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Old 02-09-2011, 17:41   #6741
Lone_Wolfe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gyfgyf View Post
Hi LW,

Many hugs (billion, trillion, godzillion..) are on the way.

Thanks,
Gyfgyf
Thanks back, I could use them today.



Quote:
Originally Posted by okie View Post
Love you sweetie pie: smootchie:: hugs:: hearts:
Love you, sweetie.


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Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
Hang in there Sweetheart, you are going to get through this! More hugs on the way as reqested.:hugs : Lovely young lady Bob, congratulations!
I hope so. Days like today I find myself wondering, then realizing I'm just too numb to care.



Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Those pics work now, thank you. Mrs Bob says thanks too.
You're very welcome, Mrs. Bob! You too, Mr. Bob.

Now look what it's up to. Enjoy!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
Beautiful baby Emily!: wavey:

LW - for you : hugs:
Isn't she a little cutie?!?

back.



Quote:
Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
LW I think it's good that you have been able to let so much out.
It's ok to feel angry, numb and lost. You recognize it, therefore
you can begin crawling away from it. It's a process that you are
going to complete.

The baby pic wasn't here when I first posted.
She is absolutely beautiful. Congrats to all involved!
Strange problems with my pics lately, but I've seen it happening to other people as well, so I think it's photobucket. BTW, you'd love Zonny, I hope you do get to meet her.

I've let so much out lately that I feel completely empty and drained out, like all I want do is try to crawl away and can't even do that right now. I can barely even get up and move today. My terrorist noticed today, he went easy on me because he said I looked like I was just empty, inside and out. Right now I wonder if I'll ever feel anything like normal again. I wonder why I even care.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 02-09-2011, 17:54   #6742
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What does your shrink have to say about feeling numb after crying so much?
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Old 02-10-2011, 02:20   #6743
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Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
What does your shrink have to say about feeling numb after crying so much?
I don't know, I didn't see him yesterday. I'll find out in a couple hours I guess. He'll probably find a way to make me some more. Bastard!
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 02-10-2011, 13:19   #6744
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Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
What does your shrink have to say about feeling numb after crying so much?
I would not be surprised if he thinks that is a good sign. Perhaps she has finally cried most or all of it out of her system at last.

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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I don't know, I didn't see him yesterday. I'll find out in a couple hours I guess. He'll probably find a way to make me some more. Bastard!
Wolfe if he makes you cry then he is doing his job. You are finally releasing a lot of pain that has been trapped inside you for far too long. He wants you to let it all out so true healing can begin. Please tell us how it went today.

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Originally Posted by Glock26girl View Post
Thank you, Lord, for what you are doing in Wolfe's life right now. We pray that you will help her to get it "all" out and then lovingly cover the wound with your grace. What a blessing it is that she is getting better day by day. Keep her cradled in Your arms, Father and help her to keep running the race. In Jesus' name, we pray, Amen.
Amen.
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I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
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Old 02-10-2011, 13:30   #6745
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Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post


Wolfe if he makes you cry then he is doing his job. You are finally releasing a lot of pain that has been trapped inside you for far too long. He wants you to let it all out so true healing can begin. Please tell us how it went today.

That's OK


but


day might come where, if someone makes LW cry around me, he's gonna get a punch on the nose!

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Old 02-10-2011, 13:56   #6746
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Old 02-10-2011, 14:29   #6747
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oops.

Present company and friends accepted, of course.


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Old 02-10-2011, 17:30   #6748
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Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
That's OK


but


day might come where, if someone makes LW cry around me, he's gonna get a punch on the nose!

My hero!

I say that about you a lot, don't I? Guess that's because it's true.



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: outtahere:
You get back here! My shrink says he wants your help. Here you go, here's a reason to come back...
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Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
I would not be surprised if he thinks that is a good sign. Perhaps she has finally cried most or all of it out of her system at last.

Wolfe if he makes you cry then he is doing his job. You are finally releasing a lot of pain that has been trapped inside you for far too long. He wants you to let it all out so true healing can begin. Please tell us how it went today.
.
He asked me questions and badgered me to get me to react, but I still felt so numb and empty I couldn't do much. He finally prodded me enough that I clawed him a little, which seemed to make him happy. He said he thinks the logjam finally let go and jokingly blamed me for the flooding on this base. I wonder if he's right about that. He said that now that he thinks I've cried most of the "mental infection" out it's time to start putting healthy thoughts and feelings back in before more bad crap can get back in and reinfect. He said to "Get your internet friends to pile it on you that you're not responsible for anyone's death and that you're alive today for a reason and it's meant to be that way". So I guess I should be happy right now because my shrink is happy. At least he didn't have me bawling again today, but not because he didn't try.

I just wish that my chest was as numb as I am inside. On that subject, my doc wants to do another MRI in the next couple days and is plannig to do another series of steroid injections. He said he's going to "adjust" the dosage. I assume he meant "lower" it. I'm not looking forward to that, but my terrorist said it's a good idea because the last few sessions I haven't made any progress. Guess he spoke to soon recently when he said I'd been making good progress.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 02-10-2011, 18:11   #6749
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LW,

God still has a purpose for your life.

You have been through a lot, and you will be a gift to many others because of all that you are learning through this experience.

He is NOT done with you yet!

You are not responsible for what happened to anyone else.

There is a purpose that you have yet to fill. God still needs you here!

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Old 02-10-2011, 22:31   #6750
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I saw you responded to a post about this:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_theloo...-since-vietnam

This guy is definitely a hero. We all admire and respect him. Here is what happened:

"When an insurgent force ambush split Specialist Giunta's squad into two groups, he exposed himself to enemy fire to pull a comrade back to cover. Later, while engaging the enemy and attempting to link up with the rest of his squad, Specialist Giunta noticed two insurgents carrying away a fellow soldier. He immediately engaged the enemy, killing one and wounding the other, and provided medical aid to his wounded comrade while the rest of his squad caught up and provided security. His courage and leadership while under extreme enemy fire were integral to his platoon's ability defeat an enemy ambush and recover a fellow American paratrooper from enemy hands.

Giunta...was shot twice during the incident in the valley that day, though neither bullet pierced the body armor he was wearing"

The paratrooper died.

Hmmm...seems like I've heard a story like this before. Let's see. Where was it?



Lone_Wolfe lived.

These stories are very similar. The only differences are Sgt Giunta lived. Greg died. The paratrooper died. You lived.

Four soldiers have been awarded the Medal of Honor in the Afghanistan War. None of them were leading an attack on the enemy and wiping them out. All of them were helping their brothers.

Robert James Miller: Fatally shot while diverting gunfire from Taliban forces in Afghanistan so that his fellow comrades could escape.

Jared C. Monti: Killed while trying to rescue a wounded soldier from intense small arms and rocket-propelled grenade fire. SPC Bradbury subsequently died during his evacuation when the cable on the rescue hoist lifting him to a 159th Medical Company (Air Ambulance) helicopter broke. The fall also killed Staff Sergeant Heathe Craig, 28, a medic from Severn, Maryland. So in trying to save the one man, three men wound up dying.

Michael P. Murphy: Led a four-man reconnaissance team in a fight against superior numbers, exposed himself to hostile fire in order to call for help and was killed. When help came in a helicopter, the insurgents fired a RPG into the back of the helicopter and killed 16 people on board. Only one man survived from Michael Murphy's team, Marcus Luttrell. So in exchange for trying to save 4 people, 19 people were killed.

Salvatore Giunta: For risking his life to save a wounded soldier from being captured. Is the first living recipient since the Vietnam War. The soldier died.

I think any of these four guys would have broke cover and come after you in a heartbeat. None of them probably thought about what they were doing, they just did it.

I believe that Greg deserves a medal, too. I hope his family received one.



All of these men could be considered foolish now. Some of them, by their actions, caused even more people to get killed, if you want to look at it that way. All but one paid the ultimate price.

But at the time these events occurred, they were only doing what needed to be done. Not all men, or women, are up to this task.

Only 3,471 Medals of Honor have been awarded since they began in the Civil War. They don't just give these out to anybody. The recipient shows "conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of life above and beyond the call of duty." Intrepidity means fearless bravery. Gallantry means "spirited and conspicuous bravery". That's why most of us say that we don't know if we could have done that if we were there.

These MOH recipients weren't just saving some guy over there. These were their friends. I heard Sgt Giunta on the radio last night say that he would give up the Medal of Honor if he could just have his friends back. I'm sure he wasn't saying "Oh, there's a guy over there. I need to help him". No, it was "I've got to save Josh!" and that's why he did what he did, probably without even thinking.



Greg wasn't just trying to rescue some soldier, he was rescuing his friend. I notice you call him "Greg", not Sgt Smith. I doubt if he would have done that if it was one of the "grunts" who he didn't even know. It doesn't matter why he was there or why he did what he did, the important thing is that he WAS there and he did do what he did. The right man was in the right place at the right time.

Would he have done this if he knew he was going to die? Maybe not. Did he know he could die? Yes, and that's what makes him a hero. Would he be proud that you are alive, even though he's dead? Yes, I'm sure of it. We all have to die sometime. What better way to go than by displaying conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of life above and beyond the call of duty.

You feel that Greg was foolish because it was you who he saved and he paid for it with his life. If he hadn't died it would be different. I think it is normal for you to feel that way. I know you would gladly trade your life for his.

It wasn't rational for any of these men to do what they did. Why would someone rush into a situation where they could be killed? Why not hide behind cover until it's all over? Why didn't Lone_Wolfe just stay at the base until it was all over?

That is the source of your guilt. If you had just waited for another day none of this would have happened. If the Colonel had just said no none of this would have happened. If the helicopter hadn't broken down none of this would have happened. If Greg had just not gone on the convoy he would still be alive. If the first MRAP had hit the IED instead of the second none of this would happened. If the Afghanis hadn't put a bomb in the road none of this would have happened. If the grunts just would have seen the ambush coming none of this would have happened. If Greg hadn't broken cover he would still be alive. If you had just not gone to Afghanistan none this would have happened. If the President hadn't decided to invade Afghanistan none of this would have happened. If 9/11 hadn't happened none of this would have happened. If we had had better security at airports and in cockpits none of this would have happened. If Osama bin Laden wasn't a religious fanatic none of this would have happened. If you hadn't joined the Army none of this would have happened. If Greg hadn't joined the Army he would still be alive. If you just hadn't decided to go into the computer field none of this would have happened. If Greg hadn't become a mechanic none of this would have happened. If you had never been born none of this would have happened. If God hadn't created the universe, none of this would have happened.

If, if if! Change any of these "ifs" and you wouldn't be sitting where you are today, in pain and anguish of guilt. You see how far back you can take it? You might as well be asking yourself why God created the universe as to ask yourself why you went on the convoy. God loves his creation, he loves you, and you were just trying to do your job. You weren't out for a joy ride, you were trying to save lives, just like Salvatore, Robert, Michael, Jared, and Greg. You just couldn't see whose life you were trying to save.

Why did Greg break cover? Because he had conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity. You didn't ask him to save you. You've made it quite clear that once you were shot you couldn't move and you couldn't make a sound. He went to save you because he was that kind of man.

Why did you go on the convoy? Not to get Greg killed and yourself shot, by any means. You were trying to do your job and save lives. That was more important to you and the Army than the risk that your convoy could come under attack. You were doing what needed to be done.

But "Why" doesn't matter. Not really. "Why" doesn't change anything. What matters is "What now?" Do you continue to beat yourself up for the "what ifs" and live every day beside the road, or do you forgive all involved, including God, yourself, Greg, the Colonel, the grunts, President Bush, your mother and father for having sex, and thank God every day that you are alive, and move on to the next chapter in your life?
I think this is a good post for you to read again.
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Old 02-11-2011, 08:05   #6751
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He not talkin' ta yu!


Wolfe, I hope you can think about at least one thing a day that makes you
happy. Maybe take a few minutes and focus on breathing as well as you can
and think about something that makes you feel good. You're here and we are
very happy about that.

I have to tell you because I'm about ready to lose my mind...(i don't normally
complain about winter), it's going to be in the 30's for a few days! 8 below right now which is the warmest am this week, but it's going to warm up!
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Old 02-11-2011, 17:39   #6752
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
I think this is a good post for you to read again.
Thanks Bob, my slow connection makes it hard to go back hunting posts like that. I'm reading. Right now I'm so numb I feel like I'm reading through someone else's eyes, but strangely I think that's what my shrink wants right now.

BTW, I got those beautiful pics you sent me, shall I post them in here?



Quote:
Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
Wolfe, I hope you can think about at least one thing a day that makes you
happy. Maybe take a few minutes and focus on breathing as well as you can
and think about something that makes you feel good. You're here and we are
very happy about that.

I have to tell you because I'm about ready to lose my mind...(i don't normally
complain about winter), it's going to be in the 30's for a few days! 8 below right now which is the warmest am this week, but it's going to warm up!
I definitely focus on breathing at least once a day, usually several, but not in a good way like most people can. Right now the thought of NOT having to think about breathing makes me happy. haha

We got down into the 30's here a few times in the last few weeks, I can hardly breathe air that cold. Did I tell you that I'll visit you in something like JULY?

I hope winter is almost over for you. Didn't the groundhog say it is?



Quote:
Originally Posted by kcb View Post
LW,

God still has a purpose for your life.

You have been through a lot, and you will be a gift to many others because of all that you are learning through this experience.

He is NOT done with you yet!

You are not responsible for what happened to anyone else.

There is a purpose that you have yet to fill. God still needs you here!

That's one message that seems to be common in here, that somehow my experiences and my posting about it in here helps others. Sometimes people share why it helps them with me, a lot of times they don't. I just know that somehow it's part of why I'm still here. It can't be all of it though, I can't explain how I know that but I do. Guess we'll find out what God's still got in mind for me, won't we? If I come to know what it is that God kept me around for I'll post it here if it's a good idea to do so.

Speaking of things God kept me around to do, don't worry this time about Skidoo's absence. I got a message from his sister that he's fine, but his internet is down. Poor guy is stuck in his house with no GT, but at least I don't have to send the cavalry to break his door down again.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 02-11-2011, 18:12   #6753
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Hi ya sweety!
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LW would have laughed that round off her chest.
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Old 02-11-2011, 19:57   #6754
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Sure, you can post the pics. I hope they brightened your day.
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Old 02-12-2011, 00:12   #6755
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Bob,
God has blessed you with intelligence, empathy and the ability to pull multiple thoughts together, helping our Wolfe to "feel" what you are saying. I also feel fortunate to have found this site for my own personal growth, as well as everything I've gained from getting to know Wolfe. God is using you to help untold numbers of people. Bless you and your family.
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Old 02-12-2011, 00:25   #6756
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Thank you, everyone, for your kind comments. I've been blessed here, also.
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Old 02-12-2011, 17:34   #6757
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Sure, you can post the pics. I hope they brightened your day.
She's a little cutie, that's for sure. I'll try to get the pics posted tomorrow, my hajji-net connection isn't cooperating tonight.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus2131 View Post
Hi ya sweety! : hugs:: hugs:
Hiya back, you sweetheart!



Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Thank you, everyone, for your kind comments. I've been blessed here, also.
At first I read that and wondered what you could be getting from this thread since you're doing so much to help, but I know if I could help someone as much as you have I'd get something from it too.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock26girl View Post
Bob,
God has blessed you with intelligence, empathy and the ability to pull multiple thoughts together, helping our Wolfe to "feel" what you are saying. I also feel fortunate to have found this site for my own personal growth, as well as everything I've gained from getting to know Wolfe. God is using you to help untold numbers of people. Bless you and your family.
Bob does write well, doesn't he. Probably better than I do. I hope God blesses all of you that have been coming in here and helping me through this. I hope I'm improving enough that all of you can see it and know you had a part in it. BTW, I got an update from Skidoo's sis, he's still fine, but probably ready to beat someone at his ISP with a cane for not sending someone to fix his connection.

My shrink pushed at me a little today, but when he realized that I'm still numb, plus I got less than 2 hours sleep last night and am feeling it he went pretty easy and went back to his usual tactic of asking what I want to talk about. I started asking him stuff about what he thought might happen from here and he threw out a few possibilities, most of which are improvements from where I am now. Of course he was really vague because he didn't want to plant specifics in my head. He doesn't think the nightmares will just disappear, but he does think it'll be possible for me to sleep without being so heavily medicated because he thinks the pyschosis is almost gone now. Once that's gone he thinks me sleep will be closer to normal. Or at least normal for a person with PTSD.

My physical terrorist tortured me again today, damn, that freakin' hurt. He wasn't happy, he says I've hit a bit of a wall lately and he might have to try something different. Hey, think you could try taking it easy on me for a few days?
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 02-12-2011, 19:29   #6758
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Psychosis almost gone? That's good news.

I would love for you to have a good dream.
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Old 02-12-2011, 19:57   #6759
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Physical terrorists have a one size fits all mentality. When I was rehabbing one of my knee replacements, I warned them how bad my back was. Sure enough, I hurt myself pulling on one of them rubber things and now have five bad disks instead of four and that one now hurts the worst since they refuse to do anymore surgery on my back.
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LW would have laughed that round off her chest.
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Old 02-13-2011, 08:44   #6760
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The psyshosis is almost gone?! It was a bad filter, the tech replaced it and I'm back online. Cane hell! I was ready to get The Angry Fist of God out of the safe!
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