You may want to look at Springfield's XDS. Since I am 5'-5", it is a little hard for me to pocket carry but it is doable.
The XDS may fit 1 and 3 for you.
I have one and find myself carrying it more often than my G30 now.
Recoil for this small pistol is very manageable. I have over 1200 rounds thru mine without any issues.