You're not necessarily being criticized for masculinity. There are basic social skills required to succeed in the average workplace. When I was first starting out (which was long ago) I was forever plagued by (I thought) the weak, timid, or wastoids complaining that I hurt their feelings/talked mean to them/didn't like them/intimidated them. I was amazed at how many thin skinned people I was forced to deal with. As I got older, I realized that it was my style of discourse, not weakness on the complainants part, that was the problem. That in the modern world, I could be tough and, when called for, intimidating, but still be refined in my posture, discourse, and expressions. I did not believe it when supervisors or others told me. I later figured it out on my own. I simply cannot behave in the same way with the public or with non-sworn folks as I could or can with military or LE when the public isn't around.
Originally Posted by Glock20 10mm
So Monday I had a meeting with my boss (we have one every week or two to touch base and see where projects are going and what's coming up and so forth
) and I get the normal "you're doing a great job!", "I am pleased with the data accuracy..." and so forth. Great! I am doing above and beyond and holding high standards for my job.
Then I get this bomb dropped on me... "There have been some complaints that you are intimidating people by your presence
What did you just say boss? It appears that I am too masculine for where I work and that because I carry myself with confidence (I am not a small man, nor excessively large, 6'3" @ 215lbs) people are intimidated by me. I am polite and cordial when speaking to people. But apparently because I walk with my head up high, I look people in the eye when I speak to them and I speak with confidence and a deep solid resonating voice (what my woman tells me) I am intimidating and I have to "tone it down".
I had a very difficult time keeping my cool at this point of the conversation. But I made my point clear, I was raised in a Marine family with Marine discipline and pride. I was raised to be proud of who and what I am and to be confident in my abilities in life. I was raised to speak with pride and to be heard clearly and to not be ashamed of my ability to speak clearly. I then served 14 years before being medically separated, in the Navy and further solidified my confidence and pride.
I will not change who I am just because someone wets their pants at my presence. I was clear that this was out of line and that if this came up again I would pursue legal action. My boss pretty much agrees with me, but he has to tell me what's going on. Anyhow the conversation continued and apparently they have wimpification classes... and I have been signed up for a couple. I am not happy about it at all.
Yes, I still have my job. My superiors all know who I am and know I am a good man with solid conviction and I get the job done, on time and correct. But with this new bit of info I will be stepping up my search for a new job. But I ask myself... will it be any better anywhere else I go?