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Old 09-02-2013, 10:26   #1
banjobob
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my parents hurt my feelings last night

I'm going to be the first to say I sound very ungrateful and probably am.

My 40th B-day was yesterday. My parents met my wife and I for dinner and at the last minute my brother and niece came along (sister in law was too tired). My brother gave me $40 and my parents gave me $200. Pretty good huh?

The part were I was hurt was for my brother's 40th a few years back I remember my dad telling me how special this was, a big deal and wanted to get my brother something to remember. He got a Colt AR15, which i hope he will treasure forever.

I guess I had my hopes up of getting something special, something to remember, and something to cherish as a special gift from my parents on one of life's milestones, I got $200 cash.

Its not the money, my wife and I make a lot of money and a $1500 rifle or gift would make no difference in our lives, its hurt I feel that my brother's 40th was a day to recognize, plan for, consult with family members on what would make it memorable, mine was no big deal.

On our 18th B-Days my Dad bought my brother and I Colt Gold Cups. Its one of my most treasured processions, one of only 2 guns I own that are not for sale (my brother sold his a few years ago) I guess I was hoping for a third gun or something else that I could add to the list of "Not for Sale"

I keep telling myself my gift was my parents are both healthy and were able to join me for my 40th. Several friends did not get to celebrate their 20th, 30th or 40th with their parents still alive and that should be my gift.

My parents and I have a good relationship. My wife and I always spend our vacation with them. We all leave for a 2 week vacation to Austria and Switzerland next week.

Its amazing that at age 40 both my brother are successful happy men with families and yet that childhood "mom and dad loves me best" rivalry is present.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:30   #2
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I am guessing you don't have children.

Be thankful for what you have, and get over whatever jealousy thing there is regarding your brother ; maybe your dad does like him better...but so what?

You're not gonna change it if that's the case, it's pretty much cast at this point, since you guys are both 40 +.....

Be thankful you have your folks, that you are on speaking terms with them, that you get to spend a bit of time with them, and everyone is in relatively good health....
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:31   #3
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Well happy birthday in any case.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:31   #4
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IMHO, remember you are blessed that your parents are still with you to celebrate your birthday, and cherish the time you have with them.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:33   #5
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Happy birthday.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:35   #6
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:37   #7
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40 years old is too old for you to be feeling such petty bull****. Be happy you have parents that are alive and want to spend time with you. How about you give your Dad a nice gun and a hug and tell him you love him. Hurt feelings.....be glad you are not having to tell them to a couple of gravestones!!
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:39   #8
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That does sound ungrateful.

You say you make a lot of money. I wouldn't spend $1500 to make no difference in someone's life.

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Old 09-02-2013, 10:41   #9
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Quote:
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Happy birthday.
This

Feel lucky, My mom is dead and I have no idea what my father is up to and I'm just a few years older than you.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:42   #10
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The fact that you posted the story online explains quite a bit.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:44   #11
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I wish I could still have dinner with my parents.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:50   #12
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As someone who has neither parent I can say you sound ungrateful and it was also a bit inconsiderate of your parents to show such thoughtfulness for your brother but just hand you cash.

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Old 09-02-2013, 10:51   #13
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There are probably multiple explanations. Maybe they're in worse financial shape now, just as one example. Don't settle on one that just feels right and consider it fact without evidence. I've seen people do that in my life, a LOT, and it causes lots of hurt feelings and other problems. I think to select a negative one and then treat it as fact without solid evidence might cross over into slander, so might even be immoral.

If you're going to settle on an explanation as fact, without evidence, then at least pick a charitable one.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:52   #14
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Maybe you parents finances have changed since they bought your brother the rifle.

Use the $200 toward the purchase of an ar15 ,you should be able to cover the rest since you and your wife make "ALOT" of money.

Or you could ask you brother to sell his to you.

And no grown siblings I know give each other money for their birthdays, they either give them something that has a meaning to it or nothing at all
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:54   #15
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It the "alot" of money on the same par as this girls "ALOT" of jewelry?

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Old 09-02-2013, 10:55   #16
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Happy birthday. And I wonder if the dynamic that is present when we are young carries over when we are adults. If your brother was the first born, there were many milestones of his for your parents. His first word, first time he walked, even the first time he used the toilet were possibly notable milestones for your parents also, helping to prove their parenting skills. By the time the second and subsequent children accomplish these things the novelty may have worn off. I wonder if that carries over to birthdays that are milestones.

Or perhaps because your brother disposed of the Gold Cup they just said forget shopping, give them some cash.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:58   #17
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I was always too poor to ever expect anything but a cake for my B-day. Both parents dead by the time it was 25. What I wouldn't give to have them back to see my son who is 30 now. I'd love to tell them thank you for all of the sacrifices they made for me and sis.

Are you being petty? Yeah, somewhat. It's a fact that parents have "favorites" and grandparents do too. Big deal. Sounds like you had a pretty good life growing up.

Be glad you are healthy, have a great wife, and living parents. Life's too short to worry about who got what.

Chill my fellow Texan
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:04   #18
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Wow, I'd love to get $200.
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:06   #19
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I stopped expecting anything from my parents for a birthday when I was around 14...

Wish my Dad was still alive so I could give him some stuff in an attempt to say thanks for all the sacrifices he and Mom made for me and my 6 siblings.

They gave you your BIRTHDAY....what more do you need now 40 years after the fact???
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:07   #20
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Your parents love your brother more. Get over it.
.
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.
Okay, joking about them loving your brother more. Serious about the "get over it" part.
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:09   #21
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my parents hurt my feelings last night

Maybe the Austrian vacation is a financial hit to them so the rifle wasn't in the cards. Possibly your brother is the favorite as some say but I like to think of it as the one with more in common with the parents or aims more to please them. Either way your parents are still around and you have a wife and make "a lot" of money so be happy and focus on the good in life.

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Old 09-02-2013, 11:10   #22
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Happy birthday.
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:12   #23
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:13   #24
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So, it both sucks that your 40th didn't get the attention you'd like, and I'd add to those above who've suggested that the mostly likely reason is something other than 'they love my brother more than me'.

Esp. if it's ben a few years, they may have a change in financial status, health, mental focus, energy, etc. In fact, I'd suggest that the $200 gift is a powerful sign that they didn't feel up for doing something more-thoughtful - cash is always nice, but it's also to some extent a 'gift of last resort', when you can't do something better.

Honestly, I'd take this as an opportunity to take a good hard look at what's going on with them - I'd be surprised if a bit of investigating didn't turn up something significant going on with them that you haven't known about.
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:15   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevekozak View Post
40 years old is too old for you to be feeling such petty bull****. Be happy you have parents that are alive and want to spend time with you. How about you give your Dad a nice gun and a hug and tell him you love him. Hurt feelings.....be glad you are not having to tell them to a couple of gravestones!!
You are absolutely right. Thanks

PS I Gave my dad a Browning hipower for his 75th.
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