Pretty sure you'll like Lubuntu. Might take slightly longer to get the configuration exactly how you want it, but once you do you'll be set.
I wiped the ancient, rotting XP installation on my wife's old laptop from '04 or '05 or so and installed Lubuntu and it runs perfectly -- nice and snappy. Makes a decent backup or "loaner" computer with fresh, new software.
I also run LXDE on my modern systems -- I just generally prefer efficient use of resources and tight control over what the system is doing to a bunch of desktop eye candy. In terms of ease of navigation and use, I find it to be one of the best.
If you've already accepted that "violence against the innocent" is a morally legitimate means of funding the government, who are you to complain when the majority apprporiates your legacy and sells your children into a lifetime of debt slavery?