[faawrenchbndr]

I really have ne words sweetie.........so very sorry.

[sawgrass]

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

I posted this latest update in the thread I started about Jeff,

"Jeff is not doing well at all. I am trying to get him into a Nursing Home in Beckley, where he has a chance of getting therapy, for real! He still has a bladder infection and is very weak now. I am praying that God will give us a much better place this time, that can actually help him. The plan is to get him to walking and swallowing again so he can live with us, until he is ready to live on his own again. I don't know if that is going to happen or not. I can't take care of him until he can walk and eat and I'm not sure if he has the strength or the will to get there or not. He is miserable and he is living his worst nightmare. My heart is just broken for him and for myself. I love him so much. Please pray for him to get stronger and to get the will to try again."

Then I found myself crying for the last few hours.I knkw I'm crying for Jeff and what he's going through, but there's also a selfish side to the pain I feel. I don't make friends easily at all, in fact I can count my true friends on one hand. I can count the number of people who love me unconditionally on one hand, without the thumb, and have fingers left over. Jeff, the friend I'm staying with, and in her own way, Silent_Runner.

As much as it hurts to think of what Jeff is going through right now, the part of me that knows I might lose one of the best friends I ever had is just crying. He loves me unconditionally even when I can't love back, or even love myself. There are times I took his friendship for granted, but never doubted that it would remain. He wanted even more of a relationship with me, and when that didn't happen, he accepted it and loved me as a friend, without hesitation.

I know right now he's the one fighting for his life, and with an uphill battle, and it might be selfish of me to be thinking of myself right now, but I am. The pain of possibly losing one of the few friends I have is so bad I can't stand it, and it's been real hard to type this when I can barely see the screen.

LW you and Jeff remain in my prayers and thoughts.

[CJStudent]

[BobInTX]

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

I know right now he's the one fighting for his life, and with an uphill battle, and it might be selfish of me to be thinking of myself right now, but I am. The pain of possibly losing one of the few friends I have is so bad I can't stand it, and it's been real hard to type this when I can barely see the screen.

We're all selfish when it comes to losing a loved one. I don't know what the future holds for Jeff, or you, but I know that you are both better off for having known one another.

[sawgrass]

LW how are you doing with this round of treatment?

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by faawrenchbndr

I really have ne words sweetie.........so very sorry.

Thank you, my friend. That was a hard post to write. back

Originally Posted by sawgrass

LW you and Jeff remain in my prayers and thoughts.

Thank you. Thankfully, Jeff rallied in the last couple days and is being moved to a different nursing home tomorrow. Updates in my thread about him.

Originally Posted by CJStudent

, too.

Originally Posted by BobInTX

We're all selfish when it comes to losing a loved one. I don't know what the future holds for Jeff, or you, but I know that you are both better off for having known one another.

He's convinced he's better off for having known me, but I have doubts at times. I do know that I'm much better for knowing him.

Originally Posted by sawgrass

LW how are you doing with this round of treatment?

Crappy, as usual. Chemo just knocks me on my ass. My doc said to try to be more active, no matter how bad I feel, so I'm trying. Today, my friend and I took the dog she's been keeping, Buddy, to his new home. I got him into the back seat, and he wanted to have a wrestling match the whole 15 minute drive. I got my PT for the day in, but my chest paid for it. Oh well, that's what I have Dilaudid for.

My doc also gave me a different anti-anxiety med to hopefully help me sleep. The IV version knocks me out pretty good during chemo, so hopefully the pill form will help with the rest of my sleep cocktail that I'vve been taking for so long. I laid down earlier and only slept for a little while, so I just took the Adavan, hopefully I'll be back to sleep soon.

[cmb19]

Ativan?!?! I was on that stuff in the hospital...so was my uncle that is burned on 75% of his body. We had the WORST hallucinations the entire time we were on it.

If you start having worse/new dreams, it's definitely going to be that stuff.

I'm not even exaggerating, my uncle actually wanted him and I to write a book about our hallucinations because we had so many.

When I first woke up (I remember my hallucinations from when I was in a "coma") I thought I had my legs cut off at the knees. Really, honestly, thought half my legs were gone. I also thought I was raped by a doctor and a nurse...that's the one I've never told my family because I know they will get really upset.
My uncle thought his kids had been taken away and he would never see them again.

[sawgrass]

LW do you remember how long Jeff laid there waiting for help when he had the first stroke? I'm certain that you've been told by him how he felt when he realized that he was getting help. Oh yea...you called the po-po, and he got help. He's certainly better off for knowing you and I doubt if that's the first reason that would come to his mind.

I'm sure glad that Buddy is still around. How about some more pics of him when you're up to it?

It sucks that the chemo is making you feel crappy but it's good if you are able to sleep at least a little bit during treatment. I hope the pills help without complications.

Hopefully this new place will provide Jeff proper care and he will begin to recover. You both and his sister remain in my thoughts and prayers.

You are close enough to the situation to know their needs.

I'm not loaded or anything but I would be happy to kick a few bucks her way to help with gas, food etc. as she is likely missing work to be with him. He's fortunate that he has her to help advocate for him. If you email me an address I'll do what I can.

[BobInTX]

That's awful, cmb!

That's like one of those horror movies where your worst fears become real. I'm so glad you recovered from your illness.

[sawgrass]

Originally Posted by BobInTX

That's awful, cmb!

That's like one of those horror movies where your worst fears become real. I'm so glad you recovered from your illness.

Ditto.
When I think of cmb I think of hides and tanning and such.
I wasn't aware that she had been so sick!

[cmb19]

It literally was like my worst nightmares...I've always been terrified of being in a wheelchair. I may have still had my legs, but I really did end up in a chair for awhile so I could learn to walk again. Some of the others were kind of entertaining though. I know some were from "hearing" everyone talking around me. There was a guy my age that had the same thing I did and he had his legs amputated..I'm sure that's where I got the idea in my dreams. I have NO idea where the rape thing came from.

Sawgrass, if it hadn't been for trapping and hunting with my dad, the doctors said I may have died. I wasn't in great shape, but I was really healthy from so much hiking.
Pneumonia (probably complications from swine flu) sucks.

[sawgrass]

Originally Posted by cmb19

It literally was like my worst nightmares...I've always been terrified of being in a wheelchair. I may have still had my legs, but I really did end up in a chair for awhile so I could learn to walk again. Some of the others were kind of entertaining though. I know some were from "hearing" everyone talking around me. There was a guy my age that had the same thing I did and he had his legs amputated..I'm sure that's where I got the idea in my dreams. I have NO idea where the rape thing came from.

Sawgrass, if it hadn't been for trapping and hunting with my dad, the doctors said I may have died. I wasn't in great shape, but I was really healthy from so much hiking.
Pneumonia (probably complications from swine flu) sucks.

I sure am happy that you pulled through!

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by cmb19

Ativan?!?! I was on that stuff in the hospital...so was my uncle that is burned on 75% of his body. We had the WORST hallucinations the entire time we were on it.
................

Yep, that's the stuff. My spelling has never been great. But for me, I'm not having hallucinations at all. In fact, my 'normal' nightmares have been less on the nights I take it. I'm not taking it alone, though, I'm taking a combination of pain, sleep, anxiety, and muscle relaxers at night. So far it seems to be helping, hope that keeps up. I hate that it did you and your uncle so badly though. I know a lot of people have a similar experience with Ambien.

Originally Posted by sawgrass

LW do you remember how long Jeff laid there waiting for help when he had the first stroke? I'm certain that you've been told by him how he felt when he realized that he was getting help. Oh yea...you called the po-po, and he got help. He's certainly better off for knowing you and I doubt if that's the first reason that would come to his mind.: cool:

I'm sure glad that Buddy is still around. How about some more pics of him when you're up to it?

It sucks that the chemo is making you feel crappy but it's good if you are able to sleep at least a little bit during treatment. I hope the pills help without complications.

Hopefully this new place will provide Jeff proper care and he will begin to recover. You both and his sister remain in my thoughts and prayers.

You are close enough to the situation to know their needs.

I'm not loaded or anything but I would be happy to kick a few bucks her way to help with gas, food etc. as she is likely missing work to be with him. He's fortunate that he has her to help advocate for him. If you email me an address I'll do what I can.

She's not missing any work because she's retired. But all this has cost a chunk of money that they really don't have. I'll let her know about your generous offer and get back with you. And thank you.

Buddy's gone to his new owner a few days back. He seems happy there with what looks like an American Bulldog companion.

Jeff did tell me how he felt, both when the police started knocking on his back porch door before breaking in the front, and when they told him who'd called them. He said the first feeling was serious relief that help was finally there, then a sense of elation that it qwas me who'd sent that help. Although I don't think he'd have turned the help away even if it had been sent by his worst enemy.

Originally Posted by BobInTX

: wow: That's awful, cmb!

That's like one of those horror movies where your worst fears become real. I'm so glad you recovered from your illness.

So am I, she's tough!

Originally Posted by cmb19

...........
Pneumonia (probably complications from swine flu) sucks.

I've has pneumonia a few times in my life, but not near as bad as you did. I didn't have to stay in the hospital more than a couple days any of the times. Of course, pneumonia now would probably be the end of me. I'm just glad you were in great health to be able to win your battle!

Originally Posted by sawgrass

LW I won't pretend to understand how you feel right now with all that you are faced with. I didn't want to post this in Jeff's thread with its intention of better health.

Forgive me if this is also inappropriate.

My Mom and Stepdad have guardianship over his 54 yr old sister. She has recently been placed in a nursing home because she became insulin dependent. I don't know the pc term to identify her, but as long as she gets new crayons, a coloring book and an occasional Barbie she is a pretty happy person. I love her with all of my heart.

In the last 24 hrs she has been sent to the hospital with her BP 200+ over the upper 190+. The first time once my Mom could go back to the treatment area she figured out that something wasn't right. Well the nursing home sent someone elses chart in the ambulance. She is in a place that one of our current national politician's mother is her next door neighbor. Evidently you can't even buy quality care. This woman's parents left the sale of their property in a trust for her in hopes that someone would take care of her. I read Jeff's thread and I read yours added to this nonsense and it really pisses me off. It's sad that people who for whatever reason can't speak for themselves aren't taken care of. It's wrong on so many levels. The folks who were taking care of this woman previously weren't really doing it either. Mom and her husband stepped in because there were obvious problems that needed attention. That turned out to be ovarian cancer. They finished with the surgery and treatment for that recently.

That's just a bad situation. If someone hadn't double-checked the chart, she could have been in even more trouble. I hope she's doing better now. Jeff's situation is so frustrating, because the nursing home he was at not only could have killed him with their negligence, they're dunning his sister for money they're not entitled to.

Originally Posted by sawgrass

Hand in there girl. You have proven over and over how strong you are. I'm sorry that things are as hard as they are right now. LW try and stay positive. Is that little dog still around to give you some good doggie licks? Chloe said her belly is still free any time that you want to rub it. She's laying on her back with all four feet up in the air on the couch beside me right now.

Chloe, you say? On her back with feet in the air?

Staying positive is hard right now, but I'm trying. I'm right at halfway through my chemo treatments. While I'm glad to have reached the halfway mark, I'm also dreading still having half of the treatments and side effects still in front of me. I'll be clad when chemo is over, so I can go back to being my normal, psychotic with a hurting chest self.

Originally Posted by faawrenchbndr

L_W

Don't make me come to Georgia & put my foot in your ***!

We've been through all this before, Greg did what he did because
that was just what he did. It's what many of us would have done.
I'm sure he is damn proud of you. You have faced a hell of a lot.
Much too much for one person. We all think about you and send
prayers daily. Please keep your spirits up, we need your encouragement.

If you come down here, prepare to share a beer!

Too much for one person. Yeah, that's how I feel. More than I can handle, and it seems to just get worse. I know I've said this many times before, but I really appreciate the prayers and good thoughts. I'm still here fighting, just having to push aside the depression to come in here.



Bob, how is Mrs Bob these days? Legs healing OK?

[sawgrass]

It's good to see you updating THIS thread. Thanks for keeping us posted about yourself and Jeff. I'll try and capture a new pic of this little rascal for you. Hang in there LW. I'm very happy to hear that the additional med isn't giving you additional grief. As far as my offer let me know. Many of us on here have donated to one cause or another. This is no different. IIRC you have even lead a few drives for good cause.

[cmb19]

You're probably right that the other stuff you take makes a difference. I mean, I know I had dozens of meds, but they would have been antibiotics and that sorta thing. I'm glad you are having good luck with it, I hope it stays that way.

And thanks, I'm glad I was healthy (and tough) enough to live through it.

[BobInTX]

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

Yep, that's the stuff. My spelling has never been great. But for me, I'm not having hallucinations at all. In fact, my 'normal' nightmares have been less on the nights I take it. I'm not taking it alone, though, I'm taking a combination of pain, sleep, anxiety, and muscle relaxers at night. So far it seems to be helping, hope that keeps up. I hate that it did you and your uncle so badly though. I know a lot of people have a similar experience with Ambien.





She's not missing any work because she's retired. But all this has cost a chunk of money that they really don't have. I'll let her know about your generous offer and get back with you. And thank you.

Buddy's gone to his new owner a few days back. He seems happy there with what looks like an American Bulldog companion.

Jeff did tell me how he felt, both when the police started knocking on his back porch door before breaking in the front, and when they told him who'd called them. He said the first feeling was serious relief that help was finally there, then a sense of elation that it qwas me who'd sent that help. Although I don't think he'd have turned the help away even if it had been sent by his worst enemy.





So am I, she's tough!





I've has pneumonia a few times in my life, but not near as bad as you did. I didn't have to stay in the hospital more than a couple days any of the times. Of course, pneumonia now would probably be the end of me. I'm just glad you were in great health to be able to win your battle!





That's just a bad situation. If someone hadn't double-checked the chart, she could have been in even more trouble. I hope she's doing better now. Jeff's situation is so frustrating, because the nursing home he was at not only could have killed him with their negligence, they're dunning his sister for money they're not entitled to.





Chloe, you say? On her back with feet in the air?

Staying positive is hard right now, but I'm trying. I'm right at halfway through my chemo treatments. While I'm glad to have reached the halfway mark, I'm also dreading still having half of the treatments and side effects still in front of me. I'll be clad when chemo is over, so I can go back to being my normal, psychotic with a hurting chest self.





If you come down here, prepare to share a beer!

Too much for one person. Yeah, that's how I feel. More than I can handle, and it seems to just get worse. I know I've said this many times before, but I really appreciate the prayers and good thoughts. I'm still here fighting, just having to push aside the depression to come in here.



Bob, how is Mrs Bob these days? Legs healing OK?

Mrs Bob is doing pretty good. Her next appt with the ortho is on Tuesday. Hopefully she will get out of the boot and into an ankle brace and out of the ankle brace on the other leg. She walked all the way up and down our stairs tonight.

My appt with the neurosurgeon is Wednesday.

I'm glad the Atavil is helping your nightmares somewhat.

[sawgrass]

Originally Posted by BobInTX

Mrs Bob is doing pretty good. Her next appt with the ortho is on Tuesday. Hopefully she will get out of the boot and into an ankle brace and out of the ankle brace on the other leg. She walked all the way up and down our stairs tonight.

My appt with the neurosurgeon is Wednesday.

I'm glad the Atavil is helping your nightmares somewhat.

As you know I spent some time away form here so I'm a little behind.

You have mentioned your back and now both of your wife's legs. Did you have an accident or something? Feel free to tell me to mmob, but I sure hope that you are both on the upside of whatever is going on. Bob you are a very kind man, and have extended yourself in many ways to your family and to your friends such as LW.

[BobInTX]

Originally Posted by sawgrass

As you know I spent some time away form here so I'm a little behind.

You have mentioned your back and now both of your wife's legs. Did you have an accident or something? Feel free to tell me to mmob, but I sure hope that you are both on the upside of whatever is going on. Bob you are a very kind man, and have extended yourself in many ways to your family and to your friends such as LW.

sawgrass, back in early June I was sitting in my recliner working on my laptop for a couple of hours. When I got up I had shooting pains in my hip and leg. One thing led to another, and I have now had MRI's on my hip, lumbar back, thoracic back, and neck.

My main problem giving me pain is some narrowing of the disks in my lower back. The MRI for that also showed a "syrinx" in my thoracic spine, therefore the thoracic and neck MRI's. A syrinx is a collection of spinal fluid. It's not supposed to collect like that. It can be caused by trauma, a tumor, and some other things. I don't remember any trauma and the MRI evidently is not showing a tumor. It can eventually lead to some not so nice things, like paralysis and loss of bladder control. They will treat my lower back with injections, but my orthopedic surgeon did not want to screw up the syrinx in my thoracic spine, which he had never seen one in the thoracic area before. So he referred me to a neurosurgeon. He is so busy that my appointment was a month out from when they called me to schedule.

The syrinx is not causing my leg pain, but the ortho dr said it is fortunate that we found it. My appointment is Wednesday. I don't know if I will have to have surgery on it or what. That's the last thing I want, but I don't want the other horrible things it causes either. I don't have any of the symptoms that it can show, so I'm hoping the neurosurgeon will just want to watch it and see if it grows. In the meantime, the only treatment I've had for my back, leg and hip pain is hydrocodone. I am ready to get something done about it.

Mrs. Bob's problem is totally unrelated. We were going to my middle grandson's last T-ball game. This was after my problem started. I was walking up ahead of her, and she was so worried about me falling that she didn't see the prairie dog hole behind the backstop and stepped in it. She fell and broke her right ankle and severely sprained the left one. She had a cast and a boot for a while and then graduated to a boot and an ankle brace. Her appt is tomorrow. I think he will just put her in an ankle brace on the foot that was broken and release her.

[Magnus2131]

Originally Posted by BobInTX

sawgrass, back in early June I was sitting in my recliner working on my laptop for a couple of hours. When I got up I had shooting pains in my hip and leg. One thing led to another, and I have now had MRI's on my hip, lumbar back, thoracic back, and neck.

My main problem giving me pain is some narrowing of the disks in my lower back. The MRI for that also showed a "syrinx" in my thoracic spine, therefore the thoracic and neck MRI's. A syrinx is a collection of spinal fluid. It's not supposed to collect like that. It can be caused by trauma, a tumor, and some other things. I don't remember any trauma and the MRI evidently is not showing a tumor. It can eventually lead to some not so nice things, like paralysis and loss of bladder control. They will treat my lower back with injections, but my orthopedic surgeon did not want to screw up the syrinx in my thoracic spine, which he had never seen one in the thoracic area before. So he referred me to a neurosurgeon. He is so busy that my appointment was a month out from when they called me to schedule.

The syrinx is not causing my leg pain, but the ortho dr said it is fortunate that we found it. My appointment is Wednesday. I don't know if I will have to have surgery on it or what. That's the last thing I want, but I don't want the other horrible things it causes either. I don't have any of the symptoms that it can show, so I'm hoping the neurosurgeon will just want to watch it and see if it grows. In the meantime, the only treatment I've had for my back, leg and hip pain is hydrocodone. I am ready to get something done about it.

Mrs. Bob's problem is totally unrelated. We were going to my middle grandson's last T-ball game. This was after my problem started. I was walking up ahead of her, and she was so worried about me falling that she didn't see the prairie dog hole behind the backstop and stepped in it. She fell and broke her right ankle and severely sprained the left one. She had a cast and a boot for a while and then graduated to a boot and an ankle brace. Her appt is tomorrow. I think he will just put her in an ankle brace on the foot that was broken and release her.

That pocket of spinal fluid would have me worried. That could indeed be serious. Hope the neurosurgeon can do something for you. Curious as to what he says. Unfortunately I'm scheduled for another back surgery. Two more disks with the works, rods, screw and cages. Have to tell you after laying around so many years getting weaker, I'm a little worried about this one but not ready to give up yet. I like walking too much. Best of luck and I'll be praying for you, LW, Skidoo and the rest of the gimp squad.

[Magnus2131]

Originally Posted by cmb19

Ativan?!?! I was on that stuff in the hospital...so was my uncle that is burned on 75% of his body. We had the WORST hallucinations the entire time we were on it.

If you start having worse/new dreams, it's definitely going to be that stuff.

I'm not even exaggerating, my uncle actually wanted him and I to write a book about our hallucinations because we had so many.

When I first woke up (I remember my hallucinations from when I was in a "coma") I thought I had my legs cut off at the knees. Really, honestly, thought half my legs were gone. I also thought I was raped by a doctor and a nurse...that's the one I've never told my family because I know they will get really upset.
My uncle thought his kids had been taken away and he would never see them again.

I've seen three people I know have hallucinations from morphine. One friend thought he was hell and seen a demon sitting on a shelf. Forgot who everyone was for about 4 days. He come out of it but told me he was never the same after.

[BobInTX]

Originally Posted by Magnus2131

I've seen three people I know have hallucinations from morphine. One friend thought he was hell and seen a demon sitting on a shelf. Forgot who everyone was for about 4 days. He come out of it but told me he was never the same after.

My boss, who is now deceased, had that reaction to morphine. After back surgery, Magnus.

Thanks for the prayers.

[CJStudent]

Originally Posted by Magnus2131

I've seen three people I know have hallucinations from morphine. One friend thought he was hell and seen a demon sitting on a shelf. Forgot who everyone was for about 4 days. He come out of it but told me he was never the same after.

My stepdad had BAD hallucinations/nightmares when he was on it following bypass surgery (quadruple! bypass).

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by Magnus2131

I've seen three people I know have hallucinations from morphine. One friend thought he was hell and seen a demon sitting on a shelf. Forgot who everyone was for about 4 days. He come out of it but told me he was never the same after.

A friend of mine was just given Morphine a few weeks ago for his back, and he reacted badly to it. Nasty stomach pain, stuff like that. He can't take it anymore, he had to go back to hydrocodone. He told me he's temped to ask me for a Fentanyl patch, but is too scared to. And I don't think it's me he's scared of. I'm lucky that I don't react badly to pain meds, or I'd be screwed. I guess reacting to anti-depressants is enough for one person.

Bob, I'm hoping your neurosurgeon's appointment goes well, be sure to keep us posted. BTW, I have a neurologist appointment tomorrow. My oncologist wasn't convinced the previous doc's finding of a normal brain was accurate.

[sawgrass]

Bob I hope your appt. goes well and that everything is ok
with your wife's ankles. Having you both down must be rough.

[BobInTX]

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

A friend of mine was just given Morphine a few weeks ago for his back, and he reacted badly to it. Nasty stomach pain, stuff like that. He can't take it anymore, he had to go back to hydrocodone. He told me he's temped to ask me for a Fentanyl patch, but is too scared to. And I don't think it's me he's scared of. I'm lucky that I don't react badly to pain meds, or I'd be screwed. I guess reacting to anti-depressants is enough for one person.

Bob, I'm hoping your neurosurgeon's appointment goes well, be sure to keep us posted. BTW, I have a neurologist appointment tomorrow. My oncologist wasn't convinced the previous doc's finding of a normal brain was accurate.

What do they think is going on? Is there some Taliban in there?