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Old 12-31-2009, 17:50   #2061
23skidoo
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All the best in the coming year my dear.
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Old 12-31-2009, 18:13   #2062
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5:12pm Az time NYE - hey! turn your cell on!

Just tried to call from the landline and got a multi-language recording that your cell is either "off" or "out of the area".........
::::::::::::pout::::::::::::
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I am slowly falling apart - I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start. You might think it's easy being me ... Sometimes I find myself shaking - In the middle of the night. And then it hits me and I can't - Even believe this is my life
(The Wreckers; "Stand Still; Look Pretty")
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Old 12-31-2009, 18:29   #2063
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
All the best in the coming year my dear.
Including meeting you?



Quote:
Originally Posted by MB-G26 View Post
Just tried to call from the landline and got a multi-language recording that your cell is either "off" or "out of the area".........
::::::::::::pout::::::::::::
I forgot to put the damn thing on the charger, thanks for reminding me. Are you going to be around for a while? The reason I ask is I had to take some real strong pain meds a bit ago and they've kicked in and I feel like I might be able to at least fall asleep. I doubt I'd stay asleep long, but I need to at least try. I'll post again in here when I wake back up.

OK, by you?

<<<--- tries to the ::::::pout::::: from MB-G26
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 12-31-2009, 18:31   #2064
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Wolfe,...Did you go to the service,...how was it? How do you feel?
I wish I could talk to you, as I'm sure many others do too.

Wolfe, look deep and recognize who you are, you have all of this awareness. It's a brand new year! you got this...to quote my students.
SG
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Old 12-31-2009, 18:35   #2065
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Mmmmm,

New Year's,
Full moon,
Bright shinning star,
I think this year is going to be great!

Here's to ya,......Lady_Wolfe!
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Old 12-31-2009, 18:48   #2066
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Best wishes, Miss Wolfe, praying for your safe return this year.
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Old 12-31-2009, 19:03   #2067
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Quote:
OK, by you?
Oh good heavens, YES! If you can sleep, even if just for a little while GO FOR IT!!!
I'll be here until I finish up getting the car loaded and my gray hair fixed (snarf) and such....then brush Alex the Dog yet again and load him, last, into the car and off to Flag for the foreseeable.

Oh, btw, the phone prefix up there is 928 (vs. 602 or 480 for Phx/area) in case I call using Jay's landline up there.

NOW, GO SLEEPY PIE!

(Or, as my father used to tell us {but don't take the "stupid" part personally, etc.!} when we were kids, "Go put stupid head on wretched bed and go sleepy!"

My 'baby' sister always had a horrible time getting and staying to sleep... and up and down she'd 'bounce'. She also had a 'stuff animal' that was a turtle, but it was stuffed with beans or beads or somesuch, instead of fluffy stuffing stuff, so it was heavier than any usual stuffed animal. Thus, the saying was expanded to include, "Go to bed and stay there, or else I'll put a weighted turtle on your head!"

So...... sleep, sleep, sleep....... elsewise I shall have to locate and send to you a weighted turtle
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I am slowly falling apart - I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start. You might think it's easy being me ... Sometimes I find myself shaking - In the middle of the night. And then it hits me and I can't - Even believe this is my life
(The Wreckers; "Stand Still; Look Pretty")
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Old 12-31-2009, 19:04   #2068
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Hey okie

Well, I'll just say that 2010 got off to an auspicious start for me.....


It's 0100 here in Iraq, so......

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


Happy new years

Sorry i haven't been posting more, house shopping/buying, is alot more intensive than I ever thought it was.....
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Old 12-31-2009, 19:54   #2069
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
Wolfe,...Did you go to the service,...how was it? How do you feel?
I wish I could talk to you, as I'm sure many others do too.

Wolfe, look deep and recognize who you are, you have all of this awareness. It's a brand new year! you got this...to quote my students.
SG
Well the service wasn't meant to be...

How I feel isn't real good at the moment. My chest hurts like nobody's business and I just woke from the nightmare from hell. Damn. The real irony is that inspite of all that I feel like talking on here for the first time in days..... Go figure!




Quote:
Originally Posted by faawrenchbndr View Post
Mmmmm,

New Year's,
Full moon,
Bright shinning star,
I think this year is going to be great!

Here's to ya,......Lady_Wolfe!
Since you mentioned the Blue Moon, here's a pic of it I took around 1AM.
Okie Memorial Area
Here's the high res copy...
I sure hope it's going to be a good year. I sure could use it after this last year and few weeks...



Quote:
Originally Posted by Arquebus12 View Post
Best wishes, Miss Wolfe, praying for your safe return this year.
Thank you Arquebus. I hope you and your's have a great 2010!



Quote:
Originally Posted by AK_Stick View Post
Happy new years

Sorry i haven't been posting more, house shopping/buying, is alot more intensive than I ever thought it was.....
I could have told you that! But it'll be well worth it if you find the right house and get a good price on it. You know I hope that happens!

Happy New Year to you too!
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 12-31-2009, 20:08   #2070
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I intended to post these earlier. Some of the Azalea bushes are blooming at the Bunker.

New flowers for a New Year.

Okie Memorial Area
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Last edited by engineer151515; 12-31-2009 at 20:16..
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Old 12-31-2009, 20:24   #2071
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
...

I guess I got the impression you wanted me to say the guilt is false, therefore doesnít exist. But I can guarantee that it does and has a hold of me bad. I beg to differ with you on one thing, Iíve been wanting to escape the pain all along. I was just saying it differently. Someone used that phrase curling up in a ball That was me. BTDT. to describe it and it fit so I used it lately. But Iíve said many times in different ways that I wanted to stop hurting, or that I didnít want to talk about it. Of course you want the pain to stop. It's been going on forever. And somedays it feels like you were born with this pain. We all want it to stop. But healing is the only way it will stop, and that takes time and effort. That is why i say that sometimes curling up in a ball is a good thing. When you stop fighting for a while, it gives a little relief for a while. But it isn't a solution, just a recess.

Lately when I do try to talk about whatís in my head I just get told I shouldnít feel that way or itís wrong or itís false or something like that. It is said to help you realize where you need to head to get better. You need to say these things, but you also need to listen and remember that these things are said to help you. So Iíve just been trying to keep it all inside. If that makes people think itís just the physical pain thatís wearing me down then so be it. Nobody thinks that for a second. But the physical pain can make the emotional pain worse.

I donít doubt that Iím making some improvement, I donít have the same recurring nightmare like I did for months. In fact I donít have many nightmares at all, but thatís because I sleep very little on my ďoffĒ nights. But the lack of sleep is another thing that feeds the depression, I know that. Interesting to compare to a year ago, Iíll write a little about last New Years a bit later. The nice thing about then was I that I was too doped up to even know what happened, so there was no such thing as survivorís guilt or PSTD.

I wish I could dream of those things when I was knocked out, but actually I donít dream at all. Thatís good though, because it means no bad dreams.

Sorry Brown Hawk, I guess you're catching most of my "swipes" this week, well, other than the ones my shrink earns. Doesn't mean you're not appreciated. My shrink has gotten my proverbial claws all week because she keeps wanting me to talk about Greg and my part in what happened. It's a good thing words can't rip faces off. I think hers would be missing from the waist up by now.



We have a midnught church service that's started by now, so I'm going there now. I'll be back next year.....
The false guilt I'm referring to is your feeling that your decisions caused Greg to die. That's the false guilt. That there is guilt that he died coming after you, and you lived, is real enough for humans. Grief is probably closer, but I don't care what you call it. I care deeply that you can cause yourself a lot of emotional pain if you don't realize the difference.

And when you bring out a trail of reasons why you are guilty for putting Greg in a position to get killed, that is false guilt, because you had nothing to do with that chain of circumstances. And to continually blame yourself for what you had no control over, just makes your emotional situation worse. I would suspect that that is what your psycho doc is trying to dig out of you and get you to realize. Which may be why you are trying to rip her face off. False guilt is voracious in defending itself. You might need to be a little less hostile to her and realize that she is trying to help.

As for swipes, I don't care. You aren't just swiping, you're producing arguments for the swipes, which means that you are thinking, not just feeling. That's progress. And if you take me wrong, I'll just try to explain myself better. And if I am wrong, I've been wrong before, so I'll apologize and stay here to help.

I just wish you would try to sleep more, and quit relying on the every other night of drugs. I know that you worry about the nightmares, but you still need that sleep, even if it is a few short naps. If you don't sleep, you won't get the nightmares, but you won't get the good dreams that everyone here is praying for either.

Meanwhile, Bob had some good advice as well.

Happy New Year!

Love, prayers, and lots of gentle

Hawk
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Old 12-31-2009, 20:34   #2072
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LW, I wish you only the best without any other sacrifice.

Last edited by sawgrass; 12-31-2009 at 21:00..
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Old 12-31-2009, 20:43   #2073
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Trust me Brown Hawk, I try to sleep. I had an ugly one a bit ago and I've been watering Mandy ever since. I don't try to be hostile to my shrink. She just starts pushing my buttons about Greg and I snap or scream or cry. Or all of the above.

You'd think I could curl up in a ball good tonight, as stoned as I am.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 12-31-2009, 20:48   #2074
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Quote:
ell the service wasn't meant to be...

How I feel isn't real good at the moment. My chest hurts like nobody's business and I just woke from the nightmare from hell. Damn. The real irony is that inspite of all that I feel like talking on here for the first time in days..... Go figure!
Wolfe, this is an off night for you, so I guess you are up.
I'm watching "Up", what you do for peace when temporarily renting from an ex.

So...you feel like talking, I feel like listening...
Love you Wolfe,
Sawgrass
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Old 12-31-2009, 21:15   #2075
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8:14p Az time - ringing you now

From the landline. Rats! I thought I was gonna get lucky w/a line in....... it rang 5-6 times, but then paused and went into a busy signal.
Poop.
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I am slowly falling apart - I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start. You might think it's easy being me ... Sometimes I find myself shaking - In the middle of the night. And then it hits me and I can't - Even believe this is my life
(The Wreckers; "Stand Still; Look Pretty")
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Old 12-31-2009, 21:16   #2076
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zonny View Post
Well that just brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you Bob.

LW I think perhaps there are some answers in here for you.
Brought tears to mine too, Zonny. Many times over. I think you're right about there being answers in here. This is one that I'll be absorbing for a few days I think. Happy New Year Bob and Zonny!

Quote:
Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
I intended to post these earlier. Some of the Azalea bushes are blooming at the Bunker.

New flowers for a New Year.

Okie Memorial Area
engineer, that's so pretty, thank you. I guarantee the bunkers I spend time in never looked that nice.



Quote:
Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
Wolfe, this is an off night for you, so I guess you are up.
I'm watching "Up", what you do for peace when temporarily renting from an ex.

So...you feel like talking, I feel like listening...
Love you Wolfe,
Sawgrass
I take it "up" is a movie or something...

Yeah, I'm up, stoned out of my mind, and actually letting myself feel the **** inside my head. Maybe because I'm too tired and trashed to shut it off.

Hope the house thing is going well.
__________________
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 12-31-2009, 21:35   #2077
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Ringing you again............ I think I got your cell's voice mail: male, automatic voice said number I called was "unavailable" and then I got to leave a msg, which hasn't happened before - so I'm guessing it's your cell's voice mail?
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I am slowly falling apart - I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start. You might think it's easy being me ... Sometimes I find myself shaking - In the middle of the night. And then it hits me and I can't - Even believe this is my life
(The Wreckers; "Stand Still; Look Pretty")
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Old 12-31-2009, 21:51   #2078
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MB-G26 View Post
Ringing you again............ I think I got your cell's voice mail: male, automatic voice said number I called was "unavailable" and then I got to leave a msg, which hasn't happened before - so I'm guessing it's your cell's voice mail?
Now that's strange. I don't have voicemail on this hajinet...
__________________
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 12-31-2009, 22:14   #2079
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So it must be about 7am in Iraq.

Wolfe, there is a different way. I always tell my guys
there are many ways to solve a problem. There typically
isn't one way. We are a big world.

What's it like there today?
Sunny, temp's?

I've been thinking about this cold thing, have you considered
humidity? It feels warmer in a cold dry climate than it does in
a humid warmer climate.
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Old 12-31-2009, 22:30   #2080
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Now that's strange. I don't have voicemail on this hajinet...
Perhaps the kitty set it up for you, hmmm...

Here is a pic of my old cat. Her name is Spook. She owns the place.

Okie Memorial Area
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