ROAD KILL SANDWICH PATTIES, possum cold cuts
Drive around til you find a recently deceased possum about one half inch thick. Take a propane torch and singe all the hair off. Bake in 100 degree oven for about two and a half minutes. After refrigerating use scissors to cut cold possum into hamburger bun sized square patties. Hence the name.
Since they get a little chewy when they're too thick, if it's more than about half an inch, run your car back and forth over it til it's about the right thickness.
Stoicism is nothing to get excited about....