[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by Magnus2131

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this.

Your new doggie is toooooooo cute!

I wish I didn't have to go through this too.

I 've been reading and trying to write for a few hours now, and now I can't see to continue even reading. It's been a bad day like that. I'll have to try again later to write some more. Thanks for being here for me.

[Magnus2131]

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

Your new doggie is toooooooo cute!

I wish I didn't have to go through this too.

I 've been reading and trying to write for a few hours now, and now I can't see to continue even reading. It's been a bad day like that. I'll have to try again later to write some more. Thanks for being here for me.

Looks like you've got a lot of good people here that love and care for you. It's hard to find the blessings in life when you're in pain both mentally and physically. Hope and faith are very important and I have to believe that tomorrow is another day to look foward to.

[23skidoo]

Originally Posted by Lady Glock

I wish there was something I could do, something I could give, some way to bargain with God to help you through this. I pray...and I know he will answer my prayers. The hardest part is, it's in his own time...we have to be patient. It's not easy to be patient when you see how much your friend is hurting, how much she suffers.

I would give ANYTHING, EVERYTHING to make you whole again. I don't think I'm alone in that either.
I'm crying, it hurts me to know you couldn't call out for help knowing it would save your life and that of skiddoo too. Please realize, your life has meaning...worth...you are WORTH IT to your friends!

You are not alone at all ma'am. Miss Lone_, you most certainly are worth it.

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by BobInTX

I'm sorry. I know it's painful for you.

Yeah, it is. I was hoping I'd get a little relief by sleeping, but that eluded me too, in spite of being doped up to the gills.

Originally Posted by faawrenchbndr

As much as it hurts,
"To live in peace, you must first walk through hell."..........me

The Blacksmith is in the house,........

Walk through it, crawl throught it, yeah, I'm doing just that. Funny thing is I was feeling better, or at least I thought I was before my shrink started pulling this crap. Maybe I was just numb. He's been saying he wanted to drag every bit of the crap that was stuffed up inside me out into the open now that I can actually feel real feelings instead of psychotic whatever they weres.

Originally Posted by faawrenchbndr

I hate to say it, but your Shrink is a smart cookie!

I still think he's a bastard.

Originally Posted by Magnus2131

Looks like you've got a lot of good people here that love and care for you. It's hard to find the blessings in life when you're in pain both mentally and physically. Hope and faith are very important and I have to believe that tomorrow is another day to look foward to.

Yeah, I can see that I do and right now I don't know what I'd do without them and you. But I can't say today is a day I look forward to, I have to see that damn shrink again today.

[faawrenchbndr]

Shrinks are just like the physical terrorists!

They put you through a crap load of pain to heal your wounds.
Sorry to hear of the rough go of it......wish we could help more.

[23skidoo]

Whatever your psychiatrist has in store for you Sweetheart, you will not be alone.

[sawgrass]

LW at least he's effective. You hated the old shrink and wouldn't talk...remember. I hate that it's so painful for you, but the progress is evident. I truely believe that you are getting better.


There were four deer in the backyard this am and one was doing his business.
It reminded me of an old joke.

Little girl and politician on a plane. Politician says want to talk about politics,
global warming, healthcare etc?" Little girl says ok but I have a question.
Cows, deer and horses all eat grass, but cows make patties, deer make pellets, and horses make ....., why is that? He said I don't know.

She says you don't know ****, do you really think you're qualified to discuss healthcare, politics, etc.... bumptadabump.

[engineer151515]

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

I still think he's a bastard.

I agree.


How many times are you expected to re-live this horror?

<<< grrrrrrrr

[BobInTX]

She relieves them every night in her dreams.

[BobInTX]

.....

[Magnus2131]

I hope the day comes soon when you can say you're glad to have not given up. I've been through some pretty rough times when I begged, pleaded, prayed and tried to make deals with God. While your recovery is longer and harder than most, I know the day will come when you realize there are some things that makes life worthwhile. No, it's not going to be today or even tomorrow but hopefully soon. With all the pain, being sick and sleepless nights, I constantly have to remind myself of the things I love. You're in a depression fog right now so it's going to be much harder to see the forest through the trees. You're just going to have to take our word for it. Things will get better. Is this guy making you mad because he is jerking these feelings out of you or is he just a jerk? I know you're thinking it's easy for us to say these things and you're right but stick with it and we will never give up on you.

[DScottHewitt]

I is still kicking. Just checking in.




Scott

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by DScottHewitt

I is still kicking. Just checking in.


Scott

I'm always glad to see that. I've missed you, my friend. How have you been?

Originally Posted by Magnus2131

I hope the day comes soon when you can say you're glad to have not given up. I've been through some pretty rough times when I begged, pleaded, prayed and tried to make deals with God. While your recovery is longer and harder than most, I know the day will come when you realize there are some things that makes life worthwhile. No, it's not going to be today or even tomorrow but hopefully soon. With all the pain, being sick and sleepless nights, I constantly have to remind myself of the things I love. You're in a depression fog right now so it's going to be much harder to see the forest through the trees. You're just going to have to take our word for it.: tongueout: Things will get better. Is this guy making you mad because he is jerking these feelings out of you or is he just a jerk? I know you're thinking it's easy for us to say these things and you're right but stick with it and we will never give up on you.

I have days, or more accurately parts of days when I'm glad I'm still kicking, then the pain gets to me again and I go back the wrong way again. I know you've been through a lot and still are going through a lot, so it's good to talk to you and realize I'm not alone in feeling the hopelessness that sometimes wears on me. I know it's gotten worse again lately, but some of that is because my shrink is pushing me harder than he has before to face the crap in my head.

In all fairness to him I think the reason I hate him right now is he's jerking these feelings out of me. He's actually been pretty nice to me otherwise. I'm so glad you won't give up on me.

Originally Posted by sawgrass

LW at least he's effective. You hated the old shrink and wouldn't talk...remember. I hate that it's so painful for you, but the progress is evident. I truely believe that you are getting better. : hugs:: hugs:

That's an oldie but a goodie, haha

Yeah, I remember here, I just didn't trust her to talk. Of the shrinks I had before her there were a few that were worse and some that I liked. Trouble is, I was being bounced between them every few weeks, so I'd get to where I could talk to one and then have a new one. This one is determined to get all the crap out of my head and on the table, so I do appreciate him, although right now I wish some of you would chase him down with your bats.

Originally Posted by 23skidoo

Whatever your psychiatrist has in store for you Sweetheart, you will not be alone.

Will you all be outside the door during my next appointments with your bats at the ready?

Originally Posted by faawrenchbndr

Shrinks are just like the physical terrorists!

They put you through a crap load of pain to heal your wounds.
Sorry to hear of the rough go of it......wish we could help more.

You help more than you realize, seriously. Yeah, I've started thinking of him as my other terrorist now. It's like he didn't really push me for a long time, but now that he thinks everything I feel isn't clouded by the psychosis he's making up for lost time. The bastard!

Originally Posted by engineer151515

I agree.


How many times are you expected to re-live this horror?

<<< grrrrrrrr

I don't know, I wish it could end. I don't guess it's going to anytime soon though. As I was leaving my shrink's office today I made the comment that "We're done with that damn bench, right?" He said no, we're not. I wonder what the hell else he's going to come up with.

Originally Posted by BobInTX

She relives them every night in her dreams.

Just about, unfortunately.

Originally Posted by SouthernGal

I got nothing. You and your friends who lost their lives are all heroes. Somewhere in your heart of hearts, you've got to know that.

I don't doubt that they're heroes, especially Greg. I've never thought of myself as any kind of hero, but know better than to push that in here. I prefer my head be attached. Greg would be a hero even if the medic hadn't been able to keep me alive. That medic is a hero too in my opinion.

Originally Posted by Lady Glock

I wish there was something I could do, something I could give, some way to bargain with God to help you through this. I pray...and I know he will answer my prayers. The hardest part is, it's in his own time...we have to be patient. It's not easy to be patient when you see how much your friend is hurting, how much she suffers.

I would give ANYTHING, EVERYTHING to make you whole again. I don't think I'm alone in that either.

I'm crying, it hurts me to know you couldn't call out for help knowing it would save your life and that of skiddoo too. Please realize, your life has meaning...worth...you are WORTH IT to your friends!

It's not that I don't think my life is worth it or has meaning, although I've struggled with that. I couldn't make myself call out because I knew it would cost the life of another, and I couldn't bring myself to make that choice. Especially knowing the outcome like I do.

My shrink didn’t bring the bench in again, he wanted to talk more about Wednesday’s session and how I reacted. He asked a bunch of questions about why I couldn’t/wouldn’t call Greg to come out to save me when I knew he’d be killed. We went round and round about why I felt that way even though I knew I and possibly a friend would have died had he not. I told him I just couldn’t knowing make the choice to call someone to their death to prevent mine. After several minutes my shrink stopped and said I was right. He caught me off guard, but then he explained there was no right or wrong way to feel in this circumstance, but that he was trying to drag every possible thought and feeling out of me about it, so I’d have examined every possible way to feel about it. I get what he’d doing, making me look at it from every possible perspective, but it still hurts like all hell.

[Silent_Runner]

Originally Posted by engineer151515

I agree.


How many times are you expected to re-live this horror?

<<< grrrrrrrr

I have wondered that myself but I think she needs to relive it during her waking hours until she no longers has to dream of it most every night.

Originally Posted by Magnus2131

I hope the day comes soon when you can say you're glad to have not given up. .

Wolfe after you saved 23skidoo you said you were glad you had survived. Since that time you seem to have slipped back into you previous wish that you had died. I wonder if you really feel that way most of the time or are simply frustrated by your slow progress. Has your shrink brought this up lately?

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

My shrink didn’t bring the bench in again, he wanted to talk more about Wednesday’s session and how I reacted. He asked a bunch of questions about why I couldn’t/wouldn’t call Greg to come out to save me when I knew he’d be killed. We went round and round about why I felt that way even though I knew I and possibly a friend would have died had he not. I told him I just couldn’t knowing make the choice to call someone to their death to prevent mine. After several minutes my shrink stopped and said I was right. He caught me off guard, but then he explained there was no right or wrong way to feel in this circumstance, but that he was trying to drag every possible thought and feeling out of me about it, so I’d have examined every possible way to feel about it. I get what he’d doing, making me look at it from every possible perspective, but it still hurts like all hell.

I think your shrink is being very thorough indeed. By the time he is finished with you I would not be surprised if you have looked at this in ways we back here never even dreamed of. After that you will be able to sort out your own feelings because you will have examined then so thoroughly. As much as I wish you did not have to go through this I think it is for the best.

[sawgrass]

I agree with everything SR said.
We all love you Wolfe and we aren't going anywhere.

[Lone_Wolfe]

Just and FYI, skidoo's brother funeral was earlier today. I don't think he's been online at all today, but we can bet him and his family would appreciate prayers of comfort today.

Originally Posted by sawgrass

I agree with everything SR said.
We all love you Wolfe and we aren't going anywhere.

Thank you for sticking around.

Originally Posted by Silent_Runner

I have wondered that myself but I think she needs to relive it during her waking hours until she no longers has to dream of it most every night.


Wolfe after you saved 23skidoo you said you were glad you had survived. Since that time you seem to have slipped back into you previous wish that you had died. I wonder if you really feel that way most of the time or are simply frustrated by your slow progress. Has your shrink brought this up lately?

I think your shrink is being very thorough indeed. By the time he is finished with you I would not be surprised if you have looked at this in ways we back here never even dreamed of. After that you will be able to sort out your own feelings because you will have examined then so thoroughly. As much as I wish you did not have to go through this I think it is for the best.

He's mentioned the being glad I survived a few times in different ways. I think he understands the difference between being glad I was alive to send help to Skidoo, and wishing Greg hadn't sacrificed his life to save mine. My mind still can't differentiate at times, but I'm beginning to. I think, anyway. My shrink says I am.

True, he is. Every time I think I've considered everything about is he comes up with something new that I haven't thought of. And then I have to face it yet again and relive it. I wish he'd give me a break from it, but he's a fan of 'immersion therapy' just like my last shrink. I'd just like to wake up one day not thinking about it.

[BobInTX]

That is our wish for you, as well.

[23skidoo]

Hi Sweetheart! Yes ma'am, Mike's funeral was Saturday and we certainly appreciated the prayers of comfort, You are getting better Sweetheart and Miss Sawgrass said it best, we aren't going anywhere.

[engineer151515]

Originally Posted by Silent_Runner

I have wondered that myself but I think she needs to relive it during her waking hours until she no longers has to dream of it most every night.

<<< grrrrrrrrr

<<<< feels helpless.


<<<< growls when feeling helpless.

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

He's mentioned the being glad I survived a few times in different ways. I think he understands the difference between being glad I was alive to send help to Skidoo, and wishing Greg hadn't sacrificed his life to save mine. My mind still can't differentiate at times, but I'm beginning to. I think, anyway. My shrink says I am.

Your "purpose" in surviving is just beginning.

The world is a much better place.

Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe

... skidoo's brother funeral was earlier today. I don't think he's been online at all today, but we can bet him and his family would appreciate prayers of comfort today.

Prayers

[sawgrass]

We all wish we could take some of emotional and physical pain away.
Regardless you're stuck with us. You've come a long ways baby!

Skidoo you and your family remain in my thoughts. I wish you peace my friend.

This is my 2000th post. I'm not going anywhere Wolfe.

[sawgrass]

Wolfe is usually posting around this time of day before she tries to sleep.
Has anyone heard from her?

[23skidoo]

She posted nine hours ago on my sisters Facebook page.

[Magnus2131]

Hey hey, can't sleep, thought I'd check and see how your are doing.

[Lone_Wolfe]

Originally Posted by sawgrass

Wolfe is usually posting around this time of day before she tries to sleep.
Has anyone heard from her?

I was having sharp pains in my chest, and the dust around here was making it worse by making me cough, so I went into the hospital right after dinner. I was just hoping for a needleful of Dilaudid or something, but my doc had left a message that he wanted to know if I came in. Yes, my regular doc got back a few days ago, but I forgot to post that fact. He came in and gave me something that pretty much turned me into a dishrag, then he told me since I've been getting almost no sleep for a few days that he wanted to keep me there. The last thing I remember was someone putting something in my IV, and the next thing I saw was a female medic asking where my cat was. Unfortunately Mandy was in my room. But I think she was glad for the break from me.

I saw my shrink again today, I'll tell about that later. Right now I need a hug.

[BobInTX]