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Old 01-25-2013, 11:14   #1
Eric
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Redneck Test

Two rednecks were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy. Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, "Old MacDonald had a what?"

The other replies, "He had a farm."

The first asks, "How do you spell it?"

To which the second replied, "E-I-E-I-O."
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:18   #2
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:21   #3
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A Redneck gets accepted to Harvard. On his first day, he is having trouble finding his way around. He walks up to two upperclassmen and asks, " Hey. Do y'all know where the library is at?" One of the upperclassman sniffs and says, "Here at Harvard, one doesn't end one's sentence with a preposition." The redneck thinks a moment and says, "Pardon me. Can you tell me where the library is at, you *******?"
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:34   #4
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A couple of hobos were caught in a crowd milling around the entrance to a theater featuring an opera that evening. One of them picked a pair of tickets someone had dropped so they were let into the theater with the crowd, giving them seats on the front row.

Curtain came up on the first act and all those dancers started dancing around on their tippy toes. Intermission was declared after the first act and the crowd went out for refreshments.

After a bit one of the hobos turned to his partner and asked, "Buford, how come you suppose they don't just hire taller dancers."
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Old 01-25-2013, 17:07   #5
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Why do rednecks have TGIF written on their shoes? So they remember that toes go in first!




Thank you. Thank you very much. I'll be here all week, and don't forget to tip your waitress.
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Old 01-25-2013, 17:15   #6
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A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.

The father ans son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.

"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.

"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.

Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.

The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.

They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.

The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"
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Old 01-29-2013, 00:38   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *ASH* View Post
A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.

The father ans son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.

"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.

"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.

Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.

The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.

They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.

The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"
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Old 01-25-2013, 17:29   #8
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When rednecks play tic-tac-toe they call it "Circles and Signatures"
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Old 01-26-2013, 09:28   #9
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When rednecks play tic-tac-toe they call it "Circles and Signatures"
Really made me laugh!!!
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Old 01-26-2013, 09:38   #10
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The Fighting Rednecks:

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the "United States Redneck Special Forces".

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

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Old 01-26-2013, 10:00   #11
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all good jokes. i know of the original meaning of the term, but dont really care. a good majority of my family resembles the modern meaning. including my father and i
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Old 01-26-2013, 10:03   #12
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all good jokes. i know of the original meaning of the term, but dont really care. a good majority of my family resembles the modern meaning. including my father and i
Neither do I. I come from a long line of rednecks. Any one for an RCC?
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Old 01-26-2013, 02:13   #13
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Do you good folks know what a "redneck" is? (Was actually)

Rednecks, a social slur, were people (dirt poor farmers usually) who could not afford a slave or slaves in the antibellem south. They had to do all their own work in the fields which meant a lot of stoop labor in the hot sun which lead them to suffer from badly sunburned necks. Slaves usually cost the current price of a mid to upper priced car today, remember, and nearly 90% or more of the southern population didn't own any slaves for this and other reasons.

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Old 01-26-2013, 07:36   #14
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Mary Jo had just gotten out of the bathtub and her husband Bobby Joe had just jumped in the tub when someone knocked on the door.

Mary Jo grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself and went to see who was a calling on them.


It was Jim Bob from down the road -

Jim Bob saw that Mary Jo only had a towel on and said -

I will give you $500 in cash right now if you drop your towel --

Mary Jo thought for a second - then dropped her towel -

Jim Bob stared at her body for a good long while - then handed her $500 in cash and left.

Mary Jo goes back inside and Bobby Joe asks her - who was at the door?

Mary Jo tells him - it was just Jim Bob -

So the husband asks - did he say anything about the $500 he owes me?
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Old 01-26-2013, 08:20   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Z71bill View Post
Mary Jo had just gotten out of the bathtub and her husband Bobby Joe had just jumped in the tub when someone knocked on the door.

Mary Jo grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself and went to see who was a calling on them.


It was Jim Bob from down the road -

Jim Bob saw that Mary Jo only had a towel on and said -

I will give you $500 in cash right now if you drop your towel --

Mary Jo thought for a second - then dropped her towel -

Jim Bob stared at her body for a good long while - then handed her $500 in cash and left.

Mary Jo goes back inside and Bobby Joe asks her - who was at the door?

Mary Jo tells him - it was just Jim Bob -

So the husband asks - did he say anything about the $500 he owes me?
Nope...........
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Old 01-26-2013, 19:44   #16
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Not that I care, but does this mean we can start threads on jokes about other races? I always enjoy a good joke, but I can't understand how this thread was made. If I used a derogatory term about any other race/color I would be given an infraction, banned, or both.
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Old 01-26-2013, 19:53   #17
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Not that I care, but does this mean we can start threads on jokes about other races? I always enjoy a good joke, but I can't understand how this thread was made. If I used a derogatory term about any other race/color I would be given an infraction, banned, or both.
Has it ever occurred to you that you have gotten in trouble in the past because of YOU? Perhaps it isn't a conspiracy. Maybe you just have some impulse control issues and a maturity problem, as your attempt to piss in the Corn Flakes here suggests. If you are truly unhappy here, there is a big Internet out there.



And since when were rednecks considered a different race? Good grief.
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Old 01-26-2013, 19:53   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hurricanes View Post
Not that I care, but
Either you don't care, or... "but."

No need to embrace pussified speak like that.

So, you care, obviously.

Whats up?

Which joke got yer pee pee slapped?

You can tell me.

It won't leave this thread....

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Old 01-26-2013, 20:25   #19
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Originally Posted by Hurricanes View Post
Not that I care, but does this mean we can start threads on jokes about other races? I always enjoy a good joke, but I can't understand how this thread was made. If I used a derogatory term about any other race/color I would be given an infraction, banned, or both.
If there is a problem or the perception of a problem, the best choice is to let one of the moderat.... ohh wait. Never mind.
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Old 01-26-2013, 21:13   #20
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Originally Posted by Hurricanes View Post
Not that I care, but does this mean we can start threads on jokes about other races? I always enjoy a good joke, but I can't understand how this thread was made. If I used a derogatory term about any other race/color I would be given an infraction, banned, or both.
There is no pure anything. I have Sioux Indian out there in the wood pile. Not enough to claim a benefit. One of my best friends is half Apache and I think he is whiter than I am.

He and his father were good friends of mine, until his father passed. His father used to call me white boy, but you'd never tell he was Apache to look at him. He was more a redneck than I'll ever be.

Redneck is a state of mind.
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Old 01-26-2013, 20:01   #21
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I never said I was unhappy, and mentioned I liked a good joke as much as the next person. I just can't put my head around starting a thread using a derogatory term. I'm Hispanic so the term doesn't bother me, but maybe there are other members that take issue with it.


Yes I have received infractions in the past. Yes, they were probably because of a bit of immaturity. I just don't feel it is right to start a thread called Redneck Test. Same way as some wouldn't appreciate threads started with "Coon Test", "Almond Eyes Test", etc.
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Old 01-26-2013, 20:03   #22
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I never said I was unhappy, and mentioned I liked a good joke as much as the next person. I just can't put my head around starting a thread using a derogatory term. I'm Hispanic so the term doesn't bother me, but maybe there are other members that take issue with it.


Yes I have received infractions in the past. Yes, they were probably because of a bit of immaturity. I just don't feel it is right to start a thread called Redneck Test. Same way as some wouldn't appreciate threads started with "Coon Test", "Almond Eyes Test", etc.
Seriously, you are really going to get offended on behalf of rednecks? Really? I swear, every time I think I have heard it all here, someone comes along and surprises me.

For God's sake, it is a thread about Freaking REDNECKS!!! They are not a race. They are not an endangered species. They are just folk. Lighten up. Eric


And for the record, I have NEVER seen a redneck take the term as derogatory, unless it was obviously intended that way.
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Old 01-26-2013, 20:03   #23
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"Redneck" is a race? News to me!
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Old 01-26-2013, 20:05   #24
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Beat me by just that much!
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Old 01-26-2013, 20:14   #25
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Two rednecks decide to receive government subsidies due to the drought.

As they were to sign their release forms, the man collecting the forms ask why the first redneck didn't completely fill out the questionnaire pamphlet. He replies, "I never really learnt how to read or spelt that good." The man states, "If you can't read or write, you will not be able to apply for this assistance." Upon hearing this, the second redneck blurts out, "That's okay, he's with me, I can read and write fine and I'll help him fill these forms out."

The guy handing out the forms says fine, and then advises that they both have to sign a consent form. The first redneck signs the form, and then ask the second redneck if he signed on the right line. The second redneck said, "Yes, that's the right line, but you forgot to put a circle around your -X-." The first redneck, while whispering states, "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I don't want to give these government men my last name."
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