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Old 01-24-2013, 08:11   #1
ysr_racer
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Are we raising a culture of losers? (no pictures)

Lately I'm seeing lots of twenty-something year olds that can't function without their parents.

I work with a woman that has a 21 year old daughter (sorry no pictures). They must talk on the phone 10 times a day. The mom is here in CA with me, the daughter goes to school in Flagstaff.

The other day the daughter calls the mom and tells her, the gloves she has aren't warm enough. How do I know what the call was about?

Because I hear the mom say, "I'll go to REI after work, buy you gloves and FedEx them to you. You should have them tomorrow".

What the hell is going on in America? When I was that age, if I told my parents my hands were cold, they would say "go buy warmer gloves".

So here are ysr_racer's rules for being a loser. If any of the following apply to you, guess what, loooooser !!

Your mom makes your meals
Your mom does your laundry
Your mom is your best friend
You still live at home
You talk to your mom every day

America is in sad shape.

I'm wondering if this is the reason we see so many mass shootings by 20 year old kids, they can't function in the real world.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:15   #2
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Yes, we are raising a generation of complete losers. WWII years saw the emergence of the greatest generation. We have now succeeded in raising the worst generation ever, courtesy of the flower-power generation.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:17   #3
stolenphot0
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ysr_racer View Post
....

So here are ysr_racer's rules for being a loser. If any of the following apply to you, guess what, loooooser !!

Your mom makes your meals
Your mom does your laundry
Your mom is your best friend
You still live at home
You talk to your mom every day

America is in sad shape.

I'm wondering if this is the reason we see so many mass shooting by 20 year old kids, they can't function in the real world.
I am safe. If I talk to my mom once every two weeks I'd be surprised. If I see her more than once a month it must be a holiday.

But I know the type. My sister is a loser. She and her husband rely on my parents for quite a bit. Taking her kids to the doctor/dentist, to babysit them all weekend. To fix them lunch and dinner on the weekends. Drives me nuts. Glad I live 2 hours away.

BUT you need to look at from the other POV. It could be the parents not letting the kids grow up and always there to pander them and give them what they need. If they aren't pushed out of the nest, how do they learn to fly?
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:17   #4
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I hear stories of parents going to their child's job interviews with them.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:18   #5
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Completely agree.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:23   #6
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Codependency. That's what that is called.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:28   #7
mikeflys1
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Dating back to the earliest cave paintings, the line of older generations bemoaning the younger one remains unbroken.

Things will be ok, OP.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:32   #8
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You have to look no further than your television set to see plenty of examples of this. Just the other day I saw Katie Couric interviewing that dip**** Teo Tio or whatever his name is who said his girlfriend died when he didn't even have the girlfriend and she she as hell wasn't dead. I don't think he said a word. His dad did all the talking.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:41   #9
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Helicopter parents => always hovering => From a 1969 bestselling book Between Parent & Teenager by Dr. H. Ginott

It really got going in daily usage about 2000 or so.

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Old 01-24-2013, 08:46   #10
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In general I'm in agreement. Most people in my generation (28) and younger are useless wastes of DNA.

I will disagree with your last rules thou. There isn't anything wrong with keeping in touch with ones parents. I only talk to my mom on Sundays but my fiancee talks to her mom for about 5-10 minutes per day. She's still a very productive member of society.

I can't imagine why some parents/kids are like that. I was trying to do everything myself ever since I was a little kid. I didn't even want my mom to make me a bowl of cereal I would have rather done it myself.

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Old 01-24-2013, 08:50   #11
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I was at a kid's birthday party not too long ago where a kid started crying because she wasn't winning at a game. Then she asks her mom, "When is it my turn to win?"
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:52   #12
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Not me.....my son is an Electrical Engineer and a very good Triathlon competitor and my daughter just made the Deans list as a future Math Teacher who loves to go shooting....as much as my son. The biggest problem I see is these younger kids just live on their phones and text more than I care to read in a day and I love reading! Get off that dam machine and live life! The other big issue is Big Brother is enabling the lazy.....no work should equal no food or comforts which they are getting in spades.

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Old 01-24-2013, 08:56   #13
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I think a lot of it has to do with our public education system. You can't be a loser and pick yourself back up. The schools force kids through the system and never let them fail. Failure makes a person stronger and builds character.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:02   #14
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I now see and talk with my daughter and/or her husband regularly... I'm widowed and in my 70s, and my wife died suddenly in her sleep. So I think they call mostly to see if I'm still around.


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Old 01-24-2013, 09:05   #15
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The important thing to realize is that yes, PARENTS are raising kids this way. As they too, were raised. It most certainly is not the kids fault.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:10   #16
garyjandfamily
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Originally Posted by Huaco Kid View Post
I hear stories of parents going to their child's job interviews with them.
My son just finished training to be an electrical lineman (VOLTA training in Oregon). He told me that when he attended the preparation meetings, he was the only one there who attended without their mother, and the only participant to actually ask any questions himself.
The good news is - he graduated #1 in his class, and has a good job just a few weeks later!
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:10   #17
BrazosCoTX
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It all starts at an early age, maybe 6 years old, when they are given their own cell phone so that they can call mommy whenever they have a problem. I can't believe how many phone calls my employees get from their children, during the work day when the kids are at school, and very few of those calls would come close to qualifying as an emergency. A previous poster nailed it -- co-dependency. 15 years later, when the kid graduates from college, they have no idea how to make decisions and live with the consequences, because they have relied on mommy and daddy to do all of the medium and heavy lifting.

At age 21, our oldest son was drifting without benefit of a "rudder". College drop-out, doing menial jobs, no goals. My wife and I told him to go down and visit with the recruiters, because we weren't going to subsidize his aimlessness. That was 12 years ago. Today, he is a career USAF NCO, and has earned commendations at every rank he has held (that's him in the avatar). Tour in Iraq during the heaviest fighting, and two tours in Afghanistan. Married to a great gal. He has accomplished all of this on his own, and he has made us proud.

Bottom line -- at some point, they gotta be pushed out of the nest, so they can be adults. As long as mom and dad are making decisions and financing their lives, the kids will never be full-fledged adults.

Caveat -- I know that there are young adults who lose their jobs and move back in with parents until they can get back on their feet with new employment. That's a whole different situation. Typically, those folks can't wait to get out of their parents' home again.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:16   #18
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same thing happen to france in the 1930's. that worked out well, didn't it?
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:21   #19
Dennis in MA
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AMEN!

My goal with all 3 of my kids is make them independent and confident you MF'ers. My oldest could actually survive on her own and she's 15. My 13 yr old is getting there.

At 21, I was self sufficient. Despite my parents. Their attitude was, "well, go figure it out." To this day, at 44, I despise new things because I've gotten so many new things wrong b/c of a lack of help. So I try and help my kids without doing it for them. Walk WITH them through stuff so they get it. Then encourage them afterwards.

My kids are gonna OWN this world in 10-15 years. Because it seems the "helicopter parent" syndrome runs well into the 20's and sometimes 30's.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:32   #20
Dennis in MA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeflys1 View Post
Dating back to the earliest cave paintings, the line of older generations bemoaning the younger one remains unbroken.

Things will be ok, OP.
Maybe.

I see an awful lot of 60-80 yr old parents giving up their golden years to help Jr. and his family out somehow.

What are they raising in that next generation? Grampa will be dead when III is old enough to want someone to do something for him. Then what?

I've got a client doing this. He's 83. His YOUNGEST child (of 4) is 50. EVERYONE expects Grampa to help bail them out. Some day, he's going to die. Not only will you have pre-retirees wandering around without a clue how to live, you've got a whole new generation - from mid-30's to gradeschool - that can't fend for themselves either.


This is far different from 50-100 years ago when your parents lived with you. Back then, they'd live with you and YOU were boss and an ADULT. Today, YOU are boss and THEY are there to just give you stuff because you are still a CHILD.

I'm betting I could make a mint with 2 books:

One on how to kick your sorry kids out of your lives.

One on how to act like an adult for the just-kicked kids. Maybe sell it as a 2-pack.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:35   #21
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My son just finished training to be an electrical lineman (VOLTA training in Oregon). He told me that when he attended the preparation meetings, he was the only one there who attended without their mother, and the only participant to actually ask any questions himself.
The good news is - he graduated #1 in his class, and has a good job just a few weeks later!
If someonne showed up with there mom in tow its hard too fathom the interview would even think about giving him a job.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:40   #22
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I work with one that is 25 and he literally couldn't go get his own birdseed for the feeder in his front yard. Well not really his yard. His parents own the house.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:42   #23
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I don't get it either. I was raised on the "You turn 18, you are out of here and on your own," parental theory. It worked great. I might let my kids stay longer than that, but only if they are going to school and helping on the farm-ette, and I need the help, and they don't irritate me too much. No one will ever mistake me for a helicopter. Consider me eagle-mom instead. "You're hungry? well, I guess you'd better figure out how to fly out of this nest then, 'cause I'm done bringing you dinner..."
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:59   #24
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I know exactly what everyone is saying here. I am 25 years old, bought my first "starter home" at 21 right our of college, have been married for 2 years, saved to build our new home and moved in this past June, and we are now expecting our first son.

I have friends who still rely on their parents for everything. Most have just moved out of their parents in the last couple of years. Most of them have nicer cars and clothes and can take vacations more often because they have no responsibility. However, I do not get jealous because I know that I paid for everything and made my own way without any money from my parents. It feels good to be independent when I see everyone else running to mommy when they need something.
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Old 01-24-2013, 10:04   #25
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Of Course, I left home at 18, never to return except for a visit and I cannot EVER remember asking her for anything after I left home.

My daughter, I don't know but I think she spoils my 2 grandsons (ages 21 and 22) so much that they just let her and take advantage of everyhing offered including housing, food, clothes, laundry, car, etc. She just does not want to let go and is happy to have them around and dependent on her. Someday, that plan will come back to haunt her, I am sure.

I would be ashamed to be dependent on my parents and living with them at that age but, my daughter and son-in-law make a lot of money and those boys would not come close to the lifestyle they have living at home having mommy care for them so .... why leave? Kids today feel no shame staying home and living off their parents, especially if the parents standard of living is relatively high.

I am glad they live about 250 miles from me now as I think I would have to say something if they were around me all the time.
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