down. The medic’s response was to look at me funny and tell me that if someone hadn’t run out and drawn the last Afghani from behind the rocks he was shooting from he wouldn’t have gotten to me and if he’d been another minute he wouldn’t have been able to do anything for me either. I didn’t know what to say, so I just backed off and told him thank you and I was glad he got his medal. I was turning to leave and he said “Hey wait, I’m glad you made it too. Hope you’re healing OK”

I walked around a while after that feeling dazed like I got hit by a truck. After that is kind of a blur. I remember hiding in a bunker just because I was so scared, but didn't know of what. Then I started to cry, just cry. I ended up in my room sometime later and I think I bawled for 2 days non-stop. And scream. I was afraid of what was happening but couldn't stop. Last night was my knock-out night. I've never not showed up before, but I did last night. A medic came to my room and drove me to the hospital. When I got there they said I was dehydrated so they dealt with that while I was under.

I been crying all day today, but not as bad. It's taken me all day to write this because most of the time I can't see my monitor. I hope my shrink was right, that this is what I needed to do.


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Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
Wolfe, I'm glad you were able to cry.
Hang in there, and heal.
SG
Now I just wish I could stop.


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Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
You just let all of it out. I know it hurts like hell now but you needed this.

You already know I won't be going anywhere and I don't think your friends in here will be either.
I don't think there's much of anything left inside of me







I can predict rain too.....

After I woke up this morning my doctor was looking me over before he released me. Without even realizingI was doing it I put my forearm against my chest and grimaced as he helped me sit up. He rubbed his elbow and said "You're right, the rains are coming today". Ummmmmm, he's right, and I can feel it. I guess there's one good thing about this pain, it means I'm here to fight another day.
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 10-22-2009, 16:20   #903
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Good for you.

And I foresee a great career as a weather forecaster.
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Old 10-22-2009, 17:22   #904
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While I'm glad -- duh -- that the medic in question did his job and got you out of there with a pulse, I'm terribly sorry that he was such a douchebag about it when talking with you today, so much so that he'd admit square to your face that he only did it expecting a medal. Maybe I'm just missing something about the gung-ho medic mindset or something, but to me there's a world of difference between a humble "I was just doing my job, I'm glad you made it" and a jackass "I was just out for points, I can't believe it actually worked."

That said, if that interaction was that it took to break the dam and let you get out some tears, I think it's for the best. There's times that a good bawl is completely called for, and is the only thing that'll do what needs to be done inside your head and heart. Good on you for letting it out. The trick now is to find the valve that'll turn the water back off.
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Old 10-22-2009, 17:54   #905
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Geez, LW!! How did you interpret what the Medic was saying? Is he really as war-hardened as he sounded or was he trying to sound like he was, so he wouldn't get sensitive? What an interesting talk you had with the person who saved your life...I vote for this being how he has trained himself to speak and come across, as a tough guy. Who knows what he might have really been feeling. But, I'm a softie and think everyone is one underneath their gruff exteriors.
Your being alive is truly a miracle, 4 hours of chest compressions?? No wonder your heart was bruised, in addition to the plate braking.
Things are just falling into place, running into him, crying for two days. You have made another hurdle, sweetie. Perhaps two, talking to him probably went further in convincing you that you did almost die. I can't help but see God's hand in your running into him. Write when you can, honey. Love you.
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Old 10-22-2009, 18:24   #906
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Miss Lone_; whatever it took to get the tears flowing, I'm glad they're flowing. It's a start and living the rest of your life in peace is the reward. All the best ma'am.
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Old 10-22-2009, 18:27   #907
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I
I can predict rain too.....

Yup...pressure changes, temperature changes, all that good stuff...my knees and back warn me the day before...
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Old 10-22-2009, 18:38   #908
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A big hello to you Lone_Wolfe and I hope your days (and nights) are improving. Hang in there through the nasty stuff and look for better days down the road!

-Jefs
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Old 10-22-2009, 18:39   #909
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Lone_Wolfe, I wonder how anyone can think you are crazy after what you have been through? I think you are one of the sanest, able to see with both eyes open, and clearly.

I am reminded of the occult movie: The King of Hearts.
A story about a signalman in WW1, who was late leaving a French town, and took refuge from the overcoming German soldiers, in the Asylum of the town.
He was not found out, and was free to leave and rejoin his unit after a week or so. He stood at the edge of town watching all the rockets, hearing the bombs, and seeing the fires. He turned back to the asylum, took off his clothes, and rang the bell. The final shot is his naked butt, with his cage of pigeons in his hand, and the Nuns letting him in. (I can't do it justice, you will have to watch it.)

Anyway, I thank you for your service, and all in your unit!
God Bless our Veterans!

I hope you are always on the mend.
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Old 10-22-2009, 19:16   #910
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Quote:
Originally Posted by faawrenchbndr View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by G33 View Post


Frak the 5 limit!
I agree.




I can't believe I have any more tears left in me......
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 10-22-2009, 19:23   #911
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LW,

You'll stop crying when you need to stop, now that it's started. That's a good thing.

As for the medic, he didn't do it for a medal.

And his reaction was probably pure shock that you lived - and were still in a combat zone. Remember that medics see so much, they have to armor themselves. And seeing a buddy and fellow medic go, then thinking that you probably died anyhow, then seeing you alive and well, he probably felt like he'd been run over by a Bradley.

Take his last comment for his real feelings, and the rest as the armor that allows him to keep working without breaking down. I've seen a little of that armor.

This also allows you to know that Greg's sacrifice did make a difference in saving your life, and that it wasn't a "I would have lived anyway" kind of situation.

This whole thing came at a time when you needed it, and broke through that wall you've had around you. This guy has now saved you twice - and I suspect that you helped him some too.

I've been praying for you to cry long and hard, and God always answers prayers.

Love and more prayers,

Hawk

PS For some other good news, Adam made the list for sergeant 1 Nov.
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Old 10-22-2009, 20:24   #912
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
LW,

You'll stop crying when you need to stop, now that it's started. That's a good thing.
Yup!!!

Don't forget it's okay to scream, too, if that helps

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I am slowly falling apart - I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start. You might think it's easy being me ... Sometimes I find myself shaking - In the middle of the night. And then it hits me and I can't - Even believe this is my life
(The Wreckers; "Stand Still; Look Pretty")
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Old 10-22-2009, 20:27   #913
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Amazingly, yes, I DID actually take this myself


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I am slowly falling apart - I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start. You might think it's easy being me ... Sometimes I find myself shaking - In the middle of the night. And then it hits me and I can't - Even believe this is my life
(The Wreckers; "Stand Still; Look Pretty")
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Old 10-22-2009, 20:37   #914
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post


I can't believe I have any more tears left in me......

Every good engineer knows.

A strong foundation starts at rock bottom.


Perhaps, you have finally found yours. And can build from here.

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Old 10-22-2009, 20:42   #915
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Just thinking of ya
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Old 10-23-2009, 01:47   #916
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Every good engineer knows.

A strong foundation starts at rock bottom.


Perhaps, you have finally found yours. And can build from here.

I really hope that's where I am now. I want to go up, now any farther down.










deadday, do you think between the two of us we can make one intact body?
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE

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Old 10-23-2009, 02:26   #917
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Here's some more kisses for ya LW sweetheart
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Old 10-23-2009, 04:58   #918
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Last edited by Geeorge; 02-05-2010 at 04:00..
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Old 10-23-2009, 05:04   #919
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Critias View Post
[IMG]http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b112/CriTalondel/funny-pictures-groundhog-ate-flower.jpg[/IMG ]
Haha, that was cute. And yes, Critias, it does help me to be able to post here. Thank you.



Quote:
Originally Posted by RussP View Post
Proud of you!! Keep improving!!

Thanks, RussP! I'm trying.


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Originally Posted by norm357 View Post
I been thinking about you Lone Wolfe.
Thanks norm357. It's good to see you again.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus2131 View Post
Hiya LW!: grouphug:
Hey Magnus!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock26girl View Post
Geez, LW!! How did you interpret what the Medic was saying? Is he really as war-hardened as he sounded or was he trying to sound like he was, so he wouldn't get sensitive? What an interesting talk you had with the person who saved your life...I vote for this being how he has trained himself to speak and come across, as a tough guy. Who knows what he might have really been feeling. But, I'm a softie and think everyone is one underneath their gruff exteriors.
Your being alive is truly a miracle, 4 hours of chest compressions?? No wonder your heart was bruised, in addition to the plate braking.
Things are just falling into place, running into him, crying for two days. You have made another hurdle, sweetie. Perhaps two, talking to him probably went further in convincing you that you did almost die. I can't help but see God's hand in your running into him. Write when you can, honey. Love you.
G26g, My impression of that medic is hes a little of both. When I met him before we rolled out on the convoy he was a bit of a hardass then too. He walked over to where I was talking to Greg, the convoy commander and a couple others. Greg asked if he was going to be our medic for the trip. When he said he was I made the comment that I didnt intend to need his services. He said Good, I only got 3 hours sleep last night! and walked off. The convoy commander said that he was a jerk, but he was the best medic to have because of having a lot more training than the military gives.

His comment about mashing my chest for 4 hours was a bit misleading. No one does continuous CPR for that long. He would have given up long before we got to a hospital. What he was referring to is that he would get my heart going for a bit, then it would stop and he would have to do CPR again. He had to do that several times.

I think it has gotten through to me, at least partway. I keep thinking of the shocked expression he had once he recognized me and the two comments he made about what was I still doing here. Id like to think that What the **** are you doing this side of a Tombstone? was referring to Arizona, but I dont think so. I really think its starting to sink in that I almost died. I hope so, then these nightmares can go away.







MB-G26, I did get your text message. And that sunset pic is stuning!
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 10-23-2009, 05:07   #920
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Just looked in to check on you dear,hope it's getting better for you.

As for me I'm trapped in my chair under 2 100lb lard butted cats





How about if I come over and join you. Then at least one of those Siamese beauties can sit on my lap.

back
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NRA Benefactor Member++++++SAF Life Member+++++++++++

To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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