Originally Posted by 427
My dad has been fighting cancer for over 5 years. He's had skin cancer that was taken care of. But later that year, he was diagnosed with DLBC lymphoma after surgical removal of a lump. The first chemo took a lot out of him. He never complained.
Then when he was in remission, he fell and broke his hip. He's never been the same as he always has pain. He never complained.
He was out of the window for recurrence, he had what the doc thought was a boil. He had day surgery and the lump turned out to be lymphoma again. His incision got infected and was very painful, but he never complained. He went through a round of radiation and about a month later a CT/Pet scan showed a tumor that was wrapped around his spinal cord and was digging in to the nerves causing him severe pain. He didn't complain until it was so bad he couldn't stand it and we had to take him to the ER. He went through chemo again. It took a more out of him. He never complained - but my mom confided in me that he told her that he was done, he was tired of being tired.
This was in January.
He was in remission and getting stronger until he found a lump this past August. It was taken out, and what we suspected was confirmed: his cancer is back. His cancer is very aggressive and I've been preparing myself for him to say that he's had enough. But to my relief, he's said he's willing to do it all over again. We're just waiting for the incisions to heal a bit longer before he starts his treatment.
My dad will be 81 in December. He's a fighter. It hurts me to see him frustrated that he can't do the things he used to do, but he tries and he won't let me help him. He's my hero. My mom is my hero, too.
I don't know how to say what I'm trying to say, but I'll say that I'm selfish in that I want him around. I know that I'm not the one who has to go through what he's going/gone through. I can't begin to understand what he's going through mentally with his ups and downs. I'll understand if he says that he's had enough and that he just wants to pain to end. It'll break my heart, but I'll understand.
I'm sure you have someone who loves and feels the same way about you as I do about my dad. I'm not advocating anything, I'm just stating my perspective as someone who lives and cares for someone who's fighting this horrible disease. (plus writing this is therapeutic for me)
Whatever you ultimately decide to do, LW, I wish you the best.
I hope we can eventually cure this horrible disease.
Matt aka 427
Iím really glad you posted this. Iíve seen your previous thread about your dad, and Iím still praying for him to beat this. Heís tough, and I think he still will. Iíll say heís a lot tougher than I am, I damn sure have complained. Iím the type that if I hurt or am sick I wonít hide it in here or from the friend whoís taking care of me right now. I don't claim to be either tough or stoic.
Iím not going to try to compare your dadís cancer of chemo side effects to mine, thatís just not possible. I do hope theyíre less severe, for his sake. I have to think of him suffering for so long. Thereís so many different kinds of cancer and different chemo drugs, and we all handle them differently. Iíll just say that my side effects are bad enough that my oncologist has referred to me to 2 specialists so far.
But when I said Iíd probably opt out of another round of chemo I have another reason. When I first started my treatment here in the States my oncologist laid a lot on info on the table. Right now my cancer is considered curable. When I finish chemo and have my mastectomy, my odds will be about 60-65% in favor of being cured and staying that way for at least 5 years. But if my cancer returns, itíll be somewhere besides the breast. Lungs, liver, brain, are the most likely places. At that point, according to my oncologist, it wonít be considered curable. So I wouldnít be taking chemo with hopes of being rid of the cancer like I am now, Iíd simply be postponing the inevitable. To me, that changes things completely. Right now, I think if those become my options, Iíd prefer to enjoy the time I had left as much as possible. I canít speak for your father, because his cancer sounds like it might still be curable. I hope it is.