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Old 12-30-2009, 18:44   #2041
MB-G26
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Did somebody mention "Terrorists"? :)

Okie Memorial Area

Okie Memorial Area

:D
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Old 12-30-2009, 19:11   #2042
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Oh, thank you back.

..................... Unless they want to hug, then theyíre OK.



I'll be back.
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Old 12-30-2009, 21:17   #2043
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
...

I wish I could blame the bad weather. It actually got pretty mild and dry for a few days. That changed this evening though. I'd had a couple days where the meds alone were doing OK, but I'm cuddling my heating pad again now. Truth is I'm just so pissed at the world because of the way I feel mentally, not just physically. I can't make it go away like you and my shrink thinks I should be able to. I wish I could.

It's that time again. Night everyone!
I know you hurt most of the time. But you seem most likely to not want to talk when you also post that the weather is changing for the worse. And that is when you hurt the worst - except for your physical terrorist.

I don't expect you to be able to turn it off. I expect it to take some time, and also an understanding on your part about what is making you tick this way. Not easy and not fast. That's long term.

Short term, try to remember that physical pain, especially great physical pain, causes depression. So when the weather changes and you hurt like ******, remember that the two are connected. You can say: I hurt, so I think I'm not doing well mentally, but it is really just a side effect of the physical hurt.

You are progressing, you are mentally better than you were, and you keep going in the right direction. Your assessment of your mental condition is biased by the pain you are going through, how long it has gone on, and by the fact that you are still not as well as you were before all this happened. You need to measure yourself not by last week, or even last month, but by six months, nine months, or a year ago. That is where you can see the improvement. We can see it much sooner because we don't have that terrible pain dragging us down. When I say I see improvement, I'm not making it up, and I not saying it just to encourage you. I'm saying it because it is true.

We started this conversation in the other forum, and I didn't even answer your question until I looked at some of your posts. I told you then that I answered only because I saw improvement, and that you needed answers so that you could move on. I still see improvement. Six or nine months ago, you wouldn't have admitted wanting to curl up in a ball. Now you're admitting it and even making jokes about it. Progress.

Meanwhile, may you sleep well and dream of the kisses and hugs that are being sent your way.

Hawk
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Old 12-30-2009, 21:47   #2044
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Down South the New Years Meal is ham, black eyed peas and greens.
I like your resolution. Some things once is enough.
My warm therapy cream came today, I hope yours comes soon.

Wow, reading the last several pages at once is a lot to take in.

Wolfe, I think it's natural that you feel like curling up and are lashing
out. You are learning to live your life with many differences.
The most important thing is that you are choosing to live.
I suspect as the next few weeks pass, and you are figuring out
what is going to happen, it will get worse. Sometimes change and
not knowing exactly what to expect sucks, even when you feel fine.
You are facing this on top of the mental and physical challenges.
It's ok to be afraid and apprehensive. You've come this far, you will
make it through this. Hopefully in a couple of months you will know
where you will be living, and can continue to heal. I'm rooting for you.

I would be honored to have your back. Thank you for the kind words but I'm not as tough as you think. It's just easier sometimes, to come across that way.

I hope you woke rested.
SG
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Old 12-30-2009, 23:07   #2045
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I don't want to move in on Zonny's territory, but despite our closeness in age, I feel motherly toward you. I really wish that you could come to stay with us when you come back to the U.S. I would absolutely love to mother you, sweet girl. I would love to be there with a hug for you when you are scared or sad. I'm not much of a cook, but I would try my best to make you feel safe and cared for. And, we would convince my husband to cook great meals. By the way, he is on board for this. The only hitch is my cold location. But, we can sit in front of the fireplace, drink hot chocolate, talk and relax. I love you, precious little girl.
Gentle
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Old 12-31-2009, 06:16   #2046
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Quote:
Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post



I'll be back.
Where are you going?



Quote:
Originally Posted by sawgrass View Post
Hey Lone_Wolfe, I'm home from shi**y, I mean sunny California a week early. It's not the place for me.

Looks like I have some catching up to do here. I missed talking to you.

Sawgrass
I didn't think it would be. I missed talking to you too, you're one of my rocks.



Quote:
Originally Posted by MB-G26 View Post
Did somebody mention "Terrorists"? Okie Memorial Area

Okie Memorial Area

:D
Ahhhhhhhhhh, Jack Russell Terrorists. Soooo cute.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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Old 12-31-2009, 06:57   #2047
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Some kisses for ya sweetheart
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Old 12-31-2009, 06:58   #2048
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Some hugs also
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Old 12-31-2009, 06:59   #2049
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Old 12-31-2009, 08:38   #2050
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Where are you going?
I've returned to the land of sweet hugs.

Not to be confused with the land of sweat hugs.



Happy New Year LW.
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Old 12-31-2009, 10:17   #2051
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Happy New Year Lone_Wolfe

May the New Year be much kinder to you!!!!!!!!!

and prayers
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:12   #2052
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Lone Wolfe,

I haven't commented in this thread before, but I took the last several days when I could to read all your posts. I just wanted to say that I've seen remarkable improvement in the tone of your posts and attitude. I know it's hard for you to see because you're living it. It's kind of like when you look at a picture of yourself from 5 years ago and you say "My God. What happened?" Well, not YOU exactly, cause you KNOW what happened. But me. I say that. You are getting better. And damn, I'm getting OLD. LOL

You've got a wonderful sense of humor which has really shown itself in the last few weeks. I like the Mandy pics. What a naughty cat. Speaking of naughty cats, mine has decided that the litter box is for losers. Why use it, when the nice new carpet or the dog's bed are so much more satisfying? Of course, she is 14 now, so in cat years I guess she's about 235 years old.

I have a suggestion for the annoying (to you) matter of the Borrowed Time or Second Chance club. How about the "Thank God I'm Alive Club"? We should all be members, not just you.

Whenever you write about Greg and your guilt feelings over his death I think of Christ. Greg died to save you, and Christ died for all of us. In your mind, you weren't worthy for Greg to die for you. None of us are worthy for Christ to die for us. And yet, they did. They went to their deaths without a second thought. Christ himself said "Greater love hath no man than this, that he give up his life for his friends." In my book, that makes them both heroes. It looks like you have two Saviors. Whether you deserved it or not is irrelevant.

You feel guilt over Greg's death. Okay. I'm not going to tell you not to feel that way. Whether that is rational or irrational doesn't matter. It is what it is. Your physical pain is probably always going to remind you of it. So take those feelings and channel them in a different direction. When you get physically able, do good things for other people in Greg's name. Pick up where he left off. Write a letter to Greg, that you can't mail obviously, thanking him for what he did. Tell him everything you are thinking and feeling. Write a letter to his parents, telling them what he did for you, and what a hero he was. Tell them you didn't deserve it but you are going to live your life now so that Greg's sacrifice will be worth it. Maybe you didn't deserve it then, but you can deserve it now. Don't play the "these things happen for a reason so what is it? What am I supposed to do now?" game. Make it happen. Don't wait for it to happen.

I know that most of us, with a few exceptions, can ever really understand your physical or emotional pain. This happened to you, not us. Most of us don't even know what you look like. But we really do care about you. You're an American Soldier. We take care of our own. You've sacrificed too, Missy. You may not think your work on computers is important to the war effort, but you've probably saved some lives you don't even know about with logistical support. Thank you so much for your service to our great Country. It's more than the rest of us are doing.

Happy New Year, Lone Wolfe. May the new year bring you Happiness, Love, Warm Weather and Peace. God Bless You.

Bob
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Last edited by BobInTX; 12-31-2009 at 21:24.. Reason: Fix a typo that was really bugging me
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:17   #2053
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Well that just brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you Bob.

LW I think perhaps there are some answers in here for you.
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:19   #2054
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Quote:
Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
I've returned to the land of sweet hugs.

Not to be confused with the land of sweat hugs. : shocked:

: supergrin:

Happy New Year LW.
Ahhhhh, glad you're back. Wish I could get drunk. I'll do that when I get stateside, trust me.

As for the sweaty hugs, someone tolf me you're married so no sweaty hugs from me...

Here's a regular instead.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock26girl View Post
I don't want to move in on Zonny's territory, but despite our closeness in age, I feel motherly toward you. I really wish that you could come to stay with us when you come back to the U.S. I would absolutely love to mother you, sweet girl. I would love to be there with a hug for you when you are scared or sad. I'm not much of a cook, but I would try my best to make you feel safe and cared for. And, we would convince my husband to cook great meals. By the way, he is on board for this. The only hitch is my cold location. But, we can sit in front of the fireplace, drink hot chocolate, talk and relax. I love you, precious little girl.
Gentle
Hmmmmm, you've always seemed more like a sister than a mother. Actually I think of Zonny more like a (slightly) older sister too. I guess because we're close in age and you've shared some of what's happening and I can relate to that too. Either way I would still love to come up there and visit you and the hubby. The home cooking and hot chocolate around a fireplace sounds sooooooo good right now. Just relaxing and talking with friends sounds even better.

How would you feel about me coming up your way once it warms up a bit?
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 12-31-2009, 13:16   #2055
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post

As for the sweaty hugs, someone tolf me you're married so no sweaty hugs from me...
Well, four years ago, "someone" would have been correct.
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Old 12-31-2009, 14:31   #2056
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Quote:
Originally Posted by engineer151515 View Post
Well, four years ago, "someone" would have been correct.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm........





Quote:
Originally Posted by okie View Post
: hearts:
back at ya.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Hawk View Post
I know you hurt most of the time. But you seem most likely to not want to talk when you also post that the weather is changing for the worse. And that is when you hurt the worst - except for your physical terrorist.

I don't expect you to be able to turn it off. I expect it to take some time, and also an understanding on your part about what is making you tick this way. Not easy and not fast. That's long term.

Short term, try to remember that physical pain, especially great physical pain, causes depression. So when the weather changes and you hurt like ******, remember that the two are connected. You can say: I hurt, so I think I'm not doing well mentally, but it is really just a side effect of the physical hurt.

You are progressing, you are mentally better than you were, and you keep going in the right direction. Your assessment of your mental condition is biased by the pain you are going through, how long it has gone on, and by the fact that you are still not as well as you were before all this happened. You need to measure yourself not by last week, or even last month, but by six months, nine months, or a year ago. That is where you can see the improvement. We can see it much sooner because we don't have that terrible pain dragging us down. When I say I see improvement, I'm not making it up, and I not saying it just to encourage you. I'm saying it because it is true.

We started this conversation in the other forum, and I didn't even answer your question until I looked at some of your posts. I told you then that I answered only because I saw improvement, and that you needed answers so that you could move on. I still see improvement. Six or nine months ago, you wouldn't have admitted wanting to curl up in a ball. Now you're admitting it and even making jokes about it. Progress.

Meanwhile, may you sleep well and dream of the kisses and hugs that are being sent your way.

Hawk
Most of the time? Well, yeah, there are the nights when Iím knocked outÖ.

I guess I got the impression you wanted me to say the guilt is false, therefore doesnít exist. But I can guarantee that it does and has a hold of me bad. I beg to differ with you on one thing, Iíve been wanting to escape the pain all along. I was just saying it differently. Someone used that phrase curling up in a ball to describe it and it fit so I used it lately. But Iíve said many times in different ways that I wanted to stop hurting, or that I didnít want to talk about it.

Lately when I do try to talk about whatís in my head I just get told I shouldnít feel that way or itís wrong or itís false or something like that. So Iíve just been trying to keep it all inside. If that makes people think itís just the physical pain thatís wearing me down then so be it.

I donít doubt that Iím making some improvement, I donít have the same recurring nightmare like I did for months. In fact I donít have many nightmares at all, but thatís because I sleep very little on my ďoffĒ nights. But the lack of sleep is another thing that feeds the depression, I know that. Interesting to compare to a year ago, Iíll write a little about last New Years a bit later. The nice thing about then was I that I was too doped up to even know what happened, so there was no such thing as survivorís guilt or PSTD.

I wish I could dream of those things when I was knocked out, but actually I donít dream at all. Thatís good though, because it means no bad dreams.

Sorry Brown Hawk, I guess you're catching most of my "swipes" this week, well, other than the ones my shrink earns. Doesn't mean you're not appreciated. My shrink has gotten my proverbial claws all week because she keeps wanting me to talk about Greg and my part in what happened. It's a good thing words can't rip faces off. I think hers would be missing from the waist up by now.



We have a midnught church service that's started by now, so I'm going there now. I'll be back next year.....
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 12-31-2009, 14:33   #2057
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Happy New Year sweetheart
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Old 12-31-2009, 16:02   #2058
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okie View Post
Happy New Year sweetheart
Hey okie

Well, I'll just say that 2010 got off to an auspicious start for me.....


It's 0100 here in Iraq, so......

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 12-31-2009, 16:09   #2059
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Wolfe, Happy New Year.

I wish you were here. I would love to tip a few with you.
Tomorrow, I'm cooking a traditional Southern meal, it makes me feel
not so homesick for my Granny and family. Too bad you aren't at my
table. I don't have a maternal bone in my body, but I get what
Glock26girl means.

My New Year's Wish is that I DO get to meet you in 2010.
I've told you, you are welcome in my home, and you would
have your own space. I can see us sitting by the river, or me
taking you fishing.

You have come a long ways. I pray you are up for the rest of the journey.

Happy New Year
Sawgrass
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Old 12-31-2009, 17:11   #2060
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Hmmmmm, you've always seemed more like a sister than a mother. Actually I think of Zonny more like a (slightly) older sister too. I guess because we're close in age and you've shared some of what's happening and I can relate to that too. Either way I would still love to come up there and visit you and the hubby. The home cooking and hot chocolate around a fireplace sounds sooooooo good right now. Just relaxing and talking with friends sounds even better.

How would you feel about me coming up your way once it warms up a bit?
When it warms up sounds like a wonderful time for you to come here. I am so looking forward to meeting you and being able to talk to you in person. My prayer is that you feel completely safe and relaxed when you come back to the US. My home is always available to you.
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