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Old 01-09-2013, 11:48   #1
Glock20 10mm
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Wow... I am too masculine for where I work? WTF?!?!

So Monday I had a meeting with my boss (we have one every week or two to touch base and see where projects are going and what's coming up and so forth) and I get the normal "you're doing a great job!", "I am pleased with the data accuracy..." and so forth. Great! I am doing above and beyond and holding high standards for my job.

Then I get this bomb dropped on me... "There have been some complaints that you are intimidating people by your presence."

What did you just say boss? It appears that I am too masculine for where I work and that because I carry myself with confidence (I am not a small man, nor excessively large, 6'3" @ 215lbs) people are intimidated by me. I am polite and cordial when speaking to people. But apparently because I walk with my head up high, I look people in the eye when I speak to them and I speak with confidence and a deep solid resonating voice (what my woman tells me) I am intimidating and I have to "tone it down".

I had a very difficult time keeping my cool at this point of the conversation. But I made my point clear, I was raised in a Marine family with Marine discipline and pride. I was raised to be proud of who and what I am and to be confident in my abilities in life. I was raised to speak with pride and to be heard clearly and to not be ashamed of my ability to speak clearly. I then served 14 years before being medically separated, in the Navy and further solidified my confidence and pride.

I will not change who I am just because someone wets their pants at my presence. I was clear that this was out of line and that if this came up again I would pursue legal action. My boss pretty much agrees with me, but he has to tell me what's going on. Anyhow the conversation continued and apparently they have wimpification classes... and I have been signed up for a couple. I am not happy about it at all.

Yes, I still have my job. My superiors all know who I am and know I am a good man with solid conviction and I get the job done, on time and correct. But with this new bit of info I will be stepping up my search for a new job. But I ask myself... will it be any better anywhere else I go?
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Old 01-09-2013, 11:56   #2
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Depends on the state and the city or town.contrary to your situation, I was hired partly because of masculinity and authoritative presentation, even tough my job field does not require it (network tech). But since such job is at a Middle School, student discipline is paramount and when students deal with strict authoritative adults, they stay in line.
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Old 01-09-2013, 11:57   #3
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I am working at a college (sadly one of the more liberal ones at that.)
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:00   #4
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Call HR and complain that you've been harassed. You're protected under the Veterans status, so get it on record now about your fellow employees discriminating against you. Two can play at that game.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock20 10mm View Post
So Monday I had a meeting with my boss (we have one every week or two to touch base and see where projects are going and what's coming up and so forth) and I get the normal "you're doing a great job!", "I am pleased with the data accuracy..." and so forth. Great! I am doing above and beyond and holding high standards for my job.

Then I get this bomb dropped on me... "There have been some complaints that you are intimidating people by your presence."

What did you just say boss? It appears that I am too masculine for where I work and that because I carry myself with confidence (I am not a small man, nor excessively large, 6'3" @ 215lbs) people are intimidated by me. I am polite and cordial when speaking to people. But apparently because I walk with my head up high, I look people in the eye when I speak to them and I speak with confidence and a deep solid resonating voice (what my woman tells me) I am intimidating and I have to "tone it down".

I had a very difficult time keeping my cool at this point of the conversation. But I made my point clear, I was raised in a Marine family with Marine discipline and pride. I was raised to be proud of who and what I am and to be confident in my abilities in life. I was raised to speak with pride and to be heard clearly and to not be ashamed of my ability to speak clearly. I then served 14 years before being medically separated, in the Navy and further solidified my confidence and pride.

I will not change who I am just because someone wets their pants at my presence. I was clear that this was out of line and that if this came up again I would pursue legal action. My boss pretty much agrees with me, but he has to tell me what's going on. Anyhow the conversation continued and apparently they have wimpification classes... and I have been signed up for a couple. I am not happy about it at all.

Yes, I still have my job. My superiors all know who I am and know I am a good man with solid conviction and I get the job done, on time and correct. But with this new bit of info I will be stepping up my search for a new job. But I ask myself... will it be any better anywhere else I go?
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:02   #5
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Well, if you got a sex change, what could they say!?!?!

Hahahaha, j/k man, I think all sex change operations should require one cut.....at the neck.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:04   #6
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Call HR and complain that you've been harassed. You're protected under the Veterans status, so get it on record now about your fellow employees discriminating against you. Two can play at that game.
Excellent! I didn't even think of that. But I suppose that's because I don't go running to "mommy" every time I think someone is doing me "wrong". I'll take you suggestion and run with it.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:08   #7
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Hang in there my Man 'cause sooner or later that presence will help you lead all those girly metrosexuals, who like to manicure their body parts; as they need to be led.

Finding your way out of that college also might help expedite that as well. Best of luck and keep standing tall.

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Old 01-09-2013, 12:12   #8
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what the....really? i'm begging you, please tell me you're pulling our leg with this crap. first "stress cards" in the military and now **** like this?

dear God i weep for our once great and noble country.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:14   #9
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Excellent! I didn't even think of that. But I suppose that's because I don't go running to "mommy" every time I think someone is doing me "wrong". I'll take you suggestion and run with it.
I don't run to mommy either, but I was taught by my drill sergeants that in order to defeat your enemies, you have to be ready to better them at their games.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:14   #10
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Originally Posted by Glock20 10mm View Post
Excellent! I didn't even think of that. But I suppose that's because I don't go running to "mommy" every time I think someone is doing me "wrong". I'll take you suggestion and run with it.
Be sure to ask your HR representative how many female employees have been required to take masculinity classes in the past because they were acting "too feminine"? Frame your current assigned classes up in that light and let them know that you feel it is sexual harassment in-and-of-itself to treat traditional male characteristics and behaviors as inherently bad while treating traditional female characteristics and behaviors as the acceptable norm.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:15   #11
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I don't run to mommy either, but I was taught by my drill sergeants that in order to defeat your enemies, you have to be ready to better them at their games.
True statement!
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:16   #12
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what the....really? i'm begging you, please tell me you're pulling our leg with this crap. first "stress cards" in the military and now **** like this?

dear God i weep for our once great and noble country.
No... I am not. I couldn't believe what I was hearing either.
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Using Microsoft is like playing Russian roulette with an automatic pistol... the results are always messy
"The Constitution is my Law. The Declaration of Independence my bible. And Freedom my religion." - Me
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:19   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock20 10mm View Post
So Monday I had a meeting with my boss (we have one every week or two to touch base and see where projects are going and what's coming up and so forth) and I get the normal "you're doing a great job!", "I am pleased with the data accuracy..." and so forth. Great! I am doing above and beyond and holding high standards for my job.

Then I get this bomb dropped on me... "There have been some complaints that you are intimidating people by your presence."

What did you just say boss? It appears that I am too masculine for where I work and that because I carry myself with confidence (I am not a small man, nor excessively large, 6'3" @ 215lbs) people are intimidated by me. I am polite and cordial when speaking to people. But apparently because I walk with my head up high, I look people in the eye when I speak to them and I speak with confidence and a deep solid resonating voice (what my woman tells me) I am intimidating and I have to "tone it down".

I had a very difficult time keeping my cool at this point of the conversation. But I made my point clear, I was raised in a Marine family with Marine discipline and pride. I was raised to be proud of who and what I am and to be confident in my abilities in life. I was raised to speak with pride and to be heard clearly and to not be ashamed of my ability to speak clearly. I then served 14 years before being medically separated, in the Navy and further solidified my confidence and pride.

I will not change who I am just because someone wets their pants at my presence. I was clear that this was out of line and that if this came up again I would pursue legal action. My boss pretty much agrees with me, but he has to tell me what's going on. Anyhow the conversation continued and apparently they have wimpification classes... and I have been signed up for a couple. I am not happy about it at all.

Yes, I still have my job. My superiors all know who I am and know I am a good man with solid conviction and I get the job done, on time and correct. But with this new bit of info I will be stepping up my search for a new job. But I ask myself... will it be any better anywhere else I go?
Do you talk politics at work or about living off the grid, etc?
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:20   #14
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I've had this issue as well. Just like you I was floored when I was told that I intimidate folks at work. Typically I'm pleasant in dealing with others' but I speak and carry myself with confidence, I'm sure that's a big part of it. I think that working in IT exacerbates that (computer nerds, etc.)

What I did was ask for specifics. EG: To whom am I intimidating? What about me is intimidating? You know, I can't change something if I don't know where I'm going wrong, right?
I got the deer in the headlights look and a bunch of blabbering excuses without any of my questions answered.
In the end I requested that all references to the subject be removed from my review, since I was given no details or path to resolution. I refused to sign the review until that was done, otherwise I'd approach HR. It worked, my supervisor immediately removed any references to intimidation and the subject was never broached again.

I hope this helps.

... One more thing, I do work in the private sector in a right to work state so if it worked for me it may very well work for you.



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Old 01-09-2013, 12:27   #15
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Do you talk politics at work or about living off the grid, etc?
I talk about living off grid openly but I keep the subject matter focused on the pros and cons of the actual process. As for politics and guns, I keep it limited to a very small group of folks that have the same views I do and always behind closed doors. I know I am surrounded by liberals so I tend to keep certain things quiet just to avoid silly conflict.

I do however, wear with pride a ball cap that states Desert Storm Veteran. I asked if my attire was the problem but was told no.
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Using Microsoft is like playing Russian roulette with an automatic pistol... the results are always messy
"The Constitution is my Law. The Declaration of Independence my bible. And Freedom my religion." - Me
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:28   #16
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True statement!
The law is the law.

There was a chick at work who threatened to complain to HR about me for sexual something or another because I had a picture of my then very hot girlfriend in skimpy outfit on my computer screen. She at the same time had on her computer screen a photo of a firemen calendar that had the firemen half dressed in their various uniforms and in sexy poses. So I told her that I'd make the same complaint to HR about her because I've found the photos of half naked men sexually offensive.

I also told her that she may be a woman but she's also white while I'm a veteran AND an oriental. My two minorities protected groups outweighs her one.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:31   #17
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Hang in there my Man 'cause sooner or later that presence will help you lead all those girly metrosexuals, who like to manicure their body parts; as they need to be led.

Finding your way out of that college also might help expedite that as well. Best of luck and keep standing tall.

Roger that!!!

Every level and every part of this nation is in desperate need of leadership. Do not bend the character you have at the mention of this absolute Bravo Sierra. Those that are somehow "intimidated" by you would be the very first ones to look to you if the shieza hit the fan in the form of some physical security or natural disaster threat occurred. Some of the men wish they were you and some of the women want to be with you. These days vise-versa too I suppose, some of the men want to be with you and some of the women want to be you.... all that is out of my realm of understanding so I'll leave that to somebody else to discuss. Seriously though, with a polite smile thank the boss for his input and then press on.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:32   #18
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I also told her that she may be a woman but she's also white while I'm a veteran AND an oriental. My two minorities protected groups outweighs her one.
Playing the sex, race AND veteran cards all in the same hand...well done! (and I don't mean that sarcastically!)

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Old 01-09-2013, 12:39   #19
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Call HR and complain that you've been harassed. You're protected under the Veterans status, so get it on record now about your fellow employees discriminating against you. Two can play at that game.
HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. For all you know HR may be behind it and may have received the complaint about you and told your boss to do something about it.

Better just to 'shuffle'. Just smile and say that you understand the concern and will do you best to tone it down... and then just keep on doing what you're doing.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:39   #20
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The law is the law.

There was a chick at work who threatened to complain to HR about me for sexual something or another because I had a picture of my then very hot girlfriend in skimpy outfit on my computer screen. She at the same time had on her computer screen a photo of a firemen calendar that had the firemen half dressed in their various uniforms and in sexy poses. So I told her that I'd make the same complaint to HR about her because I've found the photos of half naked men sexually offensive.

I also told her that she may be a woman but she's also white while I'm a veteran AND an oriental. My two minorities protected groups outweighs her one.
You sir... are the master! Well played!
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:51   #21
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Originally Posted by fnfalman View Post
The law is the law.

There was a chick at work who threatened to complain to HR about me for sexual something or another because I had a picture of my then very hot girlfriend in skimpy outfit on my computer screen. She at the same time had on her computer screen a photo of a firemen calendar that had the firemen half dressed in their various uniforms and in sexy poses. So I told her that I'd make the same complaint to HR about her because I've found the photos of half naked men sexually offensive.

I also told her that she may be a woman but she's also white while I'm a veteran AND an oriental. My two minorities protected groups outweighs her one.
Pics of your girlfriend, or it didn't happen. :D

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Old 01-09-2013, 12:51   #22
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Look on the bright side.

You'll be the manliest man in the unemployment line in a few months, big dawg.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:51   #23
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Originally Posted by Glock20 10mm View Post
So Monday I had a meeting with my boss (we have one every week or two to touch base and see where projects are going and what's coming up and so forth) and I get the normal "you're doing a great job!", "I am pleased with the data accuracy..." and so forth. Great! I am doing above and beyond and holding high standards for my job.

Then I get this bomb dropped on me... "There have been some complaints that you are intimidating people by your presence."

What did you just say boss? It appears that I am too masculine for where I work and that because I carry myself with confidence (I am not a small man, nor excessively large, 6'3" @ 215lbs) people are intimidated by me. I am polite and cordial when speaking to people. But apparently because I walk with my head up high, I look people in the eye when I speak to them and I speak with confidence and a deep solid resonating voice (what my woman tells me) I am intimidating and I have to "tone it down".

I had a very difficult time keeping my cool at this point of the conversation. But I made my point clear, I was raised in a Marine family with Marine discipline and pride. I was raised to be proud of who and what I am and to be confident in my abilities in life. I was raised to speak with pride and to be heard clearly and to not be ashamed of my ability to speak clearly. I then served 14 years before being medically separated, in the Navy and further solidified my confidence and pride.

I will not change who I am just because someone wets their pants at my presence. I was clear that this was out of line and that if this came up again I would pursue legal action. My boss pretty much agrees with me, but he has to tell me what's going on. Anyhow the conversation continued and apparently they have wimpification classes... and I have been signed up for a couple. I am not happy about it at all.

Yes, I still have my job. My superiors all know who I am and know I am a good man with solid conviction and I get the job done, on time and correct. But with this new bit of info I will be stepping up my search for a new job. But I ask myself... will it be any better anywhere else I go?
I worked in the corp. world since the '70s. Don't take this the wrong way - take it as experience talking.

You are a large white male - you are guilty until proven innocent and if you are innocent you will be hurt.

You are in a Soviet era situation - you are being sent to a re-education camp. Fighting or a bad attitude will only be saying to the powers - he just doesn't get it.

Learn their system and play the system for your benefit.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:52   #24
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Excellent! I didn't even think of that. But I suppose that's because I don't go running to "mommy" every time I think someone is doing me "wrong". I'll take you suggestion and run with it.
Glad to hear your doing that, beat them at their own stupid little game. They need to know that if they truly want to create that type of atmosphere, there will be repercussions.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:55   #25
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I am a federal LEO, and work with very few women in the office. I have been told by two female co- workers that, prior to getting to know me, they were afraid of me because I looked mean.

I have also had several female witnesses tell me the same thing, and a female suspect pooped her pants during an interview. :eek:

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