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Old 09-21-2009, 08:09   #551
Lone_Wolfe
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Magnus, that latest kitty is adorable!


Quote:
Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
Very nice post.

May you feel this way everyday, from now on, wherever you are.

I know exactly the sense of which you speak.

:hugs :
Thank you. I know it’s too much to hope for to feel this all the time, but lately things like this are happening when I seem to need them the most. I hope it also happens to you as often as you need it, my friend. back at ya!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Bumpadrum View Post
You know where I stand on this Sister. Praise God. You are being forged in the firey furnace right now. You will come out the other side of this stronger and better, like ore turned to gold. It will get better and I will not stop praying for you. You can count on that.
Hang tough and look up my friend.
Is that fiery furnace another name for Iraq in the summer?
I like to think somehow I’ll be stronger when this is finally behind me, but I just can’t compare myself to gold. I’m so glad I can count on you to keep praying for me. For a while I believed it when my doctors would say that I’d be “good as new” in just a few months. Well it’s been a few months a few times over and I know I have a long way to go and I’ll need prayers for some time to come. I thank God that I have friends like you.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock26girl View Post
Things happen for a reason, LW. Even this, even all the bad things we can think of. If we look at those things as something to grow from, it will turn a negative event into a positive one. I know that you know what I mean. It blows me away that you have so many people who love you and would go over there, kidnap you, check in on you everyday and love you unconditionally. All of this without personally knowing you. You have been blessed. We are all there "in spirit" with you...we have all been in pain on some level and can relate to you, on some level. My short hell stay in hospital has changed my life, LW. I can't imagine what this will do for you. It will bless many other people for years to come when they hear your story and are touched by it. It has already touched mine. We just love you and care about you, pray for you, for your safe and speedy return to where you feel safe. Later, dear girl, G26G :wavey :
“Things happen for a reason”…. Something I’ve thought of so many times in recent months. I know there’s some reason unknown to me that I’m still on the face of the earth. I shouldn’t be, so someone has some plan for me. If nothing else positive comes from this what I’ve seen here from people I’ve never even met is something I will carry with me and treasure for the rest of my life. I don’t know what all changes will happen to me because of this, but I can tell I’m changing. I hope’s it’s for the better. I love all of you and am grateful for the love I receive. I like the thought of having you here in spirit as much as I like to have angels walking beside me. I think there’s really no difference.

BTW, if it was you people with me in spirit and you’re counting calories we went about Ĺ to ĺ of a mile last night at around 20 minutes per mile...






Quote:
Originally Posted by Zombie Steve View Post
Can I ask a silly question?

Who do I have to thump a little to get you back stateside?
I know we've had fun with this but the real answer is nobody...

As of today, it’s as official as it’s going to get… Barring anything else going drastically wrong I’m going to finish my tour here. My doctor, commander or myself could push the issue and probably have me on a medevac that day, but have all agreed that it wouldn’t be in my best interest at this time for several reasons.

The biggest is the medical care. Last month I had a really bad “episode” that was a reaction to nightmares, lack of sleep, and drug reactions. The doctor that had just taken over my case realized what I needed done for the first time in months. That has been a turning point for me. I’m finally starting to feel some improvement that I should have started making months ago. If I went back now I may not get anywhere near the level of care I’m getting now. Because of the amount of time that has passed and the fact that my physical injuries have mostly healed I would probably just be seen as an outpatient instead of going to Trippler or one of the other hospitals like my doc, shrink, and I all know I need right now. Here the Doc can see me every day, and he keeps me overnight every other night right now. Plus I see my shrink a minimum of 3 times a week.

I know some of you have made comments about me going back to the US and being safe there. Actually I think I’m about as safe here as I would be there. Here inside the wire I have no contact with the enemy and don’t have the same concerns I would back home about things like robbery, drunk drivers, etc. I haven’t even carried a weapon since I was started on anti-depressants and I’m glad of that. I know there’s always a chance I could get hit in the next rocket attack, but I think my odds are about even in either place. That being said I don’t feel safe anywhere, but I think a lot of that is where my head is at. I was in the US in June and actually felt worse than before I left here. Go figure…

I also don’t need to be trying to find a job back there right now. Between the bad economy, the nightmares that affect my ability to concentrate, and the PTSD no employer in his right mind would want me back there. I’m doing a job here that’s not what I was sent here to do, but it’s similar enough. I basically baby-sit a server suite and have a lot of free time for med appointments, but if I wasn’t here someone would be doing this so I’m not just wasting taxpayer money.

With all that in mind I think I'll be better off here with the treatment I'm getting now. And your prayers do reach over here, so please don't stop.
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 09-21-2009, 10:28   #552
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus2131 View Post
LW would have laughed that round off her chest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
And then gone and stuffed the gun up the ass of the Hajji bastard that shot me!
"RIP Jeff (23Skidoo)" and our Silent_Runner. 129,520
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Old 09-21-2009, 10:50   #553
faawrenchbndr
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Good to hear that you are getting the care you need now.
My wife is active duty. One of Her subordinates is dealing with
PTSD. Suicide attempts, voices talking to her,.......it's very bad.
She was treated at a local hospital for a week. She has been released
to home. She is a single Mom, her current BF is a 28 year Sergant Major,
he's a real weiner.

You are better off where you are. The desert sucks azz, but it seems like
the care you are NOW getting, FAR exceeds what you would most likely get in the states.

Still thinking of you, and ALL our deployed Armed Forces brothers and Sisters!
Hope to chat with you again soon, take care, keep your Spirit up.
Congrats on starting a bit of exercise! I'm running a Marathon in Miami
on 31 Jan,.......wanna join me?!

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Old 09-21-2009, 15:54   #554
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I do my best not to come here and post when I'm really feeling my worst. You folks wouldn't want to hear it, I can whine as good as anyone. And I don't even like cheese! So I wait until I'm at least coming back out of the worst before I start typing. But there's another real advantage to that. One lesson we often hear in life but sometimes for forget to apply is to practice being what we want to be until that becomes what we are. So I come in here and write my more positive thoughts while clicking the delete buttons on the negative ones that I've often written. So in the weeks, months, maybe years to come I'll come back here and read all this and it'll reinforce the positive side of me that has the will to fight, has the desire to find the good in an awful experience, and is open to the love I never thought possible before okie started this thread.

I know Iíll never forget the people in here, friends that I will treasure for the rest of my life. I hope to be able to meet all of you but even if I donít you will always hold a very special place in my heart. A place I didnít even know existed months ago.
Your posts just keep getting better and better. You're strategizing your own recovery, making logical and sound decisions that will affect you positively in the near and far future. You're getting stronger as you go. Attagirl.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I grabbed this old post because I happened to think of it when this here was happening...
A few minutes ago I came back from a walk around the base here. I was feeling down, a bit defeated, fighting off the effects of last night being yet another sleepless night. I was walking along, thinking of things like family, friends and the friends I have in here and using those thoughts to hold the ugly thoughts at bay. I turned and headed down a darkened street with only the light from the stars and the flashlight in my hand for in case I need it. I realized I was all by myself there, but quickly realized I wasnít alone. I could feel a warmth moving with me, and no, Iím not referring to the Baghdad heat right now. Some reading this will think it was God with me, some will think it was an angel, maybe the atheist among us will swear that it had to be all in my head. For all I know it might have been some of you GTíers that are with me in spirit. All I know is I was by myself, but I wasnít alone and by the time I got back to my room I felt a sense of comfort that I need right now and it felt good.
The problem is that, yes, the battle has all been in your head. That's where we're with you, that's where we need to send loving reinforcements your way, and keep it on the positive side. Thing is, you also have a spirit. Let them either wonder or not know, you're the one living the experience, only you can say. Truth is that you felt and feel it. The evidence? You. You're the witness to your situation. We, the spectators, we can only observe, and that at a distance. Obviously, this is not the first time it happens to you, at least in this current situation that I know of. Whatever it is, it's helping you in this very trying time, which most probably have never even seen in dreams. Forget that, you know what you're going through, and you know it well. All I can say is that I'm glad you felt that, and hope that the feeling only grows stronger each day, and that you reach a full and complete recovery sooner than later.
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Old 09-21-2009, 16:09   #555
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Hi sweetie!!!

These are for you.

Keep your spirits up. I am still praying, offering encouragement, long distance, along with all of the good thoughts you can handle from one person. Don't want to overload you by myself, as I know that a lot of others, are doing the same.

I am also recruiting more folks, who aren't on this forum, to offer prayers for you. More prayers, sure can't hurt. Talked with a gentleman a few days ago. His 28 yr. old son has cancer. I am praying for his son, and he is now praying for your well being, along with that of his son.

Keep making progress. It maybe slow, but as long as you are moving forward, you are moving the right direction. I wish that I could just snap my fingers and make everything right for you.

Get some rest, so things are a little better each day for you!!!
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Old 09-21-2009, 17:16   #556
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Quote:
Originally Posted by faawrenchbndr View Post
Good to hear that you are getting the care you need now.
My wife is active duty. One of Her subordinates is dealing with
PTSD. Suicide attempts, voices talking to her,.......it's very bad.
She was treated at a local hospital for a week. She has been released
to home. She is a single Mom, her current BF is a 28 year Sergant Major,
he's a real weiner.

You are better off where you are. The desert sucks azz, but it seems like
the care you are NOW getting, FAR exceeds what you would most likely get in the states.

Still thinking of you, and ALL our deployed Armed Forces brothers and Sisters!
Hope to chat with you again soon, take care, keep your Spirit up.
Congrats on starting a bit of exercise! I'm running a Marathon in Miami
on 31 Jan,.......wanna join me?!

Up until about 5 weeks ago I wouldnít have agreed that I was getting better care here. My situation with doctors and shrinks was ďToo many cooksÖ..Ē, especially where medications were concerned. When I ended up in the hospital from them I had one doctor say ďIím taking charge of your case and anything any one wants to do to you or give you has to come through me.Ē That has been all the difference. I still see the shrinks and other docs, but they donít make me take pills. So Iím actually relieved to be staying for a couple more months. I just wish Iíd had this doc 6 months ago.

I still have the PSTD to deal with, and of course I have to get past these nightmares. I have to do that before I can make progress in any other area, I think. But now I think I have a chance. BTW, I donít mind the desert so much, itís not all humid!

Hearing about your wifeís subordinate just makes me feel all the better about staying here for now. Releasing a suicidal person to go home is scary. And like I said before, thatís likely what I would get if I go to the states now. Iím working on keeping the spirits up, and do enjoy our chats. But I think my knees wouldnít like the marathon, so Iíll just cheer you on, howís that sound?
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 09-21-2009, 17:41   #557
faawrenchbndr
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Ha,.....that's the spirit!

I've been lucky, no major issues in my 20 years. I did spend five days
in the hospital with the first bought of kidney stones. The big deal was
a reaction to the morphine and having my heart stop three times.
So,..... been there done that. No light at the end of a tunnel.

Then there was the incident with the three wheeler when I tries to
tear my foot off my leg, nine days in the hospital. Five breaks, 3" long
plate, six screws, torn ligaments, 3/4 severed achiles tendon,......nasty!

But, I have NEVER faced anything like you are dealing with. I applaud your
courage and your willingness to improve. You mostly seem very positive. You
do have your down days, as anyone will, but overall, you have been extremely
positive with this.

You do have a long road ahead still. You were spared for a reason. Your Comrades seemed to make sure of that. I am 100% sure you have their
blessings and they would not wish you to have any guilt over you making it,
and them not.

I have an odd way of looking at things. I was born broken, a birth defect.
I had surgery at five months. I had a few major childhood injuries, one I
nearly did not survive. I am a middle child, the black sheep. I've been divorced twice. 1st one was a cheater during Desert Storm. Second one
was a cheater during Kosovo.

I've been broken, beat, faced two brushes with death, and twice been kicked
to the curb,............and I'm still here. When life serves you a shiP sandwich,
you gotta just eat it with a smile and ask for more!

What don't kill ya, makes you stronger!


Now,.....how about that "Wonder Woman" picture,......?
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Old 09-21-2009, 20:35   #558
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post

Thank you. I know itís too much to hope for to feel this all the time, but lately things like this are happening when I seem to need them the most. I hope it also happens to you as often as you need it, my friend. back at ya!

Princess check.

One present. None missing.



Your new day is here.
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Old 09-22-2009, 08:02   #559
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Quote:
Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
Princess check.

One present. None missing.



Your new day is here.

Hiya my prince.

back
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 09-22-2009, 08:22   #560
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Quote:
Originally Posted by faawrenchbndr View Post
Ha,.....that's the spirit!

I've been lucky, no major issues in my 20 years. I did spend five days
in the hospital with the first bought of kidney stones. The big deal was
a reaction to the morphine and having my heart stop three times.
So,..... been there done that. No light at the end of a tunnel.

Then there was the incident with the three wheeler when I tries to
tear my foot off my leg, nine days in the hospital. Five breaks, 3" long
plate, six screws, torn ligaments, 3/4 severed achiles tendon,......nasty!

But, I have NEVER faced anything like you are dealing with. I applaud your
courage and your willingness to improve. You mostly seem very positive. You
do have your down days, as anyone will, but overall, you have been extremely
positive with this.

You do have a long road ahead still. You were spared for a reason. Your Comrades seemed to make sure of that. I am 100% sure you have their
blessings and they would not wish you to have any guilt over you making it,
and them not.

I have an odd way of looking at things. I was born broken, a birth defect.
I had surgery at five months. I had a few major childhood injuries, one I
nearly did not survive. I am a middle child, the black sheep. I've been divorced twice. 1st one was a cheater during Desert Storm. Second one
was a cheater during Kosovo.

I've been broken, beat, faced two brushes with death, and twice been kicked
to the curb,............and I'm still here. When life serves you a shiP sandwich,
you gotta just eat it with a smile and ask for more!

What don't kill ya, makes you stronger!


Now,.....how about that "Wonder Woman" picture,......?


Iíve been told my heart stopped several times and that I wore that poor medic out with all the CPR he had to do on me and then it stopped a few times at the hospital. But I didnít get to see the light at the end of the tunnel either. Or I just donít remember it, who knows.

Wow, youíve been abused too, maybe we need to pray for you too. BTW, I tried a similar stunt with my own leg many years ago. It wasnít pretty.

I try to stay positive, but like I said a couple posts back I donít always succeed. Right now Iím now feeling positive at all because whenever Iíve tried to sleep last night and today the nightmares are waiting for me. Same old story, same damn nightmares. You know, I wish I could take the knowing my comrade wouldnít want me to feel this guilt about his and use it to wash the pain right out of my heart. It would sure make that part easier.

Hey your luck with women sounds like mine with men. Iíve been a member of the broken hearts club more than once. I just havenít talked about it here, but if it wasnít for bad luck in love I think Iíd have no luck. Plus Iíve made a couple bad choices that assured me of heartbreak.

This crap sandwich aint killed me yet, but I donít feel very strong. And I think you got me mixed up with someone else, didnít wonder Woman have those bullet deflecting bracelets?
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 09-22-2009, 08:40   #561
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
....This crap sandwich aint killed me yet, but I don’t feel very strong.
And I think you got me mixed up with someone else, didn’t wonder Woman have those bullet deflecting bracelets?
I'm calling BS on this,.....you are very much more strong willd than you let yourself believe!

Guess I may need to get the anvil out and pour the heat to the coals!
Just try to remeber, one day at a time. Everything is life is for a reason.
It's not you fault, you did nothing to bring this on. Bad things happen to
good people.

Gotta run,........

Last edited by faawrenchbndr; 09-22-2009 at 09:09..
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Old 09-22-2009, 10:23   #562
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Sure I do... Hey I think I just might get that bullethole tattoo after all.
DON'T YOU DARE! Your mom would have a heart attack!

Besides you would never want to wear a bathing suit in public again with something like that.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Bumpadrum View Post
You know where I stand on this Sister. Praise God. You are being forged in the firey furnace right now. You will come out the other side of this stronger and better, like ore turned to gold. It will get better and I will not stop praying for you. You can count on that.
Hang tough and look up my friend.
Sir you seem like a wonderful friend to have. I do love to read your posts in here. And Wolfe had better be reading them too.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Magnus, that latest kitty is adorable!






As of today, itís as official as itís going to getÖ Barring anything else going drastically wrong Iím going to finish my tour here. ..

. Actually I think Iím about as safe here as I would be there. ..

I know we've talked at length about this and you know my opinions but you just remember you are not safe over there. You keep your eyes and ears open and always keep a bunker in sight. Remember if you come home in a box I will revive you just so I can kill you myself! I won't care why you ended up in that box.




Magnus2131 your little kitty pictures are so cute. I like yesterday best.
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On here I'm an *** hole.
In real life I'm an *** hole with a gun. :supergrin:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe
I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
Rest in Peace Jeff Abshire-1962-2012-aka 23Skidoo
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Old 09-22-2009, 10:29   #563
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"but if I wasnít here someone would be doing this so Iím not just wasting taxpayer money"

You've paid in advance, your account is forever in good standing here.
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Old 09-22-2009, 10:33   #564
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Get well anyway.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus2131 View Post
LW would have laughed that round off her chest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
And then gone and stuffed the gun up the ass of the Hajji bastard that shot me!
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Old 09-22-2009, 13:06   #565
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
DON'T YOU DARE! Your mom would have a heart attack!

Besides you would never want to wear a bathing suit in public again with something like that.

Ya, but it's fun getting a rise outta you....



Sir you seem like a wonderful friend to have. I do love to read your posts in here. And Wolfe had better be reading them too.

He is a wonderful friend. And I do read his posts. A lot.




I know we've talked at length about this and you know my opinions but you just remember you are not safe over there. You keep your eyes and ears open and always keep a bunker in sight. Remember if you come home in a box I will revive you just so I can kill you myself! I won't care why you ended up in that box.
I know I’m not safe here. I meant that in a relative way. I don’t feel safe here, but I don’t feel any safer back in the States. The dangers are different, but still there. I’ve been over here for almost a year now and have gotten used to watching the sky for rockets, making sure I always know where the nearest bunker is, things like that. I guess coming here when I was injured and at my weakest made this seem normal to me. It’s really hard to explain that because it doesn’t really make sense to me



Quote:
Originally Posted by JASV.17 View Post
"but if I wasn’t here someone would be doing this so I’m not just wasting taxpayer money"

You've paid in advance, your account is forever in good standing here.
I appreciate what you are saying nad the kind words. It's just that I have never liked to take handouts.
I don’t want to sit at home and collect disability for the rest of my life. I’d rather work and earn my own living. But I have come to realize that it won’t be possible, at least not right away. Physically I can do most of what being a computer geek entails except for any lifting heavy computers. The rest of the work is sitting behind a keyboard. It’s the psychological damage that makes me unable to work right not. Between the nightmares, PTSD and other mental problems I have right now I know I wouldn’t be able to hold a job. I still hope that someday I’ll put enough of this behind me to go back to working like normal. If I had my way I’d come back and tell the VA to give me a zero percent disability rating and leave me be, but that’s just not possible for me.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus2131 View Post

Get well anyway.
Thank you Magnus. Those kitties are adorable.

P. S. Thank you for using small pictures. My internet connection is beyond slow.
__________________
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE

Last edited by Lone_Wolfe; 09-22-2009 at 13:11.. Reason: typo
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Old 09-22-2009, 13:21   #566
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beware Owner View Post
Your posts just keep getting better and better. You're strategizing your own recovery, making logical and sound decisions that will affect you positively in the near and far future. You're getting stronger as you go. Attagirl.
I never thought of it as any kind of strategy, I just figure who wants to hear me complain all the time. I guess I can see where you get logical though, because when I read this stuff much later Iíll see the positive stuff as Iím trying to put the crap behind me. Iím going to make an exception tonight, Iím feeling really down and just need to get it off my chest (bad pun, I know) Right now the thing holding up any real progress is these damn nightmares. They donít let me sleep, they start sometimes even before Iím asleep. Iíve even had them while Iím awake back when I wasnít getting much of any sleep at all. I donít describe them in here because I donít want to upset anyone reading this, but they all follow the same theme. Thereís a few different variations but the message is the same. Now Iím pretty sure I understand what they are trying to tell me, my shrinks claim they know. So itís so frustrating that I canít seem to internalize their message.
I really hoped that with my being forced to sleep every other day my head would be clear enough to get past this by now. I know, I know, patience isnít my long suit. But at least every other day I can think clearly about things but still canít put an end to these nightmares. I was up all last night and when I tried to nap today they came out in force as usual. I think Iím ruining poor Mandyís fur with my tears. The one good thing is that since I got off the meds that made them worse I donít wake up screaming and thrashing any more. Except the one time when I broke my finger. I just wish I could get them to stop tormenting me. Sorry for being such a downer, Iím just having a really hard time tonight.
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Old 09-22-2009, 14:13   #567
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Old 09-22-2009, 14:15   #568
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Some of these also
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Old 09-22-2009, 15:00   #569
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I never thought of it as any kind of strategy, I just figure who wants to hear me complain all the time. I guess I can see where you get logical though, because when I read this stuff much later Iíll see the positive stuff as Iím trying to put the crap behind me. Iím going to make an exception tonight, Iím feeling really down and just need to get it off my chest (bad pun, I know) Right now the thing holding up any real progress is these damn nightmares. They donít let me sleep, they start sometimes even before Iím asleep. Iíve even had them while Iím awake back when I wasnít getting much of any sleep at all. I donít describe them in here because I donít want to upset anyone reading this, but they all follow the same theme. Thereís a few different variations but the message is the same. Now Iím pretty sure I understand what they are trying to tell me, my shrinks claim they know. So itís so frustrating that I canít seem to internalize their message.
I really hoped that with my being forced to sleep every other day my head would be clear enough to get past this by now. I know, I know, patience isnít my long suit. But at least every other day I can think clearly about things but still canít put an end to these nightmares. I was up all last night and when I tried to nap today they came out in force as usual. I think Iím ruining poor Mandyís fur with my tears. The one good thing is that since I got off the meds that made them worse I donít wake up screaming and thrashing any more. Except the one time when I broke my finger. I just wish I could get them to stop tormenting me. Sorry for being such a downer, Iím just having a really hard time tonight.
Well, yes, it is a strategy. Its a means to an end, in this case you know what you'll react to and how, then you choose to do what works for you.

Baby, it's ok to let it out. We're here to listen, and it doesn't come through as a "complaint". You have the right to "complain" all you want. It's necessary. In some cases things have to get worse before it gets better. I know this is not really a comparison, but, a drug addict first needs to hit rock bottom before he can work his way towards rehabilitation. That's the point where he finds reality face to face and comes out of denial. Once out of denial, he can identify where he's at, what got him there, where he needs to be, and what he needs to do to get there. Then he looks at what resources he has, what he's missing, and start from there. Everybody has their own rock bottoms, and, really, the closer you are to it, the better, as beat up as it sounds. Sometimes we focus so much on what we do or are doing, thinking that it's the only way to measure progress. Look at what you're not doing. NOT waking up thrashing, breaking fingers, and screaming, that's progress too. You also have to realize that ANY progess is real progress, simply because it either is or isn't. Is it progress? Yes? Ok, leave it at that, it's progress. Just that it isn't happening as fast as we'd prefer, but it's happening. We're here with and for you, for better or for worse!
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Old 09-22-2009, 16:20   #570
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LW, keep making progress. The steps may be small now, but when they all get added together, it is still progress. Anything moving in the forward direction, is good. I know that you want this over with as quickly as possible. I wish I could just snap my fingers and make all of your problems go away.

You know that all of us want you to keep improving and get totally well!! I keep sending out the prayers and good thoughts for your well being. When you keep making some improvements, you are getting that much closer to your goal. I know that you will make your goal. You have the attitude and spirit to do it.

These are for you.

Take care, and keep working on getting better.
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Old 09-22-2009, 16:25   #571
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Hey Lone_ Wolfe,

I hope you're keeping your spirits up and am working hard in your recovery process. I'm thinking of you today since I just reaggravated an old back injury and am feeling the pain and limping around. OK, I'll tell the embarrassing story - I dropped my new bike, a honda cbr1000rr in a parking lot and my trying to lift it back up (it's 440lbs and 25 years ago I would have snatched it up w/o a sweat), but an old back injury kicked in and I'm feeling the pain in my back and down my right leg. Anyway, I'm 48 now and when I had the first injury I was a hardcore weightlifting/bodybuilding type and I thought it was the end of the world. Afterwards, my back healed up somewhat and I started back into moderate lifting (no squats, deadlifts, bent rows - anything that would stress the lower back) and got into bicycling/running and was pretty happy since I could get the old exercise fix.

My body healed reasonably well and though I lived for weightlifting at the time I found other things to make me feel good. Anyway, LW, your posts of your situation and struggles help put things in perspective and provide a good example for the rest of us.

Keep us posted and stay strong for yourself and the rest of us
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Old 09-22-2009, 23:32   #572
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
I never thought of it as any kind of strategy, I just figure who wants to hear me complain all the time. I guess I can see where you get logical though, because when I read this stuff much later I’ll see the positive stuff as I’m trying to put the crap behind me. I’m going to make an exception tonight, I’m feeling really down and just need to get it off my chest (bad pun, I know) Right now the thing holding up any real progress is these damn nightmares. They don’t let me sleep, they start sometimes even before I’m asleep. I’ve even had them while I’m awake back when I wasn’t getting much of any sleep at all. I don’t describe them in here because I don’t want to upset anyone reading this, but they all follow the same theme. There’s a few different variations but the message is the same. Now I’m pretty sure I understand what they are trying to tell me, my shrinks claim they know. So it’s so frustrating that I can’t seem to internalize their message.
I really hoped that with my being forced to sleep every other day my head would be clear enough to get past this by now. I know, I know, patience isn’t my long suit. But at least every other day I can think clearly about things but still can’t put an end to these nightmares. I was up all last night and when I tried to nap today they came out in force as usual. I think I’m ruining poor Mandy’s fur with my tears. The one good thing is that since I got off the meds that made them worse I don’t wake up screaming and thrashing any more. Except the one time when I broke my finger. I just wish I could get them to stop tormenting me. Sorry for being such a downer, I’m just having a really hard time tonight.
I've always had trouble with insomnia and have come up with a solution to it. After my awful time in the hospital, having night terrors, which you know about. I am using these to help me deal with the memory of them and to help me sleep. Let's see if they can help my dear girl.

Here are some great scriptures to replace negative self-talk about sleeping. Read them throughout the day or before going to bed and trust God to give you sleep and rest He desires us to have!

Psa 4:8 I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.

Psa 127:2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

Pro 3:24 When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.

Isa 57:2 He shall enter into peace: they shall rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness.

Mat 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Heb 4:10 For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.

There are more, but I will share them with you later. It helps me just to pray them...to know that this is what God wants for me (and for you).

I love your friends who just wrote to you, LW. They are such strong men. They care so much about you and are so full of wisdom. Listen to what they say and try to internalize it...you did nothing to deserve any of this!!! You are not paying any kind of penance. This is simply a result of war. You have NOTHING to feel responsible for. I love you, friend, and I love your honesty. It will be much more therapeutic in the long run, than trying to sound strong when you don't feel it. I am soooooo proud of you!! We will be praying for peaceful sleep, but keep being honest about how you are feeling.
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Last edited by Glock26girl; 09-23-2009 at 00:47..
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Old 09-23-2009, 02:16   #573
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okie View Post
More kisses for ya Sweetheart
Quote:
Originally Posted by okie View Post
Some of these also


Thank you sweetie. I needed all I could get last night. today too. back
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 09-23-2009, 03:42   #574
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Just wanted to drop in and say you will be in my prayers and thoughts as you continue your recovery. Godspeed and best to you, LW! Thank you for your sacrifice and valor in the service of freedom!
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Old 09-23-2009, 04:59   #575
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Wishing you strength for today. Wisdom for guidance. Love for healing.

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