[sawgrass]

Lots of hugs LW.

[23skidoo]

Squeeze free Sweetheart, It's great you got some rest but I wish you didn't have to go through a dust storm to get that rest, I know the dust storms hurt.

[gyfgyf]

Hi LW,

I am sending you a million gentle hugs.

Thanks,
Gyfgyf

[Magnus2131]

Reaching out over the internet.

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by Magnus2131

Reaching out over the internet.

Originally Posted by gyfgyf

Hi LW,

I am sending you a million gentle hugs.

Thanks,
Gyfgyf

Originally Posted by 23skidoo

Squeeze free Sweetheart: hugs:, It's great you got some rest but I wish you didn't have to go through a dust storm to get that rest, I know the dust storms hurt.: hearts:: iloveyou:

Originally Posted by sawgrass

Lots of hugs LW.

Originally Posted by BobInTX

: hugs:: hugs:

Thank all of you so much. I really need the hugs still. I'm hugging back, but can't use more smileys to show it. I hope you folks don't mind, but I'm not up to talking about what my shrink did today, except I'll say he used that damn bench again. I've been trying to keep my mind occupied on other things tonight and have had some help with that. I'll spill tomorrow, OK?

And I wish the dust storms would go away, too.

Originally Posted by sawgrass

We all wish we could take some of emotional and physical pain away.
Regardless you're stuck with us. You've come a long ways baby!

Skidoo you and your family remain in my thoughts. I wish you peace my friend.

This is my 2000th post. I'm not going anywhere Wolfe.

I know you wish you could take away some of the pain, but I wouldn't wish it in you. At least I've got meds for the physical pain.

I like being stuck with you. I'd enjoy talking to you even if you weren't helping me through this. Thanks you for sticking with me, even when you get tired of me. Of, and congrats on 2000 posts, and watch out okie!

Originally Posted by engineer151515

<<< grrrrrrrrr

<<<< feels helpless.


<<<< growls when feeling helpless.

You're not nearly as helpless as you think you are. Now can I have a hug? They help too.

Your "purpose" in surviving is just beginning.

The world is a much better place.

The world is a better place with you in it, too.

: angel:: angel:

Prayers

Thank you.

[engineer151515]

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

You're not nearly as helpless as you think you are. Now can I have a hug? They help too.

Hugs.

Foot rubs.

<<< whatever I can do to ease the pain.

[BobInTX]

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

Thank all of you so much. I really need the hugs still. I'm hugging back, but can't use more smileys to show it. I hope you folks don't mind, but I'm not up to talking about what my shrink did today, except I'll say he used that damn bench again. I've been trying to keep my mind occupied on other things tonight and have had some help with that. I'll spill tomorrow, OK?

Please do. I want to see if he did what I was thinking.


Oh, and

[Silent_Runner]

Originally Posted by engineer151515

Your "purpose" in surviving is just beginning.

The world is a much better place.

This is very true Wolfe.

Originally Posted by BobInTX

Please do. I want to see if he did what I was thinking.


Oh, and

Wolfe I want to know. Did he have you two change places?

Originally Posted by sawgrass

We all wish we could take some of emotional and physical pain away.
Regardless you're stuck with us. You've come a long ways baby!

Skidoo you and your family remain in my thoughts. I wish you peace my friend.

This is my 2000th post. I'm not going anywhere Wolfe.

I agree with everything here except for having 2000 posts. I have a few more than that.

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

He's mentioned the being glad I survived a few times in different ways. I think he understands the difference between being glad I was alive to send help to Skidoo, and wishing Greg hadn't sacrificed his life to save mine. My mind still can't differentiate at times, but I'm beginning to. I think, anyway. My shrink says I am.

True, he is. Every time I think I've considered everything about is he comes up with something new that I haven't thought of. And then I have to face it yet again and relive it. I wish he'd give me a break from it, but he's a fan of 'immersion therapy' just like my last shrink. I'd just like to wake up one day not thinking about it.

I also understand the difference and think you will do better as your mind clears from the psychosis. Your ability to comprehend things like that is improving steadily from what I can tell.

I also look forward to the day when you say you woke from a good dream thinking about the future instead of that awful day in your past.

[SouthernGal]

We're at Defcon 5 here. Let's hope the same is true for you.

[Glock26girl]

As Saw Grass said, you are stuck with me, too!! We all love you and want the same things. We are a patient bunch, though, so no pressure. Just gentle

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by Glock26girl

As Saw Grass said, you are stuck with me, too!! We all love you and want the same things. We are a patient bunch, though, so no pressure. Just gentle : hugs::hugs :

I can't think of better friends to be stuck with, thank you.

Remind me to PM you tomorrow, I thought of something I want to talk to you about.....

Originally Posted by SouthernGal

We're at Defcon 5 here. Let's hope the same is true for you.

Hehe, I wish. We're never below 3 here, we're at 2 now. We get to one pretty regularly, I just stay inside wherever I am at the time since I don't have anything to shoot with.

Originally Posted by Silent_Runner

This is very true Wolfe.


Wolfe I want to know. Did he have you two change places?

I also understand the difference and think you will do better as your mind clears from the psychosis. Your ability to comprehend things like that is improving steadily from what I can tell.

I also look forward to the day when you say you woke from a good dream thinking about the future instead of that awful day in your past.

Yep, that's exactly what the bastard did. There wasn't too many other things he could do with the bench.

It sounds like you think my addled brain is starting to get unaddled. And I'd like to wake up like that, too. It didn't happen yet tonight. I managed to fall asleep for a bit, but my usual nightmare woke me right back up, so here I am. I hate nightmares.

Originally Posted by BobInTX

Please do. I want to see if he did what I was thinking.


Oh, and

Thanks for the hugs, I need them. As for what the bastard shrink did, he dragged that damn bench is again, but this time he told me to get behind the rocks and he was the one who'd been shot and was laying in the line of fire. He wanted me to think about it and do what I thought I'd really be doing. I tried, but couldn't really put myself there because I knew how it ended. I was just going through the motions.

So he got up and grabbed a challenge coin out of his desk and said "You know what Greg knew, which is that I'm not moving and you have no idea if I'm even alive. You figure if I am alive still I won't be if someone doesn't get me out of the line of fire so the medic can get to me. IF you decide to blow cover to help me there's one shooter left behind the rocks nearby. He's playing cat and mouse but if you come out he'll start shooting and I'll flip this coin. Heads you live, tails you die".

Then he amended it and said "Heads you get shot, tails he misses and you get me safely back behind those rocks. If you get shot I'll toss this coin again to see if you die or if you're just wounded".

He made me go through it twice and I got shot both times. I died the first time and survived the second. Guess you folks don't want me anywhere around when bullets start flying. Or maybe you do, I'm a magnet for them!

I still don't know if I would have come out from behind cover it it was really happening, but my shrink kept emphasizing that it was my choice either way. I just don't know if I could have looked in the mirror had I not tried to save him.

Originally Posted by engineer151515

Hugs.

Foot rubs.

<<< whatever I can do to ease the pain.

Can't wait to collect hugs and foot rubs for real.

[BobInTX]

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

I thought he would do that. Never thought about doing the coin thing. That was creative. Let me rephrase, I was hoping he would do that. I guess that makes me a b*stard, too, huh? I don't care.

Were you thinking "maybe I can get to him this time without getting shot?"

This is the money quote: " I just don't know if I could have looked in the mirror had I not tried to save him".

[BobInTX]

I know you feel like crap, but that was awesome!

[Magnus2131]

Originally Posted by BobInTX

I know you feel like crap, but that was awesome!

I agree. Maybe she needs to say that over and over to herself. Peace LW!

[engineer151515]

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

I just don't know if I could have looked in the mirror had I not tried to save him.

Trust me. Greg thought the same thing.

[23skidoo]

Hi Sweetheart!
I hope you were able to get some sleep last night; squeeze free and

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by 23skidoo

Hi Sweetheart!
I hope you were able to get some sleep last night; squeeze free : hugs: and : hugs::i loveyou:

I wish! I was online posting all night because I couldn't sleep. <- not the posting, the lack of sleep.

Originally Posted by engineer151515

Trust me. Greg thought the same thing.

: hugs:

I believe it. I had a huge advantage though. Greg faced real bullets and lost both coin tosses, I only faced my shrink saying I'd been shot. I'll never know what I really would have been thinking if it had been real shooting going on in there. It really makes me think Greg had a huge brass pair to do what he did.

Oh, and

Originally Posted by Magnus2131

I agree. Maybe she needs to say that over and over to herself. Peace LW!

Say which over to myself, that I feel like crap? I already know that to be true. Oh, and get back here! I want a

Originally Posted by BobInTX

I know you feel like crap, but that was awesome!

It was? You're right, I feel like crap, so I don't think it was awesome.

Originally Posted by BobInTX

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

I thought he would do that. Never thought about doing the coin thing. That was creative. Let me rephrase, I was hoping he would do that. I guess that makes me a b*stard, too, huh? I don't care.

Were you thinking "maybe I can get to him this time without getting shot?"

This is the money quote: " I just don't know if I could have looked in the mirror had I not tried to save him".

I figured he was going to switch places too. It just seemed kind of pointless to me though, because it wasn't real. Even with the coin there wasn't any danger of me actually getting shot. And what I was thinking was closer to "I know my luck, so I'm glad it's a coin and not an AK-47".

So why were you hoping he would do that?

[BobInTX]

Because I wanted you to see it from both sides. I think you got something out of it even if you dont.

[23skidoo]

Now that Dr. Nice is back, I hope he adjusts your cocktail soon so you start sleeping again. Hang in there Sweetheart.

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by 23skidoo

Now that Dr. Nice is back, I hope he adjusts your cocktail soon so you start sleeping again. Hang in there Sweetheart.

He's been working on that, I'm switching up again tonight. What he does is rotates out different combos that I've used before. The idea is that they work for a few days, but don't lose effectiveness like keeps happening. Let's see how well it works tonight. I'm hoping it will because I'm extra stoned on pain meds. My physical terrorist pushed me pretty hard today and I wonder if maybe a little too hard, because of the type of pain I've been having. A while ago I walked over to the hospital to see if I could get something stronger because I'm about out of my add-on pain meds. I had Mandy tucked under my arm just in case, but I just got a needle stuck in me and a little while later, a ride back to my room. Plus refills on my pocket supply.

Originally Posted by BobInTX

Because I wanted you to see it from both sides. I think you got something out of it even if you dont.

My shrink thinks I did too, we talked about it today. Even though I can sit here and tell that I don't know what I really would have done in that situation he said he tell I was putting myself there at least a little bit and thinking about it. I can see what he's saying because I'd hesitate, then remind myself that he had a coin, not an AK, and I wasn't going to get shot.

He said today that whichever choice I made in the exercize really didn't matter, that what mattered was simulating Greg's thought process to emphasize that it was his thought process, and his decision to come out. He think that while I knew if I didn't really KNOW it, if that makes any sense. He even thought if I'd stayed down behind cover in there it didn't mean I would have in a real situation because while there were no bullets really flying, the person laying on the 'ground' wasn't really badly injured and in the line of fire.

He pointed out that we can never really understand Greg's thought process completely, although we have a pretty good idea what he was thinking. The main thing he wanted to reinforce in my head was that it was Greg's thoughts and decision, not mine. I keep saying I know that, but he's not convinced and says he's not done with me yet. Bastard.

[23skidoo]

Sleep well Sweetheart, may nightmares wear himself out searching for you tonight,give up, and go home empty handed.

[BobInTX]

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

He's been working on that, I'm switching up again tonight. What he does is rotates out different combos that I've used before. The idea is that they work for a few days, but don't lose effectiveness like keeps happening. Let's see how well it works tonight. I'm hoping it will because I'm extra stoned on pain meds. My physical terrorist pushed me pretty hard today and I wonder if maybe a little too hard, because of the type of pain I've been having. A while ago I walked over to the hospital to see if I could get something stronger because I'm about out of my add-on pain meds. I had Mandy tucked under my arm just in case, but I just got a needle stuck in me and a little while later, a ride back to my room. Plus refills on my pocket supply.



My shrink thinks I did too, we talked about it today. Even though I can sit here and tell that I don't know what I really would have done in that situation he said he tell I was putting myself there at least a little bit and thinking about it. I can see what he's saying because I'd hesitate, then remind myself that he had a coin, not an AK, and I wasn't going to get shot.

He said today that whichever choice I made in the exercize really didn't matter, that what mattered was simulating Greg's thought process to emphasize that it was his thought process, and his decision to come out. He think that while I knew if I didn't really KNOW it, if that makes any sense. He even thought if I'd stayed down behind cover in there it didn't mean I would have in a real situation because while there were no bullets really flying, the person laying on the 'ground' wasn't really badly injured and in the line of fire.

He pointed out that we can never really understand Greg's thought process completely, although we have a pretty good idea what he was thinking. The main thing he wanted to reinforce in my head was that it was Greg's thoughts and decision, not mine. I keep saying I know that, but he's not convinced and says he's not done with me yet. Bastard.

He's getting results. Keep working hard, and know that we're all here thinking about you and praying for you.

These prayers are working.

Speaking of prayers working, the friend of my daughter in-law I told you about went home from rehab this week. She really is a miracle. Doctors think she will completely recover, and she has a lot already.

[sawgrass]

one more week of 7am to 9pm

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by sawgrass

: wavey:

one more week of 7am to 9pm

Ugh, those sound kinda like my hours! Miss you!

Originally Posted by 23skidoo

Sleep well Sweetheart, may nightmares wear himself out searching for you tonight,give up, and go home empty handed. :hearts ::smootchie :: iloveyou:

No, they found me. Took a couple of hours, but they found me.

Originally Posted by BobInTX

He's getting results. Keep working hard, and know that we're all here thinking about you and praying for you.

These prayers are working.

Speaking of prayers working, the friend of my daughter in-law I told you about went home from rehab this week. She really is a miracle. Doctors think she will completely recover, and she has a lot already.

Wow, that great about your DIL's friend. Wonder how long it'll take her to completely recover. But you were right, she's an amateur, she was only dead a half hour.

I had to see him again today, and he started asking more stuff about what I was thinking, and talking about how Greg might have been thinking this or thinking that, etc, when I said "Wouldn't adrenalin cause him to do something he might have already decided not to, or fear stop him from doing something he'd decided to do?" My shrink told me I had a good point, and that makes it all the harder to know what he might have been thinking or what ultimately drove him to break cover to save me.

He kept asking me how I felt about different things, and did I see it any different after having re-enacted it, when I really don't know since I relive it in my mind constantly anyway, but today's session didn't leave me crying quite so hard as the last few. I'm even going to refrain from calling him as bastard as many times as I did yesterday. Maybe he is getting results.

[M&P Shooter]

Hello Wolfe How have you been doing?