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Old 07-03-2012, 08:33   #421
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Native Alaskans have rejected a request by a private developer to build and run an alligator farm in the town of Fairbanks. The vote to turn down the zoning request came the same day that the permitting office received information that linked the developer to the PUAA. It was later discovered that the developer, a Mr. John "Tail Wiggler" Doe, was actually a board member of the PUAA.

Mr. Doe advised that although he was disappointed with the permitting office's decision, he believed that his company would now have to try to get permits approved in Washington State as, quote, "Them dog gone Alaskans can be so cold to people that simply love Crocodilians."
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Old 07-03-2012, 08:52   #422
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Breaking story:

Thirteen paragliders, with minor but numerous gun shot wounds to their bodies, were admitted to a local hospital in Alaska. The hospital's spokesperson, Helen Waite, stated the following, "All I can tell anyone, including the media, is that right now, thirteen people who were out for a day of paragliding have been admitted for wounds that seem to have been caused by shotguns."

As one victim was released from the hospital, he made the following statement, "Well, we were just paragliding you know? Two of us were hollering back and forth to each other because we thought we were smelling, well, I know it sounds funny, but we thought we could smell like some crabs boiling or something. The next thing I noticed were a bunch of little holes in my paragliding chute. Then, I had this real intense pain in my left shin. Like a bunch bees were stinging me all at once. It was so weird!"
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
“I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution.” - Barry Soetoro
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."
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Old 07-11-2012, 10:34   #423
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Few are aware that “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” was actually based on the author’s (Robert L. May) own personal experiences during his time in the U.S. Army basic training program. The story is a loose adaptation of May’s constant harassment by fellow soldiers (due to small ***** size) and his eventual acceptance as a worthy peer. The culmination described as “one foggy Christmas Eve” is metaphoric for an evening in which his local knowledge (supplied by a cousin and town local) allowed for the procurement of a prostitute.
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Old 07-12-2012, 10:37   #424
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The US Senate appears to be locked, just shy of a dead heat, as far as pushing through legislation that has come to be known as "The 3 day weekend bill." The measure has pass overwhelmingly in the house by a margin of 416-19, with only the State of Illinois' Representatives unanimously voting against the proposal.

A non-binding, open US Senate floor vote, indicated that if held today, the proposal would fail 49-51, with all fifty-one Democrats voting against the measure.

Specifically, the Democrats are insisting that before they could approve such a bill, they are requiring the Congress to first approve an eight (8) day calendar week be instituted for the united States.

Neither Senate majority leader, harry reid, nor Rep. jesse l. jackson Jr., could be reached for comment.
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
“I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution.” - Barry Soetoro
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."

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Old 07-12-2012, 11:05   #425
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The makers of T.V. Dinners, an American staple for decades, have been steadily reducing their portion sizes, while at the same time increasing their prices, for the last few years.

This trend, if continued at the present rate, shows that in the year 2019, it will cost $157.25 for a meal, including dessert, that weighs just 0.8 ounces.
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
“I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution.” - Barry Soetoro
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."

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Old 07-12-2012, 11:10   #426
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Ted Nugent, also known as The Motor City Madman, already on record as implying that the united States would be better off "had the South won the Civil War," indicated today he also believes that had Japan won the War in the Pacific, he would still number one on the music charts and playing to sell out shows in Tokyo.
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“I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution.” - Barry Soetoro
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."
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Old 07-12-2012, 15:17   #427
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Here is a creepy one.

Mark David Chapman (John Lennon's assassin) John Hinkley Jr. (President Reagan's attempted assassin) David Berkowitz, (Son of Sam killer) and Sirhan Sirhan, Robert F. Kennedy's killer, all went to the same school and had the same english teacher who had worked behind enemy lines for the OSS arranging the assassinations of high ranking french officials who cooperated with the Nazis during WWII
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Old 07-12-2012, 17:39   #428
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Here is a creepy one.

Mark David Chapman (John Lennon's assassin) John Hinkley Jr. (President Reagan's attempted assassin) David Berkowitz, (Son of Sam killer) and Sirhan Sirhan, Robert F. Kennedy's killer, all went to the same school and had the same english teacher who had worked behind enemy lines for the OSS arranging the assassinations of high ranking french officials who cooperated with the Nazis during WWII
... and Charles Whitman, the Texas Tower sniper, did all the custodial work in their classroom.
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Old 07-12-2012, 19:50   #429
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Ronald Reagan was the first US president to swim across the English Channel, and he did it without a US Navy escort. When he got to shore in France, he reportedly said, "what the hell is that smell? This place smells like sweaty feet!"
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Old 07-12-2012, 20:29   #430
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Michael Jackson had relations with a female and liked it.
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Old 07-12-2012, 20:31   #431
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Chris Rock has been added to the U.S. power lifting team for the summer games and is reported to be clean and jerking 800lbs right now at his current weight of 122lbs
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Old 07-12-2012, 23:17   #432
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mac66 View Post
Here is a creepy one.

Mark David Chapman (John Lennon's assassin) John Hinkley Jr. (President Reagan's attempted assassin) David Berkowitz, (Son of Sam killer) and Sirhan Sirhan, Robert F. Kennedy's killer, all went to the same school and had the same english teacher who had worked behind enemy lines for the OSS arranging the assassinations of high ranking french officials who cooperated with the Nazis during WWII
John Hinkley's brother, Scott Hinkley, was scheduled to have lunch at the home of Neil Bush, son of then VPOTUS Bush, the day after POTUS Reagan was shot.
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
“I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution.” - Barry Soetoro
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."

Last edited by Peace Warrior; 07-13-2012 at 02:50..
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Old 07-13-2012, 02:01   #433
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GT's Huaco Kid, hereafter HK, was today cleared of any wrong doing in the wrongful death suit brought by the surviving family members of Helen Waite.

HK, while shopping in the Pharmacy section of Wal-Mart, was implored by his local SWAT team to assist with a call up due to an armed robbery, at the Old Navy, which was located on the other side of Wal-Mart's parking lot. When the plaintiff's attorney asked about how the SWAT team knew of HK's actual whereabouts, the city attorney vehemently objected to the question while mentioning national security.

At trial it was revealed that after making contact with HK on the toothpaste aisle, the SWAT team advised him they needed some sniper back up and time was of critical essence, so he agreed. After running -x- across the parking lot in the SWAT van, approximately 60 yards, HK found a good covering position behind a concrete planter, which offered a good firing lane near the Old Navy's front entrance. With HK taking this covering position, the SWAT team members then made a dynamic tactical entry on the rear of the store.

During the process of SWAT clearing the store, HK managed to shoot 6 of the 8 suspects that he saw running from the building as well as managing to pick up a couple good deals on some colorful Hawaiian shirts. Unfortunately, by accident he also shot a seventh person, which was not involved in the robbery. This person, 58 year old Helen Waite, whom turned out to be a hospital's spokesperson on vacation from Alaska, was shot as she frantically tried to leave the store.

The jury deliberated for eight days before bringing back a not guilty verdict. The judge, when reading the jury's findings, added that had Mrs. Waite not been carrying a hand bag with a dollar sign on it, which was given to her as a novelty gift by her husband, she would not have been shot by the defendant.
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
“I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution.” - Barry Soetoro
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."

Last edited by Peace Warrior; 07-13-2012 at 02:52..
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Old 07-13-2012, 02:22   #434
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Under sworn deposition, the Huaco Kid made the following statement:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Huaco Kid View Post
Once, I was wearing mine at walmart, while trying to decide which toothpaste would make my teeth the whitest, when some SWAT guys grabbed me and said they needed me to cover their backs.

We blasted, code 3, across the parking lot towards the Old Navy. I hunkered down behind the cement petunia planter while they made a tactical entry. I tried to pick off all the guys running out with bags that had dollar signs on them, but I only managed about a 75% kill rate.

Afterwards, they all wanted to pose for pictures with me and we went to the bar and they paid the tab. ...
.....
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
“I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution.” - Barry Soetoro
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."

Last edited by Peace Warrior; 07-23-2012 at 20:20..
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Old 07-13-2012, 15:22   #435
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GT's Huaco Kid, hereafter HK, was today cleared of any wrong doing in the wrongful death suit brought by the surviving family members of Helen Waite.

The jury deliberated for eight days before bringing back a not guilty verdict. The judge, when reading the jury's findings, added that had Mrs. Waite not been carrying a hand bag with a dollar sign on it, which was given to her as a novelty gift by her husband, she would not have been shot by the defendant.
The family of the deceased Helen Waite has retained the distinguished attorney Helen Hunt to research possibilities of a possible Federal prosecution as a followup to the local court acquital. In response to journalist's inquiries about such a case being filed, the family quite wisely suggested that anyone with such inquiries should go to Helen Hunt for them.
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Old 07-14-2012, 17:14   #436
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Update:

Upon acquiring additional records after going to Helen Hunt for them, reporters discovered that Mrs. Hunt's federal prosecution has been given a green light by a judicial review board after researching the highlighted autopsy results of Helen Waite, the vacationing 58 year old hospital spokesperson from Alaska who was accidentally killed by a SWAT team during an Old Navy armed robbery.

When reached for comment, Mrs. Hunt advised, "While the six robbers each had a single bullet wound causing their deaths, Mrs. Waite was shot at least three times. We think this needs to be thoroughly investigated on a federal level using all the resources of the government in order to find out the reasons why so many shots were used."
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
“I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution.” - Barry Soetoro
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."

Last edited by Peace Warrior; 07-14-2012 at 17:20..
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Old 07-15-2012, 17:03   #437
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When reached for comment, Mrs. Hunt advised, "While the six robbers each had a single bullet wound causing their deaths, Mrs. Waite was shot at least three times. We think this needs to be thoroughly investigated on a federal level using all the resources of the government in order to find out the reasons why so many shots were used."
The number of shots can easily be easily explained. This "engagement" clearly occurred in a 10-round mag limit state, and Mr. Huaco was clearly caught with only a single mag for his weapon, leaving him in a position where he did not wish to expend his last round EXCEPT in the most desperate of circumstances. A tacky purse embroidered with a dollar sign, while boorish in the extreme, would not be considered such an emergency. Rather than being castigated, Mr. Huaco should be commended for his superb tactical technique.
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Old 07-15-2012, 17:44   #438
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he did not wish to expend his last round EXCEPT in the most desperate of circumstances.
I was saving the last round for myself, if it all went horribly wrong.
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Old 07-15-2012, 18:51   #439
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I was saving the last round for myself, if it all went horribly wrong.

The phrase "in the most desperate of circumstances" is a common euphemism for saving the last round for one's self.

Do you wish to be addressed on this forum as Mr. Huaco, or Mr. Kid?
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Old 07-23-2012, 20:22   #440
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delete
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“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
“I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution.” - Barry Soetoro
"Love 'Em All!!! Let Jehovah sort 'em out." - The Holy Bible
"It's a lot simpler to fool people than it is to convince them they've been fooled."

Last edited by Peace Warrior; 07-23-2012 at 21:13..
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