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Old 09-29-2010, 17:05   #5441
Lone_Wolfe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Giving Up is the one we took out. With him gone Suicide is impotent.

24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?

25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

26In the same way, the [Holy] Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Romans 8:24-27 (New International Version)
Actually I think Silent_Runner has it right about who's head is on a stick. Giving Up is still here harrassing me. He's the one getting told "**** Off!" a lot these days.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
Wolfe it seems that I'm not the only person who see what you are really like. Even when you were down and felt totally beated you never gave up. You have gotten through the worst of this because you kept fighting even when the odds seemed impossible. You are going to win this battle and we are going to help you for as long as you need us.

It may be taking a long time but you are wearing them down a little at a time. From the things I have heard you say in recent weeks I think we have one of those demon heads on a stick and we can move on to another. Suicide was a good first one to be rid of. Who should we go after next? Would Giving Up be a good candidate?


I would be inclined to agree with you on this because God has a tendency to give us what we need instead of what we want or think we need.
There were times whe the only reason I didn't give up was because I didn't think I had a choice in the matter. I would have just layed there and done nothing if I could have. There were other times when I wanted to, but knew too many of you were counting on me not to, and I couldn't after all you had done for me. It's gotten easier to keep trying because I'm finally seeing some improvement, but those thoughts are still there. I think Giving Up would be a good candidate to have his head on a stick.

I might have some questions about God giving us what we need instead of what we want because it seems some of the things he gives I neither need nor want.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus2131 View Post
I'm all for that. My angel soldier.
My sweet friend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BobInTX View Post
Nah, it's the trip that wore you out. The demons are just gloating about it and probably telling you that it wasn't worth it.

We're always there with you and praying for you. Don't ever forget that.

You've got to quit living in the past. You need to get beyond this and live for tomorrow, not two years ago. You've got to forgive yourself and let it go. The past is done. You can't change it, you can't get un-shot, and you certainly can't bring Greg back, no matter how bad you want to. That's easy for me to say, I know, but it's the truth. You've suffered long enough. Don't be Lone_Wolfe the victim. Be Lone_Wolfe the Warrior. The Lone_Wolfe we all know is still there. We don't admire you because you got shot. We admire you because of the way you fight to live. You won't give up. It's not in you. Those demons don't stand a chance. Read Judges 4 in the Bible. You can read it online. Two examples of strong women that are like you. You need to take a tent stake to those demons.

You've got a lot of living to do. Start now.
You know the demons are telling me that crap. That it wasn't worth it, that it'll hurt like that every time I travel, maybe even get worse next time, and so on....

How I wish I could 'get un-shot' and bring Greg back. Un-shot. Is that a new word? I don't want to be the victim, but I was never much of a warrior, maybe something in between? I'm working on the living part, but it's not easy. A lot of times the just surviving part takes all I can do.
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 09-29-2010, 19:45   #5442
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The hugs are as gentle as I can make them Sweetheart.
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Old 09-30-2010, 00:17   #5443
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Love you sweetheart
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Old 09-30-2010, 08:49   #5444
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I'm under the bus at work to the point that I took the dog to a sitter for the
remainder of the week.

Thinking of you though.
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Old 09-30-2010, 12:46   #5445
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Actually I think Silent_Runner has it right about who's head is on a stick. Giving Up is still here harrassing me. He's the one getting told "**** Off!" a lot these days.





I think Giving Up would be a good candidate to have his head on a stick.










<<<< Looks for stick and his cane. You will win!.
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Old 10-01-2010, 02:51   #5446
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
I'm under the bus at work to the point that I took the dog to a sitter for the
remainder of the week.

Thinking of you though.
Under the bus sounds like a bad place to be, you need to get on the bus!

Seriously though, I hope things get easier for you soon. Thanks for thinking of me and stopping by.



Quote:
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Love you sweetheart: hearts:: hugs:
I alway love my okie



Quote:
Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
The hugs are as gentle as I can make them Sweetheart.: hugs:: smootchie:: iloveyou:
You just remember not to squeeze and I'll enjoy them.



Quote:
Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
<<<< Looks for stick and his cane. You will win!: hugs:: hearts:: smootchie:: iloveyou:.
Yep, that's the plan. Sharpen that stick good so we can put that head in it, but cut a couple barbs in it so that head'll stay once we get it there. that other one likes to retrieve his head sometimes and mess with me some more.

Damn hajji-net! Couldn't get online last night....
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 10-01-2010, 06:49   #5447
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Hey LW,

How's it going. Hope things are feeling better. Keep plugging.
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Old 10-01-2010, 11:02   #5448
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
<<<< Looks for stick and his cane. You will win!.
Let me find a couple sticks and join you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Actually I think Silent_Runner has it right about who's head is on a stick. Giving Up is still here harrassing me. He's the one getting told "**** Off!" a lot these days.

There were times whe the only reason I didn't give up was because I didn't think I had a choice in the matter. I would have just layed there and done nothing if I could have. There were other times when I wanted to, but knew too many of you were counting on me not to, and I couldn't after all you had done for me. It's gotten easier to keep trying because I'm finally seeing some improvement, but those thoughts are still there. I think Giving Up would be a good candidate to have his head on a stick.

How I wish I could 'get un-shot' and bring Greg back. Un-shot. Is that a new word?

I don't want to be the victim, but I was never much of a warrior, maybe something in between? I'm working on the living part, but it's not easy. A lot of times the just surviving part takes all I can do.
You just keep on tellng that demon to **** off. You may have felt like you were not giving up because you had no choice or because you felt you owed it to the people in here and over there who have done so much for you and that is fine. For whatever reason your mind latched onto you did not give up and you are not going to now. You know that the worst is past and you are getting better.

Unshot sounds like a word to me. New or not I think it counts. I think a lot of us wish you could get unshot and Greg were still alive. But since that can't be the case you will just have to keep getting better. You are a much better warrior than you give yourself credit. Sometimes the battles with our own demons are the hardest battles of all.

sawgrass get out from under that bus. We miss you and besides people will talk.
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I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
Rest in Peace Jeff Abshire-1962-2012-aka 23Skidoo
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Old 10-01-2010, 12:50   #5449
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tenngunner View Post
Hey LW,

How's it going. Hope things are feeling better. Keep plugging.
Hey there, friend. It's going slowly. My doc tried a new sleep med last night that didn't do the trick worth a damn, and I'm feeling it today. I sure hope the stuff he gave me for tonight does better.

Good to see you.
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 10-01-2010, 15:33   #5450
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Sure hope they find a sleep med that helps you.
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Old 10-01-2010, 17:35   #5451
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Sure hope they find a sleep med that helps you.
I sure hope they do too. I took tonight's meds a while ago and started to drift off, but went into a nightmare and woke right back up and can't fall asleep again. Luckily it didn't seem like a bad nightmare, but it's still keeping me from falling back to sleep. Or something is.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
You just keep on tellng that demon to **** off. You may have felt like you were not giving up because you had no choice or because you felt you owed it to the people in here and over there who have done so much for you and that is fine. For whatever reason your mind latched onto you did not give up and you are not going to now. You know that the worst is past and you are getting better.

sawgrass get out from under that bus. We miss you and besides people will talk.
Someone else said something similar to me, that deep down inside I really didn't want to give up, so my mind came up with 'excuses' like feeling obligated to you folks in here not to give up. It really didn't feel that way at the time, especially when before I started improving at all. Those first few months after I got off the anti-depressants were the worst, I just didn't even want to live at all. When I look back to a year ago I sometimes wonder how I got even this far.

sawgrass isn't looking, we can talk about her now.

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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 10-01-2010, 17:38   #5452
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Are you sleeping at the hospital or in your chu?

As I go through my day random thoughts regarding you and this thread
pop into my head. LW you aren't a victim. You were shot, but I don't
believe you think of yourself that way. You have too much of something
else to consider that crap for very long. While my personal trials haven't
equaled what you are dealing with I understand that somedays all you
have is to survive. If that's the case, so be it. On those days tell "giving
up" to take a flying ****. Bob's right that as long as you don't decide to
give up, "suicide" doesn't stand a chance. On the days that you feel ok,
do anything that makes you feel better about who you are. It doesn't matter
if that means getting someone a glass of water, telling someone there they
matter to you, or treating yourself somehow. Anything that makes you feel
a little better. Strength is cumulative.

I haven't said it in a while, but Lone_Wolfe you aren't the average woman.
There is a life waiting to be lived by you. Life is for the living.

I hope you slept.
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Old 10-01-2010, 17:42   #5453
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Oh you little wascally wabbit! We were posting about the same time.

Sawgrass has a pm box full of pm's from a year or so ago that proves
you are getting better. Wolfe it's slow but it is happening.
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Old 10-01-2010, 17:51   #5454
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[QUOTE=Silent_Runner;16074360]Let me find a couple sticks and join you.



You just keep on tellng that demon to **** off. You may have felt like you were not giving up because you had no choice or because you felt you owed it to the people in here and over there who have done so much for you and that is fine. For whatever reason your mind latched onto you did not give up and you are not going to now. You know that the worst is past and you are getting better.

Unshot sounds like a word to me. New or not I think it counts. I think a lot of us wish you could get unshot and Greg were still alive. But since that can't be the case you will just have to keep getting better. You are a much better warrior than you give yourself credit. Sometimes the battles with our own demons are the hardest battles of all.

sawgrass get out from under that bus. We miss you and besides people will talk.[/QUOTE

Help killing demons is always welcome. I challenge you to a race. I bet I get more with my cane than you get with your bat.
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Old 10-01-2010, 20:37   #5455
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
Let me find a couple sticks and join you.



You just keep on tellng that demon to **** off. You may have felt like you were not giving up because you had no choice or because you felt you owed it to the people in here and over there who have done so much for you and that is fine. For whatever reason your mind latched onto you did not give up and you are not going to now. You know that the worst is past and you are getting better.

Unshot sounds like a word to me. New or not I think it counts. I think a lot of us wish you could get unshot and Greg were still alive. But since that can't be the case you will just have to keep getting better. You are a much better warrior than you give yourself credit. Sometimes the battles with our own demons are the hardest battles of all.

sawgrass get out from under that bus. We miss you and besides people will talk.
Help killing demons is always welcome. I challenge you to a race. I bet I get more with my cane than you get with your bat.
You seem to forget, she has guns. Lots of guns!

Cursed nightmares woke me up again.
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 10-01-2010, 20:44   #5456
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
You seem to forget, she has guns. Lots of guns!

Cursed nightmares woke me up again.
That's a good thing. Maybe SR and I can go on a demon killing spree!
The bad part is, regardless of how many demons we shoot there will
be more until you reconcile with yourself.

I hate that the f'en nightmares woke you again. It can so suck that
they seem so real. Wolfe, I know the reasons you have stated for needing
to still be there. I will be so glad when you aren't. How in the sam hell can
you "let it go" when you still are surrounded by "it"?
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Old 10-01-2010, 20:45   #5457
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Quote:
Cursed nightmares woke me up again.
And here I thought you got up to talk to me. Sorry you can't sleep.
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LW would have laughed that round off her chest.
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Old 10-01-2010, 20:48   #5458
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Dang double-post!

Magnus, you know I'd come in here any time to talk to you.


Sleep deprivation sux it right! Oh well, time to go get breakfast. Yummy DFAC food.............. NOT!
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE

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Old 10-01-2010, 20:50   #5459
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
Strength is cumulative.
This is so true. Every bit builds on the the foundation of what came before. When you have a weak day, at the worst you must hold the line, and then come back and see what you can build the next day.

The "gotcha" is this lack of sleep of yours... Thers are so many times that weakness is born of lack of sleep- It can color everything else so dramatically, and then you get some sleep and it's like, "What the hell was I worried about? It'll be fine!"
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Old 10-01-2010, 21:00   #5460
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This is so true. Every bit builds on the the foundation of what came before. When you have a weak day, at the worst you must hold the line, and then come back and see what you can build the next day.

The "gotcha" is this lack of sleep of yours... Thers are so many times that weakness is born of lack of sleep- It can color everything else so dramatically, and then you get some sleep and it's like, "What the hell was I worried about? It'll be fine!"

There it is again...Sleep deprivation exacerbates everything!
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