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Old 10-04-2012, 08:00   #921
lawman800
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RyanNREMTP View Post
Hopefully you get out of bed for all this.
You kinda have to get out of bed after you realize what you did.
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Old 10-04-2012, 08:18   #922
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That reminds me too much of this joke I read awhile back:



Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep sleep. He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ralph." Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back: as a chicken." Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, eh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!" "You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never," said Ralph. "Well, just relax and let it happen." Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, "Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're ****ting the bed!!!"
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:08   #923
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I am starting to have to go peeing once every night ... first sign...
That's also a sign of kidney stones. It's also a sign that you drink way too much water to make sure you never get another kidney stone.
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:15   #924
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Originally Posted by RMolina628 View Post
I spend more time walking to and from the bathroom than I do in bed some nights. The one thing that I've found out is my body can predict the weather better than the weather slut on the TV. My knees really start throbbing about 24-36 hours before it rains/snows.
I've discovered that sitting down to pee in the middle of the night has two benefits: I get to catch a little nap and it's much easier than convincing my girlfriend that she's the one who peed on the floor in the night.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:41   #925
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Pita and hummus anyone?
















Just switching the subject for the heck of it. By the way the hummus is good.
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Old 10-04-2012, 16:47   #926
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had felafel for lunch
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Old 10-04-2012, 23:26   #927
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Originally Posted by Woofie View Post
I've discovered that sitting down to pee in the middle of the night has two benefits: I get to catch a little nap and it's much easier than convincing my girlfriend that she's the one who peed on the floor in the night.
How long do you pee that you can nap while doing it?
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I've said it before and I'll say it here: they'd look better with lividity.
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Old 10-05-2012, 16:10   #928
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lawman800 View Post
How long do you pee that you can nap while doing it?
Well, I can tell you that I have done that. Sometimes when coming home dog tired I can sit on the porcelain throne, and wake up in the same position.
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Old 10-05-2012, 16:16   #929
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hack View Post
Well, I can tell you that I have done that. Sometimes when coming home dog tired I can sit on the porcelain throne, and wake up in the same position.
I've done it myself, actually, though with a defecation, not a urination. Woke up and couldn't move--my legs went to sleep, too. That was, well, "interesting" to extricate myself from, lol.
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Old 10-05-2012, 16:19   #930
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I've done it myself, actually, though with a defecation, not a urination. Woke up and couldn't move--my legs went to sleep, too. That was, well, "interesting" to extricate myself from, lol.
When you do it at around fifty it is better when the seat is cushioned.
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Old 10-05-2012, 16:24   #931
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Hallo Kameraden
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Old 10-05-2012, 16:50   #932
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hack View Post
When you do it at around fifty it is better when the seat is cushioned.
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Old 10-05-2012, 17:01   #933
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Seat diameter is important too.
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Old 10-05-2012, 17:10   #934
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Seat diameter is important too.
True dat! I'm not a real big guy by any means (5'10", 200lbs), but damn, some seats seem to have been made for midgets or something!
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Old 10-05-2012, 18:59   #935
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CJStudent View Post
True dat! I'm not a real big guy by any means (5'10", 200lbs), but damn, some seats seem to have been made for midgets or something!
Elongated toilet bowls are important. Helps to keep your junk from touching the front of the owl if you're seated too far forward.

ETA That's bowl, not owl. If you're touching an owl with your junk you have other issues.
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Last edited by Woofie; 10-05-2012 at 19:04..
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Old 10-05-2012, 19:03   #936
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lawman800 View Post
How long do you pee that you can nap while doing it?
I don't know if I told you guys about my run in with the kidney stone and the surgery and general anesthesia I had for it, but I drink as much water as I can tolerate most days because I don't want to repeat it.

Six hours or so of holding it in combined with waking up out of a dead sleep makes for a long pee that is easy to nod back off in the middle of.
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Old 10-05-2012, 19:38   #937
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Woofie View Post
Elongated toilet bowls are important. Helps to keep your junk from touching the front of the owl if you're seated too far forward.

ETA That's bowl, not owl. If you're touching an owl with your junk you have other issues.
Ain't that the truth!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Woofie View Post
I don't know if I told you guys about my run in with the kidney stone and the surgery and general anesthesia I had for it, but I drink as much water as I can tolerate most days because I don't want to repeat it.

Six hours or so of holding it in combined with waking up out of a dead sleep makes for a long pee that is easy to nod back off in the middle of.
I can believe it!
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Old 10-05-2012, 20:53   #938
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Cushioned ones are okay for feels weird.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueiron:
I've said it before and I'll say it here: they'd look better with lividity.
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Old 10-05-2012, 22:47   #939
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Woofie View Post
Elongated toilet bowls are important. Helps to keep your junk from touching the front of the owl if you're seated too far forward.

ETA That's bowl, not owl. If you're touching an owl with your junk you have other issues.
Hey, that owl was BEGGING for it. Did you see the way it was just STARING at my junk????? Freaky, man. Acting all innocent when I called It out. Who???????? Whattya mean who? YOU, m***********, why you starting at me? You want some of this? Say WHO one more time. Go ahead.

Just saying. Had to be there.

Randy


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Old 10-06-2012, 04:00   #940
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Woofie View Post
Elongated toilet bowls are important. Helps to keep your junk from touching the front of the owl if you're seated too far forward.

ETA That's bowl, not owl. If you're touching an owl with your junk you have other issues.
oh man I had to laugh at the store while my gf is buying bra's right now lol
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