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Old 11-17-2009, 23:10   #1321
MB-G26
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Oy Oy Oy Oy Oy.............

Hope you got some restorative sleep!! It's sloppy 8:30pm here, so I'm guessing it's something like 8:30am or so there?

Well, let's see - on my mind: About those "snakes"..........
Bad news Little One, but we ALL have 'em........ women, men, whatever. Yup, we do. But what would be the alternative? Rodents, instead, or maybe worms, or toe rot, banche birds, dirty laundry? Oh, and about this concept of "normal"....... here's my take on that: "normal" is whatever seems reasonable at the time to the person making the evaluation, at the time, all relative of course, and all that. Kind of like a sliding scale on the great measurement of life, reality, whatever the latter IS, of course, which is also relative.

As for my Oy Oy Oy............ argharoooooooo......... such a long day today and yesterday, on my end. Gotta tell ya though, I know NO other 5 year olds that would have such patience with a 4-hr. total jaunt between leaving for the autism doc, being AT the autism doc's, and having neither melt-down or tizzy fit - and I'm talking a 5 yo WITH autism, much less a neurotypical 5 yo.

So how's it going thus far this morning? :::::::smooch:::::::::
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Old 11-18-2009, 00:51   #1322
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
When I woke up this morning I noticed it was later than I expected to be woke up. My doc explained that a rain front had rolled in and he thought he'd leave me knocked out until it got here at least.

Thanks doc!
Wow! Theres a Blues hit in there:

"When I woke up this mornin'
later than I thought it'd be
doc said "hard rain rolled in-
and I thought I'd let you be..."

Below is a message from my cousin, an expatriate Vietnam Vet, and a deacon at his small church- in Perth, AUS. (Both names obscured for security reasons)

"T$%## N@!%$":
"S%@^!@" is on our prayer list! Nothing is too difficult for God."
Barry"

And me, I'm still here hollerin' for my Sister!
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Old 11-18-2009, 04:13   #1323
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Cuuuute! Now do me a favor and hold a Siameeesie upo to the monitor so I can scratch his head.

I'll try and hold ones head in the scanner later and send it to you



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Old 11-18-2009, 07:33   #1324
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You and Critias are right, I do overthink it a bit. But not because I expect to find answer to impossible questions, but to make enough sense of it that I can accept both the known and unknown. So with that in mind I’ve still been letting that bounce around my head for a few days. Not that I could have pushed it away forever even if I tried.

I know I’ll never really know why I’m still here, not completely anyway. Some combination of me, a medic, and some doctors and nurses not giving up, a lot of luck, and maybe God has something in mind for me. Hell, maybe the devil just isn’t ready for me yet! I hope to someday discover the reason I was kept here, hopefully to do something worthwhile. One reason is some of the posts here that mention how your fight has encouraged them. I also hope that I’ll start really being glad I got through those hours and days somehow. Given time I may.





You know, I spent most of the last 11 months thinking the same thing Silent_Runner voiced on this, that I or my body had essentially given up and had to be forced back until the doctors were able to get me stabilized. But you have a point here, I had to respond, even if just for short periods of time to give the medic reason to mash some more the next time my heart quit. When it first hit me that my life had been in the hands of man and machine I just accepted that I had been 100% reliant on both to still be alive. Maybe that’s not quite the case and I was only 95% reliant on them. Not that it really matters, I needed them and that was the realization I needed to come to and it hit me like a huge baseball bat when I did. My Louisville Slugger or Easton couldn’t compare. Well, there goes SR's power over you! I really think that was the first big hurdle I had to overcome, and so did my shrink. I’m still not sleeping much on my off nights. (It’s 0300 now) But I’m not having the same damn recurring nightmare that was so bad I woke crying or screaming every time. Any progress is good, even if it is slow.

And I like your version.... it makes me feel just a bit less weak.

I’m still having nightmares, but they’re different. I have hope that with the help of my shrink and all of you I can figure these out and get past them too. I know I’m still blocking things out, pushing them away. I was feeling really down today but just wouldn’t let myself think about why. I know the pain from the injury being aggravated by cold and rain makes that worse, but I just remind myself that this first winter will be the worst. That was the case when I broke my leg years ago, so it had BETTER be the case now.

Well, faawrenchbndr tried to convince me I’m Wonder Woman, so why not? (BTW, faawrenchbndr, I’m still waiting on that PM) Maybe the reason I’m not “allowing” myself these thoughts and feelings is I don’t know what’s normal anymore. With most of my thoughts being negative it’s hard to know what’s normal and what’s not. It doesn’t help that the shrink I had when I first got here kept saying “You shouldn’t feel that way”. Sounds like HE needed a bat to the head. My response would have been, "But I am, you (fill in the explitive of your choice)! And you're supposed to help me out of it, not condemn me!" Or “You shouldn’t be thinking things like that whenever I would tell him how I was feeling, especially when I told him about someone dying trying to get to me. As bad as I feel saying this I felt some relief when he died in May. I know that’s an awful thing to say.

When I’ve had bad things happen before I’ve “curled up in a ball” and wanted to quit, but never so badly or for so long. If it’s really normal to feel this way then maybe that and the temptations will pass. I think a little bit has in the last couple weeks, but I still have a long ways to go. I sure don’t feel normal. Why should you feel normal? What you are going through is "normal" for your situation. It ain't normal for an IT person in a Fortune 500 company. Don't confuse the two. Just recognize that your reactions and feelings are the same as many people who have gone through very traumatic experiences. Sometimes keeping in mind that you aren't the only one to go through such times can help.

I must say that I don’t quite understand your analogy with your daughter, at least not yet. It may come to me yet. But she did think it out and think it out well. I really enjoyed reading this and how she worked for what she wanted. The idea was that she didn't get there by the "expected" way, but that she got there. You need to worry less about how you got where you are and just move on. Although it sounds like you are starting to do that. And Snowball was a beautiful cat who had a life with someone who really wanted and appreciated him. Please don’t take offense but I thought Silent_Runner’s comment about “showing you” was funny. I think you raised her well. Heck! I laughed about it for a week afterward. Still do on ocasion.

One thing I get from what she did though is instead of just accepting that you didn’t want a cat she “overthought” it and figured out a way. It wasn't so much that she overthought it, but when presented with an opportunity to more quickly reach her goal, she grabbed it and didn't look back.

: hugs : back
Love, prayers and gentle

Hawk
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Old 11-18-2009, 07:40   #1325
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MB-G26 View Post
Okie Memorial Area


: tease:
outtahere:
Now that's funny!


Quote:
Originally Posted by MB-G26 View Post
Hope you got some restorative sleep!! It's sloppy 8:30pm here, so I'm guessing it's something like 8:30am or so there?

Well, let's see - on my mind: About those "snakes"..........
Bad news Little One, but we ALL have 'em........ women, men, whatever. Yup, we do. But what would be the alternative? Rodents, instead, or maybe worms, or toe rot, banche birds, dirty laundry? ; ) Oh, and about this concept of "normal"....... here's my take on that: "normal" is whatever seems reasonable at the time to the person making the evaluation, at the time, all relative of course, and all that. Kind of like a sliding scale on the great measurement of life, reality, whatever the latter IS, of course, which is also relative.

As for my Oy Oy Oy............ argharoooooooo......... such a long day today and yesterday, on my end. Gotta tell ya though, I know NO other 5 year olds that would have such patience with a 4-hr. total jaunt between leaving for the autism doc, being AT the autism doc's, and having neither melt-down or tizzy fit - and I'm talking a 5 yo WITH autism, much less a neurotypical 5 yo.

So how's it going thus far this morning? :::::::smooch:::::::::
How's it going? Had to see my shrink this morning and didnít accomplish ****, had physical therapy (ouch!), had a busy afternoon, for the past hour+ I've been wishing I had a gun so I could shoot a server, or at least hold it at gunpoint. But knock on wood, it's working at the moment. And I got about 2 1/2 hours last night. Better than I had been getting, so I'll take it.

Ya know, I think maybe snakes are better than some of the options you listed, especially rats. I hate rats.... and I might think I was the normal one here if the crap in my head seemed at all reasonable. I would just think everyone else was crazy. But I know better.......

So the little cutie was an angel too? I know of very few kids that age who wouldn't have us pulling our hair out. How'd you get so lucky?

Real big gentle

Think I'll get the hot water bottle out now........
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RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:14   #1326
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Best of luck to ya LW sweetheart
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Old 11-18-2009, 11:32   #1327
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Well, there goes SR's power over you!

Hawk
Oh have no fear. I have things worse that bats. I have guns.

Wolfe I know I've been busy for a few days but I wanted to check in with you here. Keep talking.
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Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe
I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
Rest in Peace Jeff Abshire-1962-2012-aka 23Skidoo
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Old 11-18-2009, 14:15   #1328
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Old 11-18-2009, 15:00   #1329
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bumpadrum View Post
Wow! Theres a Blues hit in there:

"When I woke up this mornin'
later than I thought it'd be
doc said "hard rain rolled in-
and I thought I'd let you be..."

Below is a message from my cousin, an expatriate Vietnam Vet, and a deacon at his small church- in Perth, AUS. (Both names obscured for security reasons)

"T$%## N@!%$":
"S%@^!@" is on our prayer list! Nothing is too difficult for God."
Barry"

And me, I'm still here hollerin' for my Sister!
hahaha, that's funny!

Thank you. And please tell Barry I said thank you also.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
Oh have no fear. I have things worse that bats. I have guns.

Wolfe I know I've been busy for a few days but I wanted to check in with you here. Keep talking.: wavey:
Does anyone here know HOW MANY GUNS she has?!?!?!

I normally try to write more before I go in for my nightís sleep, but tonight I tried and just started at my keyboard for a while. I think Iím just sorting out how I feel about things and my mind is spinning faster than I can put into words today. Some good thoughts, still some shocked realization, a lot of bad, ugly thoughts all running around together, and right now I can bring myself to articulate them. I will because I know I need to.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:20   #1330
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okie View Post
Best of luck to ya LW sweetheart: kiss:
Thanky okie. Best of luck with your job situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Geeorge View Post
I'll try and hold ones head in the scanner later and send it to you: whistling:

: wavey:
Can I also see pics of the nubs you'll be sportin' in place of hands?


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Okie Memorial Area
Nicko, that's beautiful! What kind of flower is it?




I swear the the temperature here is falling faster than Detroit real estate prices!
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE

Last edited by Lone_Wolfe; 11-19-2009 at 01:22..
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Old 11-19-2009, 03:36   #1331
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hahaha, that's funny!

Thank you. And please tell Barry I said thank you also.




Does anyone here know HOW MANY GUNS she has?!?!?!

I normally try to write more before I go in for my nightís sleep, but tonight I tried and just started at my keyboard for a while. I think Iím just sorting out how I feel about things and my mind is spinning faster than I can put into words today. Some good thoughts, still some shocked realization, a lot of bad, ugly thoughts all running around together, and right now I can bring myself to articulate them. I will because I know I need to.
The sleep of the just for Miss Lone_. The love and pride you inspire on this board approach devotion. Please don't forget that. It might help chase away some of those bad, ugly thoughts one night. More gentle ones my dear.
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Old 11-19-2009, 04:32   #1332
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Another day another HUG for you


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Old 11-19-2009, 07:46   #1333
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Another day another HUG for you: wavey:


back

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Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
The sleep of the just for Miss Lone_. The love and pride you inspire on this board approach devotion. Please don't forget that. It might help chase away some of those bad, ugly thoughts one night. More gentle ones my dear.
I hadn't thought of it that way. But if it chases away these demons in my head for even one night then it helps.

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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-19-2009, 10:20   #1334
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The sleep of the just for Miss Lone_. The love and pride you inspire on this board approach devotion. Please don't forget that. It might help chase away some of those bad, ugly thoughts one night. More gentle ones my dear.
Are you paying attention Wolfe? These people still want to help you. You may have gotten over one hurdle but you have more to go and we are not leaving.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lone_Wolfe View Post
Does anyone here know HOW MANY GUNS she has?!?!?!

I normally try to write more before I go in for my nightís sleep, but tonight I tried and just started at my keyboard for a while. I think Iím just sorting out how I feel about things and my mind is spinning faster than I can put into words today. Some good thoughts, still some shocked realization, a lot of bad, ugly thoughts all running around together, and right now I can bring myself to articulate them. I will because I know I need to.
I know how many guns I have.

You need to spit out some of what you said to me on the phone Wolfe. You need to deal with it and these people here are doing you more good than any of those shrinks you have there.
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On here I'm an *** hole.
In real life I'm an *** hole with a gun. :supergrin:
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I mean, Iím mentally ill, not mentally deficient! There's a difference between psycho and stupid.
Rest in Peace Jeff Abshire-1962-2012-aka 23Skidoo
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Old 11-19-2009, 12:17   #1335
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent_Runner View Post
I know how many guns I have.

Are you paying attention Wolfe? These people still want to help you. You may have gotten over one hurdle but you have more to go and we are not leaving.

You need to spit out some of what you said to me on the phone Wolfe. You need to deal with it and these people here are doing you more good than any of those shrinks you have there.
How many? 85? 90? Either way, I don't want you mad at me.

You're right. I will later. I'm just bit troubled by the devotion comment, but I may be taking it wrong.
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
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Old 11-19-2009, 12:32   #1336
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Old 11-19-2009, 14:00   #1337
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How many? 85? 90? Either way, I don't want you mad at me.

You're right. I will later. I'm just bit troubled by the devotion comment, but I may be taking it wrong.

What I meant by that comment in a nutshell is you are very important to very many of us on this board. I'll PM you later and try to explain it better.
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Old 11-19-2009, 15:17   #1338
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Hi there! right back

Quote:
Originally Posted by 23skidoo View Post
What I meant by that comment in a nutshell is you are very important to very many of us on this board. I'll PM you later and try to explain it better.
As I suspected it was just my messed up perceptions. With all the crazy stuff going on in the world today and my messed up head I guess I'm not surprised.

Thank you.

I'm going to try to sleep, it's midnight. It that doesn't work out I'll be back later.
__________________
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To those who have made the ultimate sacrifice while defending American freedom, you will not be forgotten.

RIP my friends Greg and Florence, see you again on the other side.
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RIP Jeff (23Skidoo) - 1962-2012 and Gloria (Silent_Runner) - 1964-2013
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
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Old 11-19-2009, 15:21   #1339
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The sleep of the just my dear! More gentle ones for when you wake up.
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Old 11-19-2009, 15:21   #1340
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Hi there! right back



As I suspected it was just my messed up perceptions. With all the crazy stuff going on in the world today and my messed up head I guess I'm not surprised.

Thank you.

I'm going to try to sleep, it's midnight. It that doesn't work out I'll be back later.
May your rest be peaceful and filled with ONLY good dreams.
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