I make it a point to tell people (honestly) I don't know how to text. And checking my email is NOT a priority with me... maybe once or twice a day at most. So if you need me, telephone me. Let's t-a-l-k.
Sounds like he has nothing left but be a monkey's ASH. It's not like he's got a monkey's manhood left.
And thank YOU for being perfect, all the time, every time. Go forth and reproduce. We need more of you.