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Old 01-31-2011, 14:07   #6681
23skidoo
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Rain or shine sweetheart.
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Old 01-31-2011, 14:14   #6682
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Old 01-31-2011, 14:45   #6683
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Old 01-31-2011, 17:25   #6684
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Howdy, how you been?



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: hugs:




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Love you, LW sweetheart, hang in there: hearts:: hugs:
Thanks okie.



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Rain or shine sweetheart.: grouphug:
Well, we didn't get much more rain today, but we could use a lot more shine. We're under water here! Thanks God I don't have to swim to a bathroom anymore!



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Originally Posted by Tenngunner View Post
Praying for warm weather and sunshine, and your continued progress and well being.
Thank you, I like all those prayers.



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LW how are you doing? How are you feeling, and is the work stuff more tolerable?
I'm still hanging in. Hope I didn't alarm anyone last night. Except those of you that PM'ed me, that is... My doc gave me some meds for this cold I got and told me to come in if I had any symptoms of them not playing nice with my pain meds. Last night I went to go from my office to me room and felt lightheaded and woozy, so I went in just to be safe. The doc that was there checked me over and said I was OK, but that he wanted me to stay just for observation. That poor guy's so scared I'm going to die on his watch or something, I swear.

So Mandy got a break from my soaking her and got my little brown throw blanket all to herself for the night and I spent the night at the hospital. At least between the pain, sleep and cold meds I was pretty knocked out, even when I wasn't really asleep. I've been kinda 'hungover' from all the meds all day today and I'm surprise I haven't been able to fall alseep yet tonight.

So I'm doped up and feeling pretty numb for the first time in several days and went in to see my shrink and he decides that's not how he wants me to feel. He said "You still have a lot more festering inside you that you need to get poured out". I said a few things that aren't fit for printing, but he kept on until sure enough, I was ripping his face off and bawling. Bastard.

Anyone got any suggestions on how to turn the faucet off?
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 01-31-2011, 18:54   #6685
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Anyone got any suggestions on how to turn the faucet off?
Music

Kelly Clarkson
Breakaway

Quote:
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
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Old 02-01-2011, 01:25   #6686
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Thanks to the time difference, you've already had breakfast,nevertheless, at your service.Okie Memorial Area
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Enjoy my dear!
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Old 02-01-2011, 08:40   #6687
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The faucet stays on until the well runs clear.
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I've learned over the years that if you don't get exactly what you want, you'll never satisfy the desire. :cool:
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Old 02-01-2011, 11:04   #6688
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Hang in there LW.
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I've learned over the years that if you don't get exactly what you want, you'll never satisfy the desire. :cool:

Last edited by sawgrass; 02-16-2011 at 19:27..
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Old 02-01-2011, 16:12   #6689
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Hang in there LW
I'm hanging, or at least it feels that way. Now put away that damn rope!



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Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
The faucet stays on until the well runs clear.
It's got to run clear pretty soon. I think I drowned poor Mandy.



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Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
Music

Kelly Clarkson
Breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
I've never heard that song before, but the words somehow seem to fit, it a way that I really don't understand. Maybe it's the hope that I can't feel right now, but I know it has to be in there somewhere, or esle I'd have long since given up.

I was walking down the road this afternoon just letting my mind wander and I started thinking about this post
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Hey Sweetheart;
you mentioned the nurses in Germany called you “miracle child”. That’s something that has been in the back of my mind for several days now. IIRC, you were expressly forbidden to take ground transportation, when you called the colonel to ask that a waiver be granted, it was, also on that convoy was a medic that had skills way beyond the normal Army medic, the IBA you were issued is not rated to stop an AK round at that distance but it did, that same medic worked on you for four hours until the chopper landed at the hospital, your heart stopped several times both on the helicopter and at the hospital and was restarted each time, it was beating out of rhythm and that was corrected each time despite the fact your heart had been severely damaged almost to the point of bursting. Take each of those circumstances and assign it a probability then look at it as a whole. I would say the odds of all those factors coming together in one eight hour period for one person are incalculable. I’ve used the phrase you were chosen for this before and I can’t think of a better way to describe it. The bible says we’re past the age of miracles but this sure comes close to one. I would like to get your take on this; it’s a lot to digest so take as much time as you need, talk it over with anyone you choose. I may be FOS but I honestly think you were chosen for this. It might be for that voice in your subconscious that refused to accept death or it might be for any number of reasons that we will never understand in this world. I hate that you are forced to suffer so but I think it is for a reason Sweetheart. You have something left to accomplish in this world. That makes your long term goal of attaining a measure of independence for yourself much more important. You may never know what that task is but in the future somebody will speak your name with reverence.
I was trying to clear my head a little and think about whatever it is I’m still meant to do and why it has to be me that does whatever it is, and so on. I was thinking a little about these last 2 years and how painful in so many ways they’ve been and questioning if it’s all worth it or ever will be. Just a lot of the crap I’ve tried in vain to sort out in my head for so long. I know no one’s going to appear out of the sky and tell me why it is I’m still here, what I still have to do, but I can still wish I knew. Obviously we all know one part of the reason I survived, ironically the person I was meant to save was author of the post I quoted here. So often it seems we know things that we can’t explain how we know.

I was walking along thinking about all that and about Greg and what he did when a pair of Blackhawks flew overhead. Nothing unusual about that, but this time I found myself wondering if he’d ever flown or worked on one of them. Then all I could think about was what a waste. Why did he run out to me? Why couldn’t he stay down? Why, Greg, why? I felt so angry, why did he take the easy way out, he doesn’t have to live with this guilt, this pain in my chest, these nightmares. Why the hell did he leave me here to deal with it all? Damn it all, damn him and what he did! I know it’s so wrong to get angry at someone who saved your life but that’s what I felt today. And angry at myself for thinking things like that. If I thought the waterworks were like a faucet before I think I turned on the fire hydrant. It’s been hard to write this, I can barely see the screen.

Here’s a pic I took last night of my Amaryllis. Thank you sawgrass.
Okie Memorial Area
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE

Last edited by Lone_Wolfe; 02-17-2011 at 02:13..
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Old 02-01-2011, 17:25   #6690
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I think it is good you are thinking about these things and way overdue. Perfectly normal.

Ice and snow here today. -5 windchill. I can't imagine what some of you guys further north are going through.
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Old 02-01-2011, 17:57   #6691
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Yea!! You might get 8 flowers off of there!

LW I'm glad your mind is starting to break free.
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Old 02-01-2011, 20:57   #6692
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Love you sweetheart
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Old 02-01-2011, 22:17   #6693
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Rain or shine Sweetheart.
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Old 02-02-2011, 10:50   #6694
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If I thought the waterworks were like a faucet before I think I turned on the fire hydrant. Itís been hard to write this, I can barely see the screen.
You did a good job of writing anyway. Keep it up because I think you are finally getting it out.

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I think it is good you are thinking about these things and way overdue. Perfectly normal.

Ice and snow here today. -5 windchill. I can't imagine what some of you guys further north are going through.
That is too cold for me. Wolfe I hope you are much warmer over there. I agree that your posts sound better and these thoughts are overdue.

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Yea!! You might get 8 flowers off of there!

LW I'm glad your mind is starting to break free.
sawgrass what color will that one be? Those are beautiful and Wolfe can have it in her CHU. It may not be a coincidence that hers is budding right now. That was such a nice gift.
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On here I'm an *** hole.
In real life I'm an *** hole with a gun. :supergrin:
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I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
Rest in Peace Jeff Abshire-1962-2012-aka 23Skidoo
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Old 02-02-2011, 12:46   #6695
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Watch the kitty! They like to eat plants.

Still very cold today. I told everyone to stay home from work again today. The roads are awfu and we don't have road equipment to deal with it. We had to go check on my FIL and let his dog out. Thank goodness our new truck has 4WD. Hope we get back home ok.
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Old 02-02-2011, 14:09   #6696
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post







It's got to run clear pretty soon. I think I drowned poor Mandy.





I've never heard that song before, but the words somehow seem to fit, it a way that I really don't understand. Maybe it's the hope that I can't feel right now, but I know it has to be in there somewhere, or esle I'd have long since given up.

I was walking down the road this afternoon just letting my mind wander and I started thinking about this post


I was trying to clear my head a little and think about whatever it is Iím still meant to do and why it has to be me that does whatever it is, and so on. I was thinking a little about these last 2 years and how painful in so many ways theyíve been and questioning if itís all worth it or ever will be. Just a lot of the crap Iíve tried in vain to sort out in my head for so long. I know no oneís going to appear out of the sky and tell me why it is Iím still here, what I still have to do, but I can still wish I knew. Obviously we all know one part of the reason I survived, ironically the person I was meant to save was author of the post I quoted here. So often it seems we know things that we canít explain how we know.

I was walking along thinking about all that and about Greg and what he did when a pair of Blackhawks flew overhead. Nothing unusual about that, but this time I found myself wondering if heíd ever flown or worked on one of them. Then all I could think about was what a waste. Why did he run out to me? Why couldnít he stay down? Why, Greg, why? I felt so angry, why did he take the easy way out, he doesnít have to live with this guilt, this pain in my chest, these nightmares. Why the hell did he leave me here to deal with it all? Damn it all, damn him and what he did! I know itís so wrong to get angry at someone who saved your life but thatís what I felt today. And angry at myself for thinking things like that. If I thought the waterworks were like a faucet before I think I turned on the fire hydrant. Itís been hard to write this, I can barely see the screen.

Hereís a pic I took last night of my Amaryllis. Thank you sawgrass.
Okie Memorial Area
It really sounds like you are not burying everything anymore and it's rising to the surface and trying to deal with it. I'm hoping this is a good sign. I still have faith that you will win this battle. My prayers go out to you.
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LW would have laughed that round off her chest.
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And then gone and stuffed the gun up the ass of the Hajji bastard that shot me!
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Old 02-02-2011, 14:27   #6697
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Marylin photo for healing.

Okie Memorial Area
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Old 02-02-2011, 14:43   #6698
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Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Watch the kitty! They like to eat plants.

Still very cold today. I told everyone to stay home from work again today. The roads are awfu and we don't have road equipment to deal with it. We had to go check on my FIL and let his dog out. Thank goodness our new truck has 4WD. Hope we get back home ok.


Wow. Bob be careful and stay warm. We passed the sixty inch mark for snow this year and haven't had a single snow day. dang it. Our current
president is from Texas, maybe you should call her.
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Old 02-02-2011, 17:55   #6699
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Marylin photo for healing.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww Can I come over and scratch her little chin?



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Originally Posted by okie View Post
Love you sweetheart
Love you too, okie.



Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Watch the kitty! They like to eat plants.

I think it is good you are thinking about these things and way overdue. Perfectly normal.

Ice and snow here today. -5 windchill. I can't imagine what some of you guys further north are going through.
I've warned Mandy what'll happen if she messes with my pretty flower....

Wow, all that bad weather you folks are having makes this cold and rain seem like nothing. Problem is, water has nowhere to run off to so it stands everywhere for weeks after a rain and we've had our share lately. My chest is *****ing up a storm and even my ankle has something to say about this cold, damp weather.

Way past due is right. My shrink says he thinks I'm going through a magnified version (his words) of what I was starting to go through when I was put on anti-depressants. I remember feeling some of the things I am right now, but I think he's right in that it all seems stronger and sharper right now. I guess the effects of the AD's screwed up my head in ways I don't really understand. I just hope I'm not like this the rest of my life, I'd go crazy. Well, crazier than I am now.



Quote:
Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
Yea!! You might get 8 flowers off of there!

LW I'm glad your mind is starting to break free.
I think so too, the bud definitely looks like a quad. It's growing fast, too.
Okie Memorial Area

I got this in a PM earlier today, and it's really ringing with me right now.
"I would like to think we are granted a higher degree of insight into the minds of those whom we watch over upon death. If true, Greg knows the last couple of weeks have been exceedingly rough for you as you struggle with guilt; he also knows he has no chance to explain why he broke cover when he did to save you, which means he knows you blame you for a decision he made. He also knows the turmoil you endure as a result of his decision in addition to the physical pain.

What I'm trying to say is I think Greg understands why you were so upset yesterday and does not take it personally. In fact, I believe when we stand around you in the group hug Greg is right there with us urging us all through the power of suggestion..........."


I know Greg doesn't want me to feel like I do, or to hurt. He knew I was injured when he broke cover, and I can't help but wonder if he's second guessed what he did more than once. If he'd stayed down I'd have died, no more pain, no guilt or nightmares, nothing. I wonder what he would do if he could go back to that day, knowing how it would end up.



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Originally Posted by Magnus2131 View Post
It really sounds like you are not burying everything anymore and it's rising to the surface and trying to deal with it. I'm hoping this is a good sign. I still have faith that you will win this battle. My prayers go out to you.
You're right, it's all at the surface now. I can't escape it, turn it off or bury it now. My shrink had an easy job of getting it out of me today. I screamed at him, Greg, God, myself, fate, everyone that had anything to do with that mission, the bastards with the AK's, and anyone else I could think of. By the time the session was over I couldn't scream or even talk, couldn't cry anymore and looked like hell. How I wish I could turn it back off right now. But I know the only way through this is forward, so can I scream at you a little?
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 02-02-2011, 18:16   #6700
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Bring it on, Sister!
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