Sources confirm that a man in Colorado has been officially and formally reprimanded by his workplace supervisor for acts of flatulence (i.e., farting) while in the work place.
Records indicate that co-workers have been lodging complaints about the gaseous filled worker ever since he started with the company. After 29 years of offending co-workers at the office, the employee has been formally reprimanded this week.
When reached for comment, the supervisor initiating the reprimand, who had just been promoted to the higher position within the last week, advised that something finally had to be done about an employee whom had caused years upon years of disturbance at their workplace.
When ask to elaborate, the supervisor advised that the employee was made aware that no one would have cared about the common, loud iron skillet farts that can occur in any typical office setting, but some of his farts sounded like they were echoing off cast iron man hole covers.
Moreover, it was made known to the employee that everyone understands that a bullet-fart will creep into the workplace now and again, but then quickly dissipate; however, his numerous burnt clutch plate farts, and burning brake farts have forced the staff into only using artificial plants near his cubicle.
Additionally, I told the employee that even management understood a Popcorn Machine fart or two during the day, but due to the echo effect from the work place cubicles, both his Arkansas Barking Spider farts and his Chinese Firecracker farts makes all the veterans in the office jump for cover or hit the floor thinking they are once again being ambushed by insurgents firing multiple AK-47s.
Lastly, I reminded him that his idea of bringing a fan to the office only exasperated the problem. Also, his continued excuses, such as "playing the buttocks bassoon," "floating an air biscuit," "getting expelled from stool," "killing a canary," "letting Freddy out of jail," "roaring from the rear," "stepping on a duck," "tooting my own horn" and or "just following orders from Colonel Bowel" were not the proper way to deal with a serious problem.
The supervisor went on to add that now he now has 14 days in which to seek a medical evaluation in order to have the reprimand removed from his file.
“After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it.” - William S. Burroughs
"Nothing we're gonna do is going to fundamentally alter or eliminate the possibility of another mass shooting or guarantee that [our gun ban legislation] will bring gun deaths down..." - VPOTUS Joe Biden
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Last edited by Peace Warrior; 12-26-2012 at 02:43..