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Old 11-14-2010, 03:47   #5941
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Looks like I'll have to 'appropriate' a Buttweiper Light truck and empty bottles then fill them with Fat Tire and/or Anchor Steam. Al Capone couldn't sneak either of those across the border in their original packaging
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Old 11-14-2010, 10:48   #5942
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Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
Looks like I'll have to 'appropriate' a Buttweiper Light truck and empty bottles then fill them with Fat Tire and/or Anchor Steam. Al Capone couldn't sneak either of those across the border in their original packaging::
23skidoo what are you trying to do to her? You know she does not need alcohol on top of her meds!



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Originally Posted by Magnus2131 View Post
Once is enough. I can't see fate being that cruel to you again.
I would certainly hope not!

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Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
Besides, SR and I REALLY don't want to come over there and beat you to death for dying on us.

SR, Lady Glock, Glock26 and the rest, prayers for you as well.

Meanwhile, may the peace that passes understanding possess all of you, and give you rest as needed, both awake and asleep.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle , and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk
Brown hawk thank you for the prayers. Shall we get our bats ready in case we have to go over there and start beating on Wolfe?

Wolfe I have said this same prayer for your peace many times and I hope it happens soon.

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Indeed, you are.
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I can sure understand you not wanting to post at times, I've been there myself. There have been so many times the only way I could get myself to post in here was because I didn't want to make anyone worry needlessly. They get enough real reasons to worry without me adding more. I've found though that when I come in here and talk when I don't want to it seems to help me a lot. Maybe it would help you to come in here and talk to us, or maybe not. I just want you to know that you're welcome and I always love to hear from you even when you're not feeling well. for you, my friend.

Of course you can ask for the prayers can continue. You can also give us some details about the problems if you want to. No pressure, and I won't post anything you don't tell me I can, but feel free to if you want.
.
This right here is the reason we keep after you to talk in here. You need to start really talking agin so we can help you get it all out of you and heal.

I thank you for that and may if I think it will help. I know some good people come in here and would be good listeners for me as well.

sawgrass my condolences on the loss of your grandmother. She is truly in a better place now.
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I mean, I’m mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
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Old 11-14-2010, 12:14   #5943
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Wolfe, if you're gonna pinch those cute guys on the butt you need to duck when their reflexes kick in. I'm sorry you got knocked down.

I hope your knee is feeling better. Mine is just about back to normal. For a guy in his 50s, anyway.
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Old 11-14-2010, 12:18   #5944
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Old 11-14-2010, 13:38   #5945
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Hiya Debbil!



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Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Wolfe, if you're gonna pinch those cute guys on the butt you need to duck when their reflexes kick in. I'm sorry you got knocked down.

I hope your knee is feeling better. Mine is just about back to normal. For a guy in his 50s, anyway.
Trust me, I didn't pinch that guy! "Cute" wasn't anywhere in the description of him. "Klutz" and "jerk" might have been. the first thing he said was "But I didn't hit her very hard!" True, he didn't hit me that hard, but the pain in my chest from the hit caused me to recoil and stumble. That's when my bad knee decided it didn't want to play.

Glad yours is doing better. Mine's not quite so bad today. My chest is complaining more that the knee. but that's no surprise.



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Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
Looks like I'll have to 'appropriate' a Buttweiper Light truck and empty bottles then fill them with Fat Tire and/or Anchor Steam. Al Capone couldn't sneak either of those across the border in their original packaging: hugs:: hearts:: smootchie:
I'm waiting.......



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Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
23skidoo what are you trying to do to her? You know she does not need alcohol on top of her meds!

Hush your mouth, Woman!


This right here is the reason we keep after you to talk in here. You need to start really talking agin so we can help you get it all out of you and heal.

I thank you for that and may if I think it will help. I know some good people come in here and would be good listeners for me as well.
.
Kind of ironic that you mention this again today. My shrink got onto me a little bit for avoid stuff when I saw him. He said that lately I've been real depressed a little, but have spent most of the time shut down inside and doing my best not to feel anything. I have to admit, he's right. It's just easier this way.

To say some good people come in here and would be good listeners is an understatement.
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Old 11-14-2010, 14:14   #5946
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[QUOTE=Lone_Wolfe;16297237]
I'm waiting....... QUOTE]
I'm doing my best Sweetheart but I would sooner cross a grizzly bear as Miss Silent_ Runner. Squeeze free
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Old 11-14-2010, 19:52   #5947
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Hiya Debbil!


Kind of ironic that you mention this again today. My shrink got onto me a little bit for avoid stuff when I saw him. He said that lately I've been real depressed a little, but have spent most of the time shut down inside and doing my best not to feel anything. I have to admit, he's right. It's just easier this way.

To say some good people come in here and would be good listeners is an understatement.
LW,

Keep in mind that your shutting down inside makes things worse. It seems easier, but just builds up the pressure. Part of your shutting down had to do with your allergic reaction, part had to do with a psycho doc you didn't trust.

But no matter what, it's never been easier - it was a way to try not to feel that has always made you feel worse. It just builds up more pressure and makes things worse.

You've opened up a lot over the time of this thread, but when depression hits, you, and everybody else wants to shut up and curl into a defensive ball. Others show the same tendency.

We are always afraid of exposing ourselves and being hurt, and depression makes that feeling ten times worse. We are told in the Bible that we should share our hurts, we are told by psychoanalysts that we should share our hurts. There is an old saying "Joy shared is joy multiplied, sorrow shared is sorrow halved." There's a lot of wisdom in that.

By sharing we find that other people have gone through similar circumstances. And that makes us feel less alone in what we are going through, gives us the feeling that other people have survived, so we can.

As SR said, talking here, or to other understanding people is some of the best medicine. Which is why we've always pushed you to talk, and keep pushing. You have been through a lot, and you are now spotting what the depression is doing to you as far as not wanting to talk. You're getting there, and you saying these things here is helping others to understand as well.

Just keep talking to the doc as well. He really seems to care.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle , and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

PS to 23. I'd rather cross two grizzlies, each with a sore tooth, than cross SR. Friends are a special bonus we have as humans, and ones as loyal and protective as SR can make smooth a whole lot of rough roads. I'm proud to know her, even if only over the wire.

PPS LW, 23, Bob, and a whole lot of others on this thread are pretty good to know as well.
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Old 11-15-2010, 02:13   #5948
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I'm waiting.......
I'm doing my best Sweetheart but I would sooner cross a grizzly bear as Miss Silent_ Runner.: tongueout: Squeeze free : hugs:: hearts:: iloveyou:
You're scared of her?

Sheesh, I'll bet you're scared of Mitch, too.



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LW,

But no matter what, it's never been easier - it was a way to try not to feel that has always made you feel worse. It just builds up more pressure and makes things worse.

...
It sure seems easier than facing that crap.
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Old 11-15-2010, 02:28   #5949
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Old 11-15-2010, 02:34   #5950
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I'll see how this works out in the end but I had seen a another doctor for the pain I was still having in my replaced knees and back and he was going to give me Oxycontin being I was already on a morophine pump but then I had to open my big mouth and say that I'd be satisfied just to have something extra to take care of the pain after a walk or swim so he agreed and went short term with Oxycodone. Of course he said he would forward this to my regular pain doctor so we will see how this works out. I'm just glad to get any extra help. Anyway I'm better now so I can get back to trying to figure out how we are going to get you on the right track to leading a normal life. I'm willing to do my part by giving you multiple hugs, etc etc etc. Gentle ones that is. Yeah that's it.
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Old 11-15-2010, 05:31   #5951
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Good afternoon Sweetheart! Squeezefree hugs and a good beating for the dolt who knocked you down in the DFAC on the agenda today; take my hand please. I hope you slept well.
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Old 11-15-2010, 07:29   #5952
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...

It sure seems easier than facing that crap.
LW,

Yeah. That's always the problem. It seems easier to just roll up in a ball and hide.

"Just leave me alone! I don't want to talk. I don't want to think! I don't want to feel. I don't want to keep fighting! I just want someplace I can go and not have to face all of this." Yeah, I can relate. Don't forget, I was the one who told you about wanting to curl up in a ball and hide under the desk.

But that way leads to the little gardens where everybody smiles at the attendants. So if you want to get on with life, you have to reject that approach and talk and get on with life.

And you have moved on, and the only garden is one that you want to build and take care of yourself. But there are always times when it really seems that just not having to deal with it all can be sooo attractive. And sometimes it seems like five minutes without the pain and struggle would be worth any price. Just five minutes.

The problem is that even curled up in the ball, the pain and struggle go on just as much as before. Only we don't have the release of letting it out, so it builds up. In the end it's not easier because it just digs us in deeper.

But then you already know that. You know that the doc is right, and you need to talk more to the point. It's a scary thought, but bringing the monster out from under the bed is the only way to see it for the dust ball it is. And there are plenty of people here to help you deal with any hurt and pain that opening up will bring. We haven't left you yet, and we're not about to.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk
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Old 11-15-2010, 10:06   #5953
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LW,

"Just leave me alone! I don't want to talk. I don't want to think! I don't want to feel. I don't want to keep fighting! I just want someplace I can go and not have to face all of this." ........

Hawk
Sounds like you've been spying on me. My doc got onto me a little today, too. Guess I'd better come out from under this desk before someone drags me out kicking and screaming.

Maybe later, I've still got work to do....
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Old 11-15-2010, 11:13   #5954
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How was your weekend LW, may your week improve.

Oh, and out from behind the desk face the demons and destroy.
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Old 11-15-2010, 16:42   #5955
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: wavey:

How was your weekend LW, may your week improve.

Oh, and out from behind the desk face the demons and destroy.
It was the weekend? Oh yeah, it's Monday. It gets hard to keep track since I work 7 days a week here. My weekend would have been better if I hadn't gone breakdancing on the DFAC floor. My chest is still complaining about that as well as my knee. Hell, my chest complains about everything.

I've got to try to face the demons in my head, I know.



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: wavey:

: grouphug:

: hugs:

GEEORGE!!!!!!!!!!



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Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
Good afternoon Sweetheart! Squeezefree hugs and a good beating for the dolt who knocked you down in the DFAC on the agenda today; take my hand please. I hope you slept well. : hugs:: hearts::i loveyou:
You going to come over here and apply that beating personally? I didn't sleep as well last night, but it's time for me to go in now.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus2131 View Post
I'll see how this works out in the end but I had seen a another doctor for the pain I was still having in my replaced knees and back and he was going to give me Oxycontin being I was already on a morophine pump but then I had to open my big mouth and say that I'd be satisfied just to have something extra to take care of the pain after a walk or swim so he agreed and went short term with Oxycodone. Of course he said he would forward this to my regular pain doctor so we will see how this works out. I'm just glad to get any extra help. Anyway I'm better now so I can get back to trying to figure out how we are going to get you on the right track to leading a normal life. I'm willing to do my part by giving you multiple hugs, etc etc etc. Gentle ones that is. Yeah that's it.: whistling:
Damn, you might have been feeling pretty good on the Oxy/Morphine mix. Kinda depends on the dose of Oxy, too. But I hope the codone does enough for you. I can sure understand needing the extra help. I take extra pain meds on top of the Oxy more days than not. I'd love all those hugs, as long as they stay gentle.



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LW,

Yeah. That's always the problem. It seems easier to just roll up in a ball and hide.

"Just leave me alone! I don't want to talk. I don't want to think! I don't want to feel. I don't want to keep fighting! I just want someplace I can go and not have to face all of this." Yeah, I can relate. Don't forget, I was the one who told you about wanting to curl up in a ball and hide under the desk.

But that way leads to the little gardens where everybody smiles at the attendants. So if you want to get on with life, you have to reject that approach and talk and get on with life.

And you have moved on, and the only garden is one that you want to build and take care of yourself. But there are always times when it really seems that just not having to deal with it all can be sooo attractive. And sometimes it seems like five minutes without the pain and struggle would be worth any price. Just five minutes.

The problem is that even curled up in the ball, the pain and struggle go on just as much as before. Only we don't have the release of letting it out, so it builds up. In the end it's not easier because it just digs us in deeper.

But then you already know that. You know that the doc is right, and you need to talk more to the point. It's a scary thought, but bringing the monster out from under the bed is the only way to see it for the dust ball it is. And there are plenty of people here to help you deal with any hurt and pain that opening up will bring. We haven't left you yet, and we're not about to.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk
I think I've gotten so much practice at curling up in a ball that once I get curled that way and really shut everything off it can be hard to turn it back on. Or maybe I just convince myself it won't turn back on. I know when I get so numb I can't feel anything it'll seem to feel better, then I'll realize I still hurt even if I can't feel it at the moment. A little like when you realize something bad has just happened and the reality of it hasn't sunk in yet. If that makes any sense.

I think what's happening is that I've gotten good at bottling it up to the point I seem happy, and can even laugh and joke a little, but when I look at it I get scared as all hell to face it.



I'm going to try to tackle Bob's writing assingment again, my shrink thought it would be a good idea. He said it might break loose some of the logjam in my head that's keeping me from letting it out.


Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX
Lone_Wolfe, here is part 4. I think you can handle it now. You "sound" much better than the last few days.

There are a LOT of questions here. Try to answer them in order. I don't want you to say what you think I want you to say. Take your time, because the TRUTH is more important than doing it fast. The questions should not be assumed to reflect my opinions.

If you don't want to post an answer publicly on the thread, please post it here so I know what you're thinking to tailor future questions.

Part 4
The grunts on guard and the gunners immediately returned fire and plenty of bullets were traded. Greg yelled my name once but I couldn’t respond or move at all.


[FONT=Verdana] Why can’t you move? Are you paralyzed? I was too badly hurt.

Are you crying out for Greg to save you?Hard to do that when your lungs are both collapsed and you're not even trying to breathe.

Greg is closest to you. Is it possible that he can see that you are not dead while the others can not?Highly unlikelt. My feet were in his direction. Probably the worst view to see any signs of life. The convoy commander probably had the best view of me and he thought I was dead.

Are you clinically dead? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinically_dead

I know that happened, several times in fact, but I don't think it did until after the medic got to me. I think if I'd had no pulse when he first checked he wouldn't have done anything.
Greg had been told to stay behind cover until told to move so he did. A 3rd Afghani started shooting from behind some rocks that were alongside of us, off to the side between the 2nd and 3rd MRAPs. He was closer to me and Greg’s location than the 1st 2 shooters and I had fallen out in the open. The fighting went on for another minute or so, and the 1st 2 shooters were eliminated, but the 3rd was staying down enough of the time that the gunners couldn’t take him out.
The convoy commander had stopped the medic from trying to go to my aid because it was too dangerous and he thought I couldn’t be helped. Afghani #3 was playing cat and mouse, shooting a little, then ducking behind cover.

Why did the Afghanis shoot you?Because I'm an infidel and because they could.

Are you doing anything at this point to help you survive?
What can I do? I'm just laying there.

In spite of being close to the remaining Afghani, Greg decided to break cover to try to get to me and drag me back behind cover so the medic could try to save me. He was hit several times. He went down just before he made it to my position and died. He had no way to know at the time that he saved my life, but by running out when he did the 3rd Afghani exposed himself enough while shooting him that he was also killed and the medic was able to get to me in time to save me.
[COLOR=#430076][FONT=Verdana]What would have happened to you if Greg had not drawn the fire of the 3rd Afghani?
I would have died before the medic could get to me most likely.

Greg died trying to save you, even after being told not to try and with no cries for help from you. List 5 reasons why someone might say you are responsible and guilty for Greg’s death anyway.

1. I wasn’t supposed to go on the convoy. If I’d left my orders not to go alone I wouldn’t have gotten shot and Greg wouldn’t have anyone to save.
2. One reason is enough.
3.
4.
5.

Who killed Greg?
The Afghani shooting at us from the side.

What is the last thing you remember lying on that road?
Pain, and relief that I was about to die.

I think I remember you saying that your body armor cracked. Is that right?
Yes. Split into 3 pieces.

If Greg had not saved you, are you 100% certain you would have died? No, but it’s extremely unlikely.
I was told the medic said I wouldn’t have lasted more than another minute or so without help.

Why would you be responsible if anyone else on our side besides Greg and you had been killed or wounded?
If they got hurt or killed trying to get to me, same reason, I shouldn’t have been on the convoy.

Was Greg foolish for trying to save you?
Yes

Was it your duty to get the computer equipment to the remote base?
Yes

Why did Afghani #3 shoot Greg (not how he was able to but why did he)?
Same reason one of the first 2 shot me. Because he was an infidel and because he could.

What did you do to cause Greg’s death?
Put him in the position where he felt like he had to blow cover to get to my shot ass.

If Greg had not tried to save you, knowing now that you lived, would he be morally responsible for your death?
Good question. I really don’t think so. No more than anyone else that didn’t blow cover to get to me would have been.

Why should Greg be considered a hero?
Because he risked (and lost) his life to save mine.

If Greg had not tried to save you and You died, would it be because your life was less valuable than his life?
I don''t really see it that way, except for the fact that I was badly hurt and he was OK.

Why wouldn’t Greg have been labeled a coward if he had not tried to save you?
Because he would have been smart to stay the hell down.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 11-15-2010, 16:49   #5956
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Thanks, Wolfe. I've got more where that came from. Do you want it?
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Old 11-16-2010, 02:27   #5957
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Thanks, Wolfe. I've got more where that came from. Do you want it?


Why would I want more? I still got plenty from that message still?

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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 11-16-2010, 05:53   #5958
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Old 11-16-2010, 08:09   #5959
sawgrass
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Wolfe I'm so proud of you for tackling this again. I was beginning to wonder
if I needed to take a few of these sticks and prod you out from under
that desk. This needs to happen. You have to find an acceptable resting place
for all of these emotions. You have to forgive yourself.
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Old 11-16-2010, 08:20   #5960
BobInTX
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post


Why would I want more? I still got plenty from that message still?

Oh, is there more to this one? Maybe that's what I'm thinking about. I didn't look.

ETA: Okay, I looked. More to come from #4.
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Last edited by BobInTX; 11-16-2010 at 08:59..
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