Glock Talk
Welcome To The Glock Talk Forums.
 |
|
12-24-2011, 03:04
|
#1
|
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Nowheresville, Pennsatucky, USA
Posts: 443
|
Best lines from fruitcakes and intoxicateds?
What are some of the best lines from people you've encountered that are high out of their minds or crazy?
Recently,I contacted a guy who was curled in the road in the fetal position high out of his mind on shrooms. On the way to the detox center, he tells me..."You know, I'm writing a sequel to The Bible."
"Really?" I reply, "What are you going to call it?"
(Without hesitation) "Bible II"
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 03:34
|
#2
|
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,457
|
I'm going to be Rick Perry's running mate.
He is still in jail on several charges and a mental health hold.
__________________
Quote:
Sam Spade
You want to discuss things, or do you want to act like a Democrat and argue by soundbite?
|
Quote:
Roering
Trying to fight the police off is one thing. Trying to do it while naked takes real commitment.
|
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 03:40
|
#3
|
|
Where's my EBT?
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 6,721
|
"I'm perfeckly saber."
__________________
Matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration; we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death. Life is a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. And now...the weather! ---- Bill Hicks
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 06:25
|
#4
|
|
Lifetime Membership
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 19,725
|
"It's not so much the alcohol, it's the drugs."
Driver's explanation of his lack of driving skill in a DUI DRE investigation.
"Officer, I'm much too drunk to walk." Different driver, same circumstances.
__________________
"To spit on your hands and lower the pike; to stand fast over the body of Leonidas the King; to be rear guard at Kunu-Ri; to stand and be still to the Birkenhead Drill; these are not rational acts. They are often merely necessary." Pournelle
Last edited by Sam Spade; 12-24-2011 at 06:27..
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 06:34
|
#5
|
|
CLM Number 122
Why so serious?
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: NRA Life Member
Posts: 40,580
|
"He just ran in the woods, I wasn't driving".
__________________
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened."
"If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters".
"A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read."
Originally Posted by Rooster Rugburn:
Didn't the whole sheepdog thing actually start right here on Glock Talk? A bunch of wannabees bought a bunch of T-shirts and took an oath to defend those who won't defend themselves?
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 06:40
|
#6
|
|
Lifetime Membership
Unfair Facist
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 23,296
|
One guy, habitual DUI license revoked forever led us on a chase when caught out driving. He sped home jumped out of the car and stood in his yard and yelled, "Ha Ha I made it home now you can't touch me!!"
After he was dogpiled a Deputy who also happened to be married to the guys sister put him in his backseat through the window, IIRC the Sheriff made him pay for the broken window.
A DUI that refused to exit the car, after asking him if there was a medical reason he could not get out of the car and he replied "no", I asked him why he would not get out of the car, His response was, "Because I am to damn drunk to stand up".
__________________
“Right is still right, even if nobody is doing it. And wrong is still wrong, even if everybody is doing it.”—Texas Ranger saying.
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 06:43
|
#7
|
|
Semper Paratus
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 13,470
|
Had a Lady in best Buy ask Me if a Sony Bravia was a good TV......................She was hot and was texting....I ran away.....
__________________
How do you establish intent?
Well when a naked man is chasing a woman down an alley with a butcher knife and a hard on, I figure he's not collecting for the red cross...Inspector H. Callahan
Last edited by Mayhem like Me; 12-24-2011 at 06:44..
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 06:48
|
#8
|
|
Semper Paratus
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 13,470
|
Had a guy pull up to me at a Sobriety road check with a joint hanging out of his mouth lit..
I asked him If he had any Marjijuana,, his words...
" Only Dopes smoke dope"
I said Yup and removed the dubie from his mouth, "go ahead and put this thing in Park"
His response "thats my girlfiends weed"
I just started to laugh....
__________________
How do you establish intent?
Well when a naked man is chasing a woman down an alley with a butcher knife and a hard on, I figure he's not collecting for the red cross...Inspector H. Callahan
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 07:22
|
#9
|
|
Fenced In
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: KY
Posts: 16,139
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by swatbwana
Had a Lady in best Buy ask Me if a Sony Bravia was a good TV......................She was hot and was texting....I ran away.....
|
Something tells me I missed a good thread.
As to the OP, I know I've got some good ones from working bars; I just have to dredge them up.
__________________
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
Quote:
Originally Posted by series1811
The first round is a moral decision. All of the following rounds are tactical decisions.
|
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 07:31
|
#10
|
|
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,059
|
Officer Gorilla: "So you want me to give you a ride home because you're too sick to walk home, but you weren't too sick to walk to the club?"
Drunk: "I felt better at the club."
__________________
A gun is just a tool. The real weapon lies behind the face in the mirror.
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 07:37
|
#11
|
|
you savvy?
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: in a socialist nation
Posts: 17,632
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanilla_gorilla
Officer Gorilla: "So you want me to give you a ride home because you're too sick to walk home, but you weren't too sick to walk to the club?"
Drunk: "I felt better at the club."
|
ive had those before just recently.
__________________
wheres my free phone?
both Obama and the KKK want to disarm black folks.
www.silentscream.org
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 07:40
|
#12
|
|
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 48
|
Tag
Outdoor Hub mobile, the outdoor information engine
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 08:36
|
#13
|
|
GTDS Member #49
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 3,237
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by CJStudent
Something tells me I missed a good thread.
As to the OP, I know I've got some good ones from working bars; I just have to dredge them up.
|
You did miss a good one. You've got to check their teeth.
__________________
Originally Posted by GTFor died instantly because his lungs froze from breathing in Arctic air.
Shoot Low Boys, They're Riding Shetland Ponies.
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 08:47
|
#14
|
|
Need this gun..
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Louisville KY
Posts: 8,000
|
Woman comes into where I'm working off duty, with two homeless folks in tow (this particular store is next door to a homeless shelter).
Looks at me and tthe clerk, and asks the dumbest question I've heard in almost 12 years of doing this job:
"Do you think its OK if i take them in tonight? They don't have anyplace to go"
I guess it worked out for her, since I didn't see a rape/murder on the news the next day.
In other news, we have the black Jesus in my city. That's what he calls himself, anyway.
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 08:50
|
#15
|
|
SDMF
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Chicago/North Burbs
Posts: 776
|
"But officer, I'm just tryin' to get me a 'nuther pop"
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 09:48
|
#16
|
|
No Infidels!
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Circling the wagons.
Posts: 15,308
|
"It's okay, I'm down here with people I work with."
Stated by a guy with a work permit who was an hour from home or work, drunk, out with work friends, about sixty seconds before he took off, ramped his car off of a ravine, and then bailed on foot. He was basically uninjured and picked up three felonies in the process.
"I'm going to cut your dick off, put it in a bun, and shove it down your throat."
Stated by an absolutely crazy person to a coworker. The response from the officer was "good luck finding a bun that big."
__________________
"Logic is rarely the engine that propels a police department forward."
-David Simon in "Homicide"
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 10:13
|
#17
|
|
Boomshakalaka
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,944
|
Drunk guy ended up crapping himself while fighting with us during the arrest for DUI....It gets better.
So, we give him a tyvek suit to put on since his pants are covered in his own dookie. Tyvek suits are big one size fits all paper style suits that make you look like an astronaut. He ends up falling asleep in the suit and when I woke him up about 30 minutes later to give a breath sample, he says he is a "moon man" and starts hopping around in slow motion telling me he is Michael Jackson. I told him that is the moon walk, not a moon man. He says "same thing you idiot." So, I then showed him what the moonwalk looked like.
Fast forward 6 months for the DUI trial. Prosecutor is reviewing the booking room video and asks me why I am moon-walking while the drunk offender is hopping around in slow motion in a big white suit.
Last edited by Sharky7; 12-25-2011 at 10:41..
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 10:34
|
#18
|
|
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,059
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharky7
Fast forward 6 months for the DUI trial. Prosecutor is reviewing the booking room video and asks me why I am moon-walking while the drunk offender is hopping around in slow motion in a big white suit.
|
I was laughing before I got to this part, but picturing this one just broke me up.
__________________
A gun is just a tool. The real weapon lies behind the face in the mirror.
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 10:43
|
#19
|
|
Lifetime Membership
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 19,725
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharky7
Fast forward 6 months for the DUI trial. Prosecutor is reviewing the booking room video and asks me why I am moon-walking while the drunk offender is hopping around in slow motion in a big white suit.
|
Starsky and Hutch. Two dragons. That was you?
Starsky. Sharky. Hmmmm.
__________________
"To spit on your hands and lower the pike; to stand fast over the body of Leonidas the King; to be rear guard at Kunu-Ri; to stand and be still to the Birkenhead Drill; these are not rational acts. They are often merely necessary." Pournelle
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 11:14
|
#20
|
|
CLM Number 122
Why so serious?
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: NRA Life Member
Posts: 40,580
|
Moon walking proves you are a flat foot.
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 11:19
|
#21
|
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: CT,USA
Posts: 4,202
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharky7
Fast forward 6 months for the DUI trial. Prosecutor is reviewing the booking room video and asks me why I am moon-walking while the drunk offender is hopping around in slow motion in a big white suit.
|
Can I put that in the running for best post of 2011?
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 11:36
|
#22
|
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Kennesaw, GA
Posts: 232
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by smokeross
You did miss a good one. You've got to check their teeth.
|
For those who missed it, the Bravia Teeth thread:
http://glocktalk.com/forums/showthre...t=bravia+teeth
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 11:58
|
#23
|
|
Fenced In
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: KY
Posts: 16,139
|
__________________
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
Quote:
Originally Posted by series1811
The first round is a moral decision. All of the following rounds are tactical decisions.
|
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 14:19
|
#24
|
|
Mr. Awesome
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Kansas
Posts: 6,519
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharky7
Fast forward 6 months for the DUI trial. Prosecutor is reviewing the booking room video and asks me why I am moon-walking while the drunk offender is hopping around in slow motion in a big white suit.
|
F N hilarious.
__________________
-Ambition is only appreciated after success.
-3/325:Now, where's my dedicated bodyguard? Oh, yeah, he's staring back at me in the mirror.
-"Every fear hides a wish"
|
|
|
|
|
12-24-2011, 14:26
|
#25
|
|
Mr. Awesome
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Kansas
Posts: 6,519
|
I helped the PD with a certified signal nutso the other day. Here are some quotes:
"You cannot deny Terminator is the best movie of all time. If you try, you don't exist!"
"Do you know what the first thing you see in a nuclear explosion is?... It's a bright flash. I've seen it thousands of times. Don't tell anyone. I want it to be a surprise."
"I can make it rain weed bullets. We're all gonna die, but at least we'll be high!"
He looks at one of the PD guys, and says, "(PDO's name), when are we going buck hunting? I now there are still deer around here. I will call them and we will just ride them around."
Every few minutes, he would mention being recorded and would rewind everything he just said. It was hilarious. Well, it would have been if it wasn't what this guy believed to be reality.
__________________
-Ambition is only appreciated after success.
-3/325:Now, where's my dedicated bodyguard? Oh, yeah, he's staring back at me in the mirror.
-"Every fear hides a wish"
|
|
|
|
|
Sponsored Links
|
Advertisement
|
|
|
|
| Thread Tools |
|
|
| Display Modes |
 Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:28.
|
|
|
