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Old 02-03-2011, 08:36   #6701
sawgrass
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Thinking about you...hang in there.
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Old 02-03-2011, 10:26   #6702
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww Can I come over and scratch her little chin?
Of course.

You may want to stay a while.


Mardi-Gras is on the immediate horizon and I live one block over from a parade route in this little town.

Plenty of beads and moonpies.
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Old 02-03-2011, 11:23   #6703
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Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
Of course.

You may want to stay a while.


Mardi-Gras is on the immediate horizon and I live one block over from a parade route in this little town.

Plenty of beads and moonpies.
You wouldn't mind that too much, would you?

The Mardi-Gras is definitely on my bucket list. But lower on the list than meeting you and scratching Marylin.
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Old 02-03-2011, 17:15   #6704
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Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
You did a good job of writing anyway. Keep it up because I think you are finally getting it out.

That is too cold for me. Wolfe I hope you are much warmer over there. I agree that your posts sound better and these thoughts are overdue.

sawgrass what color will that one be? Those are beautiful and Wolfe can have it in her CHU. It may not be a coincidence that hers is budding right now. That was such a nice gift.
Something's coming out, it sure feels like ****, so I hope that's good. It's cold here too, and we're under water. My chest is explaining in detail how much it hates the cold and damp.

The box is right, it's going to be red, and very pretty. If by the coincidence you mean that it's opening up around the same time I am, you may have a point. I've always looked at flowers in this context as more a sign of the person emerging from whatever bad is happening, in this case I think it's opening a bit soon. But maybe it's trying to show me what's to come.



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Thinking about you...hang in there.: hugs:
Thanks, I need those I didn't see my shrink today, but my terrorist did his best to make up for it. He damn sure brought tears to my eyes. Bad enough that I could tell he felt bad about it. He said I've made progress in that I'm able to push and resist more than I was. He's got a couple guages set up that I push in various ways, or resist him pulling or pushing, so he can measure how strong I am or am not. He said I'm still far below where I should be in that, but it's getting better. He also said my ability to inflate my lungs is making slow progress, but there is progress. It's been a couple weeks since I had wore than a mild breathing attack, so I think he's right about that. I also notice it doesn't get quite as hard and painful to breathe in the cold as last year. Still bad, but I'll damn sure take the improvement over last year.


I took this a few minutes ago. This thing is growing fast!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Bring it on, Sister!
I've spent most of today curled up under Brown hawk's proverbial desk. I just needed to try not to think about any of this because right now I feel so overwhelmed by it all. Of course I didn't have much luck keeping it turned off completely, but at least I was busy for a while. That helped some, but it's been trying to take over all evening again. Guess I should just let it, so it can maybe over with quicker. Right now I feel such a mix of things that I didn't before that it's hard to even understand myself, let alone explain. I find when I do manage to get some of it written out it starts to make a little sense. I wrote all that stuff a couple days ago and then realized how angry I sound, and I know I shouldn't be. Except maybe at that Afghani bastard that is. But my shrink said it's normal and he's glad I'm finally feeling it. I just feel angry at myself and bad because among other things I'm angry about right now I'm feeling like I'm angry at Greg and at everyone involved in saving my life. Strange, huh?
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 02-03-2011, 17:28   #6705
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Love you sweetie pie
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Old 02-04-2011, 06:07   #6706
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Hi Sweetheart!
Breathing attacks are lessening in frequency and intensity, your terrorist is happy because he sees progress. All the stuff in your head is coming to the top and your psychiatrist is happy because he sees progress. Were in a quandary because we see the progress too but we also see your suffering and it breaks our heart but know we are always at your side in good times and bad. Every once in a while, take a look at your surroundings, no Sweetheart, youre not getting taller, the mountain that blocked your view for the last two years is still there but you are climbing it. Soon you will stand atop it. Breathe deep and enjoy the view, it means those damn demons tucked their tales between their legs and went home with throbbing headaches. It seems each of us took batting practice until we grew tired of the squishy sound.
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Old 02-04-2011, 12:45   #6707
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Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
Of course.

You may want to stay a while.


Mardi-Gras is on the immediate horizon and I live one block over from a parade route in this little town.

Plenty of beads and moonpies.
If you keep talking like that you may never get rid of her. Is that what you want?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Something's coming out, it sure feels like ****, so I hope that's good.

I've spent most of today curled up under Brown hawk's proverbial desk. I just needed to try not to think about any of this because right now I feel so overwhelmed by it all. Of course I didn't have much luck keeping it turned off completely, but at least I was busy for a while. That helped some, but it's been trying to take over all evening again. Guess I should just let it, so it can maybe over with quicker. Right now I feel such a mix of things that I didn't before that it's hard to even understand myself, let alone explain. I find when I do manage to get some of it written out it starts to make a little sense. I wrote all that stuff a couple days ago and then realized how angry I sound, and I know I shouldn't be. Except maybe at that Afghani bastard that is. But my shrink said it's normal and he's glad I'm finally feeling it. I just feel angry at myself and bad because among other things I'm angry about right now I'm feeling like I'm angry at Greg and at everyone involved in saving my life. Strange, huh?
I think the worse the crap coming out of you feels then the better off you will be with it gone. Think of it as draining an infection out of you. You want all to drain out so you can cleanse the would and allow it to heal. Getting all the infection out before closing the wound is essential in my job and I believe it will be essential to you also. That means you need to cry and talk it out while you can. I also think anger and even rage is a normal part of the healing process and this is also way overdue for you. Stop chastising yourself and let yourself feel what you need to in order to heal. And we are all angry at the Afghani who shot you.

Your flower is very beautiful but it looks more pink than red. It is showing you what will come in your life if you keep working at getting better.
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I mean, Im mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
Rest in Peace Jeff Abshire-1962-2012-aka 23Skidoo
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Old 02-04-2011, 13:04   #6708
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Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
If you keep talking like that you may never get rid of her. Is that what you want?
Ladies leaving doesn't seem to be one of my problems.

Getting them to stay . . . well, at least the cat comes back.




BTW - I do ship moonpies and beads if given an address.
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Old 02-04-2011, 13:20   #6709
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
If you keep talking like that you may never get rid of her. Is that what you want?


I think the worse the crap coming out of you feels then the better off you will be with it gone. Think of it as draining an infection out of you. You want all to drain out so you can cleanse the would and allow it to heal. Getting all the infection out before closing the wound is essential in my job and I believe it will be essential to you also. That means you need to cry and talk it out while you can. I also think anger and even rage is a normal part of the healing process and this is also way overdue for you. Stop chastising yourself and let yourself feel what you need to in order to heal. And we are all angry at the Afghani who shot you.

Your flower is very beautiful but it looks more pink than red. It is showing you what will come in your life if you keep working at getting better.
Ewwwww. Pus!

If you're feeling up to it, this would be a good time to write a letter to the "old" Lone_Wolfe, you before 12/08. You two have a lot to talk about.

Mrs. Bob loves her some Amaryllis.
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Old 02-04-2011, 15:34   #6710
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Thank you, Lord, for what you are doing in Wolfe's life right now. We pray that you will help her to get it "all" out and then lovingly cover the wound with your grace. What a blessing it is that she is getting better day by day. Keep her cradled in Your arms, Father and help her to keep running the race. In Jesus' name, we pray, Amen.
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Old 02-04-2011, 18:24   #6711
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okie View Post
Love you sweetie pie: smootchie:: hugs:
okie, you're the sweetie.



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Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
Hi Sweetheart!
Breathing attacks are lessening in frequency and intensity, your terrorist is happy because he sees progress. All the stuff in your head is coming to the top and your psychiatrist is happy because he sees progress. Were in a quandary because we see the progress too but we also see your suffering and it breaks our heart but know we are always at your side in good times and bad. Every once in a while, take a look at your surroundings, no Sweetheart, youre not getting taller, the mountain that blocked your view for the last two years is still there but you are climbing it. Soon you will stand atop it. Breathe deep and enjoy the view, it means those damn demons tucked their tales between their legs and went home with throbbing headaches. It seems each of us took batting practice until we grew tired of the squishy sound.: hugs:
Yep, those do seem like good signs to me, too. The sleeplessness, pain and nightmares isn't changing much, but hopefully that will follow soon. Doc reminded me today that it's still a long road in front of me and not to get to thinking I'll be fine in a few weeks or months. Like I thought otherwise. Still, I'll be damn glad to be feeling better than I am now. In the mean time I have to keep fighting and telling a couple of those demons in my head to **** off. I wish you folks would take some batting practice on them demons, but I don't know which one to have you start with. Well, I do have one suggestion, but who gets it after him.........



Quote:
Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
Ladies leaving doesn't seem to be one of my problems.

Getting them to stay . . . well, at least the cat comes back.

: supergrin:


BTW - I do ship moonpies and beads if given an address.

Somehow I don't think you'd have that problem, unless you told me to go.... And a certain cat would get her fur rubbed off. Moonpies and beads, eh? Think I'll have to send you my address over here.




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Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Ewwwww. Pus!

If you're feeling up to it, this would be a good time to write a letter to the "old" Lone_Wolfe, you before 12/08. You two have a lot to talk about.

Mrs. Bob loves her some Amaryllis.
Hmmmmmmm, wrote a letter to myself before I got shot. So what would I say? "Say No when you're asked if you'll deploy to Afghanistan". That would really mess up the timelime, because 'me' as I am now wouldn't exist to go back and write to the old me.

But seriously, what should I talk about? I'm really not sure here.

Tonight's pics is especially for Mrs. Bob, for being kind enough to 'share' you and your time to help me like you have.
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I was going to write more, but it hasn't been an easy day at all and I haven't been able to concentrate on anything. But it feels like my sleep meds are finally close to kicking in. I'm glad, because that'll mean this day is finally over. Aren't I supposed to start feeling better after crying this much? Maybe I'll just blame my shrink and the rain, since they both did their thing with me today. I'm starting to think of my shrink as a terrorist too.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 02-04-2011, 19:30   #6712
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^^^ Mrs Bob said "oh that's so pretty! Thank You!"

Re the letter, I think asking her why she went on the convoy would be a good start. She needs to tell you she's sorry. Then talk about how this has changed your life. Ask her if she knew she was that tough, to live through it. Talk about dreams she had before. Talk about things you wish she had known then that you know now, besides the painfully obvious. Tell her about blessings you have received since the ambush. Yes, blessings. Tell her how the house she bought and the beautiful iris garden she made doesn't feel like home to you anymore. I'll bet she'll be surprised to hear that you can't stand to be around guns anymore, and that you got rid of your collection. Tell her how a man saved your life and died. Tell her how you saved another man's life. Tell her about dreams you have now (no not the nightmares).

Just write. Make it a conversation if you can.
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Last edited by BobInTX; 02-04-2011 at 19:55.. Reason: I wasn't finished. Dang iPhone.
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Old 02-04-2011, 21:30   #6713
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I'm going to say it again, "Bob, Darlin' you are a good man."

LW, you aren't the average woman and you can do this.
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Old 02-05-2011, 12:30   #6714
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I hope you overslept Sweetheart.
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Old 02-05-2011, 12:36   #6715
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Love you sweetheart
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Old 02-05-2011, 13:12   #6716
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I was going to write more, but it hasn't been an easy day at all and I haven't been able to concentrate on anything. But it feels like my sleep meds are finally close to kicking in. I'm glad, because that'll mean this day is finally over. Aren't I supposed to start feeling better after crying this much? Maybe I'll just blame my shrink and the rain, since they both did their thing with me today. I'm starting to think of my shrink as a terrorist too.
Wolfe you will start to feel better and hopefully soon. If you are not feeling better yet it means the bad stuff in your head has not come out yet. Just keep the faucet or hydrant open.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock26girl View Post
Thank you, Lord, for what you are doing in Wolfe's life right now. We pray that you will help her to get it "all" out and then lovingly cover the wound with your grace. What a blessing it is that she is getting better day by day. Keep her cradled in Your arms, Father and help her to keep running the race. In Jesus' name, we pray, Amen.
I would like to echo this prayer. Glock26girl you said it so beautifully.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Ewwwww. Pus!

If you're feeling up to it, this would be a good time to write a letter to the "old" Lone_Wolfe, you before 12/08. You two have a lot to talk about.

Mrs. Bob loves her some Amaryllis.
Pus is nasty especially when mixed with blood. Have we made sure we have enough bats for everyone or do I need to go buy more?

Wolfe I like the idea of writing to your old self but I do wish you could go back and tell her to tell the person who asked you to deploy to take a hike. I only wish the old you had a way to write back. Her response to you telling her you got rid of all your guns would probably be priceless and very unprintable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
I hope you overslept Sweetheart.::
23skidoo we can wish. How are you doing?
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I mean, Im mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
Rest in Peace Jeff Abshire-1962-2012-aka 23Skidoo
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Old 02-05-2011, 17:57   #6717
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
I hope you overslept Sweetheart.: hugs:: hearts:: iloveyou:
I wish. No, sleep wasn't meant to be.



Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
^^^ Mrs Bob said "oh that's so pretty! Thank You!"
.
Well I've tried to write someting to post, anything at all, and I just can't get anything to come out. I just don't want to talk, I just want to curl up in a ball and give up right now. Someone remind me why I can't do that.

I do have something for you, Mrs. Bob. I'm glad you like my orangy-red Amaryllis. I love it too. It's a real bright spot in an otherwise dingy world over here.

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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 02-05-2011, 18:22   #6718
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Sweetheart, I know you hurt, every day, you're tired of hurting. Look back to February 2010. You have came so far since then, much too far to quit now. Hang in there Sweetheart. You are going to get past this.
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Old 02-05-2011, 19:38   #6719
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I wish. No, sleep wasn't meant to be.





Well I've tried to write someting to post, anything at all, and I just can't get anything to come out. I just don't want to talk, I just want to curl up in a ball and give up right now. Someone remind me why I can't do that.

I do have something for you, Mrs. Bob. I'm glad you like my orangy-red Amaryllis. I love it too. It's a real bright spot in an otherwise dingy world over here.

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So pretty! Thanks and thank you Sawgrass.
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Old 02-06-2011, 12:36   #6720
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LW my best friend and her sister are in Tucson for a few days.
There is a big gem and jewelery show. They are having a very good time and it sounds like the shopping is going very well.

Me thinks you and I should go to this one of these days!

Have you ever been? It sounds like it's a big deal. I know they had a heck
of a time getting a hotel.
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