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Old 02-24-2011, 07:28   #6851
sawgrass
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Does Dr. Arse have some other idea of treatment instead of the steroid injections?? You are in my thoughts as always.
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Old 02-24-2011, 07:32   #6852
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Get well quickly and I love you sweetheart
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Old 02-24-2011, 10:18   #6853
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Batter Up!
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Wolfe, you sound so much better than I have ever heard you.
You have really jumped a huge hurdle where Greg is concerned...I hear a lot more acceptance of it being the way it is.

Let's all agree in prayer for God to bind the spirits of depression, suicide, doubt, nightmares and fear of the future and the unknown. In Jesus' name, Amen. If I missed some, post them and we can pray in agreement for those, too. :
Great post. Thank you.

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Dr Arse is wellÖ.. an arse. I had to see him today and while I was there I asked about the steroid injections my regular doc said I need about now. Dr Arse said he didnít want to do anything like that, even though my regular doc had talked to him about doing it. I asked him why and he didnít seem to have a good answer, except to say that he could see Iíd had to come in with breathing and other problems quite a bit after the last injections. I agreed that was true, but pointed out that my physical therapist and doc agreed that I improved a lot for a couple of months afterward, and now Iím losing some ground in therapy. Arse grumbled some crap about me taking up too much time at the hospital, so I asked him if the real problem he had with me was that I was there a lot and he had to do some work. He didnít care for that, but couldnít deny it.

He finally said he didnít approve of keeping ďat riskĒ patients in the war zone. I asked him how much more of a risk I was than anyone else on this base, or worse, anyone that goes outside the wire. He pointed out the time I stopped breathing shortly after I got the last set of steroid injections, so I asked him what my docís recommendation was about that. He said the recommendation was to lower the dose by as much as half. Then he started talking about some other bad instances I had, which I pointed out were all several months or more old, and I wasnít much more ďat riskĒ that the guy hobbling down the hall on crutches. Maybe less, in fact, because I could get to a bunker quicker. Sure Iíd be hurting afterward, Iíd still be in the bunker. He finally did calm down a little and said heíd reconsider doing the steroid injections instead of making me wait a month. Then he asked what I would do if I had any trouble breathing afterward. I told him Iíd come in and make him of the night doc earn their keep. ::

My terrorist had to let up some today, for some reason I couldnít give any resistance to any of the pushing or pulling exercises and stretching hurt more than normal. That happens every once in a while, I just seem to be back at square one. It normally passes in a few days, but isnít fun while it lasts. At least my terrorist recognized it right away and didnít make me cry too much. The weather was really nice again today. Low 70ís during the day with just a little dust in the air. Mandyís doing OK, sheís still drying out from the recent soaking I gave her and probably still plotting against me.


Woman, you questioned my sanity long before that, donít even try to convince anyone that was the first time!

I said something to that effect to my shrink myself, asked if he was planting a suggestion to have a setback in my head. He said he know that was always there, but he thought it was more important for me to not be blindsided when one hit after seemingly feeling better for longer than Iím used to. Normally when I go numb from a lot of crap trying to come out itís real painful when the numbness wear off because the crap in my head just overpowers it. This time Iím still pretty numb, but when I can feel anything itís just an empty feeling, kind of dead inside. I donít know what to make of it, but my shrink seems happy about it, so I guess I am too.
That is true. I have had good reason to question your sanity almost from the day I met you. I doubt that will ever change.

Your fillin doctor seems normal in many ways. He wants nothing to go wrong and will take no chances but he also refuses to look beyond maintaining you condition until your regular doctor gets back. Part of that is he knows he will not be able to heal you in a month so he would have nothing to show for it but he would have to answer for something going very wrong. Try to put yourself in his shoes.

Have no fear your terrorist will have you back up to full torture in just a few days. The same thing applies to your shrink unless you really have cried it all out of your system. I hope that is the case and the real healing has begun.
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I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
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Old 02-24-2011, 16:55   #6854
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I am new to this thread LW, but just wanted to say you are in my prayers
Thank you gunslinger. Friendship and prayers are greatly appreciated.



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Batter Up! : grouphug:
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Get well quickly and I love you sweetheart: hearts:: hugs:
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Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
Does Dr. Arse have some other idea of treatment instead of the steroid injections?? You are in my thoughts as always.
If he does he hasn't mentioned it. He just seems to want to sit on his hands till my regular doc comes back. I want to push him to get off his ass a little, but I have to be careful not to piss him off and have him yank my medical clearance out of spite. I can't be sure he wouldn't do that just to be rid of the responsibility, but as Bob pointed out, I'd be screwed. So I'll tread carefully, but I really don't want to wait a month for something that helped me last time (along with some side effects), and my terrorist thinks I need.

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That is true. I have had good reason to question your sanity almost from the day I met you. I doubt that will ever change.: rofl:

Have no fear your terrorist will have you back up to full torture in just a few days. The same thing applies to your shrink unless you really have cried it all out of your system. I hope that is the case and the real healing has begun.
Are you saying I'm ? Wait a minute, I am............

I'm sure my terrorist won't give me a break for long. My shrink certainly didn't today. He couldn't seem to drag much out of me, but it wasn't for lack of trying. I wasn't fighting him, or even completely numb, I just couldn't find the right words and express anything. Hard to explain. Not a terrible session, but I'm not sure if it was productive or not and my shrink didn't let on what he thought.



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If that was Greg on the ground shot, why would you save him? I know you don't know if you would have, but let's say you did. What are some possible reasons that you would risk your life?
I like to think I would, but really can't be sure I wouldn't have just hunkered down behind the rocks in fear while he died out there. Being surprised by the ambush, bullets flying everywhere, and I'm not nearly as brave as some people think I am. Then I'd have to live with myself, wouldn't I? I know I'd always wonder if I could have helped, especially if he was alive when the medic got to him, but then died. I could just picture the medic grumbling something to the effect of "****!, too late!" I don't think I could live with that guilt anymore than the guilt I already have. Maybe even a lot less.

I just realized I didn't answer your question, can I try again tomorrow?
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 02-24-2011, 19:00   #6855
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It was a good start and might have been exactly what Greg was thinking.
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Old 02-25-2011, 16:34   #6856
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It was a good start and might have been exactly what Greg was thinking.
Itís very possible he thought that and maybe more along those lines. One thing that I apparently didnít make real clear when I posted the details of what happened was the amount of time that passed from when I was hit until Greg broke cover. From what I was told it was something close to a minute. I know I didnít hear anything like that in the half minute of so it took for me to lose consciousness. As it was told to me he was still down when the medic made his way from another MRAP to where the convoy commander could see him to tell him to stay down because he thought the medic couldnít help me. I donít know if he could hear that exchange from where he was but it may have been possible. It was after that and the 2 Afghanis that had been shooting from some rocks to the rear were taken out that he moved. It was one of those 2 bastards from the rear that got me at the start of the fight, and the one off to the side got Greg.

So he had time for something to go through his head. I wish I knew what, but I donít guess heís going to come around and tell me. Besides he probably knows Iíd scream at him anyway. Thank him, yes, but definitely scream at him and ask what the hell he was thinking.
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 02-25-2011, 16:55   #6857
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Itís very possible he thought that and maybe more along those lines. One thing that I apparently didnít make real clear when I posted the details of what happened was the amount of time that passed from when I was hit until Greg broke cover. From what I was told it was something close to a minute. I know I didnít hear anything like that in the half minute of so it took for me to lose consciousness. As it was told to me he was still down when the medic made his way from another MRAP to where the convoy commander could see him to tell him to stay down because he thought the medic couldnít help me. I donít know if he could hear that exchange from where he was but it may have been possible. It was after that and the 2 Afghanis that had been shooting from some rocks to the rear were taken out that he moved. It was one of those 2 bastards from the rear that got me at the start of the fight, and the one off to the side got Greg.

So he had time for something to go through his head. I wish I knew what, but I donít guess heís going to come around and tell me. Besides he probably knows Iíd scream at him anyway. Thank him, yes, but definitely scream at him and ask what the hell he was thinking.
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Old 02-25-2011, 17:16   #6858
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Itís very possible he thought that and maybe more along those lines. One thing that I apparently didnít make real clear when I posted the details of what happened was the amount of time that passed from when I was hit until Greg broke cover. From what I was told it was something close to a minute. I know I didnít hear anything like that in the half minute of so it took for me to lose consciousness. As it was told to me he was still down when the medic made his way from another MRAP to where the convoy commander could see him to tell him to stay down because he thought the medic couldnít help me. I donít know if he could hear that exchange from where he was but it may have been possible. It was after that and the 2 Afghanis that had been shooting from some rocks to the rear were taken out that he moved. It was one of those 2 bastards from the rear that got me at the start of the fight, and the one off to the side got Greg.

So he had time for something to go through his head. I wish I knew what, but I donít guess heís going to come around and tell me. Besides he probably knows Iíd scream at him anyway. Thank him, yes, but definitely scream at him and ask what the hell he was thinking.
We're never going to know. I think you're going to have to just assume that he thought you might still be alive and he just wasn't going to leave you out there to die. It's the only thing that makes sense to me. It's what I would be thinking if I were him. Whether it was a good idea or not is irrelevant to your current situation. You're in pain, yes, but you're alive, and that's Greg's gift to you.

How you go forward is what's really important. The past is the past. Let's work on the present and the future.
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Old 02-25-2011, 18:30   #6859
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Been practicing your swing?














Yep, my cane too, the nice root maple one Miss Sawgrass made for me. Those demons are going to have a bad day. No squeezing
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Old 02-26-2011, 06:37   #6860
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how you go forward is what's really important. The past is the past. Let's work on the present and the future.
Amen. Thankfully LW you still have the ability to make choices for yourself.
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Old 02-26-2011, 10:50   #6861
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Yep, my cane too, the nice root maple one Miss Sawgrass made for me. Those demons are going to have a bad day. No squeezing
Their day will become even worse when I show up with my bat. I even have a spare if anyone else wants to join us.

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We're never going to know. I think you're going to have to just assume that he thought you might still be alive and he just wasn't going to leave you out there to die. It's the only thing that makes sense to me. It's what I would be thinking if I were him. Whether it was a good idea or not is irrelevant to your current situation. You're in pain, yes, but you're alive, and that's Greg's gift to you.

How you go forward is what's really important. The past is the past. Let's work on the present and the future.
BobInTX when I read this I thought of the song Onward Christian Soldiers. I think we can help Wolfe move forward as well as come to terms with her past.

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Itís very possible he thought that and maybe more along those lines. One thing that I apparently didnít make real clear when I posted the details of what happened was the amount of time that passed from when I was hit until Greg broke cover. From what I was told it was something close to a minute. I know I didnít hear anything like that in the half minute of so it took for me to lose consciousness. As it was told to me he was still down when the medic made his way from another MRAP to where the convoy commander could see him to tell him to stay down because he thought the medic couldnít help me. I donít know if he could hear that exchange from where he was but it may have been possible. It was after that and the 2 Afghanis that had been shooting from some rocks to the rear were taken out that he moved. It was one of those 2 bastards from the rear that got me at the start of the fight, and the one off to the side got Greg.

So he had time for something to go through his head. I wish I knew what, but I donít guess heís going to come around and tell me. Besides he probably knows Iíd scream at him anyway. Thank him, yes, but definitely scream at him and ask what the hell he was thinking.
Wolfe it does sound like you have made great progress in accepting what has happened and the fact that Greg made his own choice to save you. I think it's apparent that he simply refused to leave you out there to die when he realized no one else was coming to your aid. He is a hero and I wish I could thank him. I also think you would not have wished him to stay down and suffer the guilt of allowing you to die if he thought he had a chance to save you. You have said yourself that you would never wish the pain you have suffered emotionally on him. You are not guilty in his death and I think you are finally coming to terms with that. Keep working toward that and grieve his death then you can move past it. There will come a day when you can think of him and smile.
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On here I'm an *** hole.
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I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
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Old 02-26-2011, 11:06   #6862
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new to this thread, but all the best and thanks for your service Lone Wolfe
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Old 02-26-2011, 17:15   #6863
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new to this thread, but all the best and thanks for your service Lone Wolfe
Hello, and thank you for stopping in. And you're very welcome.



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Amen. Thankfully LW you still have the ability to make choices for yourself.
Some of the choices are mine anyway, not all. My doc was making more noise today about yanking my medical clearance. I asked him if he still thought he'd be able to get me admitted to a military hospital and he hemmed and hawwed. I'm beginning to suspect he's just full of hot air about that part, so I hope he's also full of hot air about yanking my clearance to be here at all. I think him and my physical terrorist are about to butt heads too. My terrorist is frustrated by my lack of progress in the past few weeks and by my regular doc saying I needed another round of steroid injections which Dr Arse doesn't want to do. To compound matters I had another breathing attack this evening. I'm glad the night crew was on by then, but Dr Arse will know about it in the morning.



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Yep, my cane too, the nice root maple one Miss Sawgrass made for me. Those demons are going to have a bad day. No squeezing
I'll even help you clean off that nice cane afterward. Hopefully it'll be messy.



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Wolfe it does sound like you have made great progress in accepting what has happened and the fact that Greg made his own choice to save you. I think it's apparent that he simply refused to leave you out there to die when he realized no one else was coming to your aid. He is a hero and I wish I could thank him. I also think you would not have wished him to stay down and suffer the guilt of allowing you to die if he thought he had a chance to save you. You have said yourself that you would never wish the pain you have suffered emotionally on him. You are not guilty in his death and I think you are finally coming to terms with that. Keep working toward that and grieve his death then you can move past it. There will come a day when you can think of him and smile.
I was talking to my shrink today and and he said something about Greg and I just started to cry withoug warning, but it felt like a different kind of crying. I was just thinking how much I hated that he died because I really liked him. He was a good person from what I could tell in that short time and was fun to be stuck sitting on a flight line or in an MRAP with. I said that to my shrink, so he asked a few questions about Greg, then I pulled out my cell phone and showed him something I've only showed one person here. While Greg and me were sitting aroung yakking we got each others cell #'s so we could keep in touch.

It goes back and forth. Sometimes it seems to be sinking in, other times I can't get it at all. That's still a change from even a months ago when everything seemed to have a mental heavy veil over it my comparison to now. I guess my brain finally started functioning again a little like it's supposed to, but it still doesn't really want to face all this, so it shuts down a lot still.

No, I wouldn't have wanted Greg to feel anything close to the guilt I have. I remember saying in here a while back that he took the easy way out. I can't remember when I said it to go find it, but I think it relates to what you said. It was also one of the times Brown Hawk left this thread with a piece of my ass in his teeth. Taking the risk of getting killed was easier than risking the guilt of wondering if you could have saved someone. I don't mean that to say that was his reason for breaking cover to come help me.
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Old 02-27-2011, 08:03   #6864
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Old 02-27-2011, 10:04   #6865
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Old 02-27-2011, 10:41   #6866
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Their day will become even worse when I show up with my bat. I even have a spare if anyone else wants to join us.

Count me in...I'll have my shoulder working good enough to take out of couple of those demons!! any chiropractors on the board to keep it working?
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Old 02-27-2011, 12:36   #6867
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Count me in...I'll have my shoulder working good enough to take out of couple of those demons!! any chiropractors on the board to keep it working?
You are counted in. We will find you a chiropractor even if we have to carry you there afterward.

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I was talking to my shrink today and and he said something about Greg and I just started to cry withoug warning, but it felt like a different kind of crying. I was just thinking how much I hated that he died because I really liked him. He was a good person from what I could tell in that short time and was fun to be stuck sitting on a flight line or in an MRAP with. I said that to my shrink, so he asked a few questions about Greg, then I pulled out my cell phone and showed him something I've only showed one person here. While Greg and me were sitting aroung yakking we got each others cell #'s so we could keep in touch.

No, I wouldn't have wanted Greg to feel anything close to the guilt I have. I remember saying in here a while back that he took the easy way out. I can't remember when I said it to go find it, but I think it relates to what you said. It was also one of the times Brown Hawk left this thread with a piece of my ass in his teeth. Taking the risk of getting killed was easier than risking the guilt of wondering if you could have saved someone. I don't mean that to say that was his reason for breaking cover to come help me.
Did your shrink react to you having that phone number on your phone? Did it seem to matter to him that you still have it there? I think the fact that you considered him a friend may make you think it's even harder but you would have felt the same guilt is a total stranger had died saving you. That is how you are and nothing could make you stop caring about people.

You have also admitted that you would not want Greg to feel the guilt he would feel if he had left you out there to die but you also say you wish he had stayed hidden. Those statements contradict each other. I can understand why you feel that Greg's path was easier than yours but you have life and the chance to live it. That is worth a lot.
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On here I'm an *** hole.
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I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
Rest in Peace Jeff Abshire-1962-2012-aka 23Skidoo
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Old 02-27-2011, 17:55   #6868
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: hugs: : hugs:
I agree with all of them. I need a hug, and Greg died and is an angel now.



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Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
We're never going to know. I think you're going to have to just assume that he thought you might still be alive and he just wasn't going to leave you out there to die. It's the only thing that makes sense to me. It's what I would be thinking if I were him. Whether it was a good idea or not is irrelevant to your current situation. You're in pain, yes, but you're alive, and that's Greg's gift to you.

How you go forward is what's really important. The past is the past. Let's work on the present and the future.
It had to be, nothing else makes sense. Not that very many things make sense when bullets are flying overhead in all directions. I'm finding myself thinking it's a hell of a gift, considering the shape I'm in, but he couldn't have known that.

I just wonder what kind of future I'll even have, not being able to do the things I used to be able to. Being able to sleep would be a nice start.



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: hugs:: hugs:
back, I needed that.



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Love you sweetheart: smootchie:: hearts:
Love you too, okie.



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Originally Posted by Lady Glock View Post
Count me in...I'll have my shoulder working good enough to take out of couple of those demons!! any chiropractors on the board to keep it working?
Maybe by the time you finish my regular dic will be back. I'll just tell him you're a friend of mine and you helped me out, I'll bet he'll take care of you. I'll sure be glad to see all of you, but them demons won't be.



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Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
Did your shrink react to you having that phone number on your phone? Did it seem to matter to him that you still have it there? I think the fact that you considered him a friend may make you think it's even harder but you would have felt the same guilt is a total stranger had died saving you. That is how you are and nothing could make you stop caring about people.

You have also admitted that you would not want Greg to feel the guilt he would feel if he had left you out there to die but you also say you wish he had stayed hidden. Those statements contradict each other. I can understand why you feel that Greg's path was easier than yours but you have life and the chance to live it. That is worth a lot.

He really didn't show much reaction. He didn't say anything at all about it still being there, maybe because he could see all the other old #'s still on the phone because I never go through and delete any. It's a pain deleting them off this phone. You're right though, I'd have felt just as bad no matter who it was if they died trying to get to me in a situation that I shouldn't have been in the first place.

OK, that's a mutually exclusive wish there, I see your point. But as strange as it sounds I do wish for them both in different ways. I just wish he'd stayed down and not had the guilt, as unlikely as that is. But I also wish he'd been able to get to me and drag me behind cover without getting shot, but that didn't happen either. For that matter I REALLY wish I hadn't gotten shot. I know I can wish a lot of things, but none of them happened. I got no choice in the matter, so I got to learn to live with the way it really happened.
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 02-27-2011, 18:37   #6869
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Can't disagree.
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Old 02-28-2011, 01:30   #6870
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Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Can't disagree.
With which part?

Or do I get to choose and get you in trouble?
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Old 02-28-2011, 07:41   #6871
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
With which part?

Or do I get to choose and get you in trouble?
All of it, actually.

I am confused, though. Is it Dr. Arse or Dr. Dic?


Reread your post.
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Old 02-28-2011, 17:39   #6872
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LW would have laughed that round off her chest.
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And then gone and stuffed the gun up the ass of the Hajji bastard that shot me!
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Old 02-28-2011, 20:35   #6873
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Old 02-28-2011, 21:00   #6874
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No squeezing Sweetheart.
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Old 02-28-2011, 21:49   #6875
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I hope you're doing okay. I noticed you didn't post this evening.
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